Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Transfer tinderbox

Wed Jul 16 09:01AM

If the 2008 Premier League summer transfer window was a party, it would be decidedly teenage.

While most of the clubs content themselves with coy glances and occasional hand-holding, only Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea have taken anyone behind the bike sheds for some full on heavy petting, but none of them have come close to going all the way.

Portsmouth and Bolton have managed a couple of clumsy snogs each, posh kids Manchester United are indignantly swatting away the attentions of the tirelessly eager Spanish exchange student and West Brom are getting stick from pretty much everyone in sight for pulling a couple of mingers that no-one else would go anywhere near.

But with the window stretching before us like a row of spotty chess enthusiasts desperate for a dance, Early Doors can exclusively reveal the identity of the cupid we've all been waiting for.

It's Rafael Benitez.

The Liverpool manager clearly wants to sign Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry and can obviously afford him, but is stubbornly refusing to meet Villa's £18 million valuation, much as he stubbornly refuses to see that his goatee makes him look like a steretypically gregarious kebab shop owner.

Reds fans may bleat about the lack of money their club has compared to Chelsea and Manchester United, but they have spent only £30 million less than United over the past five seasons, and a club that splashed in the region of £40 million on Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Yossi Benayoun and Lucas Leiva last summer is hardly up against it.

And - as ED is shrewdly about to demonstrate - if the Barry deal goes ahead it could prove the catalyst for a chain reaction of big-money transfers in the Premier League.

With £18 million in the bank from the Barry sale, Villa boss Martin O'Neill will be able to land Blackburn wide boy David Bentley, prompting Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to push through a move to Portsmouth so as not to let his England colleague steal a march on him on the international scene.

Chelsea aren't exactly short of a few bob, but the money they'll get from the Wright-Phillips transfer will enable Roman Abramovich to take Robinho off Real Madrid's hands and give new coach Big Phil Scolari yet another temperamental attacking midfielder to cram into his starting XI.

Frustrated by the Brazilian's incessant step-overs using up all the available time for deflected half-volleys from the edge of the penalty area, Frank Lampard will high-tail it to Internazionale, where former boss Jose Mourinho will give him a big cuddle and promise him that Inter's attacking football will revolve around the sole aim of setting up Lampard for scuffed long-rangers from wherever he happens to find himself on the pitch.

With Ronaldinho expected to complete his move from Barcelona to Milan at any moment, the Catalan club will use the cash to bring in Emmanuel Adebayor from Arsenal, thereby forcing the Gunners into the transfer market in search of a striker.

Alexander Hleb's likely Emirates exit will heap even further pressure on Arsene Wenger to bring in a big-name signing to appease the fans, and with any one of Roque Santa Cruz, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Andrei Arshavin set to arrive at the club, Spurs will be stung into action by the sight of their hated rivals splashing the cash in uncharacteristically wanton fashion, bringing Espanyol striker Luis Garcia to White Hart Lane and subsequently facilitating Dimitar Berbatov's transfer to Manchester United.

And with three and a half world class strikers in their squad (balsa-limbed Louis Saha being the half, obviously) United will realise that they don't really need Cristiano Ronaldo after all, and will ease him out of his shackles before plonking him on the first plane to Madrid, thereby bringing to a close the most exciting summer transfer window in living memory.

So if none of this happens, it is demonstrably and unequivocally Benitez's fault. You heard it here first.

- - -

Early Doors is sorry, but £48 million for Robinho? Forty-eight million pounds, for Robinho?

Zinedine Zidane, you may recall, cost £46 million, but Zidane won one World Cup, one European Championship, one European Cup, three league titles and three World Player of the Year Awards, single-handedly dragged a clearly past-it France side to the final of the last World Cup and played football of a beauty that made grown men weep.

The highlight of Robinho's career, by contrast, is probably still the seven stepovers 'n' penalty-winning dive combo he produced in a Brazilian championship decider while playing for Santos in 2002, and despite a thrilling burst of form at the beginning of last season he's yet to convince anyone that he's anything more than an indulgent tricks merchant with a cheeky grin and a commendable dedication to safe sex (he reportedly once asked a nightclub security man to bring him 40 condoms).

If Robinho is worth £48 million then Cristiano Ronaldo has to be worth about £70 million, and ED itself is probably worth somewhere around the £7.5 million mark, despite being a well-worn breakfast-time blog rather than an actual football player.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Today's question: does Rob Wotton ever smile?" Sky Sports News presenter Mike Wedderburn after announcing the channel's presenting line-up for the morning, thereby providing a tantalising glimpse of the thinly disguised torrent of jealous hatred running through the dressing rooms at Sky Sports News HQ.

TALKING POINT: There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle.

Highlights from our laziest footballer ever topic, though, included chrisnewman950's verdict on Oliver Kahn, who "just used to stand there watching the game", while adschoey nominated Ray Wilkins for his commitment to sideways passing.

Today: Who is the most over-rated player in football history?

COMING UP: After a rest day yesterday those gristly-thighed, testicularly-discomfited cyclists from the Tour de France are back in action, and you can follow live coverage of their travails from 11:45 BST.

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milan baros had a nice spell as the most over-hyped player in the world. after he couldn't stop from scoring at the euros, his feet went ice cold the last four years. how lazy was he in training to barely crack the line-up while on loan at portsmouth? when harry gives up, you are double done.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 11:21AM
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Can FIFA or UEFA or whoever not get a committee together that could put valuations on players? Realistic valuations based on attributes, international caps, honours, awards, etc? Barry has barely played in Europe, has a couple of England caps (that should reduce his value if anything ;-P) and plays for Villa. Jesus, is the world gone mad? Liverpool should forget about Barry and sell Alonso anyway for £14m. Then sell Carson (4m+) Finnan(2m) Pennant(5m) Benayoun(5m) and Voronin(£5) and they'd have approx £30m. They could buy yer man Zherkhov (the best left winger/fullback at the Euros) for probably £10m and then spend the other £20m plus whatever to get Villa or Keano. I'd prefer Villa even though I'm Irish, Robbie just aint consistent enough.
From talkdirty on Wed Jul 16 11:22AM
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If that chain doesn't happen we'll all hate benitez lol. The most overrated plyer is (England will hate me for this) none other than Cristiano Ronaldo. People say he's the best, he scored 42 goals and @#$% like that but most of those goal were against Derby, Fulham and other weak clubs. In the CL he was worthless, the goals he scored were nothing special and he is selfish never passes to others to score even if they're in a better position but will take the shot himself
From martin.mitevski26 on Wed Jul 16 11:22AM
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Am I annoying you, jude_surf? I do hope so.
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 11:23AM
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hopping around here jude, how's war with everyone going today?
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:23AM
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Beckham's got to get my vote as the most over-rated. Great crosser of the ball and....well, that's it. THAT'S IT! And he was a petulant baby.
There's a more pressing matter though, and that's UNDERRATED players. There's one answer to that. LUBO! Have a look at him on youtube and see some of the amazing stuff he played in France before joining Celtic. Celtic fans were up in arms when we heard we were signing a 34 year old Slovakian. Boy were we wrong.
From kevmun82 on Wed Jul 16 11:26AM
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james my cat james (the russian blue)caught a frog last night, managed to save it after chasing them both round the house, must have been just playing, is that what you're doing with judas?
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:27AM
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10 goals-per-season rooney for £31 000 000!!!! wtf??? He needs 3 or 4 chances to score. I just dont know what makes this ugly kid so special???
From johnny_blade222 on Wed Jul 16 11:27AM
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i have to buy your idea jcpotvin.If old harry gives up on you then you had better take your retirement.Baros was overrated while at liverpool and even now.He is just utter rubbish now.On Oliver Kahn and Stevie G,i don't think they are overrated but have proven their worth and merit the fame they have
From jacknfor on Wed Jul 16 11:29AM
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Back for one more, then I am really off. Nice to see there are in fact a few who are prepared to post about Jude and his like on this blog - thanks for your support guys. Sanity still exists somewhere. To turtleman, sense of humour is personal. I personally don't find the @#$% written in many of the posts to be in any way funny or even interesting. Maybe you, Jude and others do. Congratualtions, you have a diferent sense of humour to me and to a few others on here. Also, my wife will probably be a bit bemused by your comments, but it is easy to fire off a jibe about me and women isn't it - it is a great illustration of my overall point about the quality of posts. And before you say I have fired off posts calling certain posters immature etc, yes I have, it is true, but my view is that someone has to try and make a point about all this cr@p being posted. Jude & Co., do us all a favour, post sparingly and only when you have something hopefully intelligent, possibly funny and definitely football related to say. Otherwise, make our lives brighter and STFU.
From andywalker269 on Wed Jul 16 11:31AM
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Johnny blade watch Rooney for 90 minutes and you'll see 31 mill well spent mate
From vincentvegaman on Wed Jul 16 11:32AM
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No question about it. It has Sean "FAST AS MICHAEL OWEN" Dundee!
Appearances for Liverpool: 5
International caps while with Liverpool: None
International goals while with Liverpool: None
Honours with Liverpool: None
From mikemail21 on Wed Jul 16 11:34AM
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looks like benitez hasn't got the cash for barry now, so how can he afford robbie keane, just as well, i hope man utd (sucks) dont go higher for berby either, i only thought they'd buy him if they flogged c-ron
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:36AM
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andywalker269,i can understand your anger but i will tell you to do as you've said(don't take it badly though)ie go or you stay on and simply ignore the posts you consider @#$%.
From jacknfor on Wed Jul 16 11:36AM
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Kevmun totally agree with you on the Lubo point! I nearly had kittens when I heard we were signing someone of his age and that coupled with the fact I'd never heard of him made me very worried that we'd signed a turkey! I never expected him to be the genius that he was, every game he gave 100%, nevr lazy, never complacent and always top class!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 11:39AM
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Ok I am breaking my word and posting agin! lol (defo my last now). Jacknfor, I'm not angry. You are right tho, and that is why I said I would lurk from now on..which is what I am off to do.....
From andywalker269 on Wed Jul 16 11:39AM
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i got the distinct impression ED dont think much of the banter here, surely it's like being in a pub and everyone saying what they think, footy or otherwise
on friday nights during the season on fox sports world (USA) they pluck 2 fans from the opposing teams put them in their club shirts and have them commontate the match, it's utter drivel, but somewhat fun to watch as it's like being on here
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:41AM
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I'd like to thank jude_surf for reassuring me that there is people dumber than me.
From risker15 on Wed Jul 16 11:43AM
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turtleman that's too harsh calling someone an @#$%.u got me laughing very seriously at my desk.aquating someone to an @#$% is too harsh to my opinion.LOL
From jacknfor on Wed Jul 16 11:44AM
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It's a sad day when being able to write a joined-up sentence not comprising insults or gross grammar/spelling mistakes constitutes intellectual superiority. Why do you guys aim so low?
Got to stick up for Beckham, by the way. A role model if ever there was in terms of commitment, application, getting on with the job in the face of adversity and understanding the importance of family values. Top bloke.
From garethcoletranslations on Wed Jul 16 11:45AM
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I dont think ben is turtleman jude, coz he would never say he supports arsenal.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 11:53AM
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Most overrated? Each and every Chelsea player. Mostly Terry and Lampard, awful players.
From diagonalbrick on Wed Jul 16 11:54AM
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Andy has been lurking for about 3 weeks now, he just puts a comment up every day saying how rubbish it is on ED now, the reason there is not much FOOTBALL banter is because there is NO football being played at the moment.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 11:55AM
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no turtleman u support england aswell, i dont think we are going to win the league next season but champs league i think we have a chance in. We just have to get rid of senderos.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 11:58AM
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how can you not know who ben is turtleman, you only have to see the last few days postings to know that and if you've shown up today for the first time, most here read for a while til they jump in, are you telling us you've never read any previous days?
if you are ben, just turn up as ben
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:58AM
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most overrated: any england international
top of the list are frank lampard and wayne rooney.
From hp_buschmann on Wed Jul 16 11:59AM
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jude surf even u'd still be dumber than me
From risker15 on Wed Jul 16 12:00PM
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most overrated ever is C. Ronaldo!
Find it funny how when Robinho was gonna be going to Man U it was said he ws great. now he's goin to Chelsea noone is sure if he's that good.Real Madrids best player for a season would suggest he is!
From sav46e on Wed Jul 16 12:03PM
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redknapp is the patron saint of washed-up and out of sorts footballers. "bring me your kanu's, your lassana diarra's, your david james', your jermaine defoe's! i will wash thee of past laziness, disinterest, disappointment and spontaneous falling down! now go forth and become somewhat relevant once again in my new kingdom of mid-table dominance!"
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 12:05PM
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what?
From hp_buschmann on Wed Jul 16 12:07PM
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