Transfer tinderbox
Wed Jul 16 09:01AM
If the 2008 Premier League summer transfer window was a party, it would be decidedly teenage.
While most of the clubs content themselves with coy glances and occasional hand-holding, only Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea have taken anyone behind the bike sheds for some full on heavy petting, but none of them have come close to going all the way.
Portsmouth and Bolton have managed a couple of clumsy snogs each, posh kids Manchester United are indignantly swatting away the attentions of the tirelessly eager Spanish exchange student and West Brom are getting stick from pretty much everyone in sight for pulling a couple of mingers that no-one else would go anywhere near.
But with the window stretching before us like a row of spotty chess enthusiasts desperate for a dance, Early Doors can exclusively reveal the identity of the cupid we've all been waiting for.
It's Rafael Benitez.
The Liverpool manager clearly wants to sign Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry and can obviously afford him, but is stubbornly refusing to meet Villa's £18 million valuation, much as he stubbornly refuses to see that his goatee makes him look like a steretypically gregarious kebab shop owner.
Reds fans may bleat about the lack of money their club has compared to Chelsea and Manchester United, but they have spent only £30 million less than United over the past five seasons, and a club that splashed in the region of £40 million on Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Yossi Benayoun and Lucas Leiva last summer is hardly up against it.
And - as ED is shrewdly about to demonstrate - if the Barry deal goes ahead it could prove the catalyst for a chain reaction of big-money transfers in the Premier League.
With £18 million in the bank from the Barry sale, Villa boss Martin O'Neill will be able to land Blackburn wide boy David Bentley, prompting Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to push through a move to Portsmouth so as not to let his England colleague steal a march on him on the international scene.
Chelsea aren't exactly short of a few bob, but the money they'll get from the Wright-Phillips transfer will enable Roman Abramovich to take Robinho off Real Madrid's hands and give new coach Big Phil Scolari yet another temperamental attacking midfielder to cram into his starting XI.
Frustrated by the Brazilian's incessant step-overs using up all the available time for deflected half-volleys from the edge of the penalty area, Frank Lampard will high-tail it to Internazionale, where former boss Jose Mourinho will give him a big cuddle and promise him that Inter's attacking football will revolve around the sole aim of setting up Lampard for scuffed long-rangers from wherever he happens to find himself on the pitch.
With Ronaldinho expected to complete his move from Barcelona to Milan at any moment, the Catalan club will use the cash to bring in Emmanuel Adebayor from Arsenal, thereby forcing the Gunners into the transfer market in search of a striker.
Alexander Hleb's likely Emirates exit will heap even further pressure on Arsene Wenger to bring in a big-name signing to appease the fans, and with any one of Roque Santa Cruz, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Andrei Arshavin set to arrive at the club, Spurs will be stung into action by the sight of their hated rivals splashing the cash in uncharacteristically wanton fashion, bringing Espanyol striker Luis Garcia to White Hart Lane and subsequently facilitating Dimitar Berbatov's transfer to Manchester United.
And with three and a half world class strikers in their squad (balsa-limbed Louis Saha being the half, obviously) United will realise that they don't really need Cristiano Ronaldo after all, and will ease him out of his shackles before plonking him on the first plane to Madrid, thereby bringing to a close the most exciting summer transfer window in living memory.
So if none of this happens, it is demonstrably and unequivocally Benitez's fault. You heard it here first.
- - -
Early Doors is sorry, but £48 million for Robinho? Forty-eight million pounds, for Robinho?
Zinedine Zidane, you may recall, cost £46 million, but Zidane won one World Cup, one European Championship, one European Cup, three league titles and three World Player of the Year Awards, single-handedly dragged a clearly past-it France side to the final of the last World Cup and played football of a beauty that made grown men weep.
The highlight of Robinho's career, by contrast, is probably still the seven stepovers 'n' penalty-winning dive combo he produced in a Brazilian championship decider while playing for Santos in 2002, and despite a thrilling burst of form at the beginning of last season he's yet to convince anyone that he's anything more than an indulgent tricks merchant with a cheeky grin and a commendable dedication to safe sex (he reportedly once asked a nightclub security man to bring him 40 condoms).
If Robinho is worth £48 million then Cristiano Ronaldo has to be worth about £70 million, and ED itself is probably worth somewhere around the £7.5 million mark, despite being a well-worn breakfast-time blog rather than an actual football player.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Today's question: does Rob Wotton ever smile?" Sky Sports News presenter Mike Wedderburn after announcing the channel's presenting line-up for the morning, thereby providing a tantalising glimpse of the thinly disguised torrent of jealous hatred running through the dressing rooms at Sky Sports News HQ.
TALKING POINT: There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle.
Highlights from our laziest footballer ever topic, though, included chrisnewman950's verdict on Oliver Kahn, who "just used to stand there watching the game", while adschoey nominated Ray Wilkins for his commitment to sideways passing.
Today: Who is the most over-rated player in football history?
COMING UP: After a rest day yesterday those gristly-thighed, testicularly-discomfited cyclists from the Tour de France are back in action, and you can follow live coverage of their travails from 11:45 BST.
claire, i saw walter smith has given up on signing danny shittu, i bet you're disappointed, i bet there's many a degrogatary remark everyone had planned
the one i think watford fans used after they sold him was "you're shittu and you know you are"
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 12:07PMI have to add to the praise for Moravcik. great player. And he's Slovak. Didn't he go to Japan to earn some well-earned easy cash?
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 12:09PMGareth: Beckham's "family values" leave a lot to be desired... have you forgotten about Rebecca Loos?!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 12:10PMRonaldiniho is the most overrated player.I can't understand why he is still playing football!!
From maggie_xyz63 on Wed Jul 16 12:11PMi have to agree with JC, harry's doing a great job with those players only i doubt crouch and defoe are washed up, i wonder how harry would do with a bigger kitty or is he at his best at finding used tallent and getting better use from them
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 12:14PMJude_surf I'm an old tomcat who would prefer to sit in the sun and scratch his fleas. Fortunately, my partner hasn't carried out her threat of the big snip so I maintain a "look at the menu" interest in life and an ability to juggle a small ping-pong sized replica of a football. Small scurrying creatures like yourself are also potentially amusing.
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 12:14PMmaggie_xyz63 I hope that was a joke
From sav46e on Wed Jul 16 12:17PMYes Roxy I am very disappointed, there was a load of people working round the clock coming up with witty songs concerning him, its all gone to waste now! Also I was hoping that he actually would be @#$% cos I find it funny when they buy Turkeys!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 12:18PMMy sincere gratitude to nude_smurf and turdman for making the readers comments section absolutely unreadable.
From tompuntcom on Wed Jul 16 12:20PMYes James i think he did, and now i think he's in charge of the Slovakian under-21's? I could be wrong though. One of the most outrageous pieces of skill i've seen occurred in an Old Firm game, when a cross-field ball was plaed to Lubo and he decided bring it under control via a strange method.... his a r s e! Brilliant.
From kevmun82 on Wed Jul 16 12:20PMHmm, Claire, it was all over the news but so is a lot of other stuff which turns out to be incorrect. Of course, if he had an affair that would be a very bad thing, but even so he seems to spend a lot of time with his family - both the older generation and the kids. Can't fault that, and I don't want to comment on Ms Loos because I wasn't there. Didn't she pull off a pig on telly a few years ago? Glad to see that particular career going well.
From garethcoletranslations on Wed Jul 16 12:22PMi think harry would contend if he had a little more cash to spend. as long as he has to do it pompey the hard way, they'll never be more than an f.a. cup challenger and mid-table overachiever. if he could afford a couple difference makers and a true maestro, portsmouth would be a very dangerous club.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 12:22PMI think the problem with barry is simply he is not worth that sort of money rafa knows it as does o'neil
From danleigh24 on Wed Jul 16 12:24PMi would have loved danny shittu to sign for the arse-nal, we've had to endure their "spurs got bent" jibe since we bought him, but danny shittu has by far the best name
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 12:24PMglad to see you back here mooochas, i thought you'd gone to the cow-pat for good
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 12:25PMturtleman, you could display some sense by actually discussing football here. There must be a place for frustrated turkeys somewhere else?
From tompuntcom on Wed Jul 16 12:26PMWho is Walter Mitty anyway?
From garethcoletranslations on Wed Jul 16 12:28PMI stole your brain too, apparently you're missing one.
From tompuntcom on Wed Jul 16 12:31PMOliver Kahn never stood and watched anything; he was constantly yelling at his own players.
From g_tande on Wed Jul 16 12:31PMHe has to be English player and I will go to Rio Ferdinand. He is nothing special in term of defending abilities and for sure to compare him with defenders like Nesta, Canavaro, Carvalho or Puyol is a football crime. He doesn't worth the 30 million and he is once more just a little bit above average defenders in the Calcio or La Liga.
From thegreat_statistican on Wed Jul 16 12:34PMwot bout veron?- from man u to chelsea to 80k a week to sitting on a beach with a sore back, overrated- overpaid and thank god- over there!!!!
From chriselitemotors on Wed Jul 16 12:35PMbeckham is the most over-hyped, because the campaign that promoted him made it seem like he was pelé, bobby charlton, linford christie and justin timberlake all wrapped in one.
the reality is, his speed is pedestrian, his dribbling is recreational league and his marking is mostly abstract. what he is, without question, is a first-class striker of the ball, capable of knocking a heineken bottle of an elephant's head from fifty yards. he isn't capable of doing much to change the match aside from his service, but if you give him a great big van nistol-melon to aim at, he can absolutely murder you. his crossing of the ball, either on free kicks, corners and when time stands still briefly, in the run of play, can exploit any weakness in central defense.
as impressive as that is, adidas slapped us all in the face on a daily basis about how to style our hair, tie our shoes and practice free kicks from becks as they touted him the world's best and that was simply not the case. never cracked the top ten, he was a specialty tool at best, nice to have in the shed, but not essential.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 12:37PMFair point Gareth I'll give you that!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 12:38PMNo, I have your mom in my basement and produce naughty mags featuring your mum and that weird old Turkey.
From tompuntcom on Wed Jul 16 12:38PMVeron was amazing. he was best passer of ball Ive ever seen
From sav46e on Wed Jul 16 12:39PMHleb to Barca! Maybe they could contract Barry then?
From tompuntcom on Wed Jul 16 12:41PMwell it has to be joe cole,john terry without Recardo Carvalho is @#$%!frank lampard without m essien is to, and most of the england team that have great big heads and even bigger pockets should not even play the game in the premier league in the league way below. thats were those big headed money grabbing no talented bastands should be!!! .I cant stand to watch the england team play anymore.Go GO Lampard we will see the truth when you play in seris A,not worth even talking about that over rated guy anymore!
From wvmajor on Wed Jul 16 12:41PMLampard and C. Ronaldo. Comparing Lampard to Gerrard is akin to comparing a forklift truck to a ferrari, whilst people forget that it's not as if all 42 of Ronaldo's goals last season were glorious, skilful swerving runs (punctuated by the odd stepover) before a smashed volley into the top corner that tricked the keeper because it swerved 360 degrees.
From alex.ranahan on Wed Jul 16 12:46PMThere is surely only one contender for the most overated player and its the Incredible SULK!!!! Nicolas Anelka has to be the most ridiculous player of the last 20yrs. Flash's of brilliance mixed with months of mediocrity and whinging. He's commanded 47billion in tranfers over his career- 3seasons of which he actually played well with and only once did i see him smile. Another cracking multi-million pound buy by the cash drunk Russian!!!
From foxation10 on Wed Jul 16 12:46PMThe most overrated 'player' in history has to be Pele. I mean, any man that needs viagra when playing the field can't possibly be considered a 'player'. Now Frank Macavennie - there was a 'player'!
From dave_in_uni2k4 on Wed Jul 16 12:50PM
Comment on this article
Please sign in to add your comments.
Early Doors – Your morning briefing
Sport Newsletter
Catch up with all the latest news
Sign up to our free daily newsletter to recieve the latest news straight to your inbox. Make sure you don’t miss a thing.
Sign up now
This site is Copyright © 2009 Yahoo! and Eurosport. All rights reserved.
- Terms of Service
- Updated Privacy Policy
- Copyright/IP Policy
- Remarks and Suggestions
- Corporate info
- Jobs at Eurosport
Notice: We collect personal information on this site. To learn more about how we use your information, see our Privacy Policy.