Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Beach ball bigger than Jesus

Mon Oct 19 08:50AM

We'll all remember where we were the day Sunderland scored the beach ball goal.

Such is the importance being accorded to Darren Bent's deflected strike against Liverpool, it is almost too big to have a '-gate' suffix tacked on the end of it.

This slightly bizarre goal might just be the most significant event in British post-war history - or so you might think given the hysterical reporting of it.

Overnight, the beach ball was elevated to such celebrity status it could roll out of China White with Jodie Marsh on its arm then punch a photographer and ED wouldn't be surprised.

Andy Gray analysed the inflatable's trajectory into the Liverpool box with his usual array of arrows, circles and other technical wizardry, measured precisely how much time Pepe Reina had to boot it away and did everything but offer an estimated pounds-per-square-inch pressure reading.

The News of the World published a pun-tastic 'interview' with the ball ("I haven't felt this deflated since etc etc...") while today's Sun ponders how great moments in football history would have panned out had a big red balloon intervened.

Others used it as fodder for the argument against Liverpool's zonal marking system - had Glen Johnson man-marked the beach ball, he would have cleared with ease.

A thousand jokers remarked that it is a better finisher than Andriy Voronin, and that Manchester City are preparing a £20m bid for it. Based on the its lack of movement, positional awareness and communication, ED just assumed Rafa Benitez had brought Josemi back to Anfield.

And, in what passes for investigative journalism at Eurosport-Yahoo!, some chump tried to buy a beach ball only to discover several dozen mischief-makers had beaten him to it.

Soon after the game, Sky Sports News showed tape of a kid batting the ball onto the pitch from the away end, but the footage was quickly pulled, and in the Sunday papers the poor lad's face was blocked out.

The good news for him was that the blocked-out face made reprisals from angry Scousers less likely; the bad news was that it made him look like a suspected paedophile.

At least Steve Bruce got to talk about something other than why he made David Beckham man of the match, although he had no truck with claims the goal should not have stood.

Showing an admirable contempt for the contention that managers and referees really ought to know the laws, he scoffed: "If anybody knew that rule - that it is supposed to be a drop ball - then you are a saddo."

Rafa Benitez's dislike for anything or anyone with a big red face is well documented, but he had the good grace to blame his own side's failings rather than the referee - possibly because he was compensated with seven minutes of second-half stoppage time.

- - -

The goal got ED out jail following its somewhat reckless prediction on Friday that Sunderland would win. It seems ED's claim that Liverpool are a worse side without Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres didn't go down too well with a number of readers. Here are some of the most pompous and/or furious responses.

willos76: "Leave this joke of a so-called news page to all the Man U fans to have a constant dig at Liverpool, as it seems it is their only goal in life, quite sad."

Obviously this isn't a news page. It's a so-called blog. And ED would have said the same thing about Manchester United's overreliance on Wayne Rooney, except it's not as extreme as Liverpool's on Gerrard and Torres.

lynxups: "I think the league will be won with a total of 90 points or less this season, that means Liverpool can afford to lose another five games as long as they don't draw and finish on that total, but we'll just get the same tripe trotted out week after week. It's a shame we live in a society where, if the media say it often enough, it must be true."

ED sees where you're coming from - Liverpool are only seven points off the top. But while it is not impossible for a team to win the league after losing four of their first nine games, it is nigh-on impossible for this Liverpool side because they aren't good enough. And that's not just because the media say so.

jjakocha2000: "The ED is either a Chelsea or a Man U fan 100% No other writer would dare talk about a title contender with no respect at all!!!"

First of all, ED doesn't support Chelsea or Manchester United - witness the recent barrage of abuse aimed at Fergie, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Owen and Ben Foster, and the sustained mockery of Mr England John Terry. ED doesn't support anybody. As for dissing a title contender - on present form Liverpool aren't one. Of course, you'd never hear ED talk with no respect about Manchester City or Aston Villa or, for that matter, Sunderland.

mulato_hybrid87: "Rubbish without Gerrard and Torres? Well then I guess when we beat the scum last year without them we were rubbish, so what does that make them? WHAT A JOKE, don't quit your day-job, whatever that is"

Gerrard came on as a second-half substitute and was on the pitch when Ryan Babel scored the winner against United at Anfield last season. ED's day job is hastily going on Soccerbase to retrospectively check its facts.

toplfcfan: "STRANGELY ENOUGH BOTH DIDNT PLAY WHEN LIVERPOOL BATTERED MANURE 4-1 PRETTY RUBBISH LOL"

Well, that's just stupid. Not only did both play in that game, they both scored.

scottish_idiot: "This article is f***ing s***!! Liverpool will win with ease!! All the players like Babel, Voronin, Benayoun and Riera will show Benitez that they deserve their place in the Liverpool team!!"

Precisely Liverpool's problem. With the exception of Benayoun, none of the above deserve their place in the Liverpool team. The squad is paper-thin.

deskopite: "I hope you are sitting down when quarter to five comes on Saturday and the real scoreline reads Sunderland 0-2 Liverpool. You t***s have got serious problems with LFC and I can only assume that it is envy."

You're right ED has serious problems with Liverpool. It has serious problems with everybody. If you think Liverpool are the only club this blog ever mocks, then you simply aren't paying attention. And as you're a sensitive type, ED won't ask what you were doing at quarter to five on Saturday.

But ED doesn't need to gloat. Even if Liverpool had won, it wouldn't have changed the reality that they are diminished by the absence of their two best players.

Liverpool fans know this. Otherwise they wouldn't boo Lucas Leiva, groan every time David Ngog warms up, or plaintively question the meaning of Nabil El Zhar. Why not be pleased to have two of the 10 best players in the world, and face the reality that it's always going to be a struggle without them?

As for the 'Good news, Gerrard's injured!' headline, it was a joke. It was a recognition that Rafa Benitez would have got loads of stick if Gerrard and Torres had played - the fact they were injured meant he could keep the moral high ground, albeit at the expense of winning.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Atrocious", "tasteless" and "stupid" were just three of the adjectives used by Arsene Wenger to describe Birmingham fans' chant of: "There's only one Martin Taylor" just after Liam Ridgewell crocked Theo Walcott.

Neither Eduardo nor his infamous assailant Taylor featured in Saturday's game at the Emirates Stadium.

FOREIGN VIEW: It's always a bit panto when David Beckham gets riled up in an MLS game, and he was at it again in LA Galaxy's goalless draw against Houston Dynamo.

The England man was involved in a shoving match with Ricardo Clark, before Houston captain Brian Ching 'head-butted' him in the very loosest sense of the word. Ching saw red.

COMING UP: Free live streaming of the World Cup play-off draw at 13:00 UK time, with Republic of Ireland set to face France, Portugal, Russia or Greece.

Plus we've got the usual live treatment of tonight's Premier League game Fulham v Hull City from 20:00. And, arguably more interestingly, it's Leeds v Norwich tonight in League One. We have live scoring and much 'how the mighty have fallen' chin-stroking.

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