Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Video refs long overdue

Fri Oct 23 09:01AM

Football's pig-headed refusal to embrace video technology was shown up yet again amid a farcical mix-up in Fulham's game against Roma last night.

It's good enough for cricket, tennis, both forms of rugby and anything American, but apparently the world's most popular and lucrative sport just doesn't trust TV.

It also worships fire, believes the world is flat and maintains that mankind evolved not from apes, but from slightly older men with beards and hats.

Referee Paul Allaerts was guilty of an almighty balls-up late in the game when John Arne Riise tumbled in the Fulham box; he awarded a penalty to Roma and attempted to send off Brede Hangeland for a last-man foul.

Early Doors was at Craven Cottage and, even though its vision and judgement had been somewhat impaired by the cheap contents of an even cheaper hip flask (three for a quid at Poundland), it could very easily tell from its vantage point some 60 metres away that the foul was not committed by Hangeland.

You see, the Norwegian is blond, approximately nine feet tall and - were he not recognisable enough - scored the opening goal. The real culprit, Stephen Kelly, is significantly darker, significantly shorter, and had spent the game busying himself in his role as the poor man's John Pantsil.

Even less forgivably, the case of mistaken identity took place despite the presence of an extra referee behind each goal (the fifth and sixth officials, ED thinks, although it is starting to lose count).

In an exciting innovation to make the Europa League seem fresh and relevant, Johan Verbist and his fellow 'additional assistant referee' Peter Vervecken had spent the previous 76 minutes shuffling along just behind the byline looking rather forlorn, without so much as a flag to wave.

After more than an hour of complete redundancy, Verbist suddenly had a job to do - identify the player 10 yards in front of him - and he failed spectacularly.

If the bungling Belgians had seen Hangeland at the scene of the crime, it is probably because he was coming across to make a covering tackle.

Hence, it was possibly not a penalty, certainly not a red card, and absolutely positively not Hangeland who committed the crime.

If all of this was obvious to a sozzled ED, it wouldn't have taken long to check the action replay - probably less time than was wasted as the home side successfully begged Allaerts to send off Kelly instead of their best player.

Based on last night's performance, if ED had been Fulham it would have nominated Diomansy Kamara to get his marching orders.

UEFA would probably say the problem was incompetent refereeing, not the system - judging by ED's ham-fisted attempts to rewind the action on its Sky Plus box, a sufficiently idiotic official could probably cock up a video review.

But does Michel Platini genuinely think the present system is a better solution than getting a video ref to spend 10 seconds looking at a replay? ED certainly doesn't.

- - -

Forget the barbers or a late-night chemist; Spaniards seeking something for the weekend should head for Madrid's Thyssen-Bornemisza art museum.

The museum shop is selling a range of condoms featuring artwork from its 'Tears of Eros' exhibition, whose star attraction is that rather creepy video of David Beckham sleeping taken by Sam Taylor-Wood.

Thus Becks's slumbering features adorn contraceptive packets - appropriately enough in the city where his work on the football pitch was comprehensively overshadowed by those alleged extra-curricular activities.

It is not the first time Beckham has been used to help people, er, score.

Last year his name was used to promote China's best-selling condom brand, although they absent-mindedly forgot to ask the England midfielder if he minded. He did.

In 2006, Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn demanded damages from a German company that launched erotic toys called Michael B and Olli K to coincide with the World Cup.

Over in Brazil, where people are less uptight, they have been selling condoms bearing top teams' logos since 2002 - and advertised them with a bizarre TV spot featuring fans with giant condoms on their heads.

- - -

INJURY OF THE DAY: Michael Owen is out for the rest of the season with knee ligament damage. No surprises there. Thing is, it's the Saracens and Wales number eight, not the damaged goods currently parading around Old Trafford.

FOREIGN VIEW: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin talked energy and football with his Italian and Turkish counterparts, whose countries are the top buyers of Russian gas, underscoring strengthened ties among the trio.

"Tayyip, I send you my love and hope that when you start speaking, you will congratulate me on Milan's victory over Real Madrid yesterday," Italy's Silvio Berlusconi told Turkey's Tayyip Erdogan, according to a transcript published on the Russian government's website.

In his turn, Putin thanked Erdogan for a goal scored by Turkish midfielder Gokdeniz Karadeniz that sealed the victory for Russian team Rubin Kazan over Barcelona in the Champions League.

Putin said: "Barcelona is a very respected club. In Russia there are many fans who love this team. But this is a sport. Our team Rubin was stronger this time. I repeat once again, thanks to efforts by a Turkish player."

"I congratulate you once more but I will have to work a little bit on the Spanish Prime Minister," quipped Berlusconi.

"He has nothing to be upset about," Putin said.

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