Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

An ode to Sir Alex, sort of

Fri Nov 06 09:00AM

Remember, remember the sixth of November. Today marks the 23^rd anniversary of Sir Alex Ferguson's reign at Old Trafford. The Manchester United manger arrived at Old Trafford on this date all the way back in 1986, and it's fair to say things have never quite been the same in M16 since.

It's difficult to sit on the fence with Fergie - you either love him or loath him. Early Doors firmly sits in the former camp, mostly because of the many moments of pleasure, usually unintentional, he has provided over the years.

Such moments would include the following, what Davina McCall might call his 'best bits':

Party pooping - Fergie has always been keen on discipline and his iron fist came thumping down on renowned party animals Ryan Giggs and Lee Sharpe following a second defeat in a week in 1992, before United were any good. The Fuhrer - as Steve Bruce likes to call him from a safe distance - got wind of an unauthorised night out in Blackpool being enjoyed by the pair, so made his excuses and drove straight to Sharpe's house where the party, with the help of several females, was continuing. "He turned up at Sharpey's door. I had a bottle of Becks in my hand," said Giggs. Oh dear. The rollicking that ensued has gone down in legend.

Hairdrying - That incident was possibly a seminal moment, and provides early evidence of a practice that has since struck fear into even the most hardened professionals. To give someone 'the hairdryer treatment' is to dish out a verbal blast so forceful, it literally blows the recipient's hair back, creating a similar effect to that which a motorbike rider would experience when travelling at approximately 90mph without a helmet. Championed, nay, patented by Fergie, the phrase is now in common usage, although no one can quite do it like the great man himself.

Buying expensive, and rubbish, foreigners - Juan Sebastien Veron, Eric Djemba-Djemba, Kleberson... just a few signings who failed to make the grade at Old Trafford. But it is Fergie's absolute denial that he made mistakes on such players that is so endearing. "I'm no f****** talking to you. He's a f****** great player. Yous are f******* idiots" was his response when his £28.1 million signing of Veron was questioned.

Priceless quotes - Twenty-three years is a long time to accumulate a decent stock of quotes and Fergie has not disappointed. On Manchester City: "They are a small club, with a small mentality." On Italians: "When an Italian says it's pasta I check under the sauce to make sure. They are innovators of the smokescreen." On an amazing comeback in the 1999 Champions League final: "Football, bloody hell." On Ryan Giggs: "I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and just floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind." On a title run-in: "It's getting tickly now - squeaky-bum time, I call it." On Dion Dublin's anatomy: "Big? It isn't big. It's magnificent! I've seen some whoppers in my time, but Dion's is something else!"

Ruling the media - Fergie's self-imposed BBC ban has lasted longer than anything the FA can come up with - he has not spoken to the Beeb since a 2004 documentary put the spotlight on his agent son Jason. And nine years earlier, when John Motson asked, following Roy Keane's sending off, if he would "address the Roy Keane situation?", Fergie responded with: "You ****ing know the rules here." The rules appear to be simple - talk about what he wants, or he won't talk at all.

Injuring David Beckham - Fergie admitted that he couldn't have done it if he tried, but when he kicked a boot from the dressing room floor right into Beckham's perfectly groomed face, it signalled the end of the midfielder's career at Old Trafford. That Fergie tried to make light of the situation spoke volumes. "If I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I could I would have carried on playing!" Beckham left for Real Madrid months later.

Insulting referees - Fergie has made this an art form, although his recent comments about Alan Wiley's fitness, or lack of it, may prove to be a watershed. What a shame he now feels he has to tone down his comments.

Pizzagate - The 'battle of the buffet' left many a United hater chortling after a pizza was thrown over Fergie. Lovable Ashley Cole described the incident thus in some book or other he made a packet from: "This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush ... all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off this famous, puce face and roll down his nice black suit."

Oh, and during his time at Old Trafford, he's helped draw United level with Liverpool on 18 league titles, won two European Cups, one of which was part of an unprecedented treble, one Cup Winners Cup, five FA Cups, three League Cups, a Club World Cup, won numerous individual honours, discovered and nurtured talent such as Giggs, Beckham and Paul Scholes, brought the best out of the likes of Eric Cantona and Roy Keane, become the greatest manager of the modern era, if not of all time and been knighted.

But ED would not be fulfilling its remit if it were to dwell on such things.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "To be honest, I must say this, and Edwin doesn't like this too much, for sure, but he doesn't help me too much." Tomasz Kuszczak reveals it's not all sweetness and light within Old Trafford's goalkeeping union.

FOREIGN VIEW: The right to sponsor Colombian football has been won after, typically for the country, a coke war. No, not the sort associated with small mountains of white powder, DEA officers, guns and twitchy gangsters, rather a cola war won by Colombia's biggest soft drinks producer Postobon. The fizzy pop makers represent an altogether more salubrious name for the game to be associated with, considering its previous sponsor was cigarette producer Protabaco.

COMING UP: The mercurial Jim White will be filing later on today, while we'll have a Paper Round, all the latest team news, weekend previews and fantasy advice. Plus, Derby are playing Coventry in the Friday night Championship game - follow live text commentary on that one from around 19:30 here.

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Have another bottle of red wine bacon face
From helmethunter on Fri Nov 06 09:05AM
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1st???
From thomas842001 on Fri Nov 06 09:06AM
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late again ED!!!!
From aimug on Fri Nov 06 09:08AM
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Fergie is a great manager, but he's a f****** a**hole. And Veron is indeed a f****** great player.
From fast_corey on Fri Nov 06 09:14AM
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I have to disagree; I thought Veron was a terrific signing for United. He might not have given his absolute best, but he was a great player. There are plenty of better examples of bad signings. I would have put Diego Forlan in there. He was atrocious at United, but if you look at his record elsewhere and see some of the the YouTube videos of goals he has scored, there is no doubt he was a great player. Just not at United for some reason. A bit like Shevshenko at Chelsea.
From rock_and_roll_machine on Fri Nov 06 09:19AM
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The sad thing about this page is that it's not used overmuch by sensible people saying sensible things about football or the folk in football. Instead we have a bunch of scurvy knaves waiting in the hills until the war is over,before coming down to shoot the wounded. That's why most of them don't like Fergie-he doesn't lose wars,only the occasional battle for which we forgive him.
From kel.palmer on Fri Nov 06 09:22AM
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Finally, a decent comment #1
#7 - Very true
From who_are_ya_85 on Fri Nov 06 09:26AM
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No7 fbf forever
Nasty nasty.Could you perhaps provide us with your CV just so we know you're not the absolute nurd your texts show you to be
From kel.palmer on Fri Nov 06 09:26AM
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It was Fabregas that threw the slice of pizza LOL Nice one Cesc. Fergie probably is the greatest manager of all time behind Wenger. He's a HUGE hypocrite tho.
Edwin Van Der Sar is such a cruel old man. Help your brother from another mother. I bet he doesn't mind helping Foster.
From jay8my on Fri Nov 06 09:27AM
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10 - I dont think any1 is questioning Veron's abilities, just that he wasn't worth the money Fergie paid for him considering his age and what Man Utd got out of him.
From jay8my on Fri Nov 06 09:31AM
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It's about time the dirty old codger washed that pizza off his face now though, surely?
From brybart69 on Fri Nov 06 09:31AM
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man is a legend! Haters f...k off! SAF is the best and most charismatic manager in the world.
From mancunian4ever on Fri Nov 06 09:35AM
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Recently, I found an age-gap site called ~~~ Agegapmingle--C O M ~~~ It's a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not problem there. You may check out or tell your friends. My current boyfriend is called Mr Ferguson. He is hung like a cocktail sausage and he smells of whiskey, but he likes horses and is stinking rich to boot!
From steveandjay68 on Fri Nov 06 09:35AM
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#14 - Only one man responsible there and it weren't Keano
From who_are_ya_85 on Fri Nov 06 09:36AM
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Ah an article on ManUshited then. If it were on Fergie it would have mentioned his remarkable success with Aberdeen both in the league and in europe which on reflection of the resources at hand between the clubs is a true measure of his success. Whereas his time at manushited has been blessed with luck as the good signings have been offset by the bad ones. In the early days he was lucky to keep his job, and its that longevity that makes him seem more successful at old trafford.
From ian.lapsley on Fri Nov 06 09:37AM
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Even as a Gooner I can see SAF is a legend and will be remembered a long long time. Good on ya you slurring git!
From worm1979_1999 on Fri Nov 06 09:40AM
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Legendary, Sir Alex has done for football what the Queen has done for the British Empire.
Long may it continue.
Cristo - Leeds
From centralrentals on Fri Nov 06 09:41AM
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19 - Why coz he's Irish? What do u know about it anyway u Liverpool supporting sockless Moo Hundred stealer.
Only one man responsible for PizzaGate and it wasn't Vieira. Wooaaaaaahhhh.
From jay8my on Fri Nov 06 09:44AM
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#24 - STOP CROIYING was never so fitting
From who_are_ya_85 on Fri Nov 06 09:47AM
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14: Yeah, I thought Keane was a great signing for Liverpool and was mystified when it didn't work out. Another Liverpool one: Harry Kewell. A gifted attacking midfielder. He was immense at Leeds United (remember them?) and tormented a strong England side in a friendly at Wembley in 2003. It finished 1-3 to the socceroos, with Kewell netting.
From rock_and_roll_machine on Fri Nov 06 09:48AM
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Slow news day then ED? Just what I need on a Friday - an article about Fergie. Still, at least SOME of it was funny.
From danny_saks on Fri Nov 06 09:53AM
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#10 - I have to disagree with you... Over £28m in 2001 which was an awful lot of money, followed by his consistant poor performances is my friend a terrible signing. Would you ever see Roy Keane or Scholesy reach that value.. they were 10 times the player.
From who_are_ya_85 on Fri Nov 06 09:55AM
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Thanks Early Doors
From who_are_ya_85 on Fri Nov 06 09:57AM
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I thought Fergie was scotlands shame? (along with Rangers, Gordon Brown and Michelle McFatty)
From doilookbothered on Fri Nov 06 10:03AM
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#23 Under Elizabeth II the British Empire has shrunk to the Bermudas, Cayman Islands, St Helena, Tristan da Cunha, Gibraltar, the Falklands. When she ascended the throne Britain still had large parts of Africa and much of the Caribbean, parts of South-east Asia etc etc. I don''t understand your comparison. Do you mean that SAF has been disastrous for football or unable to withstand the march of history?
From james_ssmith on Fri Nov 06 10:06AM
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30: Yeah, that memory spurred me to seek out the highlights on YouTube. It was also a notable game for handing an international debut to a certain 17 year old called Wayne Rooney too! There were lots of changes at half-time and England were much better after that. They scored at least. It was the starting eleven who had all the problems, going 2-0 down by half-time.
From rock_and_roll_machine on Fri Nov 06 10:15AM
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On Manchester City: "They are a small club, with a small mentality." At least Ayatollah Ferguson got one thing right
From arttidesco on Fri Nov 06 10:16AM
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Can't stand Fergie, but do look upon his achievments with some envy!
From doobie.doobiedoo on Fri Nov 06 10:16AM
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in fairness to veron, he had to in a play a particular position to deliver his best. the italian teams used him correctly. fergie didn't. forlan is inexplicable, great in spain but useless at man utd. love him or hate him, fergie's record speaks for itself and if he wins another league to overtake liverpool, then even the haters have to admit that he's the best. sure it would be nice if he could do it with more class, but its trophies that count at the end of the day. i dont think he'll be too impressed with Kuszczak.
From bobo.spamble on Fri Nov 06 10:18AM
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When is the last time a championship was won from 16th place after the 11th game of the season ? WHUFC Forever blowing bubbles
From arttidesco on Fri Nov 06 10:18AM
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