Jimmy cranky
Fri Jul 25 08:39AM
Under the Premier League's intense spotlight, it has become difficult for decent players not to get noticed.
Such is the relentless hype that ordinary players like Scott Parker and Jermaine Jenas acquire reputations far exceeding their actual ability.
Some 'big' club - usually Chelsea, Spurs or Newcastle - believes the propaganda and splashes out for a bright young thing who actually turns out to be a bit rubbish.
So how come, when a couple of snappy tackles or decent through-balls are a passport to a top-ten club, nobody good wants to buy Jimmy Bullard?
Consider this:
He kept Fulham in the Premier League almost single-handedly.
He is a positive dressing-room influence (translates roughly as 'banter merchant').
He is that rarest of birds, the creative English midfielder.
He's really, really, ridiculously good at free-kicks.
If Tom Huddlestone can get in the England squad, Bullard should be a shoo-in. And yet the only side trying to buy him are Wigan - a club he left in 2006.
Bullard is an unashamedly old-fashioned footballer. He's got the kind of lop-sided face only a mother could love, topped off with a mop of blond curls teleported directly from 1976.
He exudes precisely zero arrogance and seems like a genuinely nice bloke - the perfect antidote to an age dominated by image and posturing.
Put it this way - you wouldn't see an oiled-up, marmite-coloured Bullard sunbathing on the front of a tabloid newspaper.
Is football really so shallow that Bullard gets overlooked by the big boys simply because he's not up his own backside?
Anyone who has paid even the slightest attention to ED over its lifespan will know the answer is a resounding yes.
- - -
Luiz Felipe Scolari has taken to English football like an ex-pro to Scotch.
Since taking over at Chelsea, Big Phil has quickly made himself part of the furniture - metaphorically not literally, as was the case with the wooden Avram Grant.
You know you have truly arrived when Alex Ferguson targets you for mind games - in Scolari's case for having a very slightly older squad than Manchester United.
What has impressed Early Doors the most is his effortless adoption of English percentage inflation.
Take the statement Michael Ballack would miss a meaningless friendly against a Malaysian Select XI on Saturday, having joined up late with the squad following his wedding.
For Scolari, it was more than a piece of rather boring team news. It was an opportunity to inject hyperbole to an otherwise mundane situation.
Ballack was not just going to miss the game, nor 100 percent or even 110 percent likely to sit it out. He was "one million percent" not going to play.
A million percent! Imagine being that certain about anything. Scolari is a man who truly knows his own mind.
Problem is - his claim that Didier Drogba was "200 percent" a part of his plans doesn't sound so impressive any more, does it?
In fact, Scolari is saying that Drogba is 5,000 times less likely to stay at Chelsea than Ballack is to miss the Malaysia game.
- - -
Many of this morning's papers feature front-page pictures of both Barack Obama and Cristiano Ronaldo, whose skin tone rather calls into question whether Obama can really be described as 'black'.
Ronaldo's mahogany varnish is truly astonishing but, Early Doors would love to see him naked.
Not, perhaps, for the reason you would imagine, but just to see the luminous glow of his pasty white right foot - currently in a cast - and the 'area' underneath those ubiquitous metallic mini-shorts.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Marcus Bent (11 clubs in 10 years) comes up with a new way to say 'bad blood' and has a pop at Wigan Athletic: "I was promised a contract and it didn't evolve. There isn't good blood between us."
FOREIGN VIEW: Barcelona weren't kidding when they said they were more than a club. They are now a purveyor of Pringle-style clothing after releasing their own tartan. Los Cules celebrated their love of all things Scottish with a 6-0 romp against Hibernian last night before heading out for a night of stereotypical merriment featuring Tennants Extra, deep-fried Mars bars and bye-election upsets.
TALKING POINT: claire881 endears herself to ED by revealing a sociopathic streak: "I hate Help the Aged, why isn't there a 'Help The Young' that's ageist in itself... hypocrites!"
Today - Who is the most under-rated player in the Premier League?
FANTASY FOOTBALL: Our Fantasy Premier League game is free, fun and any other adjective beginning with 'f'. Just click on the link and take a look. No obligation.
E-mail this story
IM this storyVery Early Doors
From nikyates on Fri Jul 25 08:43AMgood article, jimmy bullard a fantastic player,y do clubs eg spurs, newcastle who can't even tempt a past it Aimar buy bullard he'd cost the same as bartons future bail money!! Bargin
From paulallen351 on Fri Jul 25 08:50AMVery good Ed! Thanks for the laugh - but really, did you have to leave that horrible image in my mind of white pasty Ronaldo and those unbecoming metallic mini-shorts? blegh...
I'm going to have to sue you now too (everyone else is apparently) for the conselling sessions I will have to go to after reading that!
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 08:55AMniky: yeah - ED peed the bed this morning
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 08:55AMg'mornin' to all ~ greetings & salutations!
is this "there's only one jimmy grimble" starring jimmy bullard? he's a nice player, maybe i missed something, but i never thought he was lighting the world on fire, then again, i've thought the same thing about stuart downing as well.
i really don't understand where the obama thing was going ... naked cronaldo? wtf? i thought things got a little creepy there ... and who is deep-frying mars bars? ... the world's gone mad.
From jcpotvin on Fri Jul 25 08:56AMMorning all
OMG how low does one have to hang ones head in shame when ones team cannot beat the f(explitive)g MLS All Stars most of who's players no one has ever heard of and would have trouble making the starting line up at Luton Town ?
Micheal Ballack WHUFC needs you now !
Maybe WHUFC should go for Bullard instead of Ballack ?
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:00AMIf you have never had a deep fried Mars bar jc of Bin Ladens Toon you must expand your culinary experience by visiting Scoatland
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:03AMI see there is another AUS sweeping all before him on a Ducati in World Super Bikes Kantong Sam
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:03AMBig Phil looks set to become a kommedy manager with his percentages of certainty, I wonder what his percentages are for the CL, Prem, & FA cup glory ?
Until Chelski sell Big Boy Ballack to WHUFC I can say there percentage chance of winning anything are NIL but I might be biased
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:10AMIn the past, Steve Finnan was under-rated in his early seasons at Liverpool! As was Denis Irwin for United! I think Carvalho is always under rated as John Terry(Bottler) always gets the credit for his hard work as does Ferdinand(Flat footed) from Vidic!!
I think John O'Shea & Darren Fletcher also (Haha...hit of Sarcasim on them two) I mean come on, how do these to get away with it, they are the biggest con artist in the Premiership....coming on for 5 mins the odd game here and there getting £40k - £50k a week and even worse, a Premiership and Champions League medal.
From kevin1985kane on Fri Jul 25 09:14AMI thought Bullard would have moved to someone like Villa or so by now. He is a quality player and plays with a smile on his face, like it should be done! Hopefully he'll get snapped up by someone like Man City, Villa or so where he'll get more recognition.
From nickyclarke7 on Fri Jul 25 09:14AMsorry arti, i will pass on deep frying chocolate bars. i've heard of the practice, but i assumed that sort of thing only went on in america. good to know early onset diabetes won't just be affecting people here. the mls is a rough league, but luton town is a bit harsh, more like reading, with a better attack.
kw, please, let's not start the litigation talk so early, hopefully there will be some peace and quiet before everything devolves into chaos again ~ another lovely day of intellectual debate and fierce name-calling ~ fun for the whole family!!!
From jcpotvin on Fri Jul 25 09:15AMHow come the fantasy footy has no 0 - 10 - 0 formation option ?
I was hoping to follow Big Phils idea of filling the whole pitch with mid fielders
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:15AMBullard played for West Ham before but couldn't get in the team
From k_r_mercer on Fri Jul 25 09:16AMwow. i'm just happy i'm awake late/early enough to post on the first page. most underrated player- frank lampard.....or my mom. now i'm going back to sleep
From fitchpek on Fri Jul 25 09:19AMjc of Charlotte Motor Speedwaydo you really think Becks could make the starting line up at Reading ? (Maybe Reading YMCA but never Reading proper
)From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Fri Jul 25 09:22AMno worries jc - but I have to say it has had a marked effect upon my earning potential and has induced a state of anit-scummer psychosis... I cant work anymore, I'm depressed and I have notions of being a sunflower after that comment, I was forced to yell "MY EYES! MY EYES! OH MY GOD MY EYES! I CANT READ ABOUT NAKED RONALDO!! OH MY EYES!"...
By the way - I'm still laughing after yesterday Ninja Bear...
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 09:24AMjavier mascherano played for west ham and couldn't get in the team either, west ham's player evaluations have been ... less than stellar?
From jcpotvin on Fri Jul 25 09:24AMI'd love Bullard at the Villa ,cracking player (great free kick against us) & a really nice ,modest, amusing bloke
From astonbilla on Fri Jul 25 09:24AMFoolish person ther e is a help the ypung its called childline
From alant1903 on Fri Jul 25 09:25AMarttidesco@rocketmail.com you are the unfuniest guy in the world!
Bullard aint that good thats how he's never been signed by a big team. he's an ok player. he scored 2 free kicks, they were down the middle of the goal, doesnt make him a great free kick taker. Other than that he'll go through games without getting noticed most the season.
From sav46e on Fri Jul 25 09:25AMTo Kevin1985kane, I can just about handle John O'Shea coming on and filling in somewhere, when someones injured, but Darren Fletcher, I wouldn't pay him in deep fried Mars bars!!!
From antonyslack on Fri Jul 25 09:26AMThere's only one Mascherano... and he is often underrated.
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 09:26AMOh come on please...your boy Beckham played in that MLS-West Ham match
From poujai on Fri Jul 25 09:30AMWest Ham needs to just become FC Iron Maiden, then they might become a decent side
From poujai on Fri Jul 25 09:31AMantony - agreed - I wouldnt buy him either (not even in deep friend mars bars!) granted Fletcher could be good player when played in the centre, but there is plenty of others who play this better than he - so he often is forced to play on the right, and he is just not fast enough for a winger...he really lacks pace.
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 09:35AMi'd definitely swap my boyish good looks for Jimmy Bullards mug if it meant that I was earning that sort of money.... and i'd also be liked too. boo hoo
oh and hasn't C-Ron heard of skin cancer? what a pillack.
From screamouk on Fri Jul 25 09:36AMkw, the ongoing completely true tall tales of ninja bear will make a return, eventually. being a top agent is too big a part of my life for it not to spill over to the board every now and again. instead of thinking of cronaldo, think of the dumbest person in your office, then throw something (not too heavy) at them, point, and laugh. repeat until aldo-cron is erased from your hard drive.
art, not only could becks start at reading, i think they'd even hand him the captain's armband ~ that's how confident i am they would take whatever money adidas was willing to pay to make sure hairdo was getting enough appearances to see the necessary product in the necessary markets.
kev, finnan used to be a underrated, though i thought some of his recent player ratings (whoever decides those) were a little more favorable than what i judged from watching him. he's a solid full back, but i'm not sure if he's the type of player you can use at the highest level of the premiership anymore, he seems to have lost a step. if you put together a highlight reel of steve finnan last season, you could use 'my bloody valentine' as the soundtrack ~ slow and choppy, but otherwise very pleasant, he needs to be on the bottom table portion of the rotation.
From jcpotvin on Fri Jul 25 09:37AMmorning jude - there is certainly only one jude!
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 09:38AMcheerio for now - gotta do some work
and Jude, Tevez is so not better than THE MIGHTY Mascha!
From kantong_wokster on Fri Jul 25 09:40AM
Comment on this article
Please sign in to add your comments.
This site is Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! and Eurosport. All rights reserved.
- Terms of Service
- Updated Privacy Policy
- Copyright/IP Policy
- Remarks and Suggestions
- Corporate info
- Jobs at Eurosport
Notice: We collect personal information on this site. To learn more about how we use your information, see our Privacy Policy.