Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Jimmy cranky

Fri Jul 25 08:39AM

Under the Premier League's intense spotlight, it has become difficult for decent players not to get noticed.

Such is the relentless hype that ordinary players like Scott Parker and Jermaine Jenas acquire reputations far exceeding their actual ability.

Some 'big' club - usually Chelsea, Spurs or Newcastle - believes the propaganda and splashes out for a bright young thing who actually turns out to be a bit rubbish.

So how come, when a couple of snappy tackles or decent through-balls are a passport to a top-ten club, nobody good wants to buy Jimmy Bullard?

Consider this:

He kept Fulham in the Premier League almost single-handedly.

He is a positive dressing-room influence (translates roughly as 'banter merchant').

He is that rarest of birds, the creative English midfielder.

He's really, really, ridiculously good at free-kicks.

If Tom Huddlestone can get in the England squad, Bullard should be a shoo-in. And yet the only side trying to buy him are Wigan - a club he left in 2006.

Bullard is an unashamedly old-fashioned footballer. He's got the kind of lop-sided face only a mother could love, topped off with a mop of blond curls teleported directly from 1976.

He exudes precisely zero arrogance and seems like a genuinely nice bloke - the perfect antidote to an age dominated by image and posturing.

Put it this way - you wouldn't see an oiled-up, marmite-coloured Bullard sunbathing on the front of a tabloid newspaper.

Is football really so shallow that Bullard gets overlooked by the big boys simply because he's not up his own backside?

Anyone who has paid even the slightest attention to ED over its lifespan will know the answer is a resounding yes.

- - -

Luiz Felipe Scolari has taken to English football like an ex-pro to Scotch.

Since taking over at Chelsea, Big Phil has quickly made himself part of the furniture - metaphorically not literally, as was the case with the wooden Avram Grant.

You know you have truly arrived when Alex Ferguson targets you for mind games - in Scolari's case for having a very slightly older squad than Manchester United.

What has impressed Early Doors the most is his effortless adoption of English percentage inflation.

Take the statement Michael Ballack would miss a meaningless friendly against a Malaysian Select XI on Saturday, having joined up late with the squad following his wedding.

For Scolari, it was more than a piece of rather boring team news. It was an opportunity to inject hyperbole to an otherwise mundane situation.

Ballack was not just going to miss the game, nor 100 percent or even 110 percent likely to sit it out. He was "one million percent" not going to play.

A million percent! Imagine being that certain about anything. Scolari is a man who truly knows his own mind.

Problem is - his claim that Didier Drogba was "200 percent" a part of his plans doesn't sound so impressive any more, does it?

In fact, Scolari is saying that Drogba is 5,000 times less likely to stay at Chelsea than Ballack is to miss the Malaysia game.

- - -

Many of this morning's papers feature front-page pictures of both Barack Obama and Cristiano Ronaldo, whose skin tone rather calls into question whether Obama can really be described as 'black'.

Ronaldo's mahogany varnish is truly astonishing but, Early Doors would love to see him naked.

Not, perhaps, for the reason you would imagine, but just to see the luminous glow of his pasty white right foot - currently in a cast - and the 'area' underneath those ubiquitous metallic mini-shorts.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Marcus Bent (11 clubs in 10 years) comes up with a new way to say 'bad blood' and has a pop at Wigan Athletic: "I was promised a contract and it didn't evolve. There isn't good blood between us."

FOREIGN VIEW: Barcelona weren't kidding when they said they were more than a club. They are now a purveyor of Pringle-style clothing after releasing their own tartan. Los Cules celebrated their love of all things Scottish with a 6-0 romp against Hibernian last night before heading out for a night of stereotypical merriment featuring Tennants Extra, deep-fried Mars bars and bye-election upsets.

TALKING POINT: claire881 endears herself to ED by revealing a sociopathic streak: "I hate Help the Aged, why isn't there a 'Help The Young' that's ageist in itself... hypocrites!"

Today - Who is the most under-rated player in the Premier League?

FANTASY FOOTBALL: Our Fantasy Premier League game is free, fun and any other adjective beginning with 'f'. Just click on the link and take a look. No obligation.

  1. Habib Beye is also uner-rated.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Fri Jul 25 10:30AM

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  2. Morning Table Top Dan :-)

    I cannot believe you never came across punks when you were in England Richard, maybe they have all moved to Germany :-)

    America has two kinds of Punk Richard the Clint Eastwood type and the psuedo English type :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:33AM

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  3. dannickbates I agree. people just think casue he's quite young and not showimg off tricks then he's no good. he's a big player for his country and people forget he is actually a striker but gets played as a left sided player. I think he usually plays better on the right.

    R.Green was my 1st pick too.
    3 defenders I went for. feel Bosingwa could rack up the points. other defenders taken for cheapness.
    4 midfield. Giovanni could get few points if gets played. Diarra was dirt cheap. Sidwell could do good for Villa and Bently to hit in the crosses
    3 attackers( gives me money to spend on them too) Torres Berbatov n Cruz.

    Thats my starting team unless any good signing are made

    sav46eFrom sav46e on Fri Jul 25 10:34AM

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  4. not to mention adl, he's played a grand total of 21 matches the past two seasons, not exactly the best fitness record in england. he is what he is ~ a nice midfielder (when fit), but at 30 years old, can you really expect his health to improve, let alone his performance/output two years removed from major knee reconstruction?

    jcpotvinFrom jcpotvin on Fri Jul 25 10:35AM

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  5. come on guys face it, there's no underrated players in the premier league, simply because there are no good players to be rated to start with

    milad_s_helouFrom milad_s_helou on Fri Jul 25 10:35AM

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  6. Hmm bizarrely I have never thought of myself as sociopathic but that's the 4th time I have been called that! I do have morals you know and I also have a conscience... I'm not bloody Hannibal Lecter! Poor Hibs, nevermind though Barca have a tartan...am I the only Scot that kinda thinks that's a bit @#$% insulting? Oooh how quaint let's have a tartan and eat deep fried Mars bars (which by the way and @#$% amazing!) heeheehee...fcukin hate Barca!

    claire881From claire881 on Fri Jul 25 10:36AM

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  7. kalou i @#$%n amazing i rate him very highly

    dannickbatesFrom dannickbates on Fri Jul 25 10:38AM

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  8. and by the way those catalan @#$% can go suck on log, they wont even let Messi go serve his own country ...

    milad_s_helouFrom milad_s_helou on Fri Jul 25 10:39AM

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  9. Jude i dunno what happened, we sucked plus we put out a guff team... bleuch!

    claire881From claire881 on Fri Jul 25 10:39AM

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  10. dont worry claire, we will pump barca 2moro

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Fri Jul 25 10:40AM

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  11. I am still working through my defenders I got as far as Calum Davenport so far :-)

    Rio sounds like a shoe in for me despite the fact he now plays for Mr Suckey Smurfs Utd :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:42AM

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  12. howzit jude the tavern on the seas? whats that? im so glad it's weekend and pay day!! can drown my sorrows and watch some decent footy again. I shotgunned the sattelite tv remote for the entire weekend. hahahaha west ham got drilled by the yanks

    dannickbatesFrom dannickbates on Fri Jul 25 10:44AM

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  13. Why am I falling out of my seat laughing at the idea of a Scoatish team ever beating Barcalona mcgrant :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:45AM

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  14. wtf? Why do people here hate barca? They are a great team and play great football. You are all obviously confused. Let me help you: Real Madrid are the bad guys in Spain. Not Barca.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Fri Jul 25 10:46AM

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  15. dunno jude, we gave them a right goin over last year.
    we had a goal disallowed and a header cleared off the line and they needed a last min henry dive to win a penalty, which he missed and scored off the rebound. also we are the only british side to have a 100% competitive record against barca. i hope they dont maul us like they did hibs, but hibs prob tried to pass barca off the park and got a masterclass, or so i heard.

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Fri Jul 25 10:47AM

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  16. cape of good hope jude the weathers shi7e cold and grey skies kinda like england.....already looking forward to summer

    dannickbatesFrom dannickbates on Fri Jul 25 10:47AM

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  17. 10 out of 10 for being alert and on the case Mr Smurf :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:47AM

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  18. Most underrated player has got to be Wes Brown. I know everyone harks on about Uniteds defence as if its th eanswer to something, but you only ever hear Ferdinand, Vidic and occasionally Evra mentioned.

    captaincomFrom captaincom on Fri Jul 25 10:50AM

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  19. I am 1,000,000 percent certain that the only thing that Man Utd will be adding to their trophy cabinet this year is the only empty wineglass that SAF does not break in frustration this season :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:50AM

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  20. art, i dont know, but im laughing at u.
    dundee united have a 100% record against barca which is better than any british team including man utd and chelsea.
    plus celtic put them out the uefa cup a few years back. so im not quite sure why ur laughing

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Fri Jul 25 10:51AM

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  21. I am with you Richard I have never met a Punk Ekman Real are scum Barca Rock and their strip looks better two :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 10:52AM

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  22. Just doin ma own fantasy league with mates. everyone puts in £20 and we have bout 15 folk in it. just wondering what peoples teams were.

    I try to not use money on defenders. dnt rake in the points usually.

    always get good price for new signings

    sav46eFrom sav46e on Fri Jul 25 10:52AM

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  23. morning every1,
    i think robert green is pretty underrated. Paul sharner is too, he does a gr8 job for wigan in almost any position.

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Fri Jul 25 10:53AM

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  24. dk4stars = bullard + chadwick + tevez

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Fri Jul 25 10:54AM

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  25. dk4stars is a @#$%!!!!!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Fri Jul 25 10:54AM

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  26. dk4stars + samuelbanks = brokeback mountain!!!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Fri Jul 25 10:56AM

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  27. morning jay
    yeh not alot of people know that one outside scotland jude.
    have a look on youtube. type in dundee united v barcelona an itl show u the goals from the 80's wen we beat them in the nou camp.

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Fri Jul 25 10:57AM

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  28. yeah just a little bit jude the guy was sucking up to u after u left last night....what a @#$%!!!
    cant believe ben come on here p1ssed, id never remember to do that if i were p1ssed!!!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Fri Jul 25 10:57AM

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  29. I suppose some ar5ena1 plaers are under-rated too, though it hurts to admit.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Fri Jul 25 11:00AM

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  30. Are you aware that Real Madrid closely is associated with a fascist dictator Mr Smurf ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Fri Jul 25 11:01AM

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