Spitting mad
Fri Aug 01 08:48AM
Wayne Rooney faces a possible assault charge, according to The Sun, after he was accused of spitting at a paparazzi photographer.
The Manchester United forward was involved in an altercation after leaving a restaurant in central London and was interviewed under caution by police - not arrested. He is thought to deny the allegation.
Out in the real world, spitting at someone is considered common assault - if pavements could press charges - but on the pitch the worst you can expect is a red card and your own chant.
Take El-Hadji Diouf. He was fined for spitting at a Celtic fan while at Liverpool, banned for gobbing on Wigan's Arjan de Zeeuw at Bolton, then fined again for "recklessly" but unintentionally spitting an isotonic drink at an 11-year-old Middlesbrough fan.
This week such behaviour earned him a transfer to Sunderland, with Roy Keane particularly impressed with just how objectionable he is.
"El Hadji is a great signing for us," said Keane. "He is also the kind of player opposition teams and supporters love to hate. He's a thorn in their sides and that's why we are delighted to have signed him."
Diouf's reaction? Delight: "I am similar to Roy Keane because he used to be a bad loser as well. I played against him a number of times and he was always so hot on the pitch. I am like that. People used to boo Roy Keane wherever he went and now they do that to me. But people never boo a bad player." Tell that to Derby.
But ED digresses. The point is - if Rooney is going to spit, he should make sure he does it during a match. Then he too could get that dream move to Wearside.
Elsewhere on an action packed page three, ED ponders the irony of glamour model Katie Marie, 19, from Middlesex, offering support to Britain's fattest teenager. "I wish her all the luck in the world in losing the weight. I hope she gets all the help possible," simpered the 34D stunner. It's your fault, Katie Marie. YOUR FAULT!!
- - -
Fulham's purchase of Andy Johnson has stalled because, like a 19-year-old Lamborghini driver, they cannot get insurance.
While most youths would continue undeterred until eventually wrapping their Murcielago around a lamppost, cautious elderly drivers Fulham dare not risk it.
According to the Daily Mirror, an X-Ray has revealed that Johnson may in fact be a 'cut and shut' - a botch job made by fusing together two halves of entirely different model.
While Honest Everton insist that Johnson is in mint condition, Fulham are considering leaving him on the forecourt and seeking an alternative runaround with one lady owner - a tough ask in today's WAG-obsessed environment.
- - -
You might have thought Early Doors was being lazy attempting to research Amaury Bischoff with a simple internet search, but Blackburn Guv'nor Paul Ince begs to differ.
"Some of the lads have been watching [Carlos Villanueva] on YouTube and, to be fair, he looks different class."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Big Phil Scolari makes the transfer market sound like a tacky 80s game show with players hidden inside giant lettered boxes.
"If we add player A, B or C, then great," he said. Not so fast, Phil. Inside one of these boxes is World Player of the Year Kaka; inside another is mercurial Real Madrid forward Robinho; and in the final box is Darren Moore...
FOREIGN VIEW: "Calderon's secret weapon" yells Marca, making it not so secret any more. The weapon in question is an alleged agreement with Cristiano Ronaldo that will supposedly cost the player millions if he does not go to Real Madrid. Hmm, doesn't really sound like the kind of thing that actually exists, does it?
TALKING POINT: whfcuptonpark on the enigma that is Arsenal's new signing: "Amaury Bischoff is a superb player. He played against us 4 years ago when he was in the UK seeing his cousin. I remember it well - Wyman & Abbott Soccer Sevens division two on a Thursday night. He slipped a lovely ball through to The Royal Oak's forward to put them 6-4 up. Afterwards I saw him in the KFC. Said one day he would play for The Arsenal. He was right."
Today - ED will go with james_ssmith's suggestion: "Who is the least qualified manager in either the Premier League or the SPL?"
COMING UP: With their mispronunciations, awkward exchanges with former players and staggering self-importance, Champions League draws bring a lot of unintentional comedy to the party. Early Doors loves them. We'll have live video coverage from 11am UK time. ED would be watching if it were the draw for the seating plan at a UEFA dinner, but there are actually some decent sides involved, including Arsenal, Liverpool, Barcelona and Juventus. Rangers are also in the draw.
First
From nyachdutoit on Fri Aug 01 08:50AMPaul Ince is the least qualified by a mile. Hes scouting with Youtube and using the spare time in which hes not scouting to fill out all the forms he needs to actually be a manager. I'm a rovers fan but its a bit of a wild card..
From the.clanger on Fri Aug 01 09:00AMDid Katie Marie go up to Middlesex and force feed the teenage girl steak and kidney pudding? I doubt it
From g_hine on Fri Aug 01 09:02AMg'morning all e.d. sufferers, prepare to meet your fantasy league football demise at the feet of crF in ed2. okay, i will probably finish last, but i refuse to pick superior players that play for teams i do not wish to cheer for.
i took a shot at james' question yesterday, and after some thought, i'm going with my original choice, paul ince, not just because he's not actually certified, but because in less than a month in charge, he's traded brad friedel & david bentley for paul robinson, carlos villanueva & robbie fowler, akin to trading your champion race horses for two donkeys and a mule.
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 09:03AMhi everyone
From kolasoco on Fri Aug 01 09:05AMdont worry the.clanger, every1 thought the same when Ince joined mk dons, but he proved every1 wrong, hes extremly professional, and a talented manager, u could have done alot worse to be fair. Look at the likes of Gareth Southgate hes only ever managed Boro and i dont think hes qualified either.
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 09:05AMarsene 'perpetually trophiless' wenger may be qualified but lacks proper trasfer market smatness to win anything.
From kolasoco on Fri Aug 01 09:07AMMiddlesex??? Must still be drunk
From g_hine on Fri Aug 01 09:08AMarsenal sucks
From kolasoco on Fri Aug 01 09:08AMCOME ON U SPURS!!!
From akai11 on Fri Aug 01 09:15AMg'mornin' j, i have a feeling that arsenal comment's not gonna go over well. as a liverpool supporter, i have no love lost for wenger, but you can't put the recent dip on his shoulders, he had the team that went undefeated less than five years ago, completely sold out from under him. the ownership has valued the new stadium over the quality of the squad and slowly but surely, every piece, except toure and sagna, have been sold (at a profit). no manager is going to win a cabinet full of trophies under those conditions.
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 09:18AMmust say.. well done ED. fairly well constructed. someone had an early..!!
From alecblack on Fri Aug 01 09:30AMTottenham 11th. Arsenal 3rd. Quite a big difference.
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 09:31AMDo we get a table of spitting offenders along side red and yellow cards. Lets see who is shamed the most
From plewis696 on Fri Aug 01 09:31AMJcpotvin: Yeah wenger has been known to choose youth over trophies. I dont fully agree with it but wenger has a good business head on his shoulders. I think in time AW will be able to keep players longer. It could be worse just look at spurs!!!
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 09:34AMI hate Roney and Man U but good on him. I couldnt handle sum1 up in my face wae a camera all the time.
Its no even as if these folk are takin interesting pictures, cumin out a restuarant. so wit! I blame stupid lassies that buy mags to see these pictures and have stories like, "Footballer eats food" Oh wowee!
From sav46e on Fri Aug 01 09:36AMSince when is spitting assault?
Personally, I believe these photographers get all they deserve. The law should be changed so you can give one a slap if they get too close. ;)
From mg_steve on Fri Aug 01 09:37AMMost inexperienced SPL manager -Barry Ferguson - he manages to control an entire club, even getting his previous manager Paul le Guen sacked when he refused to let the Rangers team out on the lash for a 2 day bender mid season.
From davybroo on Fri Aug 01 09:38AMsav46e: LOL yeah i agree it seems to be in some womens nature to just want to see @#$% like that.
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 09:39AMj, i don't think it's been his choice, he's under a lot of pressure to pay for the new stadium. if he had his way, i think he would have done things a little bit differently. their commitment to playing attractive football should be commended, i'm not going to be cheering for them, but i like to see teams that play positively rewarded ~ negative football is so ugly to watch (i'm looking at you, bolton). plus, i'm curious to see if vela can play in the epl, i've seen him play and i'm curious if his skill set will translate. i always take a keen interest in north americans in europe, and i can't remember the last time i thought a player had the potential to be that good from this continent.
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 09:49AMGood to see the bindippers clutching at straws yesterday;
" Ooh, we may have taken a point off United ", NO you have'nt !!
How does it feel to have fortress Anfield become a home ground for your biggest rivals ?? !!! hahaha !!!
From nikyates on Fri Aug 01 09:54AMjc, i do think wenger has a lot more say than u may be led to believe. He is manager but he also does the director of football job, he has a fantastic relationship with the board so if he really really didnt want to sell a player he wouldn't have.
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 09:56AMi think this topic was just a little cheapshot to get people to slag ince, am i right?
From dustbrother101 on Fri Aug 01 10:00AMwell it's only natural everton would feel at home at anfield, it used to be their grounds after all. oh, you mean united? sorry, that 25 year gap without a title left us looking for a new rival, just as you've gone about hating chelsea during our dry spell (all the wishy wash neutrals had started wearing blue kits, must have been driving the seasonal red devils crazy).
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 10:03AMmaybe j, but i think if the salary structure was different, he would have kept flamini and hleb. in general, their unwillingness to open the purse strings makes it difficult to keep players when other clubs start sniffing around with better contracts
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 10:04AMALL ENGLISH FOOTBALL
PREMIER LEAGUE – FA CUP – CARLING CUP
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – UEFA CUP
ALL MATCHES ON WEB, INCLUDING FRIENDLY MATCHES, UIC CUP AND UEFA PRELIMINARYFrom pulgosita1 on Fri Aug 01 10:11AMyes jc, but wenger has a big say in the wage structure, if u watch arsenal t.v he was saying how much belief he has in it. Im glad hlebs gone as he couldn't buy a goal, henry as proved at barce went at the right time as did vieira. Wenger just gets on with it. His worst buys are the ones he spends over £10m on, like reyes and wiltord. They never lived up to expectation yet they were on big wages!!!
From jay8my on Fri Aug 01 10:13AMearly_door is @#$%boy !!! hahaha !!!
Btw jc YNWA =You'll never win again. Long live the rafalution !!! hahaha !!!
From nikyates on Fri Aug 01 10:15AMThe former hero Paul ' why do I always finish games with a bandage round my head' Ince has to be the least qualified manager on paper while former Hamburg Queen of Perms Kevin Keegan has to be the least qualified in terms of quitting before the job gets done
I sometimes wonder if that permanent look of discomfort on Kevin's face is because he never gets round to wiping his no doubt well permed arse
From arttidesco on Fri Aug 01 10:17AMtrue j, his big money buys have not been as good as his low-level purchases. when it comes to players that leave though, i don't think that's always the case. viera has been a pretty good player for inter the past few years, and despite some injuries, has been first choice holding midfielder for the best team in italy. henry had a dip in form last season, but he also played on the wing a lot, i don't think he would have been great for arsenal out there either. he's still a quality striker, he'd fit in perfectly back at emirates if he made a return, he's still fast and strong, which made him almost unstoppable in england. i think hleb is better than people give him credit for, his running opened up a lot of the field for fabergas, he's going to miss that.
From jcpotvin on Fri Aug 01 10:21AM
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