Friendly ire
Mon Aug 04 08:59AM
If there's one thing Early Doors can't stand, it's people assigning undue significance to meaningless pre-season friendlies.
That and the usual stuff like rudeness, poor time-keeping, motorsports enthusiasts and world poverty, of course.
Take Chelsea's 5-0 win over Milan Reserves in the 'Railways Cup' in Moscow yesterday. Eye-catching? Certainly. Comically one-sided? Sure. Essentially pointless? Yes.
Pre-season friendlies exist for two reasons. Firstly, to give players a chance to build up their fitness prior to the start of the season proper and secondly, to allow clubs to fulfil contractual obligations to their money-grabbing sponsors.
Managers, frankly, don't care if they win, lose or draw, provided they can get everyone back on the plane without having suffered serious injury and without having committed a horrendous cultural faux pas in any of the pre- or post-match press conferences.
Chelsea's win yesterday proves nothing more than that they are at a more advanced stage of their pre-season preparations than Milan.
The Italians, furthermore, were missing a whole host of senior players, and with blundering second-choice goalkeeper Zeljko Kalac between the sticks they would probably have succumbed in similar fashion to Chelsea's under-9s.
And yet wherever you look you find people trying to attribute meaning where none exists.
The Observer newspaper claimed Man United's narrow 1-0 win over Espanyol in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's testimonial match proved that they are desperately lacking in firepower up front, while ED has also seen it suggested that Darren Bent's 11 pre-season goals against the likes of Norwich and Leyton Orient mean he's now a good bet for the Premier League Golden Boot.
Breathlessly caught up in the excitement you have Sky Sports, with Jeff Stelling referring to Hamburg's 3-0 win over a jaded Juventus yesterday as an Emirates Cup "six-pointer".
In none of Sky's coverage of any of the pre-season tournaments it broadcasts will you see or hear the key word ‘friendly', and ED is genuinely beginning to fear that people will start to forget the intrinsic worthlessness of these mid-summer showcases with their pointless tin-pot trophies and embarrassing presentation ceremonies.
The Wikipedia entry for the Premier League Asia Trophy describes it as "a prestigious four-team football tournament complete [sic] by three Premier League football clubs and a local team from the host", whereas in real life its prestige is comfortably superseded even by the long-deceased Zenit Data Systems Cup.
Take the Community Shield, which, if you'll believe the hype, is a chance for the teams competing - usually two of the Big Four - to score "an important psychological blow" before the business of the Premier League gets under way.
Of the last 14 winners, only three have gone on to win the league in the following season, which should serve as pretty conclusive proof that pre-season friendly results should be approached with all the caution of a night on the town with Joey Barton.
- - -
When ED first heard the news that the world's sixth richest man Anil Ambani was preparing to buy Newcastle United, its initial reaction was one of horror.
Surely the last thing the Premier League needs is another cash-rich foreign businessman with no interest in the game muscling in at one of the country's oldest and best-loved clubs.
But then ED remembered who currently manages Newcastle, and if anyone can splurge a reported £150 million transfer kitty on talented but incurably temperamental players it's Kevin Keegan.
A forward line of Antonio Cassano, Denilson (the older, rubbish one), Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Lee Trundle would make the Newcastle of Ginola, Asprilla and Beardsley look as dour as George Graham-era Arsenal by comparison. And suddenly that takeover doesn't seem quite so unappetising after all.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I've been 10 years in Real Madrid. It would be very difficult to move. But if I move from Real Madrid I'd love to go to the Premier League. Or Dubai." Spanish full-back Michel Salgado leaves us in no doubt as to where his motivations lie. Yup, that's right. His wallet.
FOREIGN VIEW: Dennis Bergkamp's well-documented fear of flying meant he was unable to feature in any of Arsenal's more arduous overseas trips in European competition, but it could have been a lot worse. Bolivian midfielder Raul Gutierrez has had to retire from football altogether because his own plane phobia has forced him to miss all of his club side Blooming's away matches, thereby earning him a 50 per cent pay-cut.
HEADLINE WRITERS' DREAM: Argentine side Independiente are desperately trying to hold onto their highly-rated goalkeeper Fabian Assman, amid reported interest from Benfica. Independiente fans have been inundating the club's website with claims that a move to Europe would make him the subject of ridicule, but ED is sure European football fans have got better things to- ASS! HIS NAME'S GOT THE WORD 'ASS' IN IT! HA HA HA HA HA!
TALKING POINT: What is your favourite amusing footballer's name? ED has always been a big fan of Australian goalkeeper Norman Conquest.
COMING UP: Transfer Talk should be with you by lunchtime, and there's also the latest instalment of our guide to the really quite wonderful Yahoo! Fantasy Football game.
hahar
From izzfp9802 on Mon Aug 04 09:08AMFirst?
From fashbio on Mon Aug 04 09:10AMwhat is with the news that Kaka eyes a move to Chelsea just because their reserves got trounced by Anelka or by the hand of a comical goalie??reporters should quit selling us rumours that will never stick...
From watsupiyke on Mon Aug 04 09:11AMWho cares who's first?
From kukuski on Mon Aug 04 09:12AMThere was a player for Grimsby who knocked Chelsea out of the 1939 FA Cup 1/4 Finals... His name, Freddie Crack
From g_hine on Mon Aug 04 09:13AMLiving in the arab world, I get to hear a lot of amusing names. My favorite is of a local player called "Tarek Layla" which means "The one who hit Leyla" or "The one who 'pushed' Leyla"
From drrarebell on Mon Aug 04 09:13AMdavid SEAman and Oliver Khun... genghiz Khan???
From izzfp9802 on Mon Aug 04 09:17AMwho cares who first?? I don't....
From izzfp9802 on Mon Aug 04 09:18AMCouldn't Kaka have found a better short form of Ricardo? Ask the French/Francophone what Kaka means...
From oladipo_faseemo on Mon Aug 04 09:18AMKaka actualy means to take a "@#$%"...same meaning in many languages across the world trust me
From watsupiyke on Mon Aug 04 09:23AMnot a footballer but my teachers name is Irving Milo Boring - I.M Boring
From united4lifebaby on Mon Aug 04 09:23AMg'morning e.d. floggers, hope the weekend treated everyone well ~ liverpool 4 rangers 0 ~ YNWA!!!
it may be aussie rules, but henry richard "@#$%" head had one hell of a name, a west adelaide standout in the early twentieth century ~ you can't make that stuff up.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 09:24AMTo the Hermans the slang word Kaka means s(explitive)te and or a(expletive)e
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 09:25AMstephan kuntz - doubly brilliant as he was german and therefore the name is totally accurate
From realfunnyfriend on Mon Aug 04 09:25AMI've always been a fan of Portugal's number 2 (or 3) goalkeepers name...... Quim! (it does make my titter!)
From paperworkpaul on Mon Aug 04 09:27AMkaka is moving to chelsea for 500 million pounds, the hope diamond and an autographed copy of frank lampard's autobiography, "totally frank" ... to borrow a little from jack handey, 'the crows seemed to be calling his name, thought kaka' ... david seaman's name was as silly as his ponytail ... i hope freddie crack and harry "@#$%" head never crossed paths ...
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 09:41AMwhy is ed all sour today? only funny part in the whole article is the reference to joey barton(the insane geek)........
From lifeisblu on Mon Aug 04 09:44AMBest player name of all time is, hands down, that of former Paraguayan Right Back Chiqui Arce.
Say it out loud.
From christhefuzzy on Mon Aug 04 09:48AMpaul dickov nuff sed
From agent67 on Mon Aug 04 09:48AMSchweinsteiger is my favourate name at the moment
I wander how many Man City fans are going to become hip hop fans shouting yoyoyoyo on the terraces
Does any one know why Turkey qualified for the 1950 World Cup but elected not to go to Brazil ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 09:50AMjoey barton has sworn he will never extinguish a cigar or cigarette in the eye of a teammate, unless he's drunk and feels like doing it. he has also promised kevin keegan he will not attack any teammates from behind and rain down punches until they lose consciousness, unless they start looking at 'em friekin' funny, in which case, he may have to go teenage mcdonald's psycho rage on their arse. he is a reformed man and deserves his 23rd chance, i think he's really turning the corner as a human being. instead of rage-a-hol, he's gonna "hug out" his problems, or maybe go on a good crying jag in the corner ~ no more senseless beatings and jailings for the kinder, gentler, more likely to listen to morrisey, joey barton. give peace a chance.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 09:52AMdanny invincible, danny shittu, danny dyer, oh wait it's keiron dyer, phil babb, patrik berger, nicky butt, tommy mooney, and anyone called jesus.
From rwilsonuk84 on Mon Aug 04 09:54AM@#$%-off........dickov?? ah well........
From lifeisblu on Mon Aug 04 09:56AMBrazilian Raphael Scheidt that signed for Celtic but hardly kicked a ball and subsequently turned out to be s@#te!!!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Aug 04 09:58AMwest hamz john pants-il......says a lot about his abilities
From lifeisblu on Mon Aug 04 09:59AMart, i do not believe they had the finances to send a team to the tournament in brasil, the only reason i've seen is "turkey qualified very easily for the 1950 world cup beating syria 7-0 but they had to withdraw due to financial problems."
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 10:00AMwest hams john pants-il.........name says alot about his abilities!!!
From lifeisblu on Mon Aug 04 10:03AMALL ENGLISH FOOTBALL
PREMIER LEAGUE – FA CUP – CARLING CUP
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – UEFA CUP
ALL MATCHES ON WEB, INCLUDING FRIENDLY MATCHES, CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AND UEFA PRELIMINARIESFrom pulgosita1 on Mon Aug 04 10:03AMgranted this isn't football related but the best name has to be this guy from the national baseball league, yes you guessed it.. 'rusty bumgardner' aaaaahahaha ^_^
From nicholas_gale on Mon Aug 04 10:08AMUnfortunate name.....Danny Shittu
Jcp, saw the 4-0 drubbing of Rangers on LFCTV. LFC played ok, but Rangers were dire. Good to see some of the newbies, like N'gog! (funny name?)
From some_steam on Mon Aug 04 10:08AM
Comment on this article
Please sign in to add your comments.
Early Doors – Your morning briefing
Sport Newsletter
Catch up with all the latest news
Sign up to our free daily newsletter to recieve the latest news straight to your inbox. Make sure you don’t miss a thing.
Sign up now
This site is Copyright © 2009 Yahoo! and Eurosport. All rights reserved.
- Terms of Service
- Updated Privacy Policy
- Copyright/IP Policy
- Remarks and Suggestions
- Corporate info
- Jobs at Eurosport
Notice: We collect personal information on this site. To learn more about how we use your information, see our Privacy Policy.