Friendly ire
Mon Aug 04 08:59AM
If there's one thing Early Doors can't stand, it's people assigning undue significance to meaningless pre-season friendlies.
That and the usual stuff like rudeness, poor time-keeping, motorsports enthusiasts and world poverty, of course.
Take Chelsea's 5-0 win over Milan Reserves in the 'Railways Cup' in Moscow yesterday. Eye-catching? Certainly. Comically one-sided? Sure. Essentially pointless? Yes.
Pre-season friendlies exist for two reasons. Firstly, to give players a chance to build up their fitness prior to the start of the season proper and secondly, to allow clubs to fulfil contractual obligations to their money-grabbing sponsors.
Managers, frankly, don't care if they win, lose or draw, provided they can get everyone back on the plane without having suffered serious injury and without having committed a horrendous cultural faux pas in any of the pre- or post-match press conferences.
Chelsea's win yesterday proves nothing more than that they are at a more advanced stage of their pre-season preparations than Milan.
The Italians, furthermore, were missing a whole host of senior players, and with blundering second-choice goalkeeper Zeljko Kalac between the sticks they would probably have succumbed in similar fashion to Chelsea's under-9s.
And yet wherever you look you find people trying to attribute meaning where none exists.
The Observer newspaper claimed Man United's narrow 1-0 win over Espanyol in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's testimonial match proved that they are desperately lacking in firepower up front, while ED has also seen it suggested that Darren Bent's 11 pre-season goals against the likes of Norwich and Leyton Orient mean he's now a good bet for the Premier League Golden Boot.
Breathlessly caught up in the excitement you have Sky Sports, with Jeff Stelling referring to Hamburg's 3-0 win over a jaded Juventus yesterday as an Emirates Cup "six-pointer".
In none of Sky's coverage of any of the pre-season tournaments it broadcasts will you see or hear the key word ‘friendly', and ED is genuinely beginning to fear that people will start to forget the intrinsic worthlessness of these mid-summer showcases with their pointless tin-pot trophies and embarrassing presentation ceremonies.
The Wikipedia entry for the Premier League Asia Trophy describes it as "a prestigious four-team football tournament complete [sic] by three Premier League football clubs and a local team from the host", whereas in real life its prestige is comfortably superseded even by the long-deceased Zenit Data Systems Cup.
Take the Community Shield, which, if you'll believe the hype, is a chance for the teams competing - usually two of the Big Four - to score "an important psychological blow" before the business of the Premier League gets under way.
Of the last 14 winners, only three have gone on to win the league in the following season, which should serve as pretty conclusive proof that pre-season friendly results should be approached with all the caution of a night on the town with Joey Barton.
- - -
When ED first heard the news that the world's sixth richest man Anil Ambani was preparing to buy Newcastle United, its initial reaction was one of horror.
Surely the last thing the Premier League needs is another cash-rich foreign businessman with no interest in the game muscling in at one of the country's oldest and best-loved clubs.
But then ED remembered who currently manages Newcastle, and if anyone can splurge a reported £150 million transfer kitty on talented but incurably temperamental players it's Kevin Keegan.
A forward line of Antonio Cassano, Denilson (the older, rubbish one), Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Lee Trundle would make the Newcastle of Ginola, Asprilla and Beardsley look as dour as George Graham-era Arsenal by comparison. And suddenly that takeover doesn't seem quite so unappetising after all.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I've been 10 years in Real Madrid. It would be very difficult to move. But if I move from Real Madrid I'd love to go to the Premier League. Or Dubai." Spanish full-back Michel Salgado leaves us in no doubt as to where his motivations lie. Yup, that's right. His wallet.
FOREIGN VIEW: Dennis Bergkamp's well-documented fear of flying meant he was unable to feature in any of Arsenal's more arduous overseas trips in European competition, but it could have been a lot worse. Bolivian midfielder Raul Gutierrez has had to retire from football altogether because his own plane phobia has forced him to miss all of his club side Blooming's away matches, thereby earning him a 50 per cent pay-cut.
HEADLINE WRITERS' DREAM: Argentine side Independiente are desperately trying to hold onto their highly-rated goalkeeper Fabian Assman, amid reported interest from Benfica. Independiente fans have been inundating the club's website with claims that a move to Europe would make him the subject of ridicule, but ED is sure European football fans have got better things to- ASS! HIS NAME'S GOT THE WORD 'ASS' IN IT! HA HA HA HA HA!
TALKING POINT: What is your favourite amusing footballer's name? ED has always been a big fan of Australian goalkeeper Norman Conquest.
COMING UP: Transfer Talk should be with you by lunchtime, and there's also the latest instalment of our guide to the really quite wonderful Yahoo! Fantasy Football game.
Good try jc of bin laden's toon but it was not simply a cash issue
back to wikipedia you go If Johns Pants are ill he will be playing kommando for the foreseable future
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:11AMI always laughed at Steffen Effenberg. It sounds like it should be one word (said with a ridiculously stereotypical German accent), meaning a remark of surprise:
"Steffeneffenberg, zey haf escaped!"
God only knows why, as an example, the first place i went to was people escaping, but there you go...
From kevmun82 on Mon Aug 04 10:18AM"Assman" Im sure I have a collection of DVD's entitled Assman, cant remember the story line, just loads of fit birds.
From lazyass_002 on Mon Aug 04 10:21AMsorry art, didn't realize you were playing quizmaster, just trying to help, that's the end of my research, hope someone else is interested in 1950's turkey socio-political issues.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 10:32AMwindass, gotta be...
From helenarmstrong76 on Mon Aug 04 10:32AMThese aren't football related, but the best names I ever heard were when I was doing data entry in a previous life:
Bent @#$%
Bent Overgaard
...
And the best name ever Ramjam Funkyboogaloo SmytheI'm reliably informed that they were all real names, too, as they appeared on the credit cards
From k_r_mercer on Mon Aug 04 10:35AMNo worries jc of bin ladens toon just find it hard to get excited by the railway cup when I stumbled on this gem about Turkey withdrawing from the 1950 world cup because they were not allowed to play 'bare foot' !
Imagine today's slaves having to play bare foot ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:36AMart, are you sure that's not why india withdrew? i would hate to think it was you that made a wiki-error! i think playing barefoot would help a great deal, players don't have enough respect wearing studs, if they had to worry about the damage to their own feet, i think you'd see a lot less unnecessary kicking, they seem to figure it out in sand soccer, which is a bastardized version of football, but pretty entertaining.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 10:39AMk_r_mercer, have you ever heard of the data protection act?
From g_hine on Mon Aug 04 10:40AMsteam, my response about the rangers friendly seems to have been lost in cyberspace, but i agree, the home side was as ugly and disorganized as one could have imagined. other than nacho novo's (great name) bit of niftiness around the keeper, which led to that fantastic dossena diving slide off the line, rangers were absolutely dreadful. the left-footed n'gog strike was beautiful and the young players continued to look more useful than in years past. don't know if we should be getting too excited about a friendly, but i do believe rangers should be worried about their form at this point. they did not look like the sort of team that should be confident of winning a c.l. qualifying leg on the road.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 10:44AMMorning Kommandant Heinz is everyting in order this moaning ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:44AMI like the idea of everyone playing barefoot much mire in line with Blatter's idea that footballer's are slaves
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:45AMDid anyone see Kousin Karl whip everyone's @#$% at in the Sunoco Red Cross 500 at Pocono Last night ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:47AMED, I have a propositon. Why don't you ban those who writes "first" in the blog and then don't write anything.... Maybe that will teach them a lesson......
From al_pachino666 on Mon Aug 04 10:49AMMost of these friendlies are pretty one sided almost like one side agrees to field an A side and the other agrees to field the Bench Warmers
Interesting to note that Chelski Bench Warmer Ballack probably made his one and only appearance for Scolari before heading of to WHUFC next week
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:51AMart, playing barefoot should also please the purists, as would a ball made of futuristic faux-leather-titatium hybrid fiber. imagine how perfectly the pitch would maintain without boots ripping the bejeebus out of it all the time. added plus: rain would make for some hilarious comic relief. alas, it would never happen, too many ducats tied up in the boot and sock business to let those sort of opportunities go to waste. i think the players should do something about the cleats though, there's nothing too them anymore, £100 should buy you a little support. i think there's a reason people are suddenly breaking bones in feet we didn't realize existed not that long ago.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 10:54AMKamp Kommandant Heinz are you now disguising yourself as al_pachino666 I thought the Herman's were had a reputation for rules and regulations but your no underpants no humour approach to ED knows no bounds
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 10:55AMCinnamon Ponghole,BoBo Baldy,I really like Quim,but I am not to fond of KaKa,Papa Bouba Diop,Nyron Nosworthy and on and on and on
From dingerguts on Mon Aug 04 10:56AMWow, this place seems to be getting quieter, under 50 comments at this time? Who would have thunk it? Have the school holidays finished early?
From kevmun82 on Mon Aug 04 10:58AMAnother case of Big Buisiness wrecking the purist barefoot game JC
Too bad in my ideal purist game players would be bare foot and wearing coloured bin liners, that would discourage shirt pulling
With the reduction in commercial spinoffs from my vision everyone could afford the price of a season ticket
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 11:01AMTo arttidesco@rocketmail.com
You think it's funny??? I'm sorry then, really.....From al_pachino666 on Mon Aug 04 11:01AMwatched the mexican tv broadcast of barcelona fc vs. chivas usa sunday afternoon, quite an exhibition. the five they scored were as beautiful as the two they conceded were terrible. simply electric to see them running around in the open field, downright breathtaking, even against 8th rate competition.
i propose barca leave la liga and become the harlem globetrotters of world football. schedule 70 friendlies around the world, with no teams playing negative football to earn a result, and you'd have as many entertaining matches as all the major world leagues combined. it's silly to setup your team that way in competitive football, and unless there offense explodes, they're always vulnerable to a weak goal against the run of play, but holy @#$%, do they play a nice brand of football for a neutral to watch. hleb's goal dribbling around the keeper was brilliant, i think he'll fit in just fine.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 11:02AMby the way, nobody knows how to broadcast a game like mexican tv, those announcers make the keeper retrieving the ball from behind the touchline seem exciting and when someone actually does score, i swear the play-by-play guy is gonna have a heart-attack. it's great to watch l.a. galaxy games en espanol, the announcer always says "david beckham" in a sexy telenova narrator voice ~ first class.
From jcpotvin on Mon Aug 04 11:07AMLiveand let live no one gives an expletive who is first since yahoo encourages peeps to be first to comment on articles with no posts first is not an unreasonable response
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 11:08AMYou were right about India and the boots JC of Bin Ladens Toon I need to find my new specs
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 11:11AMzeek's not here today
From g_hine on Mon Aug 04 11:11AMI've learnt to pay no attention to whatever the writers on eurosport football have to say...
''Ashley young... ...a white elephant''
then he makes your team of the season... shows what you know.
From howling_mad_mike_uk on Mon Aug 04 11:14AMNo Zeek no fussball comment Kamp Kommandant Heinz ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 11:16AMWonder wot's happening on the Plage in Paris Kantong Sam ?
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 11:17AMachille emana of cameroon.......his name is so foul in my language that ED and yahoo's sensor geeks would never let its translation see the light of day on this blog......but just to put it in perspective,.........probably not
From lifeisblu on Mon Aug 04 11:17AM
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