Friendly ire
Mon Aug 04 08:59AM
If there's one thing Early Doors can't stand, it's people assigning undue significance to meaningless pre-season friendlies.
That and the usual stuff like rudeness, poor time-keeping, motorsports enthusiasts and world poverty, of course.
Take Chelsea's 5-0 win over Milan Reserves in the 'Railways Cup' in Moscow yesterday. Eye-catching? Certainly. Comically one-sided? Sure. Essentially pointless? Yes.
Pre-season friendlies exist for two reasons. Firstly, to give players a chance to build up their fitness prior to the start of the season proper and secondly, to allow clubs to fulfil contractual obligations to their money-grabbing sponsors.
Managers, frankly, don't care if they win, lose or draw, provided they can get everyone back on the plane without having suffered serious injury and without having committed a horrendous cultural faux pas in any of the pre- or post-match press conferences.
Chelsea's win yesterday proves nothing more than that they are at a more advanced stage of their pre-season preparations than Milan.
The Italians, furthermore, were missing a whole host of senior players, and with blundering second-choice goalkeeper Zeljko Kalac between the sticks they would probably have succumbed in similar fashion to Chelsea's under-9s.
And yet wherever you look you find people trying to attribute meaning where none exists.
The Observer newspaper claimed Man United's narrow 1-0 win over Espanyol in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's testimonial match proved that they are desperately lacking in firepower up front, while ED has also seen it suggested that Darren Bent's 11 pre-season goals against the likes of Norwich and Leyton Orient mean he's now a good bet for the Premier League Golden Boot.
Breathlessly caught up in the excitement you have Sky Sports, with Jeff Stelling referring to Hamburg's 3-0 win over a jaded Juventus yesterday as an Emirates Cup "six-pointer".
In none of Sky's coverage of any of the pre-season tournaments it broadcasts will you see or hear the key word ‘friendly', and ED is genuinely beginning to fear that people will start to forget the intrinsic worthlessness of these mid-summer showcases with their pointless tin-pot trophies and embarrassing presentation ceremonies.
The Wikipedia entry for the Premier League Asia Trophy describes it as "a prestigious four-team football tournament complete [sic] by three Premier League football clubs and a local team from the host", whereas in real life its prestige is comfortably superseded even by the long-deceased Zenit Data Systems Cup.
Take the Community Shield, which, if you'll believe the hype, is a chance for the teams competing - usually two of the Big Four - to score "an important psychological blow" before the business of the Premier League gets under way.
Of the last 14 winners, only three have gone on to win the league in the following season, which should serve as pretty conclusive proof that pre-season friendly results should be approached with all the caution of a night on the town with Joey Barton.
- - -
When ED first heard the news that the world's sixth richest man Anil Ambani was preparing to buy Newcastle United, its initial reaction was one of horror.
Surely the last thing the Premier League needs is another cash-rich foreign businessman with no interest in the game muscling in at one of the country's oldest and best-loved clubs.
But then ED remembered who currently manages Newcastle, and if anyone can splurge a reported £150 million transfer kitty on talented but incurably temperamental players it's Kevin Keegan.
A forward line of Antonio Cassano, Denilson (the older, rubbish one), Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Lee Trundle would make the Newcastle of Ginola, Asprilla and Beardsley look as dour as George Graham-era Arsenal by comparison. And suddenly that takeover doesn't seem quite so unappetising after all.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I've been 10 years in Real Madrid. It would be very difficult to move. But if I move from Real Madrid I'd love to go to the Premier League. Or Dubai." Spanish full-back Michel Salgado leaves us in no doubt as to where his motivations lie. Yup, that's right. His wallet.
FOREIGN VIEW: Dennis Bergkamp's well-documented fear of flying meant he was unable to feature in any of Arsenal's more arduous overseas trips in European competition, but it could have been a lot worse. Bolivian midfielder Raul Gutierrez has had to retire from football altogether because his own plane phobia has forced him to miss all of his club side Blooming's away matches, thereby earning him a 50 per cent pay-cut.
HEADLINE WRITERS' DREAM: Argentine side Independiente are desperately trying to hold onto their highly-rated goalkeeper Fabian Assman, amid reported interest from Benfica. Independiente fans have been inundating the club's website with claims that a move to Europe would make him the subject of ridicule, but ED is sure European football fans have got better things to- ASS! HIS NAME'S GOT THE WORD 'ASS' IN IT! HA HA HA HA HA!
TALKING POINT: What is your favourite amusing footballer's name? ED has always been a big fan of Australian goalkeeper Norman Conquest.
COMING UP: Transfer Talk should be with you by lunchtime, and there's also the latest instalment of our guide to the really quite wonderful Yahoo! Fantasy Football game.
Wow ! WHUFC have a new Goal Keeper !!!!!
Shame nobody has ever heard of him and he is only on loan as a bench warmer
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 02:00PMAfraid I have to say Bok for now
Have fun
From arttidesco on Mon Aug 04 02:02PMcorrect me if i'm wrong but does schweinsteiger's name really mean "pig boost"?
From knoxx_06 on Mon Aug 04 02:07PMThe Premiership has had it’s fair share of foreigners in it's time-Dion Dublin from Ireland, Matt Holland from the Netherlands and Mark Overmars from space.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 02:17PMWheres claire, roxy, ben and all those people. its a bit slack witout dem.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 02:22PMA "Schweinsteiger" is someone who watches over pigs.
The best name of course is "Effenberg"...could be changed to "Effenburk; Effenidiot; Effenyounameit....."
From eliotot on Mon Aug 04 02:24PMFuchs is said Fooks...Kuntz is said Koonts....boring old jokes...come on get a life!
From eliotot on Mon Aug 04 02:28PMFunny names, Bobo Balde i've got to agree with, as well as Rafael Scheidt. Not only cause the name itself is brilliant, but because he fully lived up to it. AND that Commentators just couldn't say it(i don't know if it was for fear of reprisals or if they simply weren't allowed), despite the fact that it WAS pronounced "S h i t e", leading to "shate", "sheet", and once, a fantastic "Sheee-ite" leading us to believe Celtic had been taken over by fundamentalists.
From kevmun82 on Mon Aug 04 02:29PMThe funniest footballer's name was a Ukrainian Goal Keeper called Lodov Crappi. If ever a player lived up to his name.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 02:34PMThere have been numerous Fuchs in the Austrian and German game, Uwe, Christian & Gottfried to name 3, a few Suckow's (Suck-off), in American football and also with @#$% being quite a popular Austro/German name, there's bound to be a few of them who have donned some stained football shorts at some time.
From apathy_reigns on Mon Aug 04 02:35PMThe censored word there is "s h a t e"
From kevmun82 on Mon Aug 04 02:40PMBerbatov to Hull
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 02:44PMIn our "Marathi" Language, Kaka means Uncle. (Father's brother)
From rishikesh_k on Mon Aug 04 03:42PMwhere's the frog and the cow when you need them.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 03:45PMed now officially sucks. i only come on here for roxy/judy/jay and they're not here
From bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 03:46PMnah i find kantong a bit in your face. the kinda girl that wud let u in her pants ina bout 10 secconds. roxy seems more of a gal to make you work for it. and half the fun is in the chase dont you think judy?
From bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 04:02PMits boring on here without people slagiin other people off isn't it. when's @#$% boy back, sorry sam bonks.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:04PMThe Iranian player Jawad NIKONAM
Nikomam = (in arabic) F**k and sleep LooooL
From thegreat_statistican on Mon Aug 04 04:06PMBen that was funny what you said about katong.'the kinda girl that wud let u in her pants ina bout 10 secconds'. why do you say that. I love girls that let u in their pants in 10 secconds. The quicker the better.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:08PMbengelina.i like it. i think you may be right about sam. im always slightly warey about girls who describe their rabbit usage on football blogs! still, at least its amusing. your chase for roxy seems to be never ending. theres times when she appears to be slipping from your grasps (eg, when i was making her blush with my unadulterated charm) but theres times when you seem to have her begging for more (eg. when she stated her desire for a 'jude fix'. and we all know what that means player!!
(apologies for smiley face, but i think it fits the bill hereFrom bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 04:11PMjammy, u are obviously not very experienced with women. girls who grant 10 seccond acess usually have some major flaws/STD's. all the hot girls make you work for it. keep that in mind and u may well reach the status of 'playa'
From bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 04:13PMjack. you may be right brother. who knows. i imagine your charm and peaceful ways will help you to reap the benefits of an unlimited hiking pass in a lady garden of your choice.
From bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 04:16PMBen
Don't jump to conclusions so quickly. It depends whether you're looking for a girlfriend or a quick shag after a night out. I am expertienced with women. Thats why i know the difference between easy girls and more refined girls. Both have their uses.From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:23PMDuring the 2001/2002 season Bayer Leverkusen had three players called Butt, Basturk and Ballack. Hilarious, if you were 6.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:25PMhaha alrite ben how are ya? What are u lot talking about women for???
From jay8my on Mon Aug 04 04:25PMjude is roxy on holiday then??
From jay8my on Mon Aug 04 04:28PMjack: women or topic???
From jay8my on Mon Aug 04 04:31PMYou know the difference when they open their mouth, or by the way they behave.Its not rocket science. But i don't want to talk about women on a football blog.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:35PMhey jude, do you fancy heading over to cow corner to annoy the **** out of them.
From jammydodge6 on Mon Aug 04 04:38PMjammy i imagine your views on womems 'usage' means that u have little sucess in the girlfriend or 'quick shag' market. that being the case, if your looking for a quickie you may want to try your sister if you have one, or if not, im sure your mother would satisfy u.i imagine they would be the only two women lured by your 'charm'
From bencornelius23 on Mon Aug 04 04:40PM
Comment on this article
Please sign in to add your comments.
Early Doors – Your morning briefing
Sport Newsletter
Catch up with all the latest news
Sign up to our free daily newsletter to recieve the latest news straight to your inbox. Make sure you don’t miss a thing.
Sign up now
This site is Copyright © 2009 Yahoo! and Eurosport. All rights reserved.
- Terms of Service
- Updated Privacy Policy
- Copyright/IP Policy
- Remarks and Suggestions
- Corporate info
- Jobs at Eurosport
Notice: We collect personal information on this site. To learn more about how we use your information, see our Privacy Policy.