The great news drought
Wed Apr 16 08:53AM
Early Doors remembers some slow news days but yesterday was one of the worst since the great news drought of 1864.
Not since the time Moses Ashikodi's loan move to Watford adorned the top of this website have ED and its saggy-faced colleagues scratched around so hopelessly in search of something that people might actually care about.
It is on days like this when Uli Hoeness's utterance: "I want to sign another star player for our midfield" is taken as proof positive that Bayern Munich are about to snap up Arsenal's Mathieu Flamini.
The problem, of course, is that even though there is no news, you have to act as though what scraps you find are the most important thing to happen since the invention of the wheel or the elimination of Michael Johns from American Idol (no, Early Doors can't believe it either - it had to be Kristy-Lee Cook).
Sky Sports News weren't about to let tumbleweed blow lazily across an empty studio, although it might have been more entertaining than four hours of Eddie Newton speculating blindly about Avram Grant's future (he should leave that to Early Doors).
This morning's back pages reflect the lack of anything interesting to talk about. The Sun features Tal Ben Haim having a pop at poor old uncle Avram, while most other papers attempt to justify their correspondents' air fare to Lesotho by trotting out some platitudes spouted by Fabio Capello while on a goodwill trip to Africa.
Let's just check the eurosport.yahoo.co.uk homepage... oh, that's right, us too. Apart from the bit about getting sent to Lesotho, obviously.
- - -
The Championship is often rather glibly described as the "toughest league in the world".
If it's so hard, Early Doors would like to know how Derby managed to get out of it last season.
People are obviously confusing difficulty with competitiveness. Just because it is close at the top it doesn't make it hard. It just means there are plenty of good teams and no outstanding ones.
And in any case, is this not the same division that, in recent years has been won by Bolton, Sunderland, Fulham, Manchester City and Reading by respective margins of 18, 18, 10, 10 and 16 points?
Still, with five points covering the top five and everyone down to 13th-place Burnley still in playoff contention, it all makes for good clean fun.
Certainly more interesting than the finish to the Premier League, which has every chance of going into the final day with absolutely nothing at stake at either end of the table.
While Early Doors is playing lip service to the lower reaches of the football ladder, it would like to congratulate Aldershot Town, who gained promotion to League Two last night.
A supporters' group set up Aldershot following the bankruptcy and dissolution of, er, Aldershot in 1992 and they are now back in what might very loosely be termed "the big time".
When Early Doors was younger, wider-eyed and stupider, it heard the name 'Aldershot' in the classified scores and imagined an utopian metropolis of unbounded beauty and happiness. Then it went there.
But any town whose Wikipedia entry contains a section entitled "The Beatles in Aldershot" obviously has enough civic pride to merit a team in the football league.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Jose Mourinho is the reason I came to Chelsea and if I knew Avram Grant was going to be the coach then I would have signed for another club...I knew nothing good would come for me with Grant as Chelsea coach." Like John Hartson, Tal Ben Haim certainly knows how to kick a man when he's down.
APOLOGY OF THE DAY: Admittedly it's football of another kind, but Early Doors had to share San Diego Chargers linebacker Stephen Cooper's 'apology' after he was suspended for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy: "I regret that I mistakenly took a stimulant that I did not realise at the time was banned by the NFL. I support the NFL's anti-doping policies and understand that I must serve a suspension even though the stimulant that I took was not used before any game and was not used to enhance my performance." Touching stuff.
TALKING POINT: With no news to occupy their time, the good readers of Early Doors set a new record for comments at the bottom of a post yesterday, clocking up a whopping 127.
However, some were less than impressed by the allegedly lukewarm banter, with double_t_uk2002 moved to declare it "as boring as a Chelsea match".
Double_t then came in for some criticism of his own, as tosinbox slammed his use of a compound sentence and "multiple punctuation errors". And so the chivvying continued until the record fell.
Still, Early Doors is alright by any argument that inspires the_kop2003 to remark: "I personally think he sleeps in a bed with his mother, but that's just my opinion." Better than sleeping on the floor, eh?
Today: Which is the hardest league in the world? And don't just say 'The Premier League' - Early Doors is thinking more along the lines of a competition where players get grenades lobbed at them mid-match.
COMING UP: While cleaning out its lair last evening, Early Doors discovered, underneath a gargantuan pile of pizza menus and Grattan catalogues, its long-lost sibling.
A scrawny type in flannels and a floppy hat, this chap spouted a load of mumbo jumbo about googlies, silly points and the Duckworth-Lewis method before announcing that its name is Cow Corner.
'Cowers', as it likes to be known, has rather a fancy for the quaint old game of cricket, and will be publishing its own inane thoughts on a daily basis throughout the summer.
The first instalment goes up to coincide with the start of the County season. Which, apparently, means today.
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From tezarox69 on Wed Apr 16 09:03AMNO!
From sav46e on Wed Apr 16 09:08AMToughest league in the world? This one time, in the Estonian league, the mafia came, offered bribes to players and when they didn't comply, legs of 3 were broken. This was early 90s and the league has mellowed down since to the usual beatings and stuff, but it's still the best source to obtain knowledge of Russian cursing words and studs-first tackles. If that's not tough I don't know what is.
From aardhaart on Wed Apr 16 09:12AMStep forward james_ssmith for an anecdote on a match played on no man's land... only joking james, i love your stories.
Well at least i got a mention today, albeit bad mouthing simon_denham!
From the_kop2003 on Wed Apr 16 09:18AMaardhaart have you ever been to band camp?
From raulpeeves on Wed Apr 16 09:28AMThe toughest league is the russian league, half the teams are based in moscow, but come on flying a continent for a match?? And having to play on snow, something in that white pitch and red ball doesnt make it feel football anymore... I petty the goalie there
From jacquesbittar on Wed Apr 16 09:28AMSIMPLE! it has to be the premier league..because liverpool are so, so, so good and yet they finish miles back down the league year after year after year and that's with all the help of the ref!!!
From laurence.odea on Wed Apr 16 09:38AMChelmsford 5-a-side League at the Dovedale Sports Centre. The ref has a bus pass and sees less than Wenger, and meat-head teams get away with playing in skins! There's virtually no football played and the ball merely indicates who gets chopped next.
Jeeesus, 127 comments, 5 pages! ...can’t be @rsed – I’m surprised you’re not drawing straws for wading through the pitiful chat-monkey’s cyber-dating these days, ED?! ;o)
From simondenham on Wed Apr 16 09:39AMthe MLS is the toughest league in the US...
From damdesign66 on Wed Apr 16 09:42AMthe championship isnt a tough league its poor.its not good if any of the top 6 teams can go up, means theres no seperation of the good and very good..thats why newly-promoted sides often go down with a thump.
From samir.trenerry on Wed Apr 16 09:42AMYou shouldn't encourage me, kop2003, it's my annual performance assessment day and I have to remember what it was I promised to do on my job plan last year. I did mention a few weeks ago how the late unregretted Tiger Arkan used to go into the changing rooms of teams playing the one he owned and intimate to them that his team might win. His house overlooks the Red Star ground and is still occupied by the surgically enhanced Turbopop star, Ceca, who recently declared in a newspaper that she preferred women.
I'll ask my colleagues after I get my 'could do better' about football in Kosovo. In the meantime what about waterpolo? In the European cup final a few years ago, held in Ljubljana, between Serbia and Croatia the Croatian fans were so incensed by Serbia's victory that several Serbian minister of state attending the game had to jump in the swimming pool to avoid certain death.
From james_ssmith on Wed Apr 16 09:48AMRaulpeeves:
not really, I could've brought the flute paraphrase but I chose not to. To my knowledge this has not happened even in the Estonian league (well, the men's, anyway...)
From aardhaart on Wed Apr 16 09:51AMtoughest league. definately the premier league Nigeria in the 90s. Where all season, you dare not have an away win (because of the home fans!!!). so you win all your home matches and then you lose all your away matches. then you all finish on the same points, and are separated by goal difference...
From toksonice on Wed Apr 16 09:55AMHate to say but it has to be the EPL - especially if you get tea or boots thrown at you bt SAF!
From geelte on Wed Apr 16 10:08AMHehuh, and apologies to The_thievinMick2003 - sorry I spoilt your vinegar stoke sweetheart - I'm sure your boyfriends will console you. ;o) Cnut.
From simondenham on Wed Apr 16 10:17AMThe Iraqi football league must be pretty bad, just taking a step onto the pitch could be life threatening, with all the landmines buried there. Not to mention the drizzle of rockets and hail of bullet shells falling from up above, the US government mistataking a "soccer" ball for a weapon of mass destruction, the fans lobbing rocks at you, or risk getting beats if your team loses. Ok slight exaggeration there but still... James you're quiet the raconteur aren't you, keep those stories coming
From double_t_uk2002 on Wed Apr 16 10:22AMNot sure about the league, but Columbia must be a pretty tough country to play in. The defender who scored an own goal in the 1994 World Cup was gunned down on his return home... I guess that's what you expect from a country run on drug money...
From c_e_davison on Wed Apr 16 10:24AMHey simon did you change your mum's bed pan? Change her sh itty knickers this morning? Did you get a nice bit of spooning action last night? Cnut.
From the_kop2003 on Wed Apr 16 10:25AMI wish this topic was more interesting....atleast after yesterdays fun...oh well...
From rohit0110 on Wed Apr 16 10:29AMLooking at toksonice's description, i dont think there could be a tougher league than the nigerian of the 90s. Got to be cool... !!!
From yawboakye86 on Wed Apr 16 10:29AMColombia maybe, where you get shot if you score an own goal.
From eliotot on Wed Apr 16 10:34AMtoksonice: c'mon man. At least there were some away draws then. Give us some credit.
From bmaq007 on Wed Apr 16 10:43AMyawboakye86: I dont think the players found it cool. It was a matter of safety first.
double_t_uk2002: this is a very good oneFrom toksonice on Wed Apr 16 10:53AMToughest League in the world... Probably any Sunday League with the usual "if you touch that ball again im gonna break your legs" mentality, oh the joys!
From cdbragg on Wed Apr 16 10:58AMWhilst maybe not the 'toughest' league, I always thought the MLS was the 'hardest' one. Getting all those yanks to kick the ball instead of pick it up, very hard indeed...
From jjss.rm on Wed Apr 16 10:58AMColumbia. They have a tendency to murder you if you score own goals
From tontonsky on Wed Apr 16 11:02AMAnyone ever bothered to check the leagues in Africa? Toughest league in the world u say? the Nigerian Globacom Premier League, where players, match officials and coaches get beaten often. A visiting team leading an home can lead to the visitors getting beat, even before the end of the match. The scenario of Liverpool vs Arsenal in the UCL 2nd leg (the Penalty), wow, the Referee is a done target, in short, he will leave the town, not Stadium, town, with millitary escorts. Here in Nigeria, teams get banished to other grounds when their supporters misbehave, say, Arsenal gets banished to, say midlands, if there is crowd trouble involving their supporters. Ever stop to think why the Nigerian National Team rarely fields home based players?
From mtinigeria on Wed Apr 16 11:04AMThat's true, if you underperform or make a mistake that'll cost your team, African is the worst place to be, not only you but your whole family will probs get death threats.
Unrelated issue but has anyone played PES 2008 on the wii? How do you rate it?
From double_t_uk2002 on Wed Apr 16 11:22AMHardest league in the whole world is a football league of only four teams that represent the historical quarters of Florence, in Italy. They play in June in a square covered with sand in the city centre. Each team fields, on a ground twice as big as the 16 yard box, 27 players that beat the living hell out of each other: the rules admit kicking, punching, biting, braking bones (often jaws and eye sockets) the only exceptions being eye gouging and biting the genitals. Now I know where Pippo Inzaghi learned his trade
From gcondemi on Wed Apr 16 11:23AMAfrica*
From double_t_uk2002 on Wed Apr 16 11:23AM
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