Stop press: John Terry England captain
Wed Aug 20 08:57AM
Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.
Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.
But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.
Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.
Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.
It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:
Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain
Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.
In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.
It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.
Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.
"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.
What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.
He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."
"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.
- - -
It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.
But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.
Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."
Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.
OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.
'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.
FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.
TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.
Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."
Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?
COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.
samuel: i cant be arsed fighting with you - im in a good mood - dunno why you are so touchy tonight - i wasnt even having a go at you!
I was referring to your comment that finished with "like a a pain in the scrotum" - and i was only joking in fact, but you've got all fired up about it... who did I say sucked that paid me a compliment?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:43PMYes it is getting a bit late or anything like the German domination I was anticipating
I wonder who or what woke the Englaenders up As someone pointed out on The forth medal site I keep harping on about if the Chinese were as good as the Abo's per population they would have over 700 medals by now and the yanks 256 
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 07:45PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:46PMNi!
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 07:47PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:49PMWhat! is the capital of Assyria ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 07:50PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:50PMWhat!
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 07:50PMHas Kevin Keegan walked out of NUFC yet ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 07:51PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:51PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:52PMsamuel you have anger issues
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:53PMED is tipsy! why do u dislove terry?
From natty3nx on Wed Aug 20 07:53PMI opened the front door this morning and a 8ft cockroach was stood there, he smacked me to the floor and started beating me up.
Later on I heard there was a nasty bug going around.
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:54PMTHRILLER! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:54PMcan you teach me the moonwalk pleeeeeeeeease?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:55PMyou cant "dislove" someone
but you can grab your crotch and squeel WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:56PMNobody loves him, every body hates him, so he's going to have a cry
a cry in the changerooms, a cry on the pitch - and michael is asking why?From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:58PMhave you logged into your other personality yet samuel so you can abuse me again? cmon - I havent got all night
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 07:58PMWell on that thrilling note I am going to make some soup for my supper
Laters
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 08:00PMSamuel why so miserable and mean all the time? I guess you just prefer to see the dark side of things... The glass is always half empty for you. And cracked. And you've just cut your lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:01PMbye art bon appetite
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:01PMI will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera,“Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.”
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:03PMYes i do have anger issues. But if somone calls me a sado more than once i have a tendancy to flip. Hows i supposed to know you were joking.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 08:05PMWhen I was a kid, I could taste the difference between different color M&Ms. I thought they were different. For example, I thought the red was heartier, more of a main course M&M. And the light brown was a mellower, kind of after-dinner M.
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:05PMits the wink i tell ya! ;) and sado can be either good or bad ;)
but in the words of jack - peace bro, I aint out to dis ya
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:06PMI was on a plane the other day, and I was wondering, “Are there keys to the plane? Do they need keys to start the plane?”
Maybe that’s what those delays on the ground are sometimes, when you’re just sitting there at the gate. Maybe the pilot sits up there in the cockpit going, “Oh I don’t believe this…damn it…I did it again.” They tell you it’s something mechanical, because they don’t want to come on the P.A. system, “Ladies and gentleman, we’re going to be delayed here on the ground for a while. I uh…Oh, God, this is so embarrassing…I, I left the keys to the plane in my apartment. They’re in this big blue ashtray by the front door. I’m really sorry. I’ll run back and get them.”
You see the technicians all running around underneath the plane. You think they’re servicing it, but they’re actually looking for one of those magnet Hide-A-Keys under the wing.From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:07PMThe very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:12PMkantong_wokster isn't that plane joke from Seinfeld?
From doru03hast on Wed Aug 20 08:15PMFRANCE IS LOSING
SWEDES SUCK!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 08:17PM
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