Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Stop press: John Terry England captain

Wed Aug 20 08:57AM

Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.

Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.

But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.

Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.

Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.

It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:

Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain

Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.

Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.

In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.

It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.

Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.

"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.

What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.

He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."

"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.

- - -

It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.

But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.

Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."

Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.

OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.

'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.

FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.

TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.

Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."

Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?

COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.

• Email
• Share:
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • Stumbleupon
  • Reddit
  • Newsvine