Stop press: John Terry England captain
Wed Aug 20 08:57AM
Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.
Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.
But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.
Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.
Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.
It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:
Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain
Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.
In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.
It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.
Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.
"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.
What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.
He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."
"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.
- - -
It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.
But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.
Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."
Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.
OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.
'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.
FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.
TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.
Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."
Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?
COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.
Why will you be painting the bench Claire does Gob pronounced Jobe need something a bit bigger than a fish tank to stretch herself out ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 09:52AMI will enjoy going home on the tube after work passing wembley stadium with all the England fans jumping off at Wembley station with big enthusiastic smiles ready for the big match..........its just a pity I dont get to see them on their way home..........Czech 2-1 England!! Haha
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 09:55AMI'll be playing Golf and drinking Magners in the pouring rain whilst dreaming of my 1 week break in Spain where i'm going to................................................
..................................................
..................................................Play Golf and Drink Magners
From paulchappell82 on Wed Aug 20 09:58AMI tried running through a brick wall once, it hurts... a lot, hedge diving is a lot easier, still painful, but easier.
Ah yes! all this talk of walls reminds me of this dipstick on you tube trying to kick thru a wall... dont watch if you are squeamish, do watch if you have spare legs...
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iKJvHbTHSxQ
From samuelmanley on Wed Aug 20 10:01AM"Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door." haha good one ed! COME ON YOU BOYS IN GREEN"""""""
From dustbrother101 on Wed Aug 20 10:03AMNice one Jack the next one is infectiously funny too :-
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lQLAUAmLmfQ&NR=1I hope Don Fab starts next weeks training session with a clean sheet
Lesson 1 how to open the door
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:08AMOf course if Joe Cole and his mates Brick Wall is entirely psychological he and the rest of the team should sit down in a circle in the middle of the training pitch and try and visualise being on a football pitch rather thanon a teenage rampage
When is the England managers vacancy coming up again ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:11AMNo Art, I won't be painting the bench, just watching said paint dry!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:13AMNot only should the Terminator vids be banned from the team Hotel but the Pink Floyd CD's too
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:13AMHave you been a naughty girl Claire or is watching Scoatland thrash NI not a very exciting prospect ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:15AMHmmm cherries...now I have none left
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:15AMTo be honest Art, I don't think we'll thrash anyone, I can imagine it will be an entirely boring game and I would rather not subject myself to that!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:18AMThis is a stupid timed friendly, the season has just started and now we have a pointless game. If we win convincingly everyone will say England will win the world cup, but if we lose or draw there will be calls for the managers head and blamed on too many foreigners in the EPL..... zzzzzzzzz
From some_steam on Wed Aug 20 10:18AMEveryone knows England World Cup run will end in tears now that JT is Kapitain
Besides Germany will walk away with the big trophy in 2010 anyway
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:22AMI've come up with an effective method for England Fans to save money during this terrible Credit Crunch......Start saving for tickets to World Cup 2010!!!!
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 10:24AMThat does not sound very gung ho optimistic Claire is every one in Scoatland that sober about tonights game ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:24AMHow many lbs, bags, buckets, and or container loads of Cherries have you munched this morning Claire Red or Black ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:27AMif beckham is playing then i will be sacrificing a goat & praying to the great god KALI that he gets injured in the 1st minute.
From nigelphysick on Wed Aug 20 10:27AMIt's official, tonight's Scotland game is gonna suck donkey balls... Kenny Miller and David Weir, need I say more! Just incase I do... Miller is gash and couldn't hit the goal with a tactical nuclear device and Weir is about 95... all does not bode well!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:29AMI doubt that there will be any need to be sacrificing goats vis Beckham, Zimmerframes are still banned from the field of play
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:30AMI doubt many England fans will be saving to go to a tournament they are unlikely to qualify for and that will probably be won by the Germans anyway
Highly recommend checking out the amazing wildlife though
SA is where I learned I had Ophidiophobia
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:34AMAre Scoatland in need of a new manager already Clare ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:36AMWHERE TO WATCH THE ENGLAND GAME TONIGHT,ITS EITHER THE BEACH BAR 50 METRESFROM MY CASA OR TAKE A STROLL IN TO FUENGIROLA AND MAKE A NIGHT OF IT,WHAT TO DO,ANY SUGGESTIONS
From russgar48 on Wed Aug 20 10:37AMIt was only a punnet of cherries unfortunately, black ones my fave! Oooh here's something, what is everyone's party piece / weird talent?
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:38AMwatch what game?
From r.downes on Wed Aug 20 10:38AMOoooh Russgar48 I was at Fuengirola Zoo last week, was great!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:40AMMy party piece / weired talent is singing Plastic Jesus convincingly enough to get everybody to join in the reprise of the last verse which goes something like -
'Riding along a hundred miles an hour,
so long as I got the almighty power,
sittin on the the dashboard of my car,
Well Plastic Jesus You gotta go,
'cause your magnet f***ed my radio,
sittin' on the dash board of my car.'You lose something of the atmosphere in the translation to blogging
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:46AMSure you will find plenty more cherries at lunchtime Claire
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:47AMstevie g washes his hands after doing WHATTTTT!!!
From steeviwunder on Wed Aug 20 10:48AMI would eat Tappas drink Sangria and or Cava and watch the the sunset Russ
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 10:49AM
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