Stop press: John Terry England captain
Wed Aug 20 08:57AM
Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.
Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.
But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.
Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.
Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.
It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:
Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain
Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.
In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.
It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.
Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.
"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.
What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.
He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."
"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.
- - -
It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.
But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.
Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."
Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.
OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.
'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.
FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.
TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.
Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."
Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?
COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.
RussGar48 I'd head on down to Finger Roller if i were you, personally I'd go Joe Cole style and take the shortcut, bursting through walls like my nobody's business.
From samuelmanley on Wed Aug 20 10:50AMno berbatov news!!?? shameful. lol
From aleksicn93 on Wed Aug 20 10:54AMArt I'm not sure if I would call that a talent
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 10:56AMWell it is a party piece every one loves singin 'plastic Jesus you gotta go cause your magnet F***ed my radio' at the tops of their voices
After watching 2mins of X Faktor from Cardiff on Sunday I quite fancy my chances
Has anyone got Simon Ducks Ar*e number handy ?
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 11:00AMI can beat anybody at the game where you pick up the cereal box from the floor without using your hands, then tear of a strip.
I achieve it by doing what I have been told is a convincing impression of a giraffe.
Does that count as a talent, it seems to amuse pepople when they see it!
From freeandrewdickson on Wed Aug 20 11:01AMI don't watch the X factor anymore, its just gash now!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 11:03AMInternational Matches = No Football.
This is worse than the off-season!From freeandrewdickson on Wed Aug 20 11:05AMAnyone see the Olympic semi between Brazil and Argentina yesterday? It was amusing to watch Anderson "playing". First of all he looked well lardy, a few too many caipirinhas and too much fried chicken during the summer it seems. Secondly, he didn't contribute anything to the game in football terms, but threw his large bulk around committing foul after foul. Each time the ref gave a foul, the prat Anderson threw his hands up in the air protesting his innocence, and then he started to just smile and laugh at the ref every time and pull the "I'm just an poor misunderstood footballer and the ref hasn't got a clue" act. Straight out of the Fergie training manual. Seems he doesn't know about this new "Respect" initiative. Fergie will have his job cut out getting the lard and the attitude off the boy. Sorry, correction, Fergie will have a hard job getting the lard off the boy
I did enjoy the atempts by the Brazilians to amputate Mascherano's legs though. Shows they are not all bad ;)
From benmychree2003 on Wed Aug 20 11:14AMmorning all - slow day in the traps apparently...
I certainly wont be watching the English team play
Id rather paint the kitchen than watch cricket. And Id rather watch that paint dry than watch golf. And Id rather watch golf and cricket than watch that bunch of headless chickens running around aimlessly and then reading the post match headlines "ENGLAND FAIL AGAIN"... been there, done that, got the tshirt to prove it.
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:21AMWell time waits for no one I am of to read about the Infinity of Infinities
Ciao 4 Now
From arttidesco on Wed Aug 20 11:22AMthere is only one Mascherano!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:22AMMAN UNITED SUCK!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:23AMARSENAL SUCK!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:23AMCHELSEA SUCK!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:23AMTERRY SUCKS!
Steevy G woulda made a better captain than TerryCryBoy or that woman kicker Ferdinand!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:24AMNOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU JUDE - TOO QUIET!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:25AMBen My Chree 2003. Paula Radcliffe would look lardy up against Messi and Riquelme giving the runaround. Andersons only just turned 20(not stone, years), the lad had a terrific season last year, and I expect more of the same this year.
From samuelmanley on Wed Aug 20 11:26AMWHUFC SUCKS!
ACRONYMS SUCK!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:27AMthere is only one Mascherano!
AND HE SUCKS WORSE THAN @#$% BOY AND THE REST OF THE SCHIZOPHRENICS ON HERE!!!
From nikyates on Wed Aug 20 11:28AMYOU CAN RIQULEME ANY TIME MESSI!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:28AMKW - I think this Jude guy made an apperance late last nite? Alot of things suck apparently!!
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 11:28AMFreeandrewdickson: I think that counts as a talent, I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with only my mouth oh and I can belly dance but that's all, can't do anything else!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 11:29AMyeah jude was dropping by beer in hand while on a break from the spanish beaches... lucky bàstard!
nikyates: Paranoid schitzophrenics thank you very much. Cant you hear the catch cry?
WE ARE THE BEST!
NO WE ARE NOT!
WE ARE THE BEST!
NO WE ARE NOT!mascherano is madder than a pitbul in a bed of nettles
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:31AMANDERSON SUCKS!!!!
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 11:31AMTonights I will be watching the game,real is very interesting to most of us
From ngowi_emmanuel on Wed Aug 20 11:31AMomg
From lfcmacker on Wed Aug 20 11:32AMGerrard is has a tiny forehead. never a leader.
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 11:33AMBELLY DANCING is HOT!
GOD GAVE ME PLENTY OF BELLY TO DANCE WITH - SHAME I CANT DANCE
the cherry thing has got to be a party trick popular with the guys ;) hehe
I can make bullfrog noises (serious) and can make a twelves sided star out of origami in less than 10 mins, skull beer while standing on my head faster than anyone else i have ever come across (guys included), have an endless selection of completely crude jokes, and am really good at doing impressions of the French president Sarkozy...
the amount of alcohol consumed generally indicates which talent and in what order
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:36AMsav: that is some fùcked up Darwinist theory that you have pulled out there...
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:36AMthe only thing john terry will win all season.....respect? with terry as captain?...another great U turn!
From stuartxland on Wed Aug 20 11:37AM
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