Stop press: John Terry England captain
Wed Aug 20 08:57AM
Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.
Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.
But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.
Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.
Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.
It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:
Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain
Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.
In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.
It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.
Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.
"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.
What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.
He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."
"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.
- - -
It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.
But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.
Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."
Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.
OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.
'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.
FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.
TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.
Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."
Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?
COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.
Well tiny forehead means ur thick.
not bein a leader was just a seperate statement. both eauqly true though
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 11:39AMsav: as I said - that is messed up Darwinist theory there... sick
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:41AMhows everybody on early doors this morning????????????/
From dustbrother101 on Wed Aug 20 11:42AMright - im off for lunch - have had my little stress evacuation now ....
one last one for the road
MAN UNITED SUCK
ARSENAL SUCK
CHELSEA SUCK
WHUFC SUCK
SPURS SUCK
RANGERS SUCK
SAV IS A DARWINIST! BRING BACK EUGENICS - KILL OFF ALL MAN UTD SUPPORTERS!From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:46AMSam: My bf just gets annoyed by the cherry thing cos he can't do it!
He likes the belly dancing though 
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 11:46AMHa Ha ED. very good. can i use that one about the croatian opening the door sometime and claim it as my own
From desfls2000 on Wed Aug 20 11:47AMI bet claire - there is something particularly sensual about belly dancing me thinks... My best mate has just taken up pole dancing lessons, and she has bruises all over her legs after just one week!! Apparently not as easy as it looks...
catch you this arvo my friend! x
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:47AMI dont care about anyones theories apart from my own.
surely noone can deny he's thick
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 11:49AMwho cares?
Lucky you dont have to be Einstien to play the game then, do you ;)
if that was the criteria for selection, I think half the EPL would be pretty screwed really and there is NO WAY Terry would be captain either... !
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:51AMas I said. werent connected statements!
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 11:52AMLIVERPOOL SUCKS
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 11:52AMcant deny he is a @#$% orsm player either - if you can, then you aint being honest with yourself sav
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:53AM@#$% right
From dustbrother101 on Wed Aug 20 11:54AMthanks sav - finally some life from the board!
ciao
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 11:54AMEugenics Rule.
SteevyG should be culled on account of his weak, snot-nosed scouse genes.
!!! hahaha !!!
From nikyates on Wed Aug 20 11:57AMI cany deny his abilioty. amazingly overrated! Lampard plays better than him nearly every season, was better for his country for so many seasons and won runner up n world player of the year n people still say he's @#$%.
he's still a decent player dnt get me wrong. I hate the way he runs, makes me wanna break my t.v. and the fact the Enhglish commentators cream over him makes it so much worse.From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 12:00PMJohn Terry England captain............... why? I'm a scouser and I'm not going to say it should have been Gerrard either. For me it should have been Rio. Luckily it won't be long before Terry is injured. Also I've been an admirer of Beckham for a while, but sorry David all you do is cross a ball and take free kicks, you need to retire, playing in the states has not done your game any good at all
From turbosbak on Wed Aug 20 12:13PMNik: I'm not sure I'd call scousers 'snot-nosed'!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 12:14PMSG was once the only bindipper I'd want to see play for United, now he's a pumped up, precious, preening, pretentious, prima donna.
And I hope the big bad scouse gangtser he's upset comes and shoots him through the back of the head, then, being a left- footer, he won't be able to have a open coffin funeral.
How can he be any @#$% good when he makes Fat Frank look skilled ????From nikyates on Wed Aug 20 12:16PMClaire it's a reference to their dreadful phlegm filled accent.
Otherwise no problem with my point of view ?
From nikyates on Wed Aug 20 12:19PM³
From risker15 on Wed Aug 20 12:21PMi think england will win the world cup beating spain 7-6 with a goal right at the death from theo walcott were he dribbles the whole pitch and never has to buy a drink again
From risker15 on Wed Aug 20 12:23PMdid i mention my name was cleopatra the 2nd?
From risker15 on Wed Aug 20 12:24PMOooh wow I just saw something very like the next tat I want!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 12:25PMturbosbak: how can you even suggest ferdinand? this is a man that has willingly kicked officials, has been accused of rape, has a repûtation for being a racist, bad sport - thats a great example of a captain indeed!
mickyates: pretty much expected the witless tirade word for word on your behalf though (except for the snotty nosed thing, even that level of immaturity is beyond me), at least you are consistent, lot like Fat Frank
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 12:28PMtits are better than tats. very similar in spelling though
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 12:28PMu said lot like fat frank. a ha.
From sav46e on Wed Aug 20 12:29PMi was just a little worried for stevie G, how does he heat his fisn n chips, does he wash his hands after holding them in newspaper and then want to eat a chip but cant as he needs to wash his hans again or what?
From roxydgurl on Wed Aug 20 12:29PMyay! tatts are fun - i want astroboy for my next one...
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 12:30PMgeez - you must be creaming in your pants sav about picking that one up .... guess I'll never make the english team then will I? ;)
roxydgurl: its cause he was reading the Sun, every man should wash his hands afterwards, its a health and safety risk
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 12:31PM
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