Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Stop press: John Terry England captain

Wed Aug 20 08:57AM

Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.

Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.

But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.

Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.

Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.

It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:

Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain

Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.

Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.

In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.

It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.

Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.

"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.

What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.

He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."

"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.

- - -

It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.

But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.

Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."

Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.

OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.

'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.

FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.

TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.

Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."

Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?

COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.

Comments151 - 180 of 406
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ive just seen the beast with a billion backs or whatever it's called, very good, liked benders big score more tho', i have to say i like the artwork in futurama so much more than anything else, but the humor is so adult, you can always get a region 2 or 1 in english and get a dvd player to sho it there
I saw a card in clintons and it had 2 beer glasses full of beer and frog hanging out of each one, the caption was is this how french beer is made?
laughed my @#$% off as i was thinking of you sam
From roxydgurl on Wed Aug 20 02:36PM
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the love boat... there is something for everyone
cant get that damn song outta my head now! argh
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:37PM
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By the way KW, all of those funny quotes yesterday (that mostly all got deleted) came from Demetri Martin. An amazing comedian. He has a CD called "These Are Jokes" which i would highly recommend. Or go to Youtube and look for a video called "Jokes with a guitar" - you won't be disappointed.
From kevmun82 on Wed Aug 20 02:38PM
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not far off the mark concerning the beer roxy!
too funny
actually I cant wait to go home, im going to gorge myself on "un" subtitled originals such as the Simpsons, My name is Earl (Im a karma freak), and Futurama... all of that will be in the right DVD zone!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:40PM
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Anyone here like Flight of the Conchords?
From kevmun82 on Wed Aug 20 02:42PM
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Thats those singing Kiwi Guys?
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 02:45PM
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aaaaaaah that I will kevmun - I didnt want to steal the thunder yesterday by asking who the famous DM was, but I have to say - they are classics!
I love sarah silverman too - you did suggest that at one point as well - love the song she did for her (now ex) boyfriend! too funny
Flight of the Conchords... hmm... I have a few friends back home who have told me to check that one out...
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:45PM
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OOOOOH YEAH - I have seen them!
I know who you mean!
the dudes who wrote IF THATS WHAT YOU ARE INTO!!!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:46PM
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If you want me to, I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew, that's what you're into
You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' round, around you
You hangin' round, yeah you're there too
And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you
I'll take off all my clothes for you
If that's what you're into
How 'bout him in the nude?
If that's what you're into
In the nude in front of you
Is that what you'd wanna view?
If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too
It could be a dream come true, providing that's what you are into
Is that what you're into?
Him and you in the nude?
That's what he's prepared to do
Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?
And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator
In the kitchen next to the pantry
You think that might be what you fancy?
In the buff, bein' rude
Doin' stuff with the food
Gettin' nude with his food
We heard that's what you are into
Then on our next date
well you could bring your roommate
I don't know if Stu is keen to
But maybe we could double team you
How 'bout you and two dudes?
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Bein' lewd with two dudes with food
Well that's if Stu's into it too
All the things I do
The things I'd do for you
If I only knew, that's what you're into
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:47PM
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cracks me up... bein lewd with two dudes with food
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:49PM
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Awhhhhh "Bret, You've got it Going On" bloody quality one!!
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 02:50PM
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hahahahaha enter here - suprised she didnt have one above her @#$% with "exit" written all over it ;)
my bf has some nice tatts - I love the one of the Eye of the Sungod that he has in the middle of his back... I think when you are "buff" as a guy, tatts just make you look even better!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 02:51PM
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Sam: I will check out Salvatore deffo, I'm sure I will like him if you do, as you say we have v similar tastes!
From claire881 on Wed Aug 20 02:59PM
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Oh yes! That's probably their best song. Business Time is awfully good though, as is The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room. "You're so beautiful, you could be an Air Hostess in the 60's" "You're so beautiful, you could be a Part-time model, (but you'd probably have to keep your regular job)"
From kevmun82 on Wed Aug 20 03:01PM
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Wow, Flight of the Conchords too. I 've been meaning to buy that album, I keep going to a friends house and hijacking his stereo to put them on.
From freeandrewdickson on Wed Aug 20 03:11PM
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piercings are great - tattoos to the minimum and must be classy - none of the tattoos on the forearms for girls (in my taste) cause it just looks not right... and none of that dolphin/teardrop b@#$% either! blegh
claire: I dont know why, but for some reason i have been meaning to tell you / ask you about salvatore for a while, since I have been re-reading his stuff, I cant help but think of you cause I know that you will enjoy it being the avid book lover that you are... books rock! Tv sucks (except anything by Matt Groening or starring jason lee) and the footy.
kevmun: I love that guys deeeeep voice - it makes it all the more funny - brilliant
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:13PM
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freeandrew: I like it! thats what friends are for - that, and holding one's head out of the toilet bowl on the weekend! you have good taste my man!
I cant help but feel Im a firey version of Cattbrie myself - not sure I would resist the pull of "cutter" though... ;) and would never have gone for Wulfgar, blondes just dont do it for me!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:16PM
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I dont mind piercings wherever they are - i once had my nose pierced, but it fell out after a while in bed one night, and I couldnt get it back in... and never bothered with the ears like all the other sheep. I think it depends on your personality actually - if you have the "mojo" to pull it off, it looks great! I personally think Claire for example looks very hot with her piercings (mouth), I love em!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:18PM
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I might watch the England game from Stevie G's new gym. Apparently Stevie has upset local residents by buliding his new gym, which has been likened by one irate neighbour to 'an Asda supermarket in a beauty spot'. Honestly people don't give him any ideas.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:20PM
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Scotland won't hammer N Ireland. N Ireland have more EPL players than Scotland. And two who play for marcgrants favourite team.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:27PM
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Tongue piecings-what kind of freak does that. You are mutilating your tongue doing that. and it would smell. Honestly have some sense.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:29PM
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Asda hey? Should you be advertising for competition considering you are a Tesco's boy? ;)
early_doors: yeah tongue piercings are great for girls and guys alike - but Ive seen some nasty infections from them too....
haha! my colleague that I just shared the office with has just told me she has a belly piercing - I had no idea! I thought she was such a square....!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:29PM
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mutilating your tongue? Next thing you know you will be reporting me to greenpeace for cutting my hair... ;) and how could that smell unless you got a gangrene tongue?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:31PM
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Its bad times when you need a bit of stainless steel to plesure your girlfiend!!!
From kevin1985kane on Wed Aug 20 03:33PM
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I will just watch Norway vs Ireland in stead because England is now not only a rubbish team, they're a rubbish team with The Most Boring Tactician in the World™ as their coach. Oh, and I'm Norwegian, I'm just mocking the English team LIKE IF I was an Englishman.
From g_tande on Wed Aug 20 03:33PM
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early: there are other ways of doing that which involve much less pain ;) often, as they say, simple things in life are always the best! Thats why god gave men all those appendages... fingers, toes, tongue and the rest!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:34PM
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g_tande are you related to g_hine?
you dont have to be english to mock the english team - their way of mocking themselves is to put Terry in as captain and to have Capello pulling the strings!
I like the trade mark thingy.. how did you do that?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:36PM
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I have heard some nasty stories about tongue piecing. thats all im saying.If you want to pleasure your girlfriend im sure there are better things you could do than to stick a metal stud in your tongue. Or how about get a bigger @#$%.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:37PM
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There's a store in my neighbourhood called "Futon World". Man, i love that name...Futon World. It just makes me imagine a magical place.............that becomes less comfortable over time. DM
Sorry, i keep remembering great Demetri Martin quotes and i can't stop myself.
From kevmun82 on Wed Aug 20 03:42PM
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samuelbanks: this is where the comment "dont knock it till you try it" is appropriate me thinks ;)
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:43PM
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