Stop press: John Terry England captain
Wed Aug 20 08:57AM
Early Doors complained yesterday about the lack of surprises in modern football, and almost immediately it was rewarded with one: John Terry named England captain.
Of course, it wasn't actually news, as Early Doors faintly remembers something similar happening a couple of years ago.
But some people thought Terry's leadership technique of "shout loudly and cry if things go wrong" was a bit too, well, English for Capello.
Instead it was thought Don Fabio would prefer the more cultured Rio Ferdinand and his sophisticated "shout loudly and accidentally kick a woman if things go wrong" approach.
Such is the lack of decent news that it was considered something of a shock for the incumbent England captain to be named England captain again.
It seems modern football has boiled down to a core of about seven stories, which are constantly recycled according to a strict rotation policy on Sky Sports's 'breaking news' bar:
Barry wants Liverpool move
Barton pleads guilty to FA/criminal charge
Cristiano Ronaldo to leave Manchester United
Shady foreign owner "totally committed" to club
Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at Manchester United
Smug git Kenyon targets world domination
Injury blow for Tottenham star
John Terry named England captain
Capello said Terry got the nod over Ferdinand because of his "big personality", which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Geri Halliwell has got a big personality. Bradley Walsh has got a big personality. Ian Wright has got a big personality. But you wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with any of them - much less play in the same football team.
In terms of personality size, Ferdinand didn't quite cut the mustard despite the buffoonery of Rio's World Cup wind-ups and that incident in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge.
It seems hard to believe, but Rio's mistake was in not larging it enough. A few more UK garage goal celebrations and petulant, spittle-filled rants at referees might just have tipped the balance in his favour.
Terry revealed that, in missing out on the captaincy, Ferdinand showed the streak of decency that might just have proved his downfall.
"The first thing Rio did was turn and shake my hand. That's a measure of the kind of guy he is," he said.
What would Terry have done had he missed out? Sat there and wept uncontrollably, pretty much by his own admission.
He said: "I would have been really disappointed if I hadn't got it, of course. Would I have been gutted? Of course."
"Would I have dissolved into attention-seeking tears and displayed a disproportionate level of 'grief'? Most definitely," Terry didn't add.
- - -
It is hoped that Capello's arrival will see England abandon the headless chicken approach in favour of a tactically astute style of play.
But there is more chance of Gary Glitter appearing on the next Children In Need single.
Joe Cole said on Monday: "I can guarantee we have 23 men who are ready to run through brick walls for each other."
Running through brick walls is all very well if you are on Gladiators, but Early Doors suspects a Croatian would probably just use the door.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Alex Curran reveals husband Steven Gerrard's obsession with cleanliness: "We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. The pool is cleaner. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away." Which doesn't explain why he is so eager to chuck himself to the deck and get his knees all mucky.
OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: An unnamed women's 10k open water swimmer who adopted the tactic of tugging back the feet of Britain's Cassie Patten. "I was quite annoyed, it's not sportsmanship when you pull on someone's feet," said a peeved Patten.
'DRUGS' STORY OF THE DAY: Table tennis chiefs fear players are inadvertently getting high as kites on the 'speed glue' they use on their bats. "You breathe it too much and you begin to lose your balance. It is a bit like a table tennis drug," said Peter Gardos, an Austrian coach.
FOREIGN VIEW: Following the trend of recycling old news stories, Italy's Corriere dello Sport claims that Andriy Shevchenko is going to sign for Milan, again. This time it will be on loan from the 'Chelse'.
TALKING POINT: Early Doors asked yesterday for the England stars of 2010, and you proferred the following suggestions for 'Next big crushing disappointment': Ashley Young, Jack Wilshere, Michael Johnson and Theo Walcott (again) and, er, Dean Windass.
Meanwhile aquapond1 jumps on the Gary Glitter joke bandwagon: "Arsene Wenger better keep a watchful eye over his squad. Nasri and Walcott especially might be tempted by the prospect of Sherbert Lemons."
Today - Where will you watch tonight's game? And if you're doing something more interesting, what is it?
COMING UP: Full coverage of England versus Czech Republic from 8pm, plus Norway v Republic of Ireland and Scotland v Northern Ireland.
You are disgusting sailor boy. coming on here to talk about oral sex. This is not the place for that kind of chat. You filfthy perve.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:43PMhaha futon world! yeah baby!
futon world - where everything is cushy - just watch out for the spring in your àss!
anyone else know of any really stupid names for shops/ stores?
We have a chinese here called @#$% Fong - I always ask for the Fuking Fong special
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:45PMthat is F U K FONG - damn censors - its a chinese resto for gods sake!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:47PMsamuel: but its ok to talk about getting a bigger @#$%?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:48PMhahaha the japanese are funny!
early_doors: you try telling him that ;) he wont hear of it!
Temptation is equally difficult for girls as much as boys, trust me, but if you must do that to avoid temptation - do it with your sleeves up so you can be reminded by Eve on the way ;)
Im never tempted by anyone else - no man cuts it compared to my fella - in the words of jude HE IS HOT - im just not attracted to other guys now... even if he is a Manc Supporter (why God, why???) so while the frustration is there, nothing (rabbit, man, appendage or other) is going to satisfy it until I have MY gorgeous Aussie Man U supporter in my arms again!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 03:55PMnever heard that proverb early doors. are you sure you know what your talking about. I don't get the big penis versus small penis thing anyway. Have you never heard of an erection. that's what it was invented for. Honestly these kids.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 03:58PMIts not my fault if you completely misinterpret my comment kantong.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 04:01PMAnyway, back to the football. Northern Ireland 2 Scotland 1.
From samuelbanks on Wed Aug 20 04:06PMI think all I do is misinterpret you samuel - i wont even start on the big / small penis thing...
early_doors: for risk of upsetting the masses that read Ed but dont contribute unless they want to tell me off for being vulgar - I wont tell you ;) but you can guess that as I have not featured in any recent homicide cases in France, that I am not as frustrated as I perhaps could have been...I suggest you try sending your gf a strip tease by email - it may go far towards convincing her that you are in fact severly deprived and could do with some visual stimulation - in todays modern society, and in the world of international travel - webcam is a great invention too ;) try skype, they have sound, its hands free!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:09PMNorthern Ireland -2 Scotland 4 (northern Ireland had two goals deducted for that foul tasting stuff they call beer)
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:11PMhahaha ah you would be suprised Ed who is on and who isnt ;)
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:20PMoh you're not alone sam and early doors, i just haven't had anything to jump in with or much time despite a lack of penguins and the utterly evil @#$% hole whole site behind me
From roxydgurl on Wed Aug 20 04:20PMroxy: ooooooooh do you have an utterly evil @#$% hole behind you? i have an utterly evil @#$% hole who is in the next office actually - we had a HUGE argument yesterday, today he called in sick! WOOOOOOOO
right - on that note - you just reminded me I missed my smoke-o!
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:25PMnight early doors - keep that apple /eve image in mind
!From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:26PMi was hoping to practice screaming and hope to break the glass of this screen, but it's finally worked and i can calm down now, I hope i dont feel like that at full time on saturday
From roxydgurl on Wed Aug 20 04:26PMearly_doors get back on here you pr!ck. u totally suck, slating me then pissing off before i come on here
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:29PMbut you can have a smoke-o anytime unless it's also a teabreak
i noticed the @#$% isnt here and no complaints or anything going on, so i guess it's him, he never smiles, mr miserableFrom roxydgurl on Wed Aug 20 04:32PMi cant believe i get called a perv an early_doors is talking like that
hey foxy. jude said i suck. despite the fact i thought i was doin a good job protecting u. even offering to whisk u away to las vegas to escape the penguins and the @ss hole!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:33PMroxy: smoko for me is any time i need to have a momentary escape from the looney bin that they call "the office" - it may or may not involve cigarettes, depending on how much the window lickers have wound me up ;) I can come and go as I please though, no one dares tell me what to do where
I am... thats the mistake that pr!ck in my office did yesterday ;) hence the big argumentFrom kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:41PMwhere is jacknfor with perv control when you need it?
From kantong_wokster on Wed Aug 20 04:42PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PMearly_doors sucks!
From bencornelius23 on Wed Aug 20 04:43PM
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