Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Business as usual

Thu Aug 21 08:59AM

"I'm happy with the draw because of the reaction from the team in the last minute was good. Only one thing I didn't like - when the Czechs had counter-attacks."

While Fabio Capello declared himself happy with all aspects but one of England's 2-2 draw against the Czech Republic, this morning's papers respectfully beg to differ.

"Wasters" (Sun)
"It's not Fab yet" (Star)
"Same old England" (Independent)
"Anyone for cycling?" (Mirror)
"No football gold as Barwick exits with England back in the bronze age" (Times)
"England in disarray" (Telegraph)
"Capello draws cold comfort as Cole rescues dreary England" (Guardian)

The mid-market Mail and Express were so disgusted by the 'efforts' of a foreign-led England side that they deemed them unworthy of back page coverage.

Instead they focused on the ousting of the very British, very bumbling and very jobless Brian Barwick who, it seems, was sacked in between half-time vol-au-vents.

Even Barwick's departure smacked of rank incompetence. The FA intended to keep it a secret but, such was the level of speculation, they informed staff via text message while on the way back from the toilets for the start of the second half.

The Barwick announcement and news of Mikael Silvestre's move to Arsenal were the undoubted highlights of the evening - Early Doors would genuinely have been better off watching the game on Ceefax.

It is nice to get back to some good old English incompetence after the unfamiliarity of so much Olympic excellence.

This is how things are meant to work - complete disarray, on and off the pitch. For all the talk of next month's World Cup qualifier away to Croatia, Early Doors wouldn't be surprised if England come unstuck four days earlier against Andorra.

Worst of the bunch were two men who have already been chopped more times than the French royal family: Davids James and Beckham.

James is, quite simply, a joke. ED doesn't care how good is he for Portsmouth, how many broadsheet columns he writes or what art galleries he visits. He cannot play for England again. He just can't.

As for Beckham, there would have been more movement on the right wing if Capello had picked Stanley Matthews.

Beckham is the football equivalent of one of those bumpers in pinball. He just stands there, motionless, pinging off the ball whenever it comes his way with pace but little or no precision.

The pair took a star turn in the night's most richly comic moment. Beckham stopped playing, thinking he had played his man offside.

Sadly for him, Vaclav Sverkos came racing through from an onside position and pegged it down the left flank where he must have been surprised to encounter a deranged James charging wildly out of his box.

Sverkos nipped past and, with ineptitude almost equal to England's, scuffed his shot miles wide. Sensational. Only Capello knows how he stopped his head from exploding.

The tabloids have not yet superimposed Capello's face onto a vegetable, but he is already being compared to his witless predecessor Steve McClaren.

"Wally without a brolly" was the Sun's somewhat uninspired verdict. But Early Doors thinks the cunning Italian is doing it on purpose.

ED is prepared to ignore the fact that, wherever he goes, Capello succeeds only because he gets to buy expensive, world-class players like Gabriel Batistuta, Fabio Cannavaro and Ruud van Nistelrooy.

At Milan, Capello inherited Marco van Basten. At England, he doesn't even have Raymond van Barneveld.

Yet, despite evidence to the contrary, ED clings onto the faint hope that the Italian is a football genius deliberately crushing his players' spirit.

It is like a military-style 'beasting', in which punishment and humiliation is heaped upon new recruits to whip them into shape.

Capello is intentionally making his players perform dreadfully to make them realise what a bunch of snivelling little wretches they truly are.

Then, when he has banished the arrogance and self-regard, he will take his broken squad and mould them in his own image.

It is a tenuous theory, Early Doors admits, but it will do until England return from Zagreb after the 3-0 defeat they so richly deserve.

- - -

QUOTES OF THE DAY: Harry Redknapp: "We have one of the finest midfielders in Steven Gerrard, he plays for Liverpool and he is like Roy of the Rovers. He shoots, he scores, he tackles. He is not a left midfielder. It is unbelievable. He has to be in the centre. We are killing Gerrard."

Fabio Capello: "I'm sorry for Mr Redknapp, because [Gerrard] didn't play on the left. Sorry. You'll have to ask him. He didn't play left. The movement, he went to the left and to the middle. He never played on the left."

OLYMPIAN OF THE DAY: British boxer Billy-Joe Saunders, who has returned home to a suspension from the ABA following an allegation of lewd behaviour on a pre-Games training camp in France.

The Daily Mail reports: "A camcorder film allegedly shows Saunders confronting a French woman in a sexually explicit and abusive manner while staying in a hotel with the British team." Charming.

TALKING POINT: raulpeeves spent yesterday evening watching Big Brother live on the grounds that: "There is way more chance of an Englishman scoring in there."

Today - Who to blame for England's woes? And any reaction on the other home nations games? Early Doors didn't see them...

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jay: swap you for dossena - just as useless
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 04:56PM
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Frank 'spencer' Sinclair!! Yeah what a guy!
Marc if we were to put him, we may put the whole derby team also!!
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 21 04:56PM
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ade akinbye's gotta go in there, hes brother used to be assistant manager of my football team lol!!
From jay8my on Thu Aug 21 04:58PM
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im off guys have a good evening!!
From jay8my on Thu Aug 21 04:58PM
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ben: crikey - you just dont wanna let it go - you're more bitchy than a girl! get over it geez - in the wise words of pervcontrolpeacemanjack - peace mate!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 05:00PM
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have a good one jay!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 05:01PM
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Have a good one jay
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 21 05:01PM
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kevin: not sure the bed hair goes with the dodgy sunnies though.... guess I will have to get used to it... actually - you look a bit like Liam Gallagher!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 05:03PM
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Well looks like Ben Cornhorlio is try to say something but since he can't keep a promise why should anybody care
Have a wonderful evenin all
From arttidesco on Thu Aug 21 05:05PM
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bye artti!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 05:05PM
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Im outta here too - metro madness is a callin'- ciao arrivederci signores et signoras!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 05:11PM
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its a shame all the knowledgable england fans don't read this we may get some better comments,we can all criticise (i just did myself!!)the team and the manager yet if its so upsetting don't put yourself through it,leave supporting to supporters,go and stand around a sunday league game,then you can slag the players off face to face,although i guess that isn't peoples style is it,its much easier online!!
From tonylmeadows on Thu Aug 21 05:49PM
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there are knowledgable English fans out there?
crikey - every day really IS a school day!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 21 06:06PM
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It is correct to say that England have many good players such as Ferdinand, Terry, Gerrard and Rooney who would probably get in to many international teams if not all of them. The main problem is that most international teams have a system of play and pick players to fit into that team. This is a case for all successful club teams too. Just look at Liverpool,Arsenal,Chelsea or Man Utd. An international example would be that of Spain with the key area being midfield. When Spain were at their prime in the recent European Championships they had a combination of Senna and Fabregas in midfield, two up front, a fairly consistent backline and a consistent goalkeeper. Ok so where do England differ. You have to look at midfield. England do not have a central partnership that resembles Senna/Fabregas. The closest that you could possibly come would be a Hargreaves/Gerrard partnership. Unfortunately there are not too many players that could play the same way as Senna currently available to select for England. This area is critical and is Englands weakest point. It dictates the way the whole team plays. Other positions can afford weak players but not here. Up front you have options, but no partnership or even a player who could do a good solo job. This is the second weakpoint. In effect Capello is trying to pick the best 11 players not the best team. You could have a team of 11 Peles and be wiped off the field or you could have a well structured team with some decent players such as Senna and do quite well. No international team is full of superstars but players in critical positions who do their job well enough to let the whole team function. This has to serve as the base model for any successful England team or any team for that matter.
From mauriceroconnell on Thu Aug 21 08:15PM
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Dear ED,
Reading the news today, i nearly @#$% myself. Mikael Silvestre has moved to Arsenal. My god! When I said Arsene Wenger needed to buy experienced players if he wanted to win anything, i didn't mean ex-Manutd rejects. I can understand the sentiment - Silvestre, being French, would bring Wenger one step closer to the complete French colonisation of North London.
As a United fan, however i'm happy as i know, MS is no longer available to make big @#$%-ups anymore.
(Note my pedant approach to capitalisation and spelling.)
From aquapond1 on Thu Aug 21 09:06PM
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boooyakassshaaaaaa
well capello
is a no go too
he plays the same team
as the dutch mclaren
is there any hope for england
not with calamity james, fat man lampard and old man beckham
so world cup 2010, goodbye.
respect.............rewind
goodnight y'all
From return_of_the_truth on Thu Aug 21 09:21PM
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Question: Do you have the right to complain if your 99p camera takes rubbish pictures? Of course you don’t. If you don’t want c r a p p y pictures then don’t buy a c r a p p y camera. Why then do people feel they have the right to complain when England play badly. If you don’t want to see rubbish football, then don’t watch England.
From samuelbanks on Thu Aug 21 09:46PM
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Who's to blame for England's woes? In the words of Cristiano Ronaldo, only God know. And any reaction on the other home nations games? No.
From samuelbanks on Thu Aug 21 09:55PM
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Wheres kantong tonight?
From samuelbanks on Thu Aug 21 10:00PM
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So was Gerrard playing on the lefy or not? Capello didn't leave me any the wiser.
From samuelbanks on Thu Aug 21 10:10PM
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i don't think ferdinand and terry should be play together~ you can see when alone with their clubs~ they held and lead a very solid defensive line~ but when together, there are always blunders~~ i think the main problem comes from terry's ego~~ not trying to work as a team~~~ england probaly have the strongest midfield in the world~ so don't think people should put too much focus there (barring bechkam of course) and should instead focus on the strikers and back line~ i personally would prefer deofe and rooney in front~ think defoe is really under-rated
From vitorlam on Mon Aug 25 10:04AM
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