Europhile
Thu Apr 24 09:09AM
Such is the blame culture we find ourselves in these days, Early Doors has no compunction whatsoever in pointing the finger this morning and identifying those responsible for last night's under-par Manchester United performance. It seemed unlikely that United-Barcelona would be the biggest snoozefest of the week, considering Liverpool were playing Chelsea in the same seven days, but that's exactly what it proved to be.
No goals, no attacking nous from United, poor tactics, a missed penalty and masses of disappointed fans. Where did it all go wrong?
Alex Ferguson - Fergie cannot hide his love of European competition. Even when his tactics fail to hit the mark and his side puts in such dire performances, he still manages to beam into the camera during his post-match television interviews and comes over all cuddly and jovial. "Europe, eh? Fantastic. Barcelona are a huge club, great history, super atmosphere. Nights like this are what it's all about," he didn't say last night, but probably has done at some stage. It's a far cry from the ugly snarling manner he employs in the Premier League. If United had put in that kind of performance in a domestic match, Fergie would have gone ballistic, refused to speak to the media and set his hair-dryer to full blast in the dressing room. You can't help but think that United may have reached one or two more Champions League finals over recent years had Euro-Ferg been a bit more, well, normal.
Cristiano Ronaldo - Much the same as Euro-Ferg, Euro-Ron decided to change a winning formula for the biggest game of the season so far. Having scored five out of six spot kicks this season, you'd have thought he would stick to what has largely worked for him so far. But no, he decided to ditch the checked run that has previously served him well and go with a much straighter run-up. The result was hardly surprising. The good news is that, such is his supreme arrogance and apparent clairvoyant skill, his miss was "no problem" and he will "score next week" - fact. Is there any need to turn up at all?
Samuel Eto'o - The following statement is sad but true - in the modern game of football, honesty all too often equates to stupidity. There, it's been said. Had Eto'o gone down in the box in the 50th minute under a Snoop Ferdinand challenge instead of riding the tackle, Barcelona would have been given the chance to take the lead from the spot. And a Barca goal would have forced United to come out and attack more, thereby leading to a more entertaining game. Simple. Eto'o is a silly boy, even if his tactics now seem like a good idea - after all United didn't get a vital away goal, did they?
Of course, taking a clean sheet back to Manchester from Barcelona is no mean feat, but ED would be a whole lot more confident had an away goal been notched.
At least it sets up a potentially thrilling feast of attractive attacking football at Old Trafford next week which promises goals galor... no, wait, just stop there.
- - -
HEADLINE OF THE DAY: Boy Blunder - Mail. It can only be that boy Ronaldo.
"OH NOU" HEADLINE COUNT: Surprisingly low with just three - Sun, Mirror, Metro.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "We are confident we have made the right choice." A BBC Radio Five spokesperson on the appointment of Steve McClaren as a pundit for this summer's Euro 2008 tournament.
"I have no doubt that he has all the credentials to be very successful in the job and wish him all the best." Sven-Goran Eriksson on McClaren's appointment as England manager in 2006.
FOREIGN VIEW: Bulgarian officials are in danger of losing their jobs after a clampdown by the local FA on poor performances. Six officials have this week been suspended for crimes ranging from making poor decisions and favouring certain teams to a lack of fitness. But the latest punishments seem rather lenient considering two referees were handed life bans for their incompetency last season. Just imagine what the Bulgarians would do to the likes of Howard Webb, Mark Clattenburg, Mike Riley and Rob Styles.
TERRIFYING STALKER MOMENT OF THE DAY: Brought to you courtesy of garagemusic: "Alex Chick is the funny Early doors writer, he has a satirical slant on football that is completely without parallel. The other two writers are not in the same league and leave me with a real sense of disappointment two out of three days of the week. I am sure that Alex Chick used to be the main writer back in ED's golden days, and since the new format with the author cycling between three writers the standard has dropped significantly." Selecta!
TALKING POINT: "Anyone else hear Clive Tyldesley say that Drogba was 'trying to pull off Skrtel'?" asked chrisnewman950 yesterday. No, but thanks for bringing it to everybody's attention.
Which leads us nicely to the topic of unintentional on-air sporting gaffes, such as Brian Johnston's classic "the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey". Post your favourites in the usual manner below.
COMING UP: This week's European action is still not over - just the small matter of Rangers' UEFA Cup semi-final with Fiorentina to go. Follow live text commentary on tonight's big match in Glasgow from 19:45. And in the meantime, we'll bring you the latest European Power Rankings and Paul Parker's thoughts on the week's events so far.
- - -
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IM this story'ALEX CHICK IS THE ONLY ED'
From simondenham on Thu Apr 24 09:12AMSurely Ron Atkinson must be known as "the on-air sporting gaffe" seeing as he is/was such a complete gaffe! Racist too! Didn't have a clue and kept making up names of skills.. "Thierry Henry has just performed a magical jellied eel to flip flop manouvere"
Please note the above quote is purely fabricated.
From the_kop2003 on Thu Apr 24 09:19AMSome years ago during the build-up to kick off of an England match, I heard Ron Atkinson refer to Alan Shearer as 'Captain Beefheart'. Oh Ron, you old racist, when will you take up the mic again?
From splatrowe on Thu Apr 24 09:19AMDo you think that Van Der Saar was trying to show Ronaldo how to take a penalty last night? What other excuse can their be for his kicking to be THAT bad?
From paulchappell82 on Thu Apr 24 09:21AMbunny boiler!
not quite a commentary gaffe, but i did rather like the way John Motson seemed to be laughing when - during england's 5-1 win over germany - he said "and it's five!", seemingly on account of the goalscorer being emile heskey.
From redamaher on Thu Apr 24 09:24AMSounds like once again I missed absolutely nothing last night....you have to wonder why people get all excited about football based on the 2 CL SF games.
Can't remember the commentator nor the players involved, but there is another famous cricket one, something along the lines of "the fielder is at short square leg with his legs wide open waiting for a tickle from the batsman." There was the athletics one - "Alberto Juantorena opens his legs and shows us his class." Talking of Brian Johnson, I think him and Jonathan Agnew completely losing it and just laughing helplessly for minutes on air during a test match commentary is the best sporting commentary comedy moment. Must be available on the net somewhere.
From andywalker269 on Thu Apr 24 09:26AMYou might wanna amend the following too;
"The result has hardly surprising"'ALEX CHICK IS THE ONLY ED'
'ALEX CHICK IS THE ONLY ED'
From simondenham on Thu Apr 24 09:27AMWhen Liverpool played the second leg against Arsenal, I absolutely cracked up when Arsenal got a free kick just outside the penalty area and the commentator said that Pepe Riena shouldnt have a problem as he is used to having big men in his box!!!!
From alanholmes3 on Thu Apr 24 09:33AMSurely nothing beats the classic horse-racing gaffe in America. The horse that had the unusual name "Hoof-Hearted" strode into an impressive lead causing the commentator to get rather excited and forget how the horse's name sounded when said quickly and excitedly. Brilliant. Youtube it. I would post the link but Youtube is a definite no-no at my workplace.
From kevmun82 on Thu Apr 24 09:33AMJohn Motson in Euro '96- "The Germans are coming forward. Kuntz."
Speaking of Stefan Kuntz I seem to remember there being a Dutch player at Euro '96 called Johan de Kock. Didn't Holland & Germany meet in the quarter finals? If so did de Kock ever go inside Kuntz & shoot? Probablly not but I bet the commentators were all hoping he would.
From chrisnewman950 on Thu Apr 24 09:35AMsimon, how do you know if this is Alex or not?
I'm not fussed personally, i will read any old sh1t that is put in front of me. Maybe that's why i am literature-ly fat (see what i did there!)
From the_kop2003 on Thu Apr 24 09:36AMJudging by the comments here a quote from the prog "My Family" springs to mind - "No one actually like football its just that it is not manly to admit it". "So 50,000 hypocrits in the stands all over the country every week?" "No - the hypocrits are on the pitch!".
From geelte on Thu Apr 24 09:38AMSpeaking of horses Liverpool have been renamed Norfolk In Chance.
From geelte on Thu Apr 24 09:39AMsimon knows it is not alex because he currently has him tied-up and blindfolded in his kitchen, giving wry, sarcastic comment on last night's game through a leather mask.
From redamaher on Thu Apr 24 09:40AMguess everyone (except me until just now) has noted that chelsea could win their sf without scoring a goal whilst 'pool lose it having already scored two; and i note that avril's master plan take another step forward as the final now looks to be chels v barca, allowing him to demostrate his all encompassing superiority to jose; given it is anyway going to be in russia, and even allowing for the dire quality of many sf's, what hope do we have of an entertaining final rather than another opportunity for a sleepfest?
From c.hawcroft on Thu Apr 24 09:40AMsimon knows it is not alex because he currently has him tied-up and blindfolded in his kitchen, giving wry and sarcastic comment on last night's game through a leather mask.
From redamaher on Thu Apr 24 09:41AMhaha @ redamaher
simon may have a few problems, can anyone confirm a sighting of Alex Chick? Anyone?
From the_kop2003 on Thu Apr 24 09:48AM"the final now looks to be chels v barca"
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Apr 24 09:53AMwell if he's the one bottom-left in the pic i'm pretty sure i saw him fronting rubbish drone-rock band coldplay...
From redamaher on Thu Apr 24 09:53AMahhh ED you bast**** .. why does the rest of the post always get deleted after you try quote someone, you KUNTZ!
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Apr 24 09:54AM"totti in the box and seaman comes out" was a good one.
From ima_fat_tw on Thu Apr 24 09:57AMRIISE was arrested in the early hours of the morning on the M56. apparently he was heading in the wrong direction... liverpool are SHITEBAGS
From laurence.odea on Thu Apr 24 09:58AMAll four teams still have a good chance of qualifying, it's all delicately balanced for the 2nd leg. I was surprised to see MU play so defensively still, with our pace up front we could have caused them problems at the back, especially in Puyol's absence. We had too many players out of position, especially Rooney who pretty much didn't do sh!t the whole game, and Hargreaves who's been dominating midfield in recent weeks was forced to play right back. If MU were a bit more adventurous I reckon we could have easily got a goal or two. But to say Barca are already in the final is stupid, the final is there for the taking, hopefully we'll see a more attacking side on Tuesday, and Ronaldo WILL score - FACT.
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Apr 24 10:01AMAll four teams still have a good chance of qualifying, it's all delicately balanced for the 2nd leg. I was surprised to see MU play so defensively still, with our pace up front we could have caused them problems at the back, especially in Puyol's absence. We had too many players out of position, especially Rooney who pretty much didn't do sh!t the whole game, and Hargreaves who's been dominating midfield in recent weeks was forced to play right back. If MU were a bit more adventurous I reckon we could have easily got a goal or two. But to say Barca are already in the final is stupid, the final is there for the taking, hopefully we'll see a more attacking side on Tuesday, and Ronaldo WILL score - FACT.
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Apr 24 10:05AMDouble T
Take heart lad , Man U will still be favourites to go through, it ain't over yet, and Fergie I would imagine will have a completely different strategy at Old Trafford. Understand what he was doing last night, even if it wasn't pretty,
From barny1158 on Thu Apr 24 10:07AMI hate to admit Ronaldo is amazing but he is. I dnt however think he is the best in the world as he necer plays well against a good team. He has maybe scored couple against a good side but he's never played well as he is usually stuck out on the wing n fails to make an impact. Im not sayin this cause he missed a pk, anyone can miss.
Great topic to discuss today, funny quotes are my favourite. Had loads but minds a blank.
I liked the 1 by was maybe Hanson "Who rises up at the far post? Yours truly Allan Shearer." haha
From sav46e on Thu Apr 24 10:11AMwho wrote this bunch of junk? seems like the only thing the writer got going for is his stink mouth
From kenshin22up on Thu Apr 24 10:12AMNot related to anything but your Riise posts reminds me of a joke.
An old man is driving when he gets a phonecall from his wife.
"Just to let you know to be careful, there's a report on the news of some madman driving the wrong way up the motorway you're on"
"Just ONE madman? Are you joking? There's HUNDREDS of them!"
Oh the old ones are the best.
From kevmun82 on Thu Apr 24 10:15AMCommentator described Drogba as strong and powerful on Tuesday night seconds before he went down like he'd had his spine ripped out following a mildly unpleasant stare from an opposition defender.
From mpasc66 on Thu Apr 24 10:22AMYeah, of course I've seen him. He's tied-up and blindfolded in my kitchen f@cking my mother ;o) Ironically, I'm serving him some weak p!ss in order for him to experience what the more discerning reader has had to endure since his dilution with neophytes.
'ALEX CHICK IS THE ONLY ED'
From simondenham on Thu Apr 24 10:24AM
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