Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

The saviour of English football

Thu Aug 28 09:00AM

Behind the strangely fake-looking facial hair that Early Doors can't get used to after more than a year perched precariously on Rafa Benitez's face (the facial hair, not ED), lies the saviour of English football.

The Liverpool gaffer might just have saved the nation's bacon with his brazenly self-serving decision to send Steven Gerrard for groin surgery.

As a result, Fabio Capello will not get the opportunity to "kill" Stevie G in the World Cup qualifiers against Andorra and Croatia.

(Indicentally - before Scouseland goes off half-cocked - ED has no problem with Liverpool sending Gerrard for an operation ahead of the international break. He's their player after all. But it's fairly cynical.)

Given England managers' pathological inability to pick just one of Gerrard and Frank Lampard, that could be great news indeed.

Only once can ED remember an England manager dropping either man, and that was when Steve McClaren, of all people, kept Gareth Barry in ahead of Lampard for the Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia.

Of course, McClaren lost his bottle, by bringing Lampard back, and then his job, by losing to Croatia (the second time, with the umbrella. Not the first time with the Robinson airshot; or indeed the third time - signature calamitous moment to be decided).

Otherwise, successive coaches have attempted to shoehorn them both into the same, alpha-male-heavy midfield by playing either one or both men hopelessly out of position.

Remember Sven's attempt to convert Fat Frank into a holding player? Or Gerrard's recent deployment on the left (ED doesn't care what Don Fabio's Christmas tree says; he was playing out wide)?

Now Capello is more or less forced to pick a midfield with some balance, with Joe Cole on the left, where he is good, and Barry and Lampard in the middle.

Even with David Beckham strolling around on the right, day-dreaming about his courtside seats at the Lakers and pinging corners straight at the nearest defender, it looks a hell of a lot better.

So, if England go on to win the 2010 World Cup - a big ask, admittedly - Capello should share his honorary knighthood with Benitez.

- - -

People are very keen on putting a price tag on goals, particularly important ones like Dirk Kuyt's extra-time winner against Standard Liege, which cruelly robbed ED of the delicious spectacle of penalties.

Kuyt's tap-in, bringing as it did the guarantee of Champions League football, was valued at £30m; a handy way to repay his vastly inflated transfer fee more than three times over.

But surely the real value to Liverpool fans is not the financial worth, but the facts that: a) They can still win the flipping Champions League, and b) They were spared the embarrassment of getting turned over by a moderate Belgian outfit. The £30m is really neither here nor there.

- - -

Gareth Barry's announcement, via his agent, that he has "decided" to stay at Aston Villa made Early Doors chuckle.

This, of course, is the same Gareth Barry who two months ago said: "My mind's made up, I want to join Liverpool. There's no going back, it's time for me to move on. I'm desperate to play Champions League football and that's why I have to leave Villa."

What's more, the Barry saga demonstrated that he is no more able to decide which club he plays for than he is to sprout wings and fly the entire Villa squad to Cleethorpes.

Contracts are only "not worth the paper they are written on" if clubs spinelessly give in to their players' every whim and allow bigger clubs to bully them.

Villa told Liverpool to meet their valuation of Barry, which they didn't, so the player stayed put. That's how transfers used to work.

In a similar spirit to Barry, Early Doors would like to announce that, after much speculation, it will not become Barack Obama's running mate for the US Presidency.

ED made the decision to stay two weeks ago and informed Senator Obama of his intentions.

ED wants to concentrate on getting up at six in the morning to write some crappy blog, and hopes this draws a line under the matter.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on his alleged unflattering comments about Manchester: "I'd like to clarify that I did not make these particular remarks. I spoke about the difficulty I had settling in to life in Manchester, but that does not reflect how I feel now."

Er, so which was it? Are the quotes made up or did you just not mean them? Even Manchester United's official site is confused, saying the remarks "have either been taken out of context or misquoted."

FOREIGN VIEW: "Not Cristiano, nor Villa, nor Cazorla" - Marca laments that, despite the paper's best efforts, Real Madrid have drawn a big fat blank in their pursuit of their main transfer targets this summer.

TALKING POINT: lordofjapes: "ed is a t*** gland. since when has vidic been known as such a hard man? answer? only by man united fans which ed, based down south no doubt, evidently is. the constant digs at city are ridiculous. we've spanked your local team three nowt at the weekend. why don't you take your s***ty column and **** off."

master7525 "Whoever wrote the article is either an idiot or just hates the fact that Manchester United are losing they're best players...."

Today - Who would you most like to see ruled out of England contention? And is Early Doors really a t*** gland?

COMING UP: It's the Champions League draw this afternoon at 5pm - we have live video streaming and traditional text comment coverage. Plus there's UEFA Cup football today, with Manchester City in a spot of bother and Aston Villa, well, not.

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First SUCKAHS!!!!!
From grand_master_woogey on Thu Aug 28 09:02AM
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Morning all!!
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 09:02AM
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To Numero Uno, Nobody cares, How long have you being pressing refresh for?
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 09:03AM
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A good two hours, but was worth it.
From grand_master_woogey on Thu Aug 28 09:08AM
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Who to be ruled out of England contention? How about the fans & media? Early Doors....A @#$% Glad? Thats a bit excessive, but you do talk alot of @#$% sometimes....Like Gareth Barry & Man Utd fans.....Come on Liverpool, Rome.....The 3rd Coming!!
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 09:12AM
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HAHAHAHAHA comment of the century grand_master_woogey
ED I dont think you're a t*** gland; but I would certainly like to see you ruled out of contention for the English squad selection!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:13AM
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david beckham. why play him when he wont play in the world cup. keep him in the squad though. he alone could pay for the financial debt that brian barwick left the FA with...
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:14AM
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ok ok i know liverpool are playing badly this season so far, and have been very lucky with the results.
the positives: clean sheet and the result
the negatives: LFC has as much attacking threat as a daffodil. Kuyt is only in the team to score these sort of goals. We have no winger, Babel pretends but spends most of his time either in the centre or cutting inside from the left wing (cos he is right footed), except the goal where for once he took on a player on the wing and bobs my uncle.... we score a goal.
This is going to be a long hard season.
From some_steam on Thu Aug 28 09:18AM
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You can rule out all of the players, include all of the players, rule out a few and include a few - you can do whatever the %$@" you want with the ENglish team - they are still going to be @#$%!!
From grand_master_woogey on Thu Aug 28 09:19AM
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Wassup fellas!!!
From timmy13 on Thu Aug 28 09:20AM
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ps: ED I think its kind of hypocritical of you to criticise Liverpool for being cynical
Do you go home and night and cry because of all the nasty things people say about you by the way? your talking point leads me to believe that the "t*** gland" comment kind of hurt ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:21AM
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I don't think ED should be referred to as a t*** gland as to be honest I kind of think its an insult to actual t*** glands which presumably to serve some sort of purpose!
From claire881 on Thu Aug 28 09:21AM
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jammy jammy jammy jammy jammy jammy scouseras..they'd rob anything at the death...they dont deserve to be in the champions league after those two matches...but hey, overplayed, overwieght under talented and rubbish hair....is that just a liverpool thing(yeah yeah yeah?)...absolute rubbish...place you bets raffa is off....!
From stuartxland on Thu Aug 28 09:21AM
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some_steam: I think there is a bit of fine tuning to go - but I wouldnt say winning both games already and getting through the CL as playing "badly" ;)
but hey - ~YNWA~ !!
wassup timmy - are you southpark timmy?
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:22AM
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hey stuart gimme your wallet before I rip off your hubcaps
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:25AM
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Can't imagine ED as running mate to Obama. The Republican party would have promptly cancelled their convention and organised a party.
From blu_deman on Thu Aug 28 09:26AM
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Rooney should be ruled out of England contention and replaced with a Jack Russel, both are annoying snappy little C%$Ts who do nothing but chase around the field biting at peoples legs and doing nothing with the ball, but at least the dog is better looking and has nicer breath.
From rag2706 on Thu Aug 28 09:27AM
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peace to you kw,claire,risker,some steam,kevin and the others.
kw,u can't imagine what i was wishing for last nite.Of course that pool play a 1-1 tie and get eliminated from the CL and then u post on youtube ur naked chicken dance.Throughout the match i had my fingers crossed.
Peace to you
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 09:28AM
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ED would never be running mate to Obama. I dont believe ED runs anywhere...
it requires a lot of effort, running.... ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:28AM
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As if you get up at 6 to write this! My guess is you roll out of bed at about 9, get out your laptop and randomly pound the keyboard to get this stuff out! FYI I have just looked up @#$% gland on wikipedia and it appears that you aren't one, in fact it just showed a picture of Peter Andre so unlucky ED.
From sikka316 on Thu Aug 28 09:28AM
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nice idea rag2706
better looking, nicer breath...
most likely cheaper to feed and easier to train too - not to mention with dogs you can get them "fixed" so they dont get distracted by any b!tches too...
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 09:31AM
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Ohh, those lucky Scousers!
They've got away by the skin of thier teeth in all thier matches this season - should have been beaten at Sunderland...and at Liege...and against Boro...and now at Anfield again!!
I hate to say it, but it's that kind of luck that wins you things...
From therealdaklone on Thu Aug 28 09:32AM
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hey kw, wats with the hair?
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:34AM
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ED, dont feel bad about yourself. i'll book an appointement with Dr.kevorkian on sunday...
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:35AM
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kantong im surprised you hav'nt killed me for the first post judging by how much you like to post :P
I am the batman.
From grand_master_woogey on Thu Aug 28 09:36AM
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peace jknofor and the usual EDrs
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:36AM
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some_steam, if you get two good wingers then you can contend.
also who should be cut is frank lampard, he's as useful as a lead parachute for england
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:39AM
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jacknfor.....I really hope we meet you Chelski Boys in the Semi's this year again, get our revenge and show you losers how to win a final! YNWA
From kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 09:41AM
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It's official.jacknfor is the official running mate for John Mccain
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 09:41AM
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"Can't imagine ED as running mate to Obama. The Republican party would have promptly cancelled their convention and organised a party."
While the democrats sing "things can only get better" to themselves in a basement of seclusion. the republicans would then give them all the ED articles to read for torture
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 09:42AM
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