Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

The saviour of English football

Thu Aug 28 09:00AM

Behind the strangely fake-looking facial hair that Early Doors can't get used to after more than a year perched precariously on Rafa Benitez's face (the facial hair, not ED), lies the saviour of English football.

The Liverpool gaffer might just have saved the nation's bacon with his brazenly self-serving decision to send Steven Gerrard for groin surgery.

As a result, Fabio Capello will not get the opportunity to "kill" Stevie G in the World Cup qualifiers against Andorra and Croatia.

(Indicentally - before Scouseland goes off half-cocked - ED has no problem with Liverpool sending Gerrard for an operation ahead of the international break. He's their player after all. But it's fairly cynical.)

Given England managers' pathological inability to pick just one of Gerrard and Frank Lampard, that could be great news indeed.

Only once can ED remember an England manager dropping either man, and that was when Steve McClaren, of all people, kept Gareth Barry in ahead of Lampard for the Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia.

Of course, McClaren lost his bottle, by bringing Lampard back, and then his job, by losing to Croatia (the second time, with the umbrella. Not the first time with the Robinson airshot; or indeed the third time - signature calamitous moment to be decided).

Otherwise, successive coaches have attempted to shoehorn them both into the same, alpha-male-heavy midfield by playing either one or both men hopelessly out of position.

Remember Sven's attempt to convert Fat Frank into a holding player? Or Gerrard's recent deployment on the left (ED doesn't care what Don Fabio's Christmas tree says; he was playing out wide)?

Now Capello is more or less forced to pick a midfield with some balance, with Joe Cole on the left, where he is good, and Barry and Lampard in the middle.

Even with David Beckham strolling around on the right, day-dreaming about his courtside seats at the Lakers and pinging corners straight at the nearest defender, it looks a hell of a lot better.

So, if England go on to win the 2010 World Cup - a big ask, admittedly - Capello should share his honorary knighthood with Benitez.

- - -

People are very keen on putting a price tag on goals, particularly important ones like Dirk Kuyt's extra-time winner against Standard Liege, which cruelly robbed ED of the delicious spectacle of penalties.

Kuyt's tap-in, bringing as it did the guarantee of Champions League football, was valued at £30m; a handy way to repay his vastly inflated transfer fee more than three times over.

But surely the real value to Liverpool fans is not the financial worth, but the facts that: a) They can still win the flipping Champions League, and b) They were spared the embarrassment of getting turned over by a moderate Belgian outfit. The £30m is really neither here nor there.

- - -

Gareth Barry's announcement, via his agent, that he has "decided" to stay at Aston Villa made Early Doors chuckle.

This, of course, is the same Gareth Barry who two months ago said: "My mind's made up, I want to join Liverpool. There's no going back, it's time for me to move on. I'm desperate to play Champions League football and that's why I have to leave Villa."

What's more, the Barry saga demonstrated that he is no more able to decide which club he plays for than he is to sprout wings and fly the entire Villa squad to Cleethorpes.

Contracts are only "not worth the paper they are written on" if clubs spinelessly give in to their players' every whim and allow bigger clubs to bully them.

Villa told Liverpool to meet their valuation of Barry, which they didn't, so the player stayed put. That's how transfers used to work.

In a similar spirit to Barry, Early Doors would like to announce that, after much speculation, it will not become Barack Obama's running mate for the US Presidency.

ED made the decision to stay two weeks ago and informed Senator Obama of his intentions.

ED wants to concentrate on getting up at six in the morning to write some crappy blog, and hopes this draws a line under the matter.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on his alleged unflattering comments about Manchester: "I'd like to clarify that I did not make these particular remarks. I spoke about the difficulty I had settling in to life in Manchester, but that does not reflect how I feel now."

Er, so which was it? Are the quotes made up or did you just not mean them? Even Manchester United's official site is confused, saying the remarks "have either been taken out of context or misquoted."

FOREIGN VIEW: "Not Cristiano, nor Villa, nor Cazorla" - Marca laments that, despite the paper's best efforts, Real Madrid have drawn a big fat blank in their pursuit of their main transfer targets this summer.

TALKING POINT: lordofjapes: "ed is a t*** gland. since when has vidic been known as such a hard man? answer? only by man united fans which ed, based down south no doubt, evidently is. the constant digs at city are ridiculous. we've spanked your local team three nowt at the weekend. why don't you take your s***ty column and **** off."

master7525 "Whoever wrote the article is either an idiot or just hates the fact that Manchester United are losing they're best players...."

Today - Who would you most like to see ruled out of England contention? And is Early Doors really a t*** gland?

COMING UP: It's the Champions League draw this afternoon at 5pm - we have live video streaming and traditional text comment coverage. Plus there's UEFA Cup football today, with Manchester City in a spot of bother and Aston Villa, well, not.

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I hate Liverpool at heart... I was almost crying tears of joy until Dirk Ku*t reared his puss filled head!
From claire881 on Thu Aug 28 10:55AM
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Kuyt is utterly useless, but happily moments like this keep him in the Liverfool team and safely away from any major trophies
From ruudjc1 on Thu Aug 28 10:58AM
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I think ED needs to know my identity in reference to its article of two days ago when they came out with a list of the 1st 5 teams.I am the 6th on overall standings ED!the one and only jacknfor
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 10:59AM
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Kuyt is not our best player by a long way and i always question rafas goaties decision to play him, but he turns up with vital goals. So what can i say? Other than YNWA.
From some_steam on Thu Aug 28 11:01AM
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some steam,i'm not a pool fan but i think kuyt has a massive role to play in ur team.His hardworking abilities are invaluable.peace
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 11:04AM
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Yeah some_steam, he's a bit like Forlan was for us. Popping up with vital last minute goals against diddy teams.
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 11:08AM
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I would like to see all (count them - ALL) of the allegedly overpaid so-called "prima-donnas" of the EPL ruled out of contention for the england team. None of them seems to care less. Championship players would play their socks off given the chance and, let's face it, and with all due respect to Derby (the exception that proves the rule) I think most championship teams would expect to beat Andorra!
p.s. One exception would be Senor Almunia - who should definately be handed the No. 1 shirt as soon as possible.
From bertie.nunn on Thu Aug 28 11:09AM
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p.p.s ...and made captain to boot!
From bertie.nunn on Thu Aug 28 11:12AM
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I don't have only one person i'll like to see ruled out of England contention but persons.These persons are;David Beckham coz he no longer has anything to offer to the English squad,Wes Brown cos he doesn't have thesame fighting spirit he has when he is in Utd's shirt(though he's not an exceptional player for me) and of course calamity James.
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 11:16AM
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even i have to admit that despite being a gooner, almunia is probably realistically our main man for goalie, how does he qualify for that is unknown to me, but for the sake of getting to the fials i'll suffer it
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 11:18AM
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Could someone tell me what a t*** gland actually is and what it looks like please?
From nickrichco on Thu Aug 28 11:18AM
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Re; Discussion - Am I a @#$% gland?
ED you are not a @#$% gland, your just a @#$%.
From samuelmanley on Thu Aug 28 11:19AM
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I think "prima donnas" is a bit insulting to all the ballet dancers out there.
Hey - why not field a team of ballet dancers? That could work in fact... rule out all the "stars" and put in some prancers instead
At least that way if you dont win, instead of having to say at work the day after "yeah yeah, I watched the game - yeah we failed terribly"
you could just say "no - I didnt see our dismal defeat - I watched the ballet".
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 11:19AM
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in all seriousness, I have to agree with you Jacknfor on your list of 3 players
nickrichco: grab a mirror and you will have your answer ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 11:20AM
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NickRichCo you asked 'Could someone tell me what a t*** gland actually is and what it looks like please?'
The answer is ... ED is a @#$% gland, and he looks like a @#$% gland.
Cheers
From samuelmanley on Thu Aug 28 11:21AM
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Poor, poor Liverpool. No i'm not feeling sorry for them, they were just that poor last night. So poor in fact that they literally sent me to sleep. I fell asleep just as the second half was kicking off, woke up about 65mins in and i'm pretty confident i didn't miss anything. Terrible, absolutely terrible.
From kevmun82 on Thu Aug 28 11:21AM
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Ed you truly are a world class muppet
From sgareth12 on Thu Aug 28 11:23AM
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Yeah thanks samuel - I think I got it now...
From nickrichco on Thu Aug 28 11:24AM
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back to the talking point (which of course is not footie related), are we sure that t*** gland is actually a @#$% gland, it could be tits or toes or even t'england (which is full of over payed @#$%s by the way).... either way ED thinks we are stupid, getting up at 6am to write this article my arse.... more like 100 chimps typing aimlessly to create each new article....
From some_steam on Thu Aug 28 11:25AM
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Ed is more smegma than twàt gland ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 11:25AM
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kw, how come you speak french, are you half french or somethin?
From risker15 on Thu Aug 28 11:26AM
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Okay Katong - I looked in a mirror and all I see is a damn fine looking guy - does this mead ED is as good looking as me?
From nickrichco on Thu Aug 28 11:27AM
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ED... I love your sense of humour and dry sarcasm...your blog makes me chuckle every morning. I do have to say though, that a lot of comments here are pointless, miss the gist and if anyone is a t*** gland, it's the morons who come on trying to be 'first'! I mean... get a life, will ya!
From nubasutra on Thu Aug 28 11:31AM
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The English media is the root course of England team's problem and players ego trips. The media is so gongho on the next big football star that the slightest show of skilss is blown to unbelievable proportions. Hadly will an English footballer succeed outside England yet they are acclaimed by English media to be world beater incredible. No harm in praising your own but when it is overblown plenty harm is done hence the under achivement by England in football at all levels. This overzealeousness has gotten to the fans too imagine Gunners fan cheering Theo's slightest touch when Fabregas's performance was far superior and wasn't cheered why wont this affect the English guyy' performance. ED should lead a vanguard of revolutionalising the English national team by giving critical review of english players performance weekly
From ziaddina on Thu Aug 28 11:34AM
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Not worth commenting on. Lazy, ill informed excuse for a journalist. Move over give someone else a chance you loser.
From pjbroughton on Thu Aug 28 11:35AM
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ALL ENGLISH FOOTBALL
PREMIER LEAGUE – FA CUP – CARLING CUP
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – UEFA CUP
ALL MATCHES ON WEB: PREMIER LEAGUE, LIGA, SERIE A, BUNDESLIGA AND CHAMPIONS LEAGUE&UEFA CUP
ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS OF PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHES
From pulgosita20 on Thu Aug 28 11:38AM
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ALL ENGLISH FOOTBALL
PREMIER LEAGUE – FA CUP – CARLING CUP
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – UEFA CUP
ALL MATCHES ON WEB: PREMIER LEAGUE, LIGA, SERIE A, BUNDESLIGA AND CHAMPIONS LEAGUE&UEFA CUP
ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS OF PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHES
From pulgosita20 on Thu Aug 28 11:38AM
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Since a lot of England's recent performances have been woefully, even criminally, poor why not introduce some form of footballing ASBO (call it a FASBO if you like) for the worst repeat offenders. Players should be picked on the basis of their club performances over, say the past 6 matches, and then all the player stats scrutinised after the game (ground covered, tackles made, fouls committed/won, passes etc...) and these compared to their relevant club stats. Any players found to be underperforming on this basis - Slap a FASBO on them, fine them a months wages and make them drive round in a G-reg Fiesta until they shape up. Personal Accountability - that's what we need.
From bertie.nunn on Thu Aug 28 11:39AM
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ED your article today is rather ridiculous your title and content are not in sync. So Stevie G goes for ops so f@#...g what? is it guaranteed that he will be the same / better player after the ops? was he ever a main force to the national like he is for Lpool? Guys please do us all a favour take a some deserved time off and come back hopefully refreshed
From ziaddina on Thu Aug 28 11:47AM
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terrific article as per usual!!
From andymc09 on Thu Aug 28 11:53AM
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