Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

The saviour of English football

Thu Aug 28 09:00AM

Behind the strangely fake-looking facial hair that Early Doors can't get used to after more than a year perched precariously on Rafa Benitez's face (the facial hair, not ED), lies the saviour of English football.

The Liverpool gaffer might just have saved the nation's bacon with his brazenly self-serving decision to send Steven Gerrard for groin surgery.

As a result, Fabio Capello will not get the opportunity to "kill" Stevie G in the World Cup qualifiers against Andorra and Croatia.

(Indicentally - before Scouseland goes off half-cocked - ED has no problem with Liverpool sending Gerrard for an operation ahead of the international break. He's their player after all. But it's fairly cynical.)

Given England managers' pathological inability to pick just one of Gerrard and Frank Lampard, that could be great news indeed.

Only once can ED remember an England manager dropping either man, and that was when Steve McClaren, of all people, kept Gareth Barry in ahead of Lampard for the Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia.

Of course, McClaren lost his bottle, by bringing Lampard back, and then his job, by losing to Croatia (the second time, with the umbrella. Not the first time with the Robinson airshot; or indeed the third time - signature calamitous moment to be decided).

Otherwise, successive coaches have attempted to shoehorn them both into the same, alpha-male-heavy midfield by playing either one or both men hopelessly out of position.

Remember Sven's attempt to convert Fat Frank into a holding player? Or Gerrard's recent deployment on the left (ED doesn't care what Don Fabio's Christmas tree says; he was playing out wide)?

Now Capello is more or less forced to pick a midfield with some balance, with Joe Cole on the left, where he is good, and Barry and Lampard in the middle.

Even with David Beckham strolling around on the right, day-dreaming about his courtside seats at the Lakers and pinging corners straight at the nearest defender, it looks a hell of a lot better.

So, if England go on to win the 2010 World Cup - a big ask, admittedly - Capello should share his honorary knighthood with Benitez.

- - -

People are very keen on putting a price tag on goals, particularly important ones like Dirk Kuyt's extra-time winner against Standard Liege, which cruelly robbed ED of the delicious spectacle of penalties.

Kuyt's tap-in, bringing as it did the guarantee of Champions League football, was valued at £30m; a handy way to repay his vastly inflated transfer fee more than three times over.

But surely the real value to Liverpool fans is not the financial worth, but the facts that: a) They can still win the flipping Champions League, and b) They were spared the embarrassment of getting turned over by a moderate Belgian outfit. The £30m is really neither here nor there.

- - -

Gareth Barry's announcement, via his agent, that he has "decided" to stay at Aston Villa made Early Doors chuckle.

This, of course, is the same Gareth Barry who two months ago said: "My mind's made up, I want to join Liverpool. There's no going back, it's time for me to move on. I'm desperate to play Champions League football and that's why I have to leave Villa."

What's more, the Barry saga demonstrated that he is no more able to decide which club he plays for than he is to sprout wings and fly the entire Villa squad to Cleethorpes.

Contracts are only "not worth the paper they are written on" if clubs spinelessly give in to their players' every whim and allow bigger clubs to bully them.

Villa told Liverpool to meet their valuation of Barry, which they didn't, so the player stayed put. That's how transfers used to work.

In a similar spirit to Barry, Early Doors would like to announce that, after much speculation, it will not become Barack Obama's running mate for the US Presidency.

ED made the decision to stay two weeks ago and informed Senator Obama of his intentions.

ED wants to concentrate on getting up at six in the morning to write some crappy blog, and hopes this draws a line under the matter.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on his alleged unflattering comments about Manchester: "I'd like to clarify that I did not make these particular remarks. I spoke about the difficulty I had settling in to life in Manchester, but that does not reflect how I feel now."

Er, so which was it? Are the quotes made up or did you just not mean them? Even Manchester United's official site is confused, saying the remarks "have either been taken out of context or misquoted."

FOREIGN VIEW: "Not Cristiano, nor Villa, nor Cazorla" - Marca laments that, despite the paper's best efforts, Real Madrid have drawn a big fat blank in their pursuit of their main transfer targets this summer.

TALKING POINT: lordofjapes: "ed is a t*** gland. since when has vidic been known as such a hard man? answer? only by man united fans which ed, based down south no doubt, evidently is. the constant digs at city are ridiculous. we've spanked your local team three nowt at the weekend. why don't you take your s***ty column and **** off."

master7525 "Whoever wrote the article is either an idiot or just hates the fact that Manchester United are losing they're best players...."

Today - Who would you most like to see ruled out of England contention? And is Early Doors really a t*** gland?

COMING UP: It's the Champions League draw this afternoon at 5pm - we have live video streaming and traditional text comment coverage. Plus there's UEFA Cup football today, with Manchester City in a spot of bother and Aston Villa, well, not.

  1. im good Jude - im workin right now - but cause you made an appearance I thought I would drop by to tell you how much

    MAN UNITED SUCK!

    welcome back ;)

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 02:36PM

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  2. perv control rocks.peace jude.good to have u back temporarily

    jacknforFrom jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 02:36PM

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  3. Men wearing little blue helmets suck!

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 02:36PM

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  4. kevin you @#$% sucker thats the originall lord 500 your talking to there.show some respect

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 02:37PM

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  5. Look forward to it, Enjoy the beach, dont forget to wax your helmet!

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 02:40PM

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  6. Awh Ben please forgive me, it will never happen again!!

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 02:42PM

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  7. Frankie Detori?

    d_w_hicklingFrom d_w_hickling on Thu Aug 28 02:43PM

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  8. only a coward keeps his glasses on when hes insulting another person

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 02:48PM

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  9. Come on now Ben, its an Avatar, its hardly an insult! I dont no anyone on this personally so how can I possibly insult them!

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 02:51PM

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  10. jude happens to be sensitive about his helmet. the slightest mention of it brings back a torrent of bad memories of his school days when he was hounded by bullies calling him 'judey blue pecker'. eventually he was forced to become a recluse. so your coments could set off his ultra rage at any time

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 02:56PM

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  11. it's the suck meister, i just got back from a buisy trip to uncle henry's how's the sun sea sand and guinness going?

    roxydgurlFrom roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 03:00PM

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  12. So basically he iscolates himself from the rest of the world and comes out every once in a while (By the looks of it - Everyday) and says that everything sucks?

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 03:02PM

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  13. his sucking tendancies are sporadic. but we all know and love him for it

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 03:03PM

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  14. wow sam, not only did you suprise me with the once married now divorced bit, but he was french too, I was guessing ozzy, i thought you were there now on an extended vacation from reality

    roxydgurlFrom roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 03:10PM

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  15. looks like i hoovered the atmosphere up again here
    sorry folks

    roxydgurlFrom roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 03:11PM

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  16. This will more than likely be Man Utd's Group in the Champions League - Manchester United, Sporting Lisbon, Basel, Anorthosis Famagusta.

    Because they are jammy B@st@rds when it comes to draws!

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Thu Aug 28 03:23PM

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  17. hey foxy

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 03:26PM

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  18. I liked the commentators summing up of the Liverpool game 'There is a footballing deity.... he is a Liverpool fan'. Quite true after the dodgy performance. But then we always seem to struggle in those CL qualifiers. After witnessing the Havant and Barnsley FA cup games I know how dodgy we can be against @#$% opposition so I'll take the 'only just win' thank you very much!!!

    gemma.lornieFrom gemma.lornie on Thu Aug 28 03:27PM

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  19. hiya ben

    roxydgurlFrom roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 03:33PM

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  20. Dont tell me you missed the suckmeister again Roxy... !:(

    I like to keep you suprised Roxy - yes, married to a Frenchman at 21 - divorced at 27 (there is no translation of the word "fidelity" in French apparently).

    I'm just here still cause I like the cheese. Very much.

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 03:36PM

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  21. kw i like the way you put both cheese and fidelity in the same post. two words that spend the majority of their time seperated by a cavenous gap but u bring them togther in perfect harmony.love it.

    foxy, i see u didnt enjoy the politics talk yesterday?

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 03:40PM

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  22. you could never hoover up the atmosphere Roxy ;) its because all the guys are dumbstruck by your beautiful nature and charm they go all quiet...

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 03:41PM

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  23. thanks ben - I try ;)

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 03:41PM

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  24. Sam, I was just about to pay Roxy the very same compliment, guess it sounds a bit less sleazy coming from you.

    There are lots of football gods, and they all support different teams. I like to think of them in a Discworld-esque scenario, all sat around playing Subbuteo to decide what happens down here. And the ones with the most money and best stuff usually win.

    rob_snaithFrom rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 03:45PM

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  25. thats actually a fair assessment. theres a saying 'an avatar paints a thousand words' and roxys says it all

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 03:46PM

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  26. mr snaith(commisar of foreign affairs and four day weekends)

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 03:47PM

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  27. Thank You My Glorious Leader, I humbly accept the grace you have bestowed upon me. Can I get tomorrow off please?

    rob_snaithFrom rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 03:49PM

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  28. Monopoly would be fun - we could just send Fergie to prison, do not pass go, do not get collect your 300£mill transfer money

    Give Ronaldo a "chance" card; 'you decided to go to the hairdresser again. 200 euros'

    Then ship all the Arseys off to Euston Road.

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 03:53PM

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  29. So Sam, you're accepting the fact that Sir Alex and Ronnie-boy are football gods? Wow, that's pretty big of you!

    ;-p

    rob_snaithFrom rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 03:54PM

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  30. rob snaith(commisar for drunkeness,debauchery and generall tom foolery) your working hours will be:

    tuesday 12-2
    wed 12-3
    thurs 12-3

    salary: to be paid in fine wine,fair trade chocolate and latino women (pro rata)

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:03PM

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