Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

The saviour of English football

Thu Aug 28 09:00AM

Behind the strangely fake-looking facial hair that Early Doors can't get used to after more than a year perched precariously on Rafa Benitez's face (the facial hair, not ED), lies the saviour of English football.

The Liverpool gaffer might just have saved the nation's bacon with his brazenly self-serving decision to send Steven Gerrard for groin surgery.

As a result, Fabio Capello will not get the opportunity to "kill" Stevie G in the World Cup qualifiers against Andorra and Croatia.

(Indicentally - before Scouseland goes off half-cocked - ED has no problem with Liverpool sending Gerrard for an operation ahead of the international break. He's their player after all. But it's fairly cynical.)

Given England managers' pathological inability to pick just one of Gerrard and Frank Lampard, that could be great news indeed.

Only once can ED remember an England manager dropping either man, and that was when Steve McClaren, of all people, kept Gareth Barry in ahead of Lampard for the Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia.

Of course, McClaren lost his bottle, by bringing Lampard back, and then his job, by losing to Croatia (the second time, with the umbrella. Not the first time with the Robinson airshot; or indeed the third time - signature calamitous moment to be decided).

Otherwise, successive coaches have attempted to shoehorn them both into the same, alpha-male-heavy midfield by playing either one or both men hopelessly out of position.

Remember Sven's attempt to convert Fat Frank into a holding player? Or Gerrard's recent deployment on the left (ED doesn't care what Don Fabio's Christmas tree says; he was playing out wide)?

Now Capello is more or less forced to pick a midfield with some balance, with Joe Cole on the left, where he is good, and Barry and Lampard in the middle.

Even with David Beckham strolling around on the right, day-dreaming about his courtside seats at the Lakers and pinging corners straight at the nearest defender, it looks a hell of a lot better.

So, if England go on to win the 2010 World Cup - a big ask, admittedly - Capello should share his honorary knighthood with Benitez.

- - -

People are very keen on putting a price tag on goals, particularly important ones like Dirk Kuyt's extra-time winner against Standard Liege, which cruelly robbed ED of the delicious spectacle of penalties.

Kuyt's tap-in, bringing as it did the guarantee of Champions League football, was valued at £30m; a handy way to repay his vastly inflated transfer fee more than three times over.

But surely the real value to Liverpool fans is not the financial worth, but the facts that: a) They can still win the flipping Champions League, and b) They were spared the embarrassment of getting turned over by a moderate Belgian outfit. The £30m is really neither here nor there.

- - -

Gareth Barry's announcement, via his agent, that he has "decided" to stay at Aston Villa made Early Doors chuckle.

This, of course, is the same Gareth Barry who two months ago said: "My mind's made up, I want to join Liverpool. There's no going back, it's time for me to move on. I'm desperate to play Champions League football and that's why I have to leave Villa."

What's more, the Barry saga demonstrated that he is no more able to decide which club he plays for than he is to sprout wings and fly the entire Villa squad to Cleethorpes.

Contracts are only "not worth the paper they are written on" if clubs spinelessly give in to their players' every whim and allow bigger clubs to bully them.

Villa told Liverpool to meet their valuation of Barry, which they didn't, so the player stayed put. That's how transfers used to work.

In a similar spirit to Barry, Early Doors would like to announce that, after much speculation, it will not become Barack Obama's running mate for the US Presidency.

ED made the decision to stay two weeks ago and informed Senator Obama of his intentions.

ED wants to concentrate on getting up at six in the morning to write some crappy blog, and hopes this draws a line under the matter.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on his alleged unflattering comments about Manchester: "I'd like to clarify that I did not make these particular remarks. I spoke about the difficulty I had settling in to life in Manchester, but that does not reflect how I feel now."

Er, so which was it? Are the quotes made up or did you just not mean them? Even Manchester United's official site is confused, saying the remarks "have either been taken out of context or misquoted."

FOREIGN VIEW: "Not Cristiano, nor Villa, nor Cazorla" - Marca laments that, despite the paper's best efforts, Real Madrid have drawn a big fat blank in their pursuit of their main transfer targets this summer.

TALKING POINT: lordofjapes: "ed is a t*** gland. since when has vidic been known as such a hard man? answer? only by man united fans which ed, based down south no doubt, evidently is. the constant digs at city are ridiculous. we've spanked your local team three nowt at the weekend. why don't you take your s***ty column and **** off."

master7525 "Whoever wrote the article is either an idiot or just hates the fact that Manchester United are losing they're best players...."

Today - Who would you most like to see ruled out of England contention? And is Early Doors really a t*** gland?

COMING UP: It's the Champions League draw this afternoon at 5pm - we have live video streaming and traditional text comment coverage. Plus there's UEFA Cup football today, with Manchester City in a spot of bother and Aston Villa, well, not.

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rob just prove to ben how pedantic you can be for him describing you as 'commisar for drunkeness,debauchery and generall tom foolery'.Peace
From jacknfor on Thu Aug 28 04:07PM
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Rob: no no - i just like the idea of manipulating the infidels ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 04:07PM
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Well Mein Commandant, you certainly know hoe to keep a happy workforce. I promise I won't let you down.
Just one thing, can I add pedanticery into my title?
Oh and tomfoolery is all one word.
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:08PM
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You read my mind Brother Jack. just a shame I'm not so critical with my own posts eh?
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:10PM
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Sam, well you are a woman, manipulation is your speciality. ;-0
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:13PM
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love it. im fully aware that your loyality will be short lived and you will atempt to overthrow me and chuck me into the gulag (modern day translation...a wimpey franchise of your choice?) but i have a secret weapon...wokster...commisar of kickass manipulation,unlikely word grouping and all things ausfrench.
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:16PM
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it's a big commitment just for cheese sam, i like french red wine best of all things french
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:19PM
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foxy=foxy
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:20PM
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How do you know we won't join forces, the Frogaroo and myself?
And anyway, i'm not that devious, I would at least wait until power went to your head before i turned you into a nice cheesy gulash.
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:22PM
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roxy=commisar of foxyness
kw would not join forces with you because shes a secret weapon
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:27PM
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oooh i just read your comment sam, I'm far too modest to accept the guys would do that, but for ben and jude
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:27PM
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im not a cheese freak, most forms of american cheese is fairly tasteless, just the way i like it
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:30PM
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I think cheese may well be the one thing I would not be able to live without. It's definately up there in the top three, along with the existence of lovely ladies, and oxygen.
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:32PM
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an ode to the foxy one
roxy girl foxy girl you come from the D
foxy girl roxy girl you are beautiful to me.
you support the yids that come from the lane
your beauty is so great we could never complain
your hair is ever changing but always so fine
your deep and fruity like a full bodied wine
your eyes are so big and your deep gazing stare
never fails to rescue me from a state of dispair
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:34PM
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i'd not make a good commisar of anything unless it's choccy although i might like the uniform
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:34PM
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aww ben thats really nice, what can i say after that!
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:37PM
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How about commisar of unpolitical chocolate and cheese apathy?
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:40PM
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hahahahaha frogaroo
I wish I could participate - but the penguins all have deadlines dammit!
I cant live without cheese... or wine
as for secret weapon - I cant tell you or I would have to kill you all ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 04:41PM
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thankyou roxy.it took me ages
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:42PM
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oh no!
im allergic to chocolate roxy - dont become commissaire de chocolat!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 04:43PM
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I'm in a quandry. All my penguins have left, I've got at least another 3 hours worth of work that I really SHOULD do, but after tonight I'm off till Tuesday and motivation is waning.
I think I'll go for a walk around the building and think about it.
From rob_snaith on Thu Aug 28 04:45PM
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i like it rob!!!
I appreciate the effort and the content too ben, very touching
frogaroo got me too sam, reminds me of my dad's newest nickname for me, there's a line of clothing called roxy wear, but for the little girls there's roxy teenie waheenie, so lately i get that from him
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:47PM
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allergic to chocolate sam, thats disaterous, how do you cope? i dont binge on it, but it's hard to live without
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:52PM
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hahahaha i like your style rob
I went up and thought I would waste some time with the accounts lady yesterday; Ive @#$%il now) never got along with her for some reason; she is known by everyone here to be the "wicked witch of the third floor".
I went up there yesterday - and lo and behold! I find out she is a Marseille supporter, loves footy - watches all the games, her nephew is Liverpool - etc etc - and I spent an hour there chatting! was ORSM! Now she loves me.
There are no other footy supporters here - everyone in this 'international organisation' looks down upon "football" for some reason - no one wants to chat footy.
And yet - it turns out the woman with the purse strings is my lady!
So you are giving me ideas actually - one way to drown out the sound of penguin wings flapping is to "disappear" and go for a "walkabout" as we call it ;)
go find your general services or IT guy maybe ;) who knows? ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 04:53PM
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roxy o roxy the girl in spurs whites
to gaze into your eyes brings pure and endless delight.
you wonder through bas vegas with beauty and grace
bringing chavs to their knees with your mesmerising face.
popeyes chicken and biscuits will never do for you
so i will take you to sizzler to prove my love is true.
you work for uncle henry,he works you to the bone
but with my by your side foxy, you will never be alone
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 04:53PM
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ben you're an actual poet thats for sure, i'm sure glad it didnt go like there was a young lady in bas-vegas etc etc
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 04:57PM
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haha love it - roxy tini wahini
Im wearing my roxy purple velvet jumper today actually - thats my fav brand
quicksilver /roxy
im allergic to chocolate it makes me cry at Easter actually
it really sucks
ok - im off home - have an ORSM night everyone!
xx
From kantong_wokster on Thu Aug 28 04:59PM
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i could go on all day foxy. im not a man for lymmerics thats for sure. i was pleased with the seccond one.hope you enjoyed it. i use these pancakes as my insperation
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 05:00PM
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have a great one sam
ben you sure are a man of many tallents, what with the political stuff, the poetry etc and you're a spurs fan, do you get people there think basketball not footy, i used to get them confused all the time, they used to think i was confused as i never say "soccer" probably on purpose
From roxydgurl on Thu Aug 28 05:06PM
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u flatter me foxy. in truth im a jack of all trades,master of none. im sorry to say that i call soccer soccer when im over here.purely because i play a lot of 'space football'
i see that jude thinks i have let him down
From bencornelius23 on Thu Aug 28 05:09PM
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