Everyone's a winner
Wed Feb 06 08:56AM
In the bad old days of reality TV, before executives realised it was more fun to humiliate contestants, hosts used to simper that "they're all winners".
It was in a similar spirit that Early Doors watched Super Duper Tuesday (a name presumably on loan from Sky Sports), the day that was meant to settle the candidates for the US Presidential Election.
But, like America's greatest export - TV dramas that overstay their welcome (Sopranos, Lost, West Wing, Six Feet Under... take your pick) - what started off as a fascinating thrill has ended up a confused mess set to rumble on interminably until nobody but the protagonists themselves care about the outcome.
Oh, right: ***Spoiler Alert!***
Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton trumpeted her victories in Massachusetts, Arkansas and even American Samoa, whose population of 57,000 makes it roughly the same size as Macclesfield. You go girl.
Meanwhile Barack Obama's projected victory in the great state of Delaware provided a telling riposte to Clinton's South Pacific exploits.
On the Republican side, it was even weirder, with Mike Huckerbee and Mitt "What kind of a name is that?" Romney still proclaiming victory despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Such tactics would appear to be the only chance Derby have of staying in the top flight this season.
Rather than slinking away disconsolately after this weekend's 3-0 defeat at home to Tottenham (Early Doors isn't claiming to be Nostradamus, but it seems fairly probable), they should celebrate wildly.
Paul Jewell must then speak in grandiose yet vague terms about the Rams' "long road to victory".
The club's American owners should ignore their position at the bottom of the table - you know, like they do in US sports - and simply pitch up unannounced at Villa Park next August, steal Middlesbrough's parking space and hope nobody notices.
Come on, it's not like anyone actually remembers who went down, and who would miss Boro anyway?
- - -
It seems Michael Owen is destined to play either domestic or international football, but never both at the same time.
The former boy wonder is on his longest run of club games for some years (nine matches in a row!) but will be watching from the bench as England demolish the Swiss in the now-customary new coach romp.
Capello looks set to fly in the face of convention by naming Wayne Rooney as a lone forward, supported by a quartet of attacking midfielders.
The formation is reminiscent of Manchester United, where Rooney is surrounded by the likes of Ronaldo, Tevez, Nani and Anderson.
Capello's England side is obviously much less good at Portuguese and - in the main - a good deal pastier, but the Italian hopes it will bring similar results.
The last four England managers won their opening games by a combined 13-1 scoreline, while the last proper boss (sit down, Howard Wilkinson) to falter on his debut was Bobby Robson way back in 1982.
So let's not call the open-top bus people just yet if Capello's charges record a convincing win at Wembley.
- - -
Today marks the 50th anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster.
Twenty-three people were killed when a plane carrying the Manchester United team back from a European Cup tie in Belgrade failed to take off following a refuelling stop in the German city.
Among the dead were eight players from the Busby Babes - Geoff Bent, Roger Byrne, Eddie Colman, Duncan Edwards, Mark Jones, David Pegg, Tommy Taylor and Liam Whelan.
Early Doors sincerely hopes the minutes' silence at tonight's England game and at Sunday's Manchester derby are observed with the respect they deserve.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm not a Messiah." Fabio Capello. What? Then why are we shelling out all that money?
DEBATE OF THE DAY: Avoid pondering the nature of your pointless existence by spending the day posting comments at the bottom of this blog. The best submission may well feature in Early Doors tomorrow. Today's subject: What measures should be taken to make England friendlies more interesting?
FOREIGN VIEW: Ever wonder what former Bolton man Fernando Hierro is up to? Well, he's now a big cheese at the Spanish Football Federation and is saying Luis Aragones will not be sacked until after Euro 2008. Fairly soon after, if past form is anything to go by.
COMING UP: We have our usual bells-and-whistles live coverage of England versus Switzerland, along with every game involving the home nations and Ireland. Plus there is live scoring of all the night's international friendly action from 4pm.
- ALEX CHICK -
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IM this storyGive the opposition 3-0 lead at the start and employ sexy cheer leaders when times get tough, who knows, it might arouse Ashley Cole into doing something useful! Chris, Plymouth.
From oirish_chris on Wed Feb 06 09:14AMOnce again , total rubbish why oh why do eurosport allow these idiots a platform
From ilough on Wed Feb 06 09:26AMOnce again, someone completely misses the point of Early Doors...
From rubenheimer on Wed Feb 06 09:29AMilough, why do you read if you don't like it?
From rob_snaith on Wed Feb 06 09:37AMOnce again hilarous, keep up the good work
From dhortuneesco on Wed Feb 06 09:41AMGood stuff
From lwlssptrck on Wed Feb 06 09:49AMQUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm not a Messiah." Fabio Capello. What? Then why are we shelling out all that money?
Of course we all know that genuine Messiahs earn fortunes, don't they? Moron.
From col1972uk on Wed Feb 06 09:54AMAnother quality read this morning, cheers lads
From paul.rickman on Wed Feb 06 10:11AMmake all friendlies and international matches performance related for the coach, if we lose he doesn't get paid, if we win he gets a percentage of his annual salary pro-rata...
From horlerhome on Wed Feb 06 10:14AMIsn't there some kind of twaaaatfilter that can be applied to the comments?
From simondenham on Wed Feb 06 10:16AMPlay against the England Rugby team - They'll look like they're thrashing us during the first half with their 'naturalised' English Brazilian Ronalwilko. But by the end of the second they'll of fallen apart in true English style, we'll of thrashed them and probably left them crying like girls. Yep even Macca's team would look good, perfect scenario really.
From cjg274 on Wed Feb 06 10:24AMFriendlies better? Well i suppose we could make it truly crazy, pit the likes of Plymouth Argyle against Brazil, Luton against Italy? Or for those "takeshi's castle fans" get one of those guns from 'Bridge Ball' that a lucky half time competition winner, gets to shoot at the team of thier choice during the 2nd half
Keep up the good work chaps, definately a better read than my morning work schedule!
From neo_booie on Wed Feb 06 10:26AMMake a friendly league table, you get points for each ffiendly you win as in the normal league format.....3 points a win 1 point a draw. Then at the end of every year the top team wins the friendly league...maybe england could get some silverware
From raulpeeves on Wed Feb 06 10:28AMCome on less of the Boro bashing!! If it was not for the Boro, Arsenal would be unbeaten in the league! Lets look outside the "big 4" and you will notice that over the last 10 seasons the Boro are the most succesful side!! Fair enough we tend to get turned over in the finals we reach but the fact we get there against all odds surely adds entertainment to any boring Wednesday night Sky Sports cup replay!
From amarzy on Wed Feb 06 10:33AMWhy would cheer leaders (notoriously female) get Ashley Cole to do something useful... er, maybe they would distract him, not meaning to imply anything else about Male cheerleaders being more productive! Unless of course you offer him more money to do something, then he would do it but not for the money, obviously.
To make the friendlies more interesting, turn over to re-runs of... well anything really is better than an England match... I mean a friendly England match dont i!From gary_parratt on Wed Feb 06 10:40AMDon't have them is the short answer. Have the seats free so that the stadium has a good chance of being full and therefore creating a cup-tie atmosphere is a longer answer. Or return to the friendlies between sides drawn from national leagues. The 'English' might win a game or two.
From james_ssmith on Wed Feb 06 11:01AMJust leave the players at home and let the wives play, far more interesting.....
From gregken67 on Wed Feb 06 11:05AMIf he's 'not the Messiah', I presume that makes him 'a very naughty boy'!
From jcaley1 on Wed Feb 06 11:06AMFriendlies more interesting? With an Italian manager allow every corner to be accompanied by a glass of Chianti and a regional pasta dish and judged by the next footballing "hero" that wants to appear on Master Chef, give the crowd a green and red card so they can judge the best dish and give the winning manager 10 minutes to prepare an Italian dessert from the Wembley goody bag (Ainsley Harriot as pitch commentator). Non goalscorers presented with a sequin tight fitting outfit and told they have to compete on the next series of Strictly come Dancing. Might attract a few more women to the game which should wake up Ashley Cole and mates!
From gary.howe2 on Wed Feb 06 11:19AMHAHAH well said jcaley
From neo_booie on Wed Feb 06 11:25AMWhy don't we have an England FC in the Premiership? That way we would have a friendly every week and the lads would play together and might end up looking like a team. We would stop the club versus country debate and take the lead in international development. Just a thought.
From voydow on Wed Feb 06 11:27AMIdeas for friendlies:
1) Triangular pitches, three teams, 1 ball.
2) Have a judging panel award 0.1 goals for a nifty trick.
3) Allow the refs to score. Change them every 15 minutes and award a cup to the official who has scored the most. Include them in the next England squad if they managed to outscore the national team.
4) Play them behind closed doors and just tell us they were exciting. Actually I like this one as, when the time comes for the precious little princesses to play a game that matters, they might be up for playing in front of a crowd and show a bit of passion.
From bantamstu on Wed Feb 06 11:38AMI have to echo amarzy's comment - The 'Mighty' Boro are the team that makes the Prem League the spectacle it is. Sure, we're generally not exciting to watch but our strategy of gifting the relegation contenders 3 points all the time and claiming shock wins against the bigs sides proves that indirectly we are the engine room of the league!
From plbrown79 on Wed Feb 06 11:39AMEngland were beaten by Russia - not the plastic pitch, The rugby team were beaten by a better team(disallowed try would not have effected the final score). L Hamilton did not win the F1 championship because he went too slow.
60 used to be the retirement age in Italy. Engerland - stick to cricket - we all know you are c@*p at that!From geelte on Wed Feb 06 11:50AMHang on! Scotland, England, Ireland and Wales are NOT going to the Euro finals. Why not bring back the old Home Internationals to give them all some much needed experience. No one can say that one country is better than the other as none qualified and the players do not deserve a summer holiday!
From geelte on Wed Feb 06 11:57AMI like either gregken67's idea- I might watch the match then, or gary.howe2's suggestion of a cook off. Either idea could be tasty! Even better- combine the two, have the wives competing in the cook-off. But I doubt even that will wake up Asley Cole and co.
From rippleraider on Wed Feb 06 11:58AMSince commentators always complain that the number of subs allowed in friendlies makes the game disjointed, let's stick it to Motty and crew American style - let's have a squad of 45 players so just about every club will have an England international player (except Derby of course, oh and Arsenal, because they don't have any English players on their books.....), and then every time the ball goes out or play stops you can make unlimited subs. Free kicks near goal? No probs, bring on 5 Peter Crouch lanky types, and then see if you can get it over the wall, Ronaldo! Penalty? Bring on an expert stopper. (Are there any who are English?) Brawl? Bring on Lee Bowyer and a few more thugs. Would make it a lot more entertaining.
From andywalker269 on Wed Feb 06 12:00PM"Of course we all know that genuine Messiahs earn fortunes, don't they? Moron."
That doesn't make sense...
Taking inspiration from Bill Hicks here but...maybe England friendlies would be more interesting if the crowd were given pistols. I can see downsides though.
From thomasd.wragg on Wed Feb 06 12:01PMThere is no such thing as "A friendly" Just ask the Scots, Irish or Welsh what it was like when we played the home internationals. We should bring them back, have a proper game. lol We can only wait and see how Capello manages our beloved England. We have the players to beat anyone!!
From cptsheridanuk on Wed Feb 06 12:09PMI think a way to make freindlies more interesting would be to use them as experiments for all the new ideas people have to improve the game. For instance, goal-line tchnology, two referees, TV replays etc. A game which means nothing seems the perfect place to try these ideas out.
From pete.ambrose on Wed Feb 06 12:13PM
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