Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Everyone's a winner

Wed Feb 06 08:56AM

Barack Obama:

In the bad old days of reality TV, before executives realised it was more fun to humiliate contestants, hosts used to simper that "they're all winners".

It was in a similar spirit that Early Doors watched Super Duper Tuesday (a name presumably on loan from Sky Sports), the day that was meant to settle the candidates for the US Presidential Election.

But, like America's greatest export - TV dramas that overstay their welcome (Sopranos, Lost, West Wing, Six Feet Under... take your pick) - what started off as a fascinating thrill has ended up a confused mess set to rumble on interminably until nobody but the protagonists themselves care about the outcome.

Oh, right: ***Spoiler Alert!***

Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton trumpeted her victories in Massachusetts, Arkansas and even American Samoa, whose population of 57,000 makes it roughly the same size as Macclesfield. You go girl.

Meanwhile Barack Obama's projected victory in the great state of Delaware provided a telling riposte to Clinton's South Pacific exploits.

On the Republican side, it was even weirder, with Mike Huckerbee and Mitt "What kind of a name is that?" Romney still proclaiming victory despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Such tactics would appear to be the only chance Derby have of staying in the top flight this season.

Rather than slinking away disconsolately after this weekend's 3-0 defeat at home to Tottenham (Early Doors isn't claiming to be Nostradamus, but it seems fairly probable), they should celebrate wildly.

Paul Jewell must then speak in grandiose yet vague terms about the Rams' "long road to victory".

The club's American owners should ignore their position at the bottom of the table - you know, like they do in US sports - and simply pitch up unannounced at Villa Park next August, steal Middlesbrough's parking space and hope nobody notices.

Come on, it's not like anyone actually remembers who went down, and who would miss Boro anyway?

- - -

It seems Michael Owen is destined to play either domestic or international football, but never both at the same time.

The former boy wonder is on his longest run of club games for some years (nine matches in a row!) but will be watching from the bench as England demolish the Swiss in the now-customary new coach romp.

Capello looks set to fly in the face of convention by naming Wayne Rooney as a lone forward, supported by a quartet of attacking midfielders.

The formation is reminiscent of Manchester United, where Rooney is surrounded by the likes of Ronaldo, Tevez, Nani and Anderson.

Capello's England side is obviously much less good at Portuguese and - in the main - a good deal pastier, but the Italian hopes it will bring similar results.

The last four England managers won their opening games by a combined 13-1 scoreline, while the last proper boss (sit down, Howard Wilkinson) to falter on his debut was Bobby Robson way back in 1982.

So let's not call the open-top bus people just yet if Capello's charges record a convincing win at Wembley.

- - -

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster.

Twenty-three people were killed when a plane carrying the Manchester United team back from a European Cup tie in Belgrade failed to take off following a refuelling stop in the German city.

Among the dead were eight players from the Busby Babes - Geoff Bent, Roger Byrne, Eddie Colman, Duncan Edwards, Mark Jones, David Pegg, Tommy Taylor and Liam Whelan.

Early Doors sincerely hopes the minutes' silence at tonight's England game and at Sunday's Manchester derby are observed with the respect they deserve.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm not a Messiah." Fabio Capello. What? Then why are we shelling out all that money?

DEBATE OF THE DAY: Avoid pondering the nature of your pointless existence by spending the day posting comments at the bottom of this blog. The best submission may well feature in Early Doors tomorrow. Today's subject: What measures should be taken to make England friendlies more interesting?

FOREIGN VIEW: Ever wonder what former Bolton man Fernando Hierro is up to? Well, he's now a big cheese at the Spanish Football Federation and is saying Luis Aragones will not be sacked until after Euro 2008. Fairly soon after, if past form is anything to go by.

COMING UP: We have our usual bells-and-whistles live coverage of England versus Switzerland, along with every game involving the home nations and Ireland. Plus there is live scoring of all the night's international friendly action from 4pm.

- ALEX CHICK -

  1. England friendly matches-have 2 teams perside an offensive team when we go forward and a defensive team when we go backward-allows more players to have a go. Teams change when ball crosses the half way line.Defensive team has 2 players less than the offensive team, but includes 2 goalkeepers (watch them get in each others way!). Only goalkeepers can stop the ball going in the net, other players will be deemed BBG (Body Before Goal).Hitting the woodwork counts as a goal.One of the players for each team must be a jack russell terrier (to which no rules apply).Players can only pass forwards but can dribble forwards or backwards.Kick-offs and goal kicks come from a 'Rollerball' style cannon...think I'd better lie down now!

    ian.webb61From ian.webb61 on Wed Feb 06 12:24PM

    Report abuse

  2. cptshridanuk is perfectly correct in that the "friendlies" were somewhat intense - is that not all the more reason to re-instate the Home Internationals? That way there would be more of a meaning to hold them - Engerland won the W.C. when these were being played since then...........??? Proper International matches are a bit sparse on the ground in the U.K. for some time!

    geelteFrom geelte on Wed Feb 06 12:29PM

    Report abuse

  3. Dogs! Throw a couple of dogs onto the pitch. Make the players play in kit from the 80's that is a tad tight in the wrong places. Open one side of the stadium to allow the ball to go blooming miles, and no ball boys. Allow the fans to stand on touch lines and have a drink. Make the pitch a mud hole with a couple of spent needles. Get the wags to wash the kit. No changing rooms except two broken smelly portaloos while the "pavillion" gets rebuilt. Oh, yeah, play it on a sunday against a bunch of shin splintering murderers.

    peter.r.nicholsFrom peter.r.nichols on Wed Feb 06 01:32PM

    Report abuse

  4. I like the idea of performance related payments, but why stop with the coach. Let's extend it to the players as well, then after the match we can tell tham all how much they owe us!

    alan_paperboyFrom alan_paperboy on Wed Feb 06 01:43PM

    Report abuse

  5. like to omment on the article about sharma. the indian cricketer. atleast put the right person pics when you say something...don't just put any sharma photo to the article. are the eurosport guys that dumb

    kevin_goodspeedFrom kevin_goodspeed on Wed Feb 06 02:03PM

    Report abuse

  6. I think Capello should hire a guy who gives the whole team an electric shock as soon as he gets bored. Or perhaps if he makes the players wear pink shirts, they might try to put on a good show to give the tabloids something else to talk about. Then again, the tabloids would probably prefer a story about hideous shirts...

    g_tandeFrom g_tande on Wed Feb 06 03:02PM

    Report abuse

  7. QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm not a Messiah." Fabio Capello. What? Then why are we shelling out all that money?
    Totally cracked me up!!!!
    Make friendlies more interesting, huh? How about giving the spectators yellow and red cards? Then they can wave them about when they think necessary.

    eliototFrom eliotot on Wed Feb 06 03:37PM

    Report abuse

Comment on this article

Please sign in to add your comments.