Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
500
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:17PM500
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:17PM500
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:17PM500
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:17PM500
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:18PMI have it
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:18PMI reckon Ernie Wise will be manager before England qualify
From arttidesco on Sat Sep 06 02:19PMwho do you support then?
From surf_jude on Sat Sep 06 02:19PMHi Arttidesco are you ignoring me?
From roxydgurll on Sat Sep 06 02:20PMArttidesco is hot
From roxydgurll on Sat Sep 06 02:20PMArttidesco is hot
From roxydgurll on Sat Sep 06 02:20PMarttidesco is a pest
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:21PMKevin is a loser I agree judey pie
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:23PMarttidesco will never be a player to ugly you see
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:24PMAllstar flake and liar Ben Cornholio is back the man who has no shame who grovels so low he gets lost in the subway and if he farts his dreams come out his arse
From arttidesco on Sat Sep 06 02:27PMlast
From martsssss on Sat Sep 06 02:28PMhahaha you are so gullible
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:33PMhahaha you are so gullible
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:33PMhahaha you are so gullible
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:33PMmartsssss why are you blogging on a weekend i didn't put you down as a loser
From benhornlust on Sat Sep 06 02:34PMBlogging on a footy blog at weekends when there is a full programme of football intenationals on. surely not. i thought this blog was only something that people like judesurf used to help pass the time at work. wise up jude surf.
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 03:33PMBlogging on a footy blog at weekends when there is a full programme of football intenationals on. surely not. i thought this blog was only something that people like judesurf used to help pass the time at work. wise up jude surf.
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 03:33PMwise is god.
From afcwasps on Sat Sep 06 03:55PMJUDE SURF SUCKS
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 03:58PMWhy do we bother paying the fckin Tv license when those useless bastrds at the BBC can't keep any of their bloody programmes. No live international football on the bloody BBC any more. i don't think im going ta pay my license fee any more and im prepared to rot in jail for it. When they start fckin about with your ability to watch the beautiful game thats when you really start to hate the @#$%.
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 04:16PMFrom The Times, a story we're unable to validate but which could potentially become very significant:
Mike Ashley, the embattled owner of Newcastle United, could be offered an early opportunity to follow Kevin Keegan out of St James’ Park after it emerged that there is fresh interest in the Tyneside club from abroad.
It is becoming increasingly likely that Reliance Communications, the Indian-based telecoms giant, will seek formal talks with the Barclays Premier League club’s board with a view to a £220 million takeover.
However, of greater significance to those furious Newcastle supporters determined to oust Ashley is the revelation that Anil Ambani, the owner of Reliance, has identified Keegan as the only credible managerial candidate capable of moving the club forward.
Less than 24 hours after Keegan announced his departure from St James’ Park as manager for the second time, the odds on him being reappointed had fallen to 14-1. Ambani is a great believer in continuity and his representatives are aware of the standing of the so-called “Geordie Messiah” among the club’s supporters.
He was first linked with a buyout of Newcastle last month, but his representatives denied suggestions of a £260 million move. It is understood that Ambani baulked at that price because Newcastle had failed to strengthen the squad.
However, Reliance has followed developments at the club and the team that it assembled to investigate the viability of a bid believes that the time is right to test Ashley’s resolve.
Aware of the vitriol aimed at Newcastle’s owner by fans who feel that Keegan is an innocent victim of mismanagement, the Indians are ready to move fast with an offer that more realistically matches their assessment of the club’s value.
Ashley paid £130 million for Newcastle in July 2007 and wiped out debts estimated at £80 million, but rumours persisted that the businessman was seeking a sale after becoming disillusioned with his investment.
Highly placed sources suggest that Reliance and others were invited to bid in excess of £250 million for Newcastle this summer.
Those sources said yesterday that Ambani was ready to revive interest in his favourite Premier League club, with Keegan at the centre of an ambitious public-relations policy aimed to get disillusioned season ticket-holders and deserting businesses back on board.
From jonathanblacker1 on Sat Sep 06 04:46PMWasn't one of the Bin Laden family supposed to be taking a controlling interest in the Toon ?
From arttidesco on Sat Sep 06 04:54PMIs England going to follow Scotland into the Comedy league of World Cup performance ?
From arttidesco on Sat Sep 06 04:55PMAnd the rest of that story from the times;
'Ambani will appeal to Newcastle fans, who crave serious investment in the team come January. The world’s sixth-richest man boasts a fortune of £21 billion and it is understood that Keegan, should he be persuaded to return for a third term as manager at St James’ Park, would be handed at least £100 million to strengthen the squad in the new year.
The supporters’ mood was not helped yesterday when Alan Shearer ruled himself out of involvement with the club. The former club captain said: “I would like to be a manager at some stage in my career, but that means controlling the players that go in and the players that go out.
“I don’t think I would be comfortable working within a structure with a director of football who was picking and choosing the players for me.”
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 05:05PMImagine; osama bin laden as the new owner of the toon. Well the only thing that could bring an arab out of hiding would be the chance to buy a premiership football club.
From samuelbanks on Sat Sep 06 05:17PM
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