Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
hometerryblue - roxydgurll?? Should be roxydgurl .....She is an imposter!
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 09:39AMBack to work now children
From hometerryblue on Fri Sep 05 09:43AMThis is the best football blog I have come across and I love the comment thread. It's all over the place.
From freddie_benjamin on Fri Sep 05 09:43AMwelcome to ED freddie ;)
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 09:44AMEd is very subtle... i like it ;)
You know what I mean, don't you ED? ;)
Et tu?
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 09:45AMI think Brighton may win the league, i cant wait,. im going to wear my pink hotpants if they do. I only wear them on special occasions like gay pride and sunday dinners....roll on sunday!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 09:47AMHey Sam, well done again on the UNICEF donation, I will be making mine a.s.a.p. to something I just have to decide what! I got harrassed by a really hotguy in Glasgow once to sign up to give this charity called YCARE a tenner a month, I did it for a while then had to cancel it because I couldn't feed myself nevermind starving Africans! LOVE BONO btw, he's great, I mean he met the Pope and that for me is enough to make him really cool cos he also gave him some of his mental shades!
Sam: I like you idea about transfer surplus!!!
From claire881 on Fri Sep 05 09:47AMhometerryblue I feel good too. Kevin is jealous. XXXXXX
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 09:50AMKeegan....he's not walking away skint, for sure Ashley & Wise (sounds like a comedy duo) will have put together an "incentive" for him to walk.
Comiserations to the NUFC fans, they may be a bunch of daft barcodes, but their loyalty to their club deserves better. I hope Ashley gets bum raped.From cjmalboro on Fri Sep 05 09:51AMpoxy gurll pi55 off
From g_hine on Fri Sep 05 09:53AMif you like that one hometerryblue then this is the real one
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 09:53AMA bono for me Jedi Knight! I do like guys from outer space
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 09:59AMI am sexier than you fake roxydgurl
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 10:00AMOnce again the NUFC board totally screw the manager! I hope they never show their faces in the Toon, coz Ashley, Wise and co would get a right pasting for the Geordies! Best thing maybe for the fans to do, would be to Boycott the next home game. Would love to see the boards faces at kick-off, when they are looking round an empty stadium!
From mickr273 on Fri Sep 05 10:00AMim from brighton.....you can guess what im going to say......
up the albion!! oooh betty!!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 10:02AMyeh you go for it you fake say what you like everyone isnt fooled, i'm not going to duel with you any further you're an utter waste of space
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 10:03AMg_hine you sound angry
maybe you need to get some of that out by paying me a visitFrom roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 10:03AMabdulanusars, shouldn't you be back at school?? Its September the 5th!!
Go on respond back with some more naughty words you Whopper
From andy_lycett on Fri Sep 05 10:05AMMickr273.....sounds like a good plan.... Middlesbrough might get a bigger home attendance than NUFC for once.
From cjmalboro on Fri Sep 05 10:05AMI don't want to sound picky, but it is a measure of the lack of respect for my hometown club that no one mentions that Dennis Wise was, at one point, manager of Swindon Town!
From adam.w.jenkins.t21 on Fri Sep 05 10:06AMmuffmonger I will need you for the day; I am essex born and raised
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 10:06AMu look quite manly i suppose, ill give u a once over, big boy malloy wont like it so keep is quiet, our secret,
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 10:09AMi really think keegan is almost clueless at tactics and they might actually stand a better chance with dennis wise, so glad i'm not a toon fan, I even think west ham will be better off too without curbishley, but it depends on who turns up there, just hope pavlyuchenko dont get injured before we get going, it'll be a bummer of a season if that happened
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 10:09AMOh, have heard of his name for long. But didn¡¯t know himself. He did a great job in this. I know his affairs are warmly discussed at the Senior dating club [ Seeking40plus COM ] . Many girls love it very much.
From shmilyct3 on Fri Sep 05 10:12AMha ha the imposter thinks i was born in essex and raised here, it really dont know jack @#$% do you, i dont even have a uk birth certificate
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 10:13AMcjmalboro. Nah that would'nt happen. Even if the Toon Army did boycott the next game at SJP! lmao :P
From mickr273 on Fri Sep 05 10:14AMAdam, i would take it as a comlpliment. Do you really want your club to be associated with Wise, Dirty Leeds and Manky Milwall?
I like to laugh at both Keegan and the Geordies as much as the next Man U/Middlesbrough fan, but even I have a slight amount of sympathy for them in this case. It's so sad to see football ruined by non-football people.
I think this is Joey Barton's chance to redeem himself by kicking the @#$% out of Wise the next time he sees him.
Still, it paves the way for another glorious King Kev comeback when Ashley eventually gets ran out of town and the new owner needs a popular manager.
From rob_snaith on Fri Sep 05 10:14AMI know you said you are from detroit of all plases
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 10:17AMwhats eggnogg? its annoying me
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 10:18AMwhy does everyone love keegan? he's the @#$% that lost the last game at the old wembley to the germans! they should have nailed him up on the crossbar upside down for that.
From martsssss on Fri Sep 05 10:20AM
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