Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
well you know, you'd have no trouble finding work here, there is always work for english speakers - and you'd find you'd pick up the language really quick
if you do ever change your mind, id be happy to introduce you to friends that would surely let you stay with them till you get on your feet and find work etc, and could even help ya learn the language - who knows, maybe one day the adventure bug will bite you; keep it in mind
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 06:41PMcheers for those websites. I tried to get it on TV U last night but no luck. Somtimes TV U can be very frustrating. Another words you can find f all that you're looking for. I watch alot of sport with chinese commentators. Its quite enjoy not having to listen to the @#$% spouted by british commentators.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 06:45PMyeah tvu can be a bit capricious sometimes i agree - having to swim through hundreds of channels
I have subscribed to a special website that lets me know all the channels / links in WMP, TVU, and all the other programs for all the soccer games, so it means i dont have to go looking for them - pretty handy
i dont mind watching in any language - its dutch that makes me laugh the most
the hoogen doogen language
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 06:48PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMLOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From benhornlust on Sun Sep 07 06:55PMI would only ever go somwhere if my girlfriend was coming with me. we're kind of joined at the hip now. I think i might explore a bit of my own little country before i go further a field. I remember when i went on a school trip to France in 1997. We were made to to live with a french family for the duration of the stay. i was only 13 and felt pretty scared for the first couple of days. I was very timid in those days. wish that was the case now. There were lots of complaints from parents about that trip, who claimed we were far too young to be living on our own with a bunch of strangers.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 06:58PMYes benhornlust you do lose alot.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 07:04PMhaha yeah i used to be pretty shy too - getting thrown into paris at a young age kind of cured me of that
a friend told me not long ago i had changed... a lot ;) ah well - guess im not as niave now is all
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 07:04PMI spent years wishing i wasn't so shy and then when i became tougher in my late teens/ early twenties i wanted the old me back.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 07:08PMim going to ignore all the freaks on here now ;)
new resolution
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 07:11PMYeah people who type silly stuff on here on a regular basis are just either very young or extremely immature. but i can see how some people think. sometimes i love being really silly (a t w*t) on this blog. But people who write losers a hundred times, don't realise the irony of what they're saying.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 07:18PMwell samuel - on that note - im off - its dinner time here and rusty is whining ;)
have a good sunday night and keep smiling - enjoy the match nadal murray
ciao!
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 07:23PMYeah c ya sam. I forget they take dinner quite late in france. around half 8. Might speak to u later sure.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 07:29PMi thought murray was scottish - why do they have him down as from "great britain"
if he was losing they wouldnt
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 09:30PMHi sam did u get ur dinner. Yeah he is scottish But tennis players from England,scotland,wales and northern ireland have always played under the GB banner.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 09:53PMdid u get the murray match sam. its on CCTV-5 on TV U.
From samuelbanks on Sun Sep 07 09:56PMhey sorry samuel - was cutting up some mangoes
damn I love mangoes - specially when they are really ripe
yeah nah not watching the tennis tonight - watching FBI missing persons or whatever its called in English
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 10:26PMaanyways im off to bed - early night tonight to make up for the weekend
have a good one samuel - catch ya tomorrow maaaaaaaaaate
From kantong_wokster on Sun Sep 07 10:35PM
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