Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
LeSaux lives in/for the back door
From helmza on Fri Sep 05 11:10AMALL ENGLISH FOOTBALL
PREMIER LEAGUE – FA CUP – CARLING CUP
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE – UEFA CUP
ALL MATCHES ON WEB: PREMIER LEAGUE, LIGA, SERIE A, BUNDESLIGA AND CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - UEFA CUP
ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS OF PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHES
From pulgosita20 on Fri Sep 05 11:10AMIs there such a thing as a gruntled Newcastle fan right now?
From rob_snaith on Fri Sep 05 11:10AMNot too much of a taxing task for England one would assume, but don't mention tax to Capello. Beckham presumably just wanted the cash at LA Galaxy at the end of his career and he shouldn't be too surprised to lose his place or even fail to retain his regained place. If he wanted second class football he could have gone to Scotland ! He is best now confined to the past and all the continued @#$% surrounding him and his tart of a wife annoys the hell out of me. British icon...give me a break !!
From alanvictorking on Fri Sep 05 11:11AMoh kantong! im not in glitters gang or anything, thats just wrong! but i would enjoy Dennis Wise sitting on my knee. it would be a little strange at first.... for both of us, but after a few mintues i think we would both enjoy it. As for the album, i was young, and i liked his hair...
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:11AMwiki says:
"Despite being heterosexual, Le Saux was dogged by rumours of homosexuality during his playing career. He attributed this to his lack of enthusiasm for the 'typical' footballer's lifestyle, his university background, and the fact that he read liberal broadsheet newspaper, The Guardian."
Aren't you a Guardian reader, Rob?
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 11:11AMDoes nobody on this blog actually talk fotball anymore?! Any starting 11 could beat andorra but let me think..
From helenarmstrong76 on Fri Sep 05 11:11AMNEWCASTLE UNITED'S NOT HAVING A NATIVITY PLAY THIS CHRISTMAS,THE MESSIAH'S PISSED OFF,THEIRS ONLY ONE WISE MAN AND ELEVEN DONKEYS
From russgar48 on Fri Sep 05 11:13AMDennis Wise is the scum of the earth and should be publicly shot on Brigate in Leeds on a Saturday afternoon by a geordie with rabies, and then his naked little body publicly paraded around both Leeds and Newcastle, then chopped in half and sent to a Leeds based and a Newcastle based pig stye to be disposed of. Horrible little man.
From d_w_hickling on Fri Sep 05 11:14AMGraham is the landlord...or gaylord maybe.......either way he is a lord.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:14AMnot a bad litle attempt at an article today from the three little pigs. And im glad they gave my good mate kantong the talking point. 15 euros sam, not bad. I HATE DENNIS WISE AND WANT TO KNOCK HIS TEETH OUT.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:14AMrob: good call - I would go as far as to say - 'is there such a thing as a Newcastle fan right now?' ;)
jediknight: I forgive you your Gary Glitter album, just because of your cool name, my dear ED padawan ;)
just make sure you give Wisey a spanking on my behalf
alanvictorking: LA galaxy and skeletor wife aside, he just plays @#$%, doesnt move any more and my mother would be more energetic than him
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 11:15AMkantong_wokster you sad @#$% is this all you do @#$% the ED 24/7 go get a life i can even tell you were you can get one
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 11:15AMhey samuel
From early_doors on Fri Sep 05 11:17AMWe could throw in Woodgate, Barton, Bowyer, Smith, maybe even bring vinny jones out if retirement with dennis wise and just scare andorra into not turning up- in their position it would be well worth throwing in the town and saving themselves huge medical bills from the Andorra players and several claims of PTSD....There is always the old faithful John Terry to lead the thugs out the tunnel, sorry players..
From helenarmstrong76 on Fri Sep 05 11:17AMI am indeed Sam. I also evenings at the theatre and the movies of Johnny Depp. But, unlike a certain Jersey born left back turned @#$% pundit, i don't love the boaby.
From rob_snaith on Fri Sep 05 11:18AMI've been waiting for somone to ask for my england line up fo a while now. hehe. here it is if anybody gives an elephant,
Robinson
Richards
Ferdinand
Terry
A Cole
Walcott
Gerrard
Hargreaves
J Cole
Rooney
OwenFrom samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:20AMcheers, u know the weird thing.....ive got no idea how that name appeared...i think i must of done it when i was 8....anyways, if i ever win the lottery i will pay dennis wise to sit on my knee and let me feed him baby food.....
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:21AMearly doors.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:24AMliverpool sucks
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 11:24AMLETS ALL STICK TOGETHER AND NOT TURN UP TO GAMES UNTIL WISE IS OUT AS HE IS NOTHING BUT A BUM LICKING LITTLE VINDICTIVE @#$%.
From caldeiracars on Fri Sep 05 11:24AMlove the dame edna glasses sam
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:24AMdoes it come with a free magnifying glass abdulanusars?
Otherwise, I think you are setting me a bit of an impossible task - never mind the fact that you are in "virtual cyberspace" and so "C o c k sucking" is pretty hard...
helenarmstrong: its all about the baby bentleys and childish histronics here ;)
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 11:25AMlove the dame edna glasses too sam
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 11:26AMabdulanusars I would love to you sound hot
From roxydgurll on Fri Sep 05 11:26AMFor goodness sake! This is the attitude the English are despised for! "Any starting 11 could beat Andorra". Why do you say that? You know what, it's highly likely that you WILL beat Andorra, but it's not f*****g guaranteed! Take us for example. Macedonia are ranked a hell of a lot lower than Scotland. Do you see anyone predicting a cricket score? No because we know it's gonna be tough and that they can't be underestimated (as a certain team found out to their cost when they underestimated Macedonia!) so we'll hope for the best that what SHOULD happen, happens. Maybe if you sorted out that "better than you" attitude, you might actually start enjoying watching your national team play!
From kevmun82 on Fri Sep 05 11:26AMEnglands starting 11 for Saturday (Available Players of the Squad released):
David James,
Glenn Johnson,
Rio Ferdinand,
John Terry,
Ashley Cole,David Bentley,
Gareth Barry,
Jimmy Bullard,
Joe Cole,Rooney,
Defoe.From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 11:27AMAnyone interested in naming Ireland best available 11 for Saturday?
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 11:27AMHow come your striker don't get first names Kev?
From rob_snaith on Fri Sep 05 11:27AMI have an echo
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:28AM
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