Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
'Who are you actually reporting me too'-hmm take a look at that little 'report abuse' button. the same button that got judes first profile taken away. dont belive me? ask him yourself. it can be a pain beacuse you dont just have to create a new profile, you also cant acess any emails from your current user. seeing as you have a history of derrogitory comments about being gay, i shouldnt think they would have a problem with blocking you. seeing as 3 reports of explicit behavoir from jude did the trick.
the fact that you try so hard to prove how smart you are just proves your probably lying a dumb. you could have proven your intelligence by just being the bigger person and saying 'fair enough, @#$% is a bit insulting'. now that would make you look smart. but instead you went on about how many qualifications you have and how much money you make. money and letters after your name do not mean you are intelligent. anyone can get a degree. intelligence is about sucessfull interaction and building of relationships. you are not a smart boy. being 22 you clearly believe that you already know it all. sadley you will most likely find this not to be the case when you crash and burn. no money will save you from heartache.no qualifications will build bridges or save relationships. book smart isnt life smart. life smart is knowing your limits, your faults and your weaknesess. your probably not dumb at all. but your certainly not life smart. in this world, there is no room for arrogant kids im afraid.
From early_doors on Fri Sep 05 11:28AMED this idea of paying money to charity to have their comments read out is all well and good but spare a thought for the peole who are penniless and work in tescos. how about you also mention a comment from one other non charitable soul. otherwise people are going to put even less effort into their contibutions to the posts. come on now ED this idea is ok for a while but then its going to become silly.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:29AMmorning roxy!
morning samuel!
I love jonny depp rob - he and Ed Norton are my part time lovers ;)
sidatmo: this is the only comment you'll get from me today you little attention seeking pr!ck - go fùck yourself, I'll post on here 24/7 if I want - what you going to do about it? get a life
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 11:29AMKevmun - that was very bloody well said!
right im off for lunch - catch you guys later!
From kantong_wokster on Fri Sep 05 11:29AMI know of a helen armstrong in detroit, not her are you?
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:31AMengland team as follows , gk don't know any good ones may be shay given since he's british :P , johnson , ferdinand terry , Cashley.cole, j.cole lampard gerrard d.bentley , rooney-crouchie or defoe could shoot down some birds in bernabeu stadium too
From saif_man83 on Fri Sep 05 11:32AMdont those glasses have lazer's sam, i cant imagine they'd be any good otherwise for DOWNUNDERWOMAN
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:35AMkevin keegan, back when i first started to get really into football and those merlin premier league sticker albums were around, ppl were all like "wow its kevin keegan, id like to be like him - he's a proper man". those were the good old days (sob)!
From dustbrother101 on Fri Sep 05 11:35AMHave you seen the size of THAT spider???
From barrydownes999 on Fri Sep 05 11:36AMkantong_wokster i think your the one that fucin needs a life and am not a attention seeker thats you who cant make real life friends so you can go @#$% dog.........
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 11:38AMkev i would try naming an ireland eleven if i knew what players were available.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:39AMidiana jones.....or rob jones?
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:40AMAnybody fancy naming an N Ireland starting eleven. if everyone was available then
Taylor
Hughes
Evans
Baird
Mcartney
Gillespie
Davis
Brunt
Jonston
Healy
Lavert
yFrom samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:43AMAnyway, as for the England side, the whole system needs rethinking. I would like to see Capello try a 4-4-2 diamond (I know Sven failed with this but that was with different players). As a holding midfielder at the moment I would use Barry, with J Cole on the left, and Bentley on the right, and Rooney plugging the gap between midfield and the front (lets face it, he's not really a striker is he, more of a play maker):
------------------------------Hart---------
--------------------------
Richards-------Rio------
---------Terry---------------A.Cole
---------------
---------------Barry------------------------------
---
Bentley----------------------------------------
-----------J.Cole
------------------------------Roo
ney------------------------------
-----------------
------Wacott-------Owen----------------------This would give Rooney space to roam, Bentley and Cole room down the flanks and 2 pacey strikers to scare the opposition. The whole team would be more balanced. If it wasn't working after an hour or so replace either Walcott or Owen for Crouch and go more direct.
I'll take my 6 million salary now I think.From d_w_hickling on Fri Sep 05 11:44AMI once saw David Healy walking down the street in his home town in Northern Ireland. To my amazement he was eating a Mars bar and a packet of crisps. The dirty ba****d. I thought to myself, this is not acceptable behaviour for a Premiership footballer. And also, its not much wonder you can't run.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:49AMAn Internet chat room is too low key for you early_doors, you should have your own chat show, hell im starting to look at myself in a different way now, Lord i've been such a bad person havin't I.....I'm going to draw up a list of all the people I hurt in the past and make things right by them, kind of like the TV show My Name is Earl......Thank you early doors you have really giving me a life changing experience.
Get real, Yahoo happens to regard me as a trusted valued member of their community. I had my e-mail capacity upgraded a year ago as a result to which I was rather greatful for.
In the words of the great Tupac Shakur - You don't know me so you can't judge me!
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 11:50AMhiya jude the place is crawling with imposters yet again, surf jude was here looking very similar this time, but i check the name each time now
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:51AMireland 11 (pretty bad though!).
given,
finnan,
dunne,
o'shea,
kilbane,
a reid,
s reid,
McGeady,
hunt (for duff),
doyle,
keane,
From kgh_r on Fri Sep 05 11:51AMSamuel - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republic_of_Ireland_n
ational_football_teamGo to Current squad....have fun!
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 11:52AMThats a plan D W Hickling. Although i wouldn't have hart in goal.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:52AMjude_surf@ymail your the biggest @#$% and prevert go get a life and make real life friend and stop hiding your spotty face behind the monitor @#$% you @#$%
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 11:52AMShame on you Kantong, for that garlic crack against the French, although, to be fair, it's not clear from the quote who's been eating and drinking the garlic, the camembert, the red wine etc. etc.
Mind you there are other places to kiss which have a nice garlicky tang to them.
From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 11:53AMWow the posts sound as if they have been ripped right out of a Newcastle boardroom meeting today!! and i thought the nasties were all directed at City's new found wealth. Boy am i glad that subject has been forgotten.
My view on a few points:
Being gay is fine as long as it's not with me...as i do a few things a gay would find offensive and i don't force it on them.
Ireland don't actually have 11 famous enough players for most people to form a squad.
England will probibly win 0-1 or 0-2 and all the talk will be "the win is important". The media will soften it up and go with the flow and everyone will will be happy that we have started so well!!
The above NIrish list has several Welsh (Evans, Hughes, Davis) Scottish (Baird, Gillespie, McCartney) and a Frenchman (Lavert) in it....whats going on there then??
From asxtc on Fri Sep 05 11:55AM//as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house//
hey, i'm from hastings! and you can't joke about that! oh wait, yeah you probably can...
From grahamhopgood on Fri Sep 05 11:55AMSamuel, i hope ur joking mate! put it in perspective, a mars bar and a pack of crisps? he could eat five a day and it wouldnt effect him to the point it makes him s**t. i agree he is a fatty though
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:55AMJude - Of course you can, call me whatever you like, I don't think early_doors knows it but it's a free world, but can I ask...why Randy?
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 11:56AMtheres two jim whites, the other plays snooker.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:57AMtheres two jim whites, the other plays snooker.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:57AMkeep up kev - randy is earl's special brother
From kgh_r on Fri Sep 05 11:57AMtheres also two kerrt mayos, he plays for brighton....and his wife is called Kerri, weird....but true..hurrah!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:57AM
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