Et tu, Wisey ??
Fri Sep 05 09:03AM
King Kev is dead, again, but this time it's "for real like", and it's all the fault of that nasty, ankle-biting rodent Dennis Wise - who used his rat-like cunning to send the Messiah on his way. Clearly a career spent kicking people for Chelsea, followed by a move into management at much-loved Millwall, followed by a move to much-loved Leeds hadn't quite satisfied his thirst for public disdain.
In light of his involvement Early Doors expects Wise to be issued with the Geordie equivalent of a fatwa. Ant and Dec will present a one-hour special renouncing him, Jimmy Nail will record a comeback album featuring the track "my crocodile shoes in Dennis's face" and Sting has agreed to seduce Mrs Wise to exact revenge.
"He could start a fight in an empty house," said Sir Alex Ferguson of Wise, so the next few days are likely to be as tasty as 3am in a coastal Kebab house.
As for poor Old Kev, even ED's cynicism has been tested by his plight. A manager from a bygone age, who wants to buy players he's heard of and believes he can turn Joey Barton into something other than a malevolent chav, appears to have no place in the modern game.
You can't help think Keegan's only hope of salvation would be a role with his local Under-11s. At least there he'd have the freedom to run things his way - bring in the players he liked, preach the gospel of passion and not have to see Wise or Mike Ashley on a daily basis. Judging by the reaction from the Toon Army he might even get 50,000 at home games.
Planet Toon Army has been rocked before, but this past week has been particularly hard on "the best fans in the country" (copyright Sky Sports) and their beloved city. Ninety-five percent of local businesses have been left without staff all week, and the tens of thousands who left their jobs to camp outside St James' Park have all used up their year's holiday allowance - burning a gigantic hole in the Benidorm economy in the process.
"Mike Ashley is a fraud who has put this club back 20 years," said one disgruntled fan. "We've been trying to get away from the image of whippets and flat caps and he goes and downs a pint in the stands."
Ashley's PR barometer might be awry, but ED can't see him handing Wise the keys to the Byker Grove Castle in light of the fans' reaction, and rather fancies Sven Goran-Eriksson to arrive as the club's next saviour. After all, the Svengali is motivated purely by the filthy lucre and couldn't give a hoot about his acting freedoms providing his pockets are stuffed with the green stuff.
He'd look great in a flat cap, walking a whippet too.
- - -
On to the England camp, and the news that (Sir) David Beckham is set to be sensationally axed by Fabio Capello for the World Cup qualifier against mighty Andorra on Saturday, and replaced by Theo Walcott.
ED likes to see managers taking risks, but let's be honest - England should be able to beat Andorra with Theo Paphitis operating in a midfield berth, and won't get carried away if Fabio "goes bold" against a team ranked 186th in the world.
Gareth Barry is also in the news, sensationally admitting to the Mirror that his summer transfer saga "hit me hard". If he'd have spent the last four months covering it, writing a nauseating story a day following every single event he may have felt stronger.
Back to the football, ED would like to hear your predicted line-ups for England's goal buffet in Barcelona.
- - -
TALKING POINT
Early Doors doffs its hat to kantong_wokster (the real one, not the imbecilic impostor), who has donated 15 of her hard-earned euros to UNICEF in order to secure a mention on the page.
Sensibly, she cut out the middle man, giving her cash directly to charity and sending ED the receipt as proof of her good deed.
kantong's finest contribution to the message board yesterday: "CHEEK KISSING SUCKS - I HATE having to kiss French people's cheeks all the time!!! Especially after garlic, sausages, camembert and wine. I have personal space issues."
Early Doors is starting to feel like Bono, and would like its sense of self-worth inflated further.
So, if you'd like to earn the respect of your peers and get a mention on a minor football blog, give some money to charity and send the receipt to early.doors@yahoo.co.uk.
yeah i was joking jedknight but i did see him in killileigh eating some @#$% and i just thought it was surreal. he needs to go to the gym that boy.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 11:58AMyes i meant kerry, i got excited
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 11:58AMi'm real happy that spurs didnt get a mention by ED today and that berbatosser isnt news anymore
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 11:59AMJoe Hart (whoever he is.)
glen johnson (c'mon he's from portsmouth.)
matthew upson (yeah, him.)
micah richards (name says it all.)
stephen warnock (i reckon he played for liverpool, at some point.)darren anderton (suits in the sweeper role perfectly.)
gareth barry (he's famous now, after the summer!)
jimmy bullard (becks'es fashionat hairstyles are out, this is the new way.)
joey barton (good man.) [a second choice for this spot aswell: jens jeans, incase barton is in jail]the rooney's (say's it all.)
Joseph K. Keegan (well rested and with experience, he'll be the main threat.)
From think.tank on Fri Sep 05 12:00PMcheers for that kev. athough i couldnt be bothered naming any more teams.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:02PMsam, if he had been eating a snicker, that would be a different matter, the fatty.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 12:02PMIf England don't win at least 4-0 with any line-up it'll be embarrassing.
Scotland should be going for a comfortable win against Macedonska. 2-0 would be a professional result.
From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 12:03PMif i say 200 and get it, it wont last once they delete you jude
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 12:06PMHi roxy i really fear for your spurs this season. i think they were really daft to sell their two main assets. wheres the goals goin ta com from -bent? Anyway im off now to go and get my girlfriend a head.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:06PMDennis Wise needs an Eric Morecambe to smack him round the cheeks and tell him that he can see the join.
The Newcastle saga is an example of appalling management. I'm surprised the owner has so much money if his running of Newcastle is anything to go by. He can't have got it by normal business practices.
Kevin Keegan wasn't that bad a manager.From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 12:07PMstop this behaviour jude.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:07PMThis charitable donation idea sucks. It gives people the opportunity to brag about donations so measly that it makes an Aberdonian like myself squirm with embarrassment and shame that there are actually stingier people in the world.
From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 12:10PMi agree jamesy. i hope they don't continue wit it too long.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:11PMjude you are a sad @#$%, go make real friend and no one sucks only you @#$% face
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 12:11PMkgh_r - That's pretty much what I had, we are weak in defence at then minute and need someone to replace Kilbane.
Should be good enough to get max points in the 1st two games.
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 12:12PMKantong_wokster your avatar looks like Sarah Palin. Can you 'field dress' a moose, rip its guts out and feed them to the wolves, which you then shoot?
From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 12:12PMStop this behaviour jude. you're like a kid in a sweety shop.
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:12PMoh my god! what an idiot! love it!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Sep 05 12:13PM𠘄tor
From sidatmo on Fri Sep 05 12:13PMjude_surf you are a numbers queen. Your true place is back in time in the American public bath house of the 1980's ar?se at the ready for all comers.
But worst of all, you are simply boring.From james_ssmith on Fri Sep 05 12:15PMam i first today?
From ciaranreid on Fri Sep 05 12:16PMsamuel - you are beginning to sound like an old out of touch teacher.
From kevin1985kane on Fri Sep 05 12:18PMsuck meister ina house
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 12:19PMFor gods sake Jude ENOUGH!! I'm fed up having to trawl through pages of your rubbish on these blogs. Grow up you muppet!
From mickr273 on Fri Sep 05 12:19PMyou're just trying to get 300 jude without repeating it, i bet i get it with this one
From roxydgurl on Fri Sep 05 12:21PMkevin your inability to just disagree with what i say proves you are stupid. you have to go to the extreme to prove your self.
your dumb -i have a qualification in this and that, and a masters and i make lots of money.
yahoo will ban u-yahoo loves me they upgraded my user.
your full of @#$%. thats the way a school boys mind works. if you say they are not good at something, rather than say i am good at that, they say i am the best at that. you dont need to the extreme opposite of what im saying. your a lying little @#$%.
From early_doors on Fri Sep 05 12:22PMthere is only one jacknfor.peace to all and to james in particular
From jacknfor on Fri Sep 05 12:23PMto all those who question jude's knowledge of football.U are being served with a list of clubs all over the world and not only in England.peace
From jacknfor on Fri Sep 05 12:28PMIn the immortal words of Billy Ocean..(Altogether now)...."When The Going Gets Tough,Keegan Gets Going....."
From adschoey on Fri Sep 05 12:29PMAny meaningful discussion ?
From samuelbanks on Fri Sep 05 12:29PM
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