Didier Dogma
Thu May 01 10:36AM
Cheer up Liverpool fans at least you don't have go through the rigmarole of acquiring Champions League final tickets now.
After years of educational matches between Chelsea and Liverpool (educational as in they make you want to turn the TV off and read a book), last night's game was a ripsnorter, a dandy of a doozy with thrills and spills aplenty.
It's simple it rained and rain brings umbrellas, running mascara, sliding tackles and most importantly clumsiness. We will shortly start a petition for all games between these two sides to be played in the Amazon.
We'll let you chat amongst yourselves about the countless talking points in the game but ultimately the difference between the two sides was Didier Drogba.
Not only did he score two goals, he nobbled (accidentally?) Martin Skrtel who in turn was replaced by Sami Hyppia who gave away the decisive penalty who was also not fouled by Drogba (or was he?) for the non-penalty that would have been the decisive away goal.
We wonder if Rafa Benitez was on his MacBook Pro last night editing his video dossier and adding a Scouse fatwa on the pesky Ivorian who after his first goal produced an absolute textbook 'up yours' celebration.
ED has similar feelings to Drogba as it does to Amanda Holden.
We don't like to admit it to close friends or family and even though we don't want to like them, deep down we do think they are a bit tasty.
We know he enjoys nothing better than a dry land Greg Louganis impression, we know he bangs on tediously about his future 'possibly being elsewhere' and we know that dance after the game last night was hideous.
But he is always a handful and his movement for the second goal was superb. If he plays for your team you love him but he will always be a player opposition fans love to hate.
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Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore admitted an all-English Champions League final in Moscow presents a "logistical challenge" very much in the way Rudolf Hess admitted in 1941 that Moscow was proving a "logistical challenge."
But he will not press for a change of venue (there's no way that UEFA cash cow will give way to a bout of common sense even though the UEFA Cup final in Manchester could feature a Russian side).
So if you woke up this morning and thought about getting a ticket for the final, here's what you need to know:
1) GETTING A TICKET
If you are not one of Chelsea or Manchester United's leading 21,500 applicants who have amassed a veritable war chest of loyalty points for all of the extra home and away games attended you can either try to a) win a competition b) sell that unnecessary kidney and buy one on the black market or c) get a high ranking sales job at Nutella in the next three weeks - 17,000 will be reserved for Uefa's official partners and other various blaggers.
2) GETTING THERE
The city is not exactly well served by budget airlines - no cut-price routes exist from London - and the organised flights by the clubs are coming in at over £1000. How about the easyjet to Tallinn followed by a 1051km, 15 hour drive or Ryanair to Riga - a mere 12 hour, 936km jaunt (number of Little Chefs en-route - unclear, hope you like Borsch)
3) GETTING IN
So you've one less organ but got a ticket, it's taken you a month to get there and you're at the border but you haven't got a Visa. Not only do you have to pay £100 for the Visa but you need to have a valid hotel address. With £5,000 for a three-night stay at an ordinary chain hotel being quoted, we suggest taking the precaution of buying a bride beforehand.
- - -
More bad news for Tom Hicks's Liverpool "brand" as they are only the world's fourth most valuable football club behind Manchester United, Real Madrid and Arsenal according to Forbes magazine annual list of the world's 25 most valuable clubs.
We think Hicks going into the Liverpool dressing room last night and congratulating the team on their hard work would have gone done about as well as a plate of bacon sandwiches at Avram Grant's Bar Mitzvah.
Talking of Grant, didn't he take it well when Stevie G planted his forearm into his face. Seemingly only a public garotting will rile the phlegmatic Israeli.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY 1: "He is the most proudest man in the world," Jamie Redknapp reinvents the English language once more in reference to the AWOL Roman Abramovich.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: "As the man who started the Chelsea revolution," was this part of Glenn Hoddle's rider that Richard Keys, between shaves, would use this introduction on countless occasions. We always thought it was Matthew Harding.
FOREIGN VIEW: A Japanese referee has been accused by a player of using abusive language, including telling him to "die". Japanese media reported that several players overheard a furious Yuichi Nishimura snap: "Shut up! You keep quiet and get on with the game. Die!"
DISSES OF THE DAY: "Why isn't this blog funny any more?" says paulathompson15. Well we don't hear many funnies coming from your direction, you're not exactly the new Jo Brand (unless of course you are a psychiatric nurse from Hastings in which case you are the new Jo Brand).
"ED is staffed by Norman Bates who has shaved his head and grown his beard. The person on his left is clearly saying "Here's Johnny!!" and the one at the back is the horrifying evidence of what you get when you remove the pig mask in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre," we offer a big Drogba knee slide in retort to james_ssmith.
Gianluca Zambrotta's legal team are after jjss.rm following the "Dean Gaffney lookalike at right back jibe" aimed at the Barcelona player.
TALKING POINT: With the Roman Abramovich factor, some say the final will be a home game for Chelsea. But with a burgeoning middle class and a criminal underbelly running the city, we think the Mancs will feel right at home. What do you think? And have any Everton fans built a 20ft papier mache Didier Drogba in Stanley Park yet?
COMING UP: More reaction than you can shake a stick at following last night and if we don't mention Rangers in the UEFA Cup tonight then some angry Glaswegians will be after us.
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IM this storywell done avril and the boys; and well deserved
From c.hawcroft on Thu May 01 09:05AMAvram and his lads deserve the victory. Once again Drogba is class.
From zircon_3000 on Thu May 01 09:21AMAvril and the boys? Is the "Girlfriend" hitmaker now giving team talks prior to the Chelsea match? I can here Chelsea team asking "Why do you have to go make things so complicated?", Boom and indeed, Boom.
From ima_fat_tw on Thu May 01 09:25AMCome on Chelsea! As an Everton fan I am absolutely delighted that Liverpool final lost in a Semi final and their luck ran dry! The two best teams in Europe will contest the Premier League in the final game and the Champions League, surely that is the ending to the season any neutral fan would want? For years now the Champions League winner has not been the best team, the majority of the team not even coming close to winning their domestic title. Just hope the final will not end up like the FA Cup snooze best of last year when they cancelled each other out. As most Liverpool fans dont live within a 20 mile radius of stanley park, Drogba will be welcome anytime!
From adamcroft83 on Thu May 01 09:27AMdid anyone see petr cech's pathetic attempt to keep out babel's shot? why did crouch not come on and start pumping the ball at his head, which in turn would maybe hit cech's head. i quite want to see cech with a broken nose, so all you'll see is the whites of his eyes with that head/face gear on!
From thelemming_uk on Thu May 01 09:34AMHmm, ok, I concede that today's ED is noticably shi'ite in comparison to previous days' efforts. Hasn't got anything to do with a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters does it?
From splatrowe on Thu May 01 09:39AMCongratulations to Chelsea, shame I could only listen on the radio! For me, it is a no-brainer that the venue for the final should be changed. Apart from the impossibility of all those ManU and Chelsea fans remortgaging in the current climate, what about the unnecessary damage to the environment of 50,000 supporters taking what must be a 5-hour flight at leasst.
From garethcoletranslations on Thu May 01 09:44AMcongratulation!!!!!!!!!!!!!chelsea club,coach, fans,abram and finally to me.
Didi,thank you for shut out the arogant mouth(Benitez).
thank God because we have won the cup already.From johnmoah on Thu May 01 09:46AMadamcroft 83: " ...that Liverpool final lost is a Semi final " Hahaa At least you know your grammar !!! Peace.
From katona777 on Thu May 01 09:47AMTodays ED was shoite. A 'Scouse fatwa', What the hell are you gibbering about?
From yearzero81 on Thu May 01 09:59AMadamcroft 83....In your heart you know Everton will never ever reach a Champions League semi-final. next season Spurs, Aston Villa, Manchester city and Newcastle will spend more money on better players and finish above you. David Moyes is a good manager but he can only do so much. Not even the move to kirkby will help.
From mike_burwin on Thu May 01 10:00AMwell done johnmoah! Your use of the English language is alost as impressive as Jamie Redknapp's!
From adam_t_morris on Thu May 01 10:02AMIt was a good game last night even if my team did lose. You have to give credit to Chelsea digging deep and coming back when we pegged them back to 1-1.
It was also much better than the snoozefest of Barca v's Man Urinal that didn't live up to the "two best attacking teams in the world" claims.
I also can't believe the fuss that is being made of Rafa's comments? He called Drogba a diver which is a fact everyone, including the majority of Chelsea fans agree on. It had the effect as well, cos how many dives did he do last night? ... the only problem is that, like Ronaldo, when he doesn't dive he becomes a bloody good player ... damn.
From dozey_gsy on Thu May 01 10:06AMim shocked that you missed a pop at Benitez for taking off the oh so deadly torres what was he thinking? poor chelski fans traveling all the way 2 russia to watch there team get beat
From georgemartinesz on Thu May 01 10:11AMChelsea,Just the best. No more need be said.
From hometerryblue on Thu May 01 10:13AMI do not support either team in last nights match but I am surprised no one has commented that one Chelsea goal was from an offside position and they also got away with a penalty
From godave on Thu May 01 10:19AMKudos Chelski. Avram just did in 5 mths what Mourinho couldn't do in 3yrs. I'm a United fan and so glad we're going to beat them to both title hopes and give Ibramovic his worst possible nightmare of having seen Canaan without setting his foot there...
From yawboakye86 on Thu May 01 10:21AMI swore i wouldn't come on here today if we lost. But I am proud of how we played last night, so i thought i would come and pay my respect.
First half we were outplayed, every pass Chelsea made was with an attacking intent, every pass we made was either sideways or backwards due to good pressing from Chelsea. Gerrard was out of the game in the first half, so too were many of our players. I think the turning point was when we had to bring on Sami because he has severe lack of pace these days.
Second half was brilliant, we were a completely new side and we were the ones making the incisive passes and threading the through balls - which led to a well taken goal by El Nino.
Then full time came and Chelsea turned it up a notch, disallowed goal which was rightly ruled out followed by a penalty which was rightly given (Sami just too slow). Then when they got that last Drogba goal our heads never dropped, we could still sense a goal and should have been given the opportunity to do so from the penalty spot. How that wasn't a penalty i will never know, the referee nearly gave it then stopped! Babel goal was well worth the effort even if Cech should have saved it. Did anyone notice when Kuyt ran into Cech's legs in the second half? Well he called for a pair of cricket pads for extra protection after that!
Great determination from us, the best team won, but what a different stor it would have been if Riise hadn't nodded it in.Oh well, there's always next season.
From the_kop2003 on Thu May 01 10:31AMCongratulation!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chelsea, and the entire supporters, players and the management. And i want to tell that so called Benitez that football now is mind ur game, why criticism? why can't you focust on your own, let me tell you that is why you failed last night, coz is all about concentration not discrimination. Pieces to you.
From sadeeqy2k on Thu May 01 10:32AMdidier drogba la la la la la, didier drogba la la la la la. so happy. and deserved btw. I think Ballack Essien and Ashley Cole have been brilliant the last couple games. finally Cole is startin to look decent. the thing bout Chelsea is there big players produce in big games, thats the advantage they have over the other big clubs. Hope Gerrard gets done for attackin poor Avram. Must have been because Avram is stealin everyones wimen the big stud.
And haha Benitez, just for good measure
From sav46e on Thu May 01 10:32AM@the_kop: great contribution from a top fan. Sounds like it really was a close shave, and to lose (in essence) over an unlucky own goal is indeed very unfortunate. Still, having won the European Cup more than other English teams (and more recently than any other English team), you have plenty to be chilled about ;o)
My question would be, do people still think that Grant knows nothing about management? Three games away from a potential major double can't be too bad...From garethcoletranslations on Thu May 01 10:42AM@#$% off all you Chelsea-hating, Drogba-baiting, Grant-laughing, Lampard-hacking, Jose-laughing, Ballack-bollocking, Cech-mating Reds. MOSCOW = Move Over Scousers, Cup Opportunity Denied!
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 10:43AMmy use of english may not as good as yours but I am happy because chelsea won
From johnmoah on Thu May 01 10:47AMoops - I meant Withdrawn of course
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 10:47AMMOSCOW = Move Over Scousers, Cup Opportunity Withdrawn!
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 10:49AMI so hope Utd beat West Ham, Wigan and Chelsea in their next three games and wipe the smirks off Chelsea and their smug fans. Utd's brand of football is far more exciting for the neutral and (I can't believe I'm about to say this) their players are far less obnoxious than the likes of Drogba, Ballack, Terry etc.
PS Still think it's awesome that there are two English teams in the final...The British Premier League (as David Pleat called it on Tuesday night) is for schizzle the best in the world!
From northern_hamster on Thu May 01 10:51AMSAINT GERRARD lashes out nastily at chelsea manager.... media coverage ZERO!!!
how do you english ass wipes expect to win a thing with england when none of your players and fans know how to behave.... you reap what you sow!!!!!!From laurence.odea on Thu May 01 10:58AMTo adamcroft83 :- I'm glad you're so delighted Liverpool lost the semi final last night, did your cat run across your keyboard or had you sunk loads of ale when you typed your post? I'm also glad you've got a television as that's the only way as an Evertonian you'll ever see a Champions League Semi Final...Anyway, I'm off the chippy to soak up some of this "drowning me sorrows" hangover, anybody want anything whilst I'm going?
From dmconnell1970 on Thu May 01 11:00AMWhat do Avram Grant and El-Hadji Diouf have in common?
They seem to perform better when everyone else hates them!
From aquapond1 on Thu May 01 11:02AMKop 2003
Gracious in defeat, well done lad. The game was great last night I think Chelski have upped their game recently, which is good for us neutrals watching. The final indeed looks promising if last night was anything to go by.
Why has Abramovich been conspicuous by his absence recently, cannot be 'busy' as people run his empire for him. Any of you Chelsea fans have a clue?....Think Rafa got his tactics a bit wrong last night, thought that beanpole Crouchy should have got a run out, especially as Pennant is great with his ball crossing. Avram trying to 'steal' the ball from Gerrard was a hoot. Why theres all the fuss about the man leaves me amazed. He may not have much charisma, but his job is to coach, not stand on the sidelines and do a song and dance. He has methodically gone about his business and got Chelsea this far. What more can you ask? Time to give him a break I think.......
From barny1158 on Thu May 01 11:09AM
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