Didier Dogma
Thu May 01 10:36AM
Cheer up Liverpool fans at least you don't have go through the rigmarole of acquiring Champions League final tickets now.
After years of educational matches between Chelsea and Liverpool (educational as in they make you want to turn the TV off and read a book), last night's game was a ripsnorter, a dandy of a doozy with thrills and spills aplenty.
It's simple it rained and rain brings umbrellas, running mascara, sliding tackles and most importantly clumsiness. We will shortly start a petition for all games between these two sides to be played in the Amazon.
We'll let you chat amongst yourselves about the countless talking points in the game but ultimately the difference between the two sides was Didier Drogba.
Not only did he score two goals, he nobbled (accidentally?) Martin Skrtel who in turn was replaced by Sami Hyppia who gave away the decisive penalty who was also not fouled by Drogba (or was he?) for the non-penalty that would have been the decisive away goal.
We wonder if Rafa Benitez was on his MacBook Pro last night editing his video dossier and adding a Scouse fatwa on the pesky Ivorian who after his first goal produced an absolute textbook 'up yours' celebration.
ED has similar feelings to Drogba as it does to Amanda Holden.
We don't like to admit it to close friends or family and even though we don't want to like them, deep down we do think they are a bit tasty.
We know he enjoys nothing better than a dry land Greg Louganis impression, we know he bangs on tediously about his future 'possibly being elsewhere' and we know that dance after the game last night was hideous.
But he is always a handful and his movement for the second goal was superb. If he plays for your team you love him but he will always be a player opposition fans love to hate.
- - -
Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore admitted an all-English Champions League final in Moscow presents a "logistical challenge" very much in the way Rudolf Hess admitted in 1941 that Moscow was proving a "logistical challenge."
But he will not press for a change of venue (there's no way that UEFA cash cow will give way to a bout of common sense even though the UEFA Cup final in Manchester could feature a Russian side).
So if you woke up this morning and thought about getting a ticket for the final, here's what you need to know:
1) GETTING A TICKET
If you are not one of Chelsea or Manchester United's leading 21,500 applicants who have amassed a veritable war chest of loyalty points for all of the extra home and away games attended you can either try to a) win a competition b) sell that unnecessary kidney and buy one on the black market or c) get a high ranking sales job at Nutella in the next three weeks - 17,000 will be reserved for Uefa's official partners and other various blaggers.
2) GETTING THERE
The city is not exactly well served by budget airlines - no cut-price routes exist from London - and the organised flights by the clubs are coming in at over £1000. How about the easyjet to Tallinn followed by a 1051km, 15 hour drive or Ryanair to Riga - a mere 12 hour, 936km jaunt (number of Little Chefs en-route - unclear, hope you like Borsch)
3) GETTING IN
So you've one less organ but got a ticket, it's taken you a month to get there and you're at the border but you haven't got a Visa. Not only do you have to pay £100 for the Visa but you need to have a valid hotel address. With £5,000 for a three-night stay at an ordinary chain hotel being quoted, we suggest taking the precaution of buying a bride beforehand.
- - -
More bad news for Tom Hicks's Liverpool "brand" as they are only the world's fourth most valuable football club behind Manchester United, Real Madrid and Arsenal according to Forbes magazine annual list of the world's 25 most valuable clubs.
We think Hicks going into the Liverpool dressing room last night and congratulating the team on their hard work would have gone done about as well as a plate of bacon sandwiches at Avram Grant's Bar Mitzvah.
Talking of Grant, didn't he take it well when Stevie G planted his forearm into his face. Seemingly only a public garotting will rile the phlegmatic Israeli.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY 1: "He is the most proudest man in the world," Jamie Redknapp reinvents the English language once more in reference to the AWOL Roman Abramovich.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: "As the man who started the Chelsea revolution," was this part of Glenn Hoddle's rider that Richard Keys, between shaves, would use this introduction on countless occasions. We always thought it was Matthew Harding.
FOREIGN VIEW: A Japanese referee has been accused by a player of using abusive language, including telling him to "die". Japanese media reported that several players overheard a furious Yuichi Nishimura snap: "Shut up! You keep quiet and get on with the game. Die!"
DISSES OF THE DAY: "Why isn't this blog funny any more?" says paulathompson15. Well we don't hear many funnies coming from your direction, you're not exactly the new Jo Brand (unless of course you are a psychiatric nurse from Hastings in which case you are the new Jo Brand).
"ED is staffed by Norman Bates who has shaved his head and grown his beard. The person on his left is clearly saying "Here's Johnny!!" and the one at the back is the horrifying evidence of what you get when you remove the pig mask in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre," we offer a big Drogba knee slide in retort to james_ssmith.
Gianluca Zambrotta's legal team are after jjss.rm following the "Dean Gaffney lookalike at right back jibe" aimed at the Barcelona player.
TALKING POINT: With the Roman Abramovich factor, some say the final will be a home game for Chelsea. But with a burgeoning middle class and a criminal underbelly running the city, we think the Mancs will feel right at home. What do you think? And have any Everton fans built a 20ft papier mache Didier Drogba in Stanley Park yet?
COMING UP: More reaction than you can shake a stick at following last night and if we don't mention Rangers in the UEFA Cup tonight then some angry Glaswegians will be after us.
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IM this storyA sigh of relief was heard worldwide late last night, quickly followed by a huge roar. The insurance companies were celebrating the Chelski victory. Just think how many footballers homes, warehouses and banks would have been robbed to pay for the Scousers trip to Moscow
Looks like I'll have to sell my soul to get the 'bag of sand' necessary to pay for the flight out there.
Don't knock Abramovich, unlike the Yanks he's thrown millions at the club he bought
From old_dubya2004 on Thu May 01 01:17PMOh Michelangelo, do you not realise that if you attack others expect some
back in return , long as its not too insulting? As to the Delia references, good cook, indeed I am, woman interested in footie, that too, so carry on ,you are in bullish mood today, so give me your best shot....Delia is not quite provoking me into full rant mode yet...
From barny1158 on Thu May 01 01:17PMThat's just what the game of football needs to give it a boot up the backside, referees threatening players!! I wouldn't be able to hide my delight if i saw that happening. Just imagine it... the Man U players crowding round the ref for the umpteenth time and the ref just loses it, squares up to Big Rio and says "Get the f**k on with with the game you c***s before i make you eat s**t and DIE!!!!!!" Brilliant. Worth the Setanta Subscription fee alone.
From kevmun82 on Thu May 01 01:25PMKevmun82,
Please clarify, what game was that I have Setanta but was watching the 'other' match. What happened?From barny1158 on Thu May 01 01:32PMHallo and welcomings from the Galapagos Islands, pride of bowler-hat Ecuador! We are connected at last. I am sending this morse coding down biggest washing line on island. We are also seeing English Big Mac here. Man from Sky he come and give us football on tv and we give him lizard skins. Glorious English game played to win by wonderful Soviet Chelsea. Mr Drogba is great player fine skill and pleasing coiffure. Mr Grant look like our lizards. Lazy @#$% these sunbathing all day. No wonder we hunt them for lunch (for Lpool fans this is dinner) nice cook with thyme and raspberry jus. Don't let Mr David Attenborough film crew catch you, though. He he. I will visit Chelsea for posh shopping. No money but will bring with lizard skins. Maybe I buy Terry for Galapagos 2nd 1X. Who is ED? A horse? Warmest regardings from Pacific.
From duck.preston on Thu May 01 01:46PMKevmun82 lmfao. I'd pay double to see that.
From cfcmatt on Thu May 01 01:49PMSo if Chelski have a home game because Roman is from mother Russia, then maybe Liverpool can appeal to have next year's final in America. I only wish Jose was tto celebrate the win, but that's more because he celebrates like a second rate player, much better than the big tub of Israeli anger that hasn't smiled since football began being televised.
From mrsims150 on Thu May 01 01:51PMWhat is it with everyone slating the death out of ED these days? Here's an idea - if you don't like it, don't read it! Personally 9.00 is the highlight of my working morning, I don't think I'd make it to lunchtime without a brew and a bit of doors
From agentblue_99 on Thu May 01 02:05PMCompletely agree with agentblue, i start work at 8.00 so by the time i have had a cuppa and read my e-mails it's time for a chuckle with Early Doors. Then when i come back from lunch i give Cow Corner a read. Oooh nelly by gum thats an action packed day!
From the_kop2003 on Thu May 01 02:20PMDelia I could weep. I have never attacked any individual - nor team come to that - check my posts. And I don't think I am paranoid when I say Chelsea get attacked all the time - just read the last few posts here. My "childish rant" this morning was not aimed at anyone in particular - I was just letting off steam. The errors in my post probably betrayed my slight hangover. I thought the Moscow joke was funny. Still, I am only 12 years old!
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 02:27PMSo happy Pool lost, so so so so happy. And to a penalty hee hee hee. Word has it they were denied one. Can't get any coverage here so can someone confirm that for me?
Most of you hate Grant because he is an Israeli, and you wonder how an Israeli can be so good!! Well, at least an English manager came fifth in the league. That's some improvement!
From eliotot on Thu May 01 02:31PMWhat is the latest on the Bridge Snipers? Isograth?
From eliotot on Thu May 01 02:34PMMichelangelo,
In your post 58 you claim that every team in the prem would love Sugar daddy Abramovitch and his money, just note that whilst he has thrown money at Chelsea for players, he has been reluctant to pay off Chelsea's debts of over 60 million pounds. Chelsea is a business now like most privately owned prem clubs, how many businesses do you know that can operate with debts of that kind? Until you are in the black you are not even close to being a 'rich club'. As for your question on what Chelsea players I would like , none of those mentioned by you. Shaun Wright Phillips would come in handy cos he's lost at the Bridge, Cudicini as a back up goalie, and maybe Kalou. Keep Dogba if you can, well until Jose comes calling that is, and as to your suggestion of wanting Mourinho as a future manager, (good as he is,) myself and my fellow gooners cringe at the very thought. The "Mourinho" puppet sketch on Setanta is enough for me thanks very much....From barny1158 on Thu May 01 02:50PMdid no one see my post? torres was taken off :s not the best move when your chasing a game!
From georgemartinesz on Thu May 01 03:10PMgeorgemartinesz, yes we saw your post, and suprise suprise we saw the game last night too. However he had a hamstring tweak and was taken off for Babel.
Happy now?
From the_kop2003 on Thu May 01 03:15PMSorry barny i was just referring to part in today's article about the Japanese ref. It would be heaven to see them do that.
From kevmun82 on Thu May 01 03:16PMKop2003,
Stunning goal from Babel, I must say.....From barny1158 on Thu May 01 03:17PMIt was a bad day for myself on the ED forum yesterday. Having chastised the ED community for abusing fellow bloggers, i too was drawn into fisty -cuffs with the loathsome PaulaThompson15.(Who couldn't be as old as 15.) Given Paula’s atrocious lack of verbal communication skills, it was clear she was either very young or very, very stupid. (Both are probably applicable). In any case, football was forced to play second- fiddle to this rather pointless cyber bashing. In the end, I needed to remind myself of the purpose of Early Doors. Was it a place for footy debate or a site for brazen Hussies? (Or Vicky Pollard's in today's language.) Lets hope vicky and co stay well away today. (Hopefully they will have too much homework). Well done to Chelsea for reaching the Champion's League Final. And well done to Drogba for staying on his feet. That was some achievement for a man as unstable as the North Atlantic Current.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 03:22PMKevmun82,
The referees in the Prem league always remind me of wimpy teased guys at primary school, that got bullied (not condoning that by the way) and have grown up and taken their revenge on the world of footie!! But they still get bullied by all, especially the players and certain managers, and personally I would love them to stand their ground when they are surrounded, but they back off and don't use the rules to their full advantage. If they want and deserve more respect, let them respect themselves first. Refs ...stand up for yourselves!!From barny1158 on Thu May 01 03:26PMSamuelbanks;
We are getting abuse from Simon/Paula, do you not get the connection ? No one thinks less of you for not responding, so why bother? The trash they write is allowed on, then you have to question why? Boosting the post ratings, setting others up for a day of arguements, whatever, read who's posting first and if you don't wish to read, just scroll on lad. ....From barny1158 on Thu May 01 03:36PMYes barny it was a great goal, well worth the effort cos he has got one hell of a shot on him. However, it was a case of too little too late, if we had got one back straight after Drogba's second it might well have had another twist!
What are the odds of a Liverpool v Arsenal final next year? You know, mix it up with the English teams in the final!From the_kop2003 on Thu May 01 03:38PMthe_kop2003 no he didnt have a hamstring tweak if he did crouch would have came on it woz benitez latest attempt 2 change the system which as b4 failed so ha
From georgemartinesz on Thu May 01 03:44PMKop2003
Thats a good one, but seriously, I would like a few more home grown players at Arsenal ,some coming through but can the fans wait? We are not a patient bunch are we ,lets be honest. Well have to go now ...Lord and master is home from work so Delia has some cooking to do!!!!From barny1158 on Thu May 01 03:48PMMaybe last night’s defeat to chelsea was a blessing in disguise for Liverpool. Maybe now the board will realise the 'Rotator's' failings and go in search of a proper manager-not one who takes his best player off in extra time in a Champions League semi- final. Well-done Rafa. I would not have expected anything less from you. At least you are consistent-consistently stupid. Liverpool fans-if you are listening, you have every right to be seething today-not because you were beaten by Chelsea but because you are managed by incompetent fool. Lets face it, the mans rotation policy wouldn't look out of place at a fairground.
Round and round at Anfield goes the Liverpool player
Torres off , Crouch on,
Rafas had a mareFrom samuelbanks on Thu May 01 04:01PMI hope the police in Moscow don't do to the fans as the Belgrade police did a few years ago when the Toons came to play Partizan in a friendly. It was summer and the fans were confined to their hotel without air-conditioning. HM Ambassador decided to bring in some barrels of the best and invited the fans to refresh themselves at the residence. They did and how. The then Defence Attache and his wife were in the swimming pool when a Toon fan pulled off all his clothes and jumped in the pool. "Get out!" roared the DA, "You're improperly dressed." "What do you mean?" said the Toon, "I've still got my socks on."
From james_ssmith on Thu May 01 04:07PMcome on fiorentina!!
sick of anti-football
From marcgrant7 on Thu May 01 04:23PMCome on, Rangers! It's time it were time for Scotland.
Why is ED harbouring secret lusts for an Everton supporter? I don't know who Penelope Cruz supports. If it's not Arsenal I don't want to know.From james_ssmith on Thu May 01 04:29PMGeorgie, can i call you that? Well Georgie, as i believe in Rafa I am going to take his word for it that Torres tweaked his hamstring, and obviously his decision to bring on Babel was completely non effective - apart from the goal he scored of course...
Why are you having a dig? Surely you should just be gracious and not kick a team when they're down.
From the_kop2003 on Thu May 01 04:37PMDidn't see the game. Sounds like it was a belter. Unbelievably insanely happy Liverpool lost... have to be honest about it! Come on Chelski in Moscow! Since Abramovich did a runner from Russia and allegedly agreed never to return as part of a deal with Putin to keep his allegedly stolen cash, does that mean he won't be there for the final?
From andywalker269 on Thu May 01 04:50PMED (horse or not) is great. I don't know why people keep criticising it. Barny, I am not a new poster (not a regular one though, unfortunately can't always read ED and usually it's in the evening and I have little time - now it's 11:30 p.m. here and I'm getting sleepy) but even if i was, why can't I cheer on the Blues today - especially if I have been supporting them as long as I have? And, btw, although you sometimes make a lot of sense, with regards to Michaelangelo (from what I've seen) I'm afraid you are often wrong and he is often right and I swear I am not saying this cos I'm a Chelsea fan. Anyway, well done Chelsea! Two great performances in one week!!!,whatever next? The best performances for 2 years maybe, which ladies and gentleman was why Mourinho had to go at some point - fantastic as he was, Chelsea were not performing well in his last season and a half (we all know it). Credit to Grant for doing something Jose couldn't do - beat Liverpool in a semi!!!! and credit also to the Reds supporters who have been gracious in defeat.
Up the BLues (although we still haven't won anything) and UP Early Doors too! Goood luck Rangers! GoodnightFrom stevejohnwaller on Thu May 01 04:54PM
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