Didier Dogma
Thu May 01 10:36AM
Cheer up Liverpool fans at least you don't have go through the rigmarole of acquiring Champions League final tickets now.
After years of educational matches between Chelsea and Liverpool (educational as in they make you want to turn the TV off and read a book), last night's game was a ripsnorter, a dandy of a doozy with thrills and spills aplenty.
It's simple it rained and rain brings umbrellas, running mascara, sliding tackles and most importantly clumsiness. We will shortly start a petition for all games between these two sides to be played in the Amazon.
We'll let you chat amongst yourselves about the countless talking points in the game but ultimately the difference between the two sides was Didier Drogba.
Not only did he score two goals, he nobbled (accidentally?) Martin Skrtel who in turn was replaced by Sami Hyppia who gave away the decisive penalty who was also not fouled by Drogba (or was he?) for the non-penalty that would have been the decisive away goal.
We wonder if Rafa Benitez was on his MacBook Pro last night editing his video dossier and adding a Scouse fatwa on the pesky Ivorian who after his first goal produced an absolute textbook 'up yours' celebration.
ED has similar feelings to Drogba as it does to Amanda Holden.
We don't like to admit it to close friends or family and even though we don't want to like them, deep down we do think they are a bit tasty.
We know he enjoys nothing better than a dry land Greg Louganis impression, we know he bangs on tediously about his future 'possibly being elsewhere' and we know that dance after the game last night was hideous.
But he is always a handful and his movement for the second goal was superb. If he plays for your team you love him but he will always be a player opposition fans love to hate.
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Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore admitted an all-English Champions League final in Moscow presents a "logistical challenge" very much in the way Rudolf Hess admitted in 1941 that Moscow was proving a "logistical challenge."
But he will not press for a change of venue (there's no way that UEFA cash cow will give way to a bout of common sense even though the UEFA Cup final in Manchester could feature a Russian side).
So if you woke up this morning and thought about getting a ticket for the final, here's what you need to know:
1) GETTING A TICKET
If you are not one of Chelsea or Manchester United's leading 21,500 applicants who have amassed a veritable war chest of loyalty points for all of the extra home and away games attended you can either try to a) win a competition b) sell that unnecessary kidney and buy one on the black market or c) get a high ranking sales job at Nutella in the next three weeks - 17,000 will be reserved for Uefa's official partners and other various blaggers.
2) GETTING THERE
The city is not exactly well served by budget airlines - no cut-price routes exist from London - and the organised flights by the clubs are coming in at over £1000. How about the easyjet to Tallinn followed by a 1051km, 15 hour drive or Ryanair to Riga - a mere 12 hour, 936km jaunt (number of Little Chefs en-route - unclear, hope you like Borsch)
3) GETTING IN
So you've one less organ but got a ticket, it's taken you a month to get there and you're at the border but you haven't got a Visa. Not only do you have to pay £100 for the Visa but you need to have a valid hotel address. With £5,000 for a three-night stay at an ordinary chain hotel being quoted, we suggest taking the precaution of buying a bride beforehand.
- - -
More bad news for Tom Hicks's Liverpool "brand" as they are only the world's fourth most valuable football club behind Manchester United, Real Madrid and Arsenal according to Forbes magazine annual list of the world's 25 most valuable clubs.
We think Hicks going into the Liverpool dressing room last night and congratulating the team on their hard work would have gone done about as well as a plate of bacon sandwiches at Avram Grant's Bar Mitzvah.
Talking of Grant, didn't he take it well when Stevie G planted his forearm into his face. Seemingly only a public garotting will rile the phlegmatic Israeli.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY 1: "He is the most proudest man in the world," Jamie Redknapp reinvents the English language once more in reference to the AWOL Roman Abramovich.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: "As the man who started the Chelsea revolution," was this part of Glenn Hoddle's rider that Richard Keys, between shaves, would use this introduction on countless occasions. We always thought it was Matthew Harding.
FOREIGN VIEW: A Japanese referee has been accused by a player of using abusive language, including telling him to "die". Japanese media reported that several players overheard a furious Yuichi Nishimura snap: "Shut up! You keep quiet and get on with the game. Die!"
DISSES OF THE DAY: "Why isn't this blog funny any more?" says paulathompson15. Well we don't hear many funnies coming from your direction, you're not exactly the new Jo Brand (unless of course you are a psychiatric nurse from Hastings in which case you are the new Jo Brand).
"ED is staffed by Norman Bates who has shaved his head and grown his beard. The person on his left is clearly saying "Here's Johnny!!" and the one at the back is the horrifying evidence of what you get when you remove the pig mask in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre," we offer a big Drogba knee slide in retort to james_ssmith.
Gianluca Zambrotta's legal team are after jjss.rm following the "Dean Gaffney lookalike at right back jibe" aimed at the Barcelona player.
TALKING POINT: With the Roman Abramovich factor, some say the final will be a home game for Chelsea. But with a burgeoning middle class and a criminal underbelly running the city, we think the Mancs will feel right at home. What do you think? And have any Everton fans built a 20ft papier mache Didier Drogba in Stanley Park yet?
COMING UP: More reaction than you can shake a stick at following last night and if we don't mention Rangers in the UEFA Cup tonight then some angry Glaswegians will be after us.
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IM this storybarny1158,
You are wrong. Chelsea is the only club in the Premier League, who does not have any external debts. Our last debt, 36 million pounds where covered on the 21 of December 2007.
Whereas Liverpool do have financial problems, and roumor has it, that they may be forced to sell some players in order to cover up the debts made because of the purchase of Fernando Torres.
From hagensigurdsson on Thu May 01 05:12PMWhat was Alan Green on about -wanting UEFA to move the Champion's League final in Moscow to an English venue. What was he on. Does he not realise that Moscow would have bided for the right to host the show piece final.(years ago.) I thought Green was a clever sort of guy-clever dick more like it. I didn't hear him calling for the 2003 final between AC and Inter to be played in Italy. Remember where that was played-Manchester.Most of the Italian fans who came to England for the 03 final vowed never to return. Something to do with holes and dirt.Aww.. if you're Manchester im only joking-i love the place, honestly-great for a night out- if your not worried about losing your limbs.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 05:13PMWell, I had a drink with a couple of gentlemen from Liverpool before the game in a Kings Road hostelry and very nice chaps they seemed to be. They expressed the desire that should the boys in blue triumph, that they would prefer that said boys in blue get one over on the other boys in red in Moscow. You'd a thought that as they are from the north they would like each other a bit more. Oh well, I suppose that's footie for you.
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 05:24PMPost 91,
Beg to differ, last count sky sports back in February stated what I said. Not really a point to argue about anyway....nobody knows for sure, not unless you are Abramovitch's accountant Are you?....lol
From barny1158 on Thu May 01 07:00PMA 20 ft papier mache Didier Drogba you say ED.Yeah thats a good idea. Just like the real thing it would probably fall down.(A bit of wind would utterly floor it.) Infact, you might need to make it a bit taller than 20ft.You see you would need 15 feet for the body and 20 feet for the head.Thats a 35 feet papier mache dick. Then you could build a papier mache Michael Ballack to keep him company at Stanley Park. Then they could both have an argument about who looks better in Papier mache. Drogba; 'o look at me.. im so pretty in mache doont you think--it is cause i am worth it'. Ballack; '@#$% ap you nanzee clat. Ze papier does nat suit you…you afrikanisch arsch mit ohren.The Furer wad nat ze tolerated sach pervertian. Now gett out daf ere you homosexuell frohlich. I am ze king of the mache. Hail Hitler!’(Ballack goes to salute the Furer and his arm falls off.)Drogba; 'Hahahaha. your arm fell off..look everbady Michael's arm fell off. My maches better than yours, my maches better than yours .O @#$%, mines come off aswell'.So lets just recap-thats two one armed papier mache dicks standing proudly outside Stanley Park.The ideas you put into my head ED.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 07:08PMim getting bored of this blog camonl ads cant u think of anything nice to say or summet funny lads or are you lot just old boring old men before yourfucking time CAMON lads!!!
From greglfc on Thu May 01 07:20PMBy the way, was Drogba struck by lightning just after he scored last night? Look at the picture at the top again. Poor Didier looks to be in some pain. Either that or its just a very weird celebration. The weather was quite bad last night. Would someone check if Drogs is ok? By all accounts, electrocution is a nasty way to go. Just typical-you score the goal that sends your team through to its first Champions league final, and then you get hit by lightning.Tut.The good news for Drogba is that lightning never strikes twice. Pitty.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 07:31PMStevejohnwaller
Never said it was wrong to celebrate? Just in my opinion Michelangelo was bit over the top on his first post this morning and it was a bit unlike him. The thing with printed text is, you cannot always gauge how the person printing it means the message to be taken unless you put Lol on the end every time.You don't have to agree with my opinion no more than I have to with yours.If you were to check my posts last night after the match, you would see that I was one of the first to congratulate Chelsea. Maybe just in a more adult way than everyone likes....Sorry..From barny1158 on Thu May 01 07:49PMJust watching the Rangers/ Fiorentina match on Fox Soccer Channel with American commentators.Some of the jargon is priceles.'Davis is springing a leek dowm this far side'.'And the ball now in the second quarter'.This is a good sequence from Rangers' and stuff like that.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 08:12PMYou should be ashamed of yourselves, sabotaging the link to Jim Whites column. Just because he's an "award winning columnist" doesn't give you the right to hack the link so that it takes us to a video of a not so sexy Gullit instead. Feeling the heat?
From seham_karmos2003 on Thu May 01 08:22PMSamuelbanks;
You are relentless with the jokes lad, I cannot keep up with you....funny though..lol.From barny1158 on Thu May 01 08:32PMBarney
Believe it not Barney i feel miserable today.I need the jokes or else i'd crack up.Im being deadly serious. Anyway are you watching the Rangers match.Its nothing great, but i think Rangers will go through.What are the odds that your boys will pip United and Chelsea to the title.Stretching the bounds of possibility i think.From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 08:42PMSamuelbanks;
Bar a collapse by both above us, I would say...None!! My team faltered badly after the Birmingham game, you can blame it on whatever, bottom line, we shot ourselves in the foot....decisions that did not go for us, injuries, there are a million excuses, they don't mean nothing....We just didn't make it...thats it. Some lovely football, so maybe next year......From barny1158 on Thu May 01 09:06PMAdamcroft83
What a totaly bitter blue nose you are! next time engage your brain before you comment, And yes i live a mile from the ground and do have a job, granted have a laugh on here but keep you cheap insults to yourself. You probably wont even make europe this year.From rbrawn on Thu May 01 09:19PMMaybe it'll be a four horse race next season.I think Liverpool will put up a much better showing in the league next season. But i think Arsenal will be lethal next year.Im not just saying that. Most of the Arsenal players are still quite young.So the current squad of players will get better and better. Looks like the Rangers game is going to extra time.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 09:22PMI unreserably offer my apologies to anyone I have offened in my whole life.
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 09:52PMBy the way, were the writers on the ED staff hungover from last night?.Given that the article was posted at 10.36am, (almost 2 hours later than usual) i assume that Alex Chick and co were off their frickin heads. ED, if you’re listening- take a lye in every morning and give yourself a break- the blogging community don’t appreciate you anyway. Don’t worry ED- I think your bloody brilliant. By the way-were you celebrating or commiserating? I think i smell a Chelsea rat.keep up the good work.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 10:10PMI'm worried, samuelbanks, as Hleb and Flamini are set to go. I don't relish some 10-year old being groomed to fill their boots. Arsenal need to buy big to replace them.
Just watching Rangers defend their 0-0 lead in extra time. They don't even look capable of scoring in the penalty shootout. Famous last words, I suppose.
From james_ssmith on Thu May 01 10:13PMWow - the Rangers match goes to penalties. Nothing quite like a penalty shoot-out - on the radio.... ;o)
From garethcoletranslations on Thu May 01 10:15PMVieri didn't look like scoring
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 01 10:23PMWell, wrong again, but not unhappy. I hope Rangers play better against Zenit in the final.
From james_ssmith on Thu May 01 10:24PMCongratulations Rangers!! It probably wasn't pretty, but who cares...
From garethcoletranslations on Thu May 01 10:25PMCOME ON RANGERS-FLUKY OR WHAT.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 10:25PMVieri's penalty just passed my window.The man should retire-which is what im going ta do, goodnight.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 01 10:32PMWell Rangers, smash and grabbed, but they are in the final so Congratulations.!!! Nite people....
From barny1158 on Thu May 01 10:35PMThe English are really hopelessly bias. I can't imagine what will happen to ronaldo if it was him attacking Avram Grant. As mentioned by a post earlier 'Zero coverage', what a disgrace! It's the same thing happening about the diving issues with ronaldo and drogba, they are not doing it any more often or even less than the likes of gerrad, but i guess people will just say 'oh~ what a moment of instant genius' when gerrad commits one and 'f@#$ that s#%$, stop acting like you have a bullet in your head'for ronaldo and drogba~~~ Hopeless
From vitorlam on Fri May 02 04:14AMchelsea rule
From athavan54 on Fri May 02 08:13AMUs in Africa thought home advantages only exist in our continent whereby fans and players of homesides can intimidate and influence the decisions of referees.EUFA should try to choose broadbrain trained referees who can withstand homeside's intimidation cuz what we watched in the last match btw Chelsea/Liverpool is a disgrace to European football
From micpando1 on Fri May 02 10:42AM
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