"Nacho, nacho man... I want to be a nacho man!"
Fri May 02 09:06AM
Congratulations to Rangers for reaching the Champions League 'B' final last night. Nacho Novo kept his nerve from the spot as Walter Smith's men sealed a 4-2 spot-kick triumph in Fiorentina.
It is rumoured that Guantanamo Bay are planning on making suspects watch the entire three and a half hours of goalless bilge as a method of third degree torture to extract confessions.
Nonetheless we expect more excitement at the City of Manchester in 12 days as the last time a Scottish team reached the UEFA Cup final was when Celtic met Porto and that was a belter of game.
It does seem that their French-Gabonese striker Daniel Cousin has spent a little too long in the West End of Glasgow.
Cousin will miss the final after applying the Glasgow kiss on Fabio Liverani three minutes into the second period of extra time.
He joins the likes of Steve Foster (1983 FA Cup final, kids), Paul Scholes and Roy Keane (1999 Champions League final), Claudio Caniggia, Michael Ballack and Leonardo (World Cup finals) who have missed the big occasion.
At least the Brazilian full-back didn't mess about with a petty yellow card - he committed ABH on Tab Ramos who went on to spend three and a half months in hospital with a skull fracture.
Whilst Rangers face a hectic month with games on May 4, 7, 10, 14, 18, 20, 22, and 24 - a busy outlook diary for Gers fans - their Scottish Cup final opponents Queen of the South don't have a competitive game all month and are currently larging it on a sunshine break in Marbella.
- - -
David Beckham is a Muppet - official!!
Becks made a right Big Bird out of himself by appearing on Sesame Street to teach Elmo a new word.
He explained the word 'persistence' which should be interesting as once asked whether he thought that he was a volatile player, he replied: "Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."
In homage to his 33rd birthday today, here's some more apocryphal quotes we can attribute to Becks (come on he's rich, we need to mock to make ourselves feel better):
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"
"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion"
- - -
Shock! The Daily Star, which can often make even The Sun and The Mirror look like a Proust novel, has Lucy Pinder on the front page and on the back page "news" that Manchester United are lining up a bid for overweight, rapidly balding West Ham hitman Dean Ashton.
With eight goals in 29 games this season it can't be for his scoring record, maybe it is just to further mock old "pig lids" Alan Curbishley.
Champions League finalists Carrick, Ferdinand, Cole, Lampard and Tevez have all passed through the revolving door at Upton Park leaving Curbs - aka The Plasterer - with Luis Boa Morte and pretty much unanimous disquiet at his regime and his incredibly dull interviews on the five-a-side pitch at the Boleyn.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Vieri's penalty just passed my window. The man should retire - which is what I'm going to do, goodnight," barny1158 shows intelligent banter is not just limited to Cow Corner readers.
FOREIGN VIEW: "As Frank will be leaving FC Barcelona in a few weeks my work with him will come to an end," Jil van Eyle, who works with Rijkaard in a fundraising initiative outs the Dutch coach on his personal blog.
DISSES OF THE DAY: We really couldn't be bothered with yesterday's my Dad is bigger than your Dad row and as a protest we are doing a El Hadji Diouf this morning and just going through the motions.
But one point Barney, we were not hungover last night, we were not on the Loud Mouth Soup until the small hours. The article was posted at 8.45am and then republished at 10.36am for missing full stop reasons.
TALKING POINT: It's Dick Advocaat's Zenit St Petersburg who will meet Rangers in the UEFA Cup. Was their thumping 4-0 win over Bayern Munich purely down to Ottmar Hitzfeld's decision to field "Confessions of " star Robin Askwith - pictured here in goal rather than the former German number one Oliver Kahn - shown here.
COMING UP: STUFF!!
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IM this storyThat quote with the lion bar cracked me up! Top notch!
From the_kop2003 on Fri May 02 09:13AMI thought garagemusic was banned from ED?
From the_kop2003 on Fri May 02 09:13AMfirst post? or am i too slow........
From ima_fat_tw on Fri May 02 09:16AMToo slow! d'oh!
From ima_fat_tw on Fri May 02 09:17AMI'm in two minds about the game last night to be honest, on the plus side we have a representative in a European final, but damn it was depressing football. Rangers have been doing it all season of course, and it's been massively effective, so fair play to them. But the superb Old Firm game last weekend showed that they CAN play great attacking football when they want to so i'm hoping they'll go for it in the final. But then that begs the question of what would you rather see? An ugly win or an exciting loss?
From kevmun82 on Fri May 02 09:18AMBarney said something funny or intelligent?! Boll@cks - there must be a mistake! ;o)
Yup. Another 'total gash' ED. Where is Alex Chick? In my kitchen... but really, you can't make this float without him, guys.
From simondenham on Fri May 02 09:20AMwell done rangers???
dont think so, they are an embarresment to the scottish game
im one very ashamed scotsman after watchin them celebrate.
celebrate what exactly?? s@#$%ing their way through games with 10 men behind the ball against superior footballing sides is a good thing??? they didnt manage a shot at goal (at all) till the 90th minute, worthy finalists they are!! lets just hope zenit do us all a favour and football comes out on top.
And no im not a celtic fan
From marcgrant7 on Fri May 02 09:22AMWait. There is a mistake - I knew there must have been! Twas SamualW@nks that said something amusing and wrong. Two mistakes - you obviously rarely read the comments section too these days, huh? ;o)
From simondenham on Fri May 02 09:23AMsimondenham - you strike me as something of a cretin. Are you really a Maureen from Stokesley Avenue who dresses up in your mum's clothes to escape the tedious nature of your solitary existence whilst posting on message boards before your 14 hour shift flipping burgers starts.
From bigdavenutt on Fri May 02 09:33AMMore criticism for Doors this morning I see. It was far from the finest article I have ever seen them produce, but a respectable effort none the less. Well done to Rangers for getting ANOTHER british team into ANOTHER european final, I know the whole argument about them all having foreign players but a fantastic achievement all the same! Plus all those criticising Man U & Chelsea, just count the english players - ferdinand, carrick, lampard, terry, cole, rooney, scholes, brown, hargreaves, neville, bridge.... and a welshman in Giggs. So much for the lack of top level English players eh?
From agentblue_99 on Fri May 02 09:37AMsimondenham - you have been confirmed as a cretin. Get a life
From agentblue_99 on Fri May 02 09:38AMAfter a miserable
40 something
hours or so, im
ready to speak,
John @#$%
Riise should do
the honourable
thing and commit
suicide. Thank
you.From senzoferrari on Fri May 02 09:40AMmarcgrant7 just said almost exactly what I was going to say. To make it worse Rangers fans txt me to rub it in eve though Im a Chelsea fan. the genuinely seemed to think they done better than my team! They must be the ony club in the world that have got to a final and made ther countries football come across worse than before. I genuinely think final should be cancelled. They have managed to play worse as the games have gone on. They play a 9-0-1 formation then get ther striker sent off and go to a 9-0-0. They dont defend good they just line ther men up a punt it away as it comes near them. horrible horrible team! In Scotland they done the same, league cup on penalties hich they didnt deserve, scottish cup semis on penalties which they didnt deserve and they will prob win the league cause celtic were @#$% for half the season but are a much better team.
From sav46e on Fri May 02 09:43AMi like "ED" his take on sporting things make me smile even when united lose, keep it up.and well done Rangers you used Man U's european tactics to winning effect.
From omrobbie on Fri May 02 09:45AMgonna mae a pole.
Should the Uefa cup now be cancelled?
My answer is yes+1
From sav46e on Fri May 02 09:55AMthe champions league final should be cancelled or moved from russia as chealski owner will proberley have the united team poisened.
From omrobbie on Fri May 02 10:02AMu r bang on sav46e,
yeh had my rangers mates on the phone after the game as well, sayin how they are the best in the land an how they will get 1 over advocaat in the final. as much as i hate advocaat an his sidekick ricksen , i will be cheerin them on in the final, and i never ever thought i would be on cheerin on a team wiv ricksen in it!!
they have genuinlly embarresed the scottish game cos its not as bad as wot they have shown.
not managing a shot on goal till the 90th minute is poor by any standard and they deserve no praise or congratulations for these kind of displays.
Even aberdeen had a go wen they were in the competion and played a cracking game against bayern at home. id be interested to see how many games rangers have actually won in the uefa cup this season. cant be many.
Walter 'Traitor' Smith should know better as well, you normally associate his teams wiv good football (after all he learned his trade under Sir jim mclean!!)
all we can do now is hope zenit can break down anti-footballFrom marcgrant7 on Fri May 02 10:13AMthe uefa cup should be cancelled
itl be a non event
My answer = YESFrom marcgrant7 on Fri May 02 10:15AMGuys i have always been a fan of your writing but there's something that has me bothered. Mr. Sauramltd had this to say in the Cow Corner comment yesterday - "it is rumoured that Indian police made suspects watch his entire innings as a method of third degree torture to extract confessions".
Coincidence ? or have you guys been trying to stick it up the Cowers blog by posting under pseudonyms ?
From singh.harshdeep on Fri May 02 10:21AMZenit are a lower quality team so playin nearer to Rangers level so hopefully that'll somehow change things around.
I dont even think they should be in the competition in 1st place. The teams who done well enough to get through champions league group stages dont get a final so they are bein punished for bein better than Rangers.
Id love them to get beat in final, that would be so much worse for them than to get beat before it.
And can we stop having people sayin well done Rangers please. it wasn't well done at all.
At least we have decent teams in CL final.
From sav46e on Fri May 02 10:26AMwhoa !! now my earlier post has also vanished !! well anyways, comment by Cow Corner reader Mr Sauramltd talking about Sunil Gavaskar yesterday - "it is rumoured that Indian police made suspects watch his entire innings as a method of third degree torture to extract confessions"
Coincidence guys ?From singh.harshdeep on Fri May 02 10:26AMED you missed a trick there - you should have not mentioned the Rangers game at all. Come on, it would have been hilarious.
I love that this morning you gone all Russel Crowe and have given a sound thrashing to Rangers, Glaswegian character, David Beckham, The Daily Star, Sun and Mirror (and Proust for mentioning him in the same sentence), Dean Ashton, Alan Curbishley, Luis Boa Morte, El Hadji Diouf and the majority of people who posted on here yesterday. Excellent work! Mrs Doors not putting out, eh?
And what is the problem? Anyone who slags off an ED posting should post their own version of what the article should have read. Or preferably just shut up.
From alsltd on Fri May 02 10:35AMur right, to see them beat in the final would be heartbreaking for them. id love to see the look on novo's face after they get trounced!!
thats actually a fair point, it does seem unfair that teams like fenerbache who are much better than rangers dont have a final. i bet rangers took there cl tv money and aimed for 3rd in the group, thats the ambition of that sorry excuse for a club.From marcgrant7 on Fri May 02 10:38AMwhat are u smoking ED...cant u bloody write and read as well??? the Vieri comment was made by samuelbanks not barny1158!!!!
too much of GTA heh??
From umar2050 on Fri May 02 10:41AMwhat are i smoking ED?? we know that u cant bloody write but i did not know u couldn't read as well?? the Vieri comment was made by samuelbanks not barny1158!!!!
From umar2050 on Fri May 02 10:42AMEverone would rather see Bayern in final cause ther a good side, a CL side but Zenit won 4-0 so fair enough. but Rangers? they actually make me dislike football. And they have the worst, thickest fans in the world who actually think ther team deserves to be in the final. Cant say enough bad things about that club
From sav46e on Fri May 02 10:46AMSomeone compared rangers' game plan with Man utd's, what the @#$%^~~!! Man utd played in a very organized way especially in the second leg. Man utd's game wasn't panic play or anti-football. so please don't compare man utd with renagers. thank you~~
From vitorlam on Fri May 02 10:58AMJeez, you know it's getting serious when even your own supervisor is taking a leaf out of garagemusic's book! Looks like people power has finally tipped the balance and ED's often lackadaisical attitude has finally caught up with it!
Only joshing of course!! We can't all be on the ball every day. Apart from Alex Chick, obviously.
From kevmun82 on Fri May 02 11:10AMNice to see the usual high levels of magnanimity and general goodwill still going strong on this site.
Greece won the last Euros with similar negative play if I remember correctly, and in response to Kevmun82, I should imagine their fans were delirious. I am sure the Rangers fan will be exactly the same if they win in Manchester. And fair play to them if they do.
Of course it is @#$% to watch and infuriates the opposition, but every team should play to its strengths - and if Rangers are lacking in terms of creativity, imagination and forward drive then their success outside Scotland will be very shortlived. It's the same as the showboating discussion the other day - don't whinge about it, figure out how to deal with it. Although Rangers are in a different class to most other teams in Scotland, they still play in a comparatively minor league, so this represents a major success for them. Quit sniping everybody.
From garethcoletranslations on Fri May 02 11:15AMbloody jocks!! who needs there @#$% football, u cant even win the snooker!!! ahahaha.
Shame on you ED for stealing lines of other blogs!! tut tut!
From goodechuff2001 on Fri May 02 11:16AM
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