"Nacho, nacho man... I want to be a nacho man!"
Fri May 02 09:06AM
Congratulations to Rangers for reaching the Champions League 'B' final last night. Nacho Novo kept his nerve from the spot as Walter Smith's men sealed a 4-2 spot-kick triumph in Fiorentina.
It is rumoured that Guantanamo Bay are planning on making suspects watch the entire three and a half hours of goalless bilge as a method of third degree torture to extract confessions.
Nonetheless we expect more excitement at the City of Manchester in 12 days as the last time a Scottish team reached the UEFA Cup final was when Celtic met Porto and that was a belter of game.
It does seem that their French-Gabonese striker Daniel Cousin has spent a little too long in the West End of Glasgow.
Cousin will miss the final after applying the Glasgow kiss on Fabio Liverani three minutes into the second period of extra time.
He joins the likes of Steve Foster (1983 FA Cup final, kids), Paul Scholes and Roy Keane (1999 Champions League final), Claudio Caniggia, Michael Ballack and Leonardo (World Cup finals) who have missed the big occasion.
At least the Brazilian full-back didn't mess about with a petty yellow card - he committed ABH on Tab Ramos who went on to spend three and a half months in hospital with a skull fracture.
Whilst Rangers face a hectic month with games on May 4, 7, 10, 14, 18, 20, 22, and 24 - a busy outlook diary for Gers fans - their Scottish Cup final opponents Queen of the South don't have a competitive game all month and are currently larging it on a sunshine break in Marbella.
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David Beckham is a Muppet - official!!
Becks made a right Big Bird out of himself by appearing on Sesame Street to teach Elmo a new word.
He explained the word 'persistence' which should be interesting as once asked whether he thought that he was a volatile player, he replied: "Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."
In homage to his 33rd birthday today, here's some more apocryphal quotes we can attribute to Becks (come on he's rich, we need to mock to make ourselves feel better):
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"
"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion"
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Shock! The Daily Star, which can often make even The Sun and The Mirror look like a Proust novel, has Lucy Pinder on the front page and on the back page "news" that Manchester United are lining up a bid for overweight, rapidly balding West Ham hitman Dean Ashton.
With eight goals in 29 games this season it can't be for his scoring record, maybe it is just to further mock old "pig lids" Alan Curbishley.
Champions League finalists Carrick, Ferdinand, Cole, Lampard and Tevez have all passed through the revolving door at Upton Park leaving Curbs - aka The Plasterer - with Luis Boa Morte and pretty much unanimous disquiet at his regime and his incredibly dull interviews on the five-a-side pitch at the Boleyn.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Vieri's penalty just passed my window. The man should retire - which is what I'm going to do, goodnight," barny1158 shows intelligent banter is not just limited to Cow Corner readers.
FOREIGN VIEW: "As Frank will be leaving FC Barcelona in a few weeks my work with him will come to an end," Jil van Eyle, who works with Rijkaard in a fundraising initiative outs the Dutch coach on his personal blog.
DISSES OF THE DAY: We really couldn't be bothered with yesterday's my Dad is bigger than your Dad row and as a protest we are doing a El Hadji Diouf this morning and just going through the motions.
But one point Barney, we were not hungover last night, we were not on the Loud Mouth Soup until the small hours. The article was posted at 8.45am and then republished at 10.36am for missing full stop reasons.
TALKING POINT: It's Dick Advocaat's Zenit St Petersburg who will meet Rangers in the UEFA Cup. Was their thumping 4-0 win over Bayern Munich purely down to Ottmar Hitzfeld's decision to field "Confessions of " star Robin Askwith - pictured here in goal rather than the former German number one Oliver Kahn - shown here.
COMING UP: STUFF!!
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IM this storyYou can say what you want about McDonalds United and Glasgow's Shame using the Watenaccio, but don't forget that this modern trend making football too boring for the Americans to watch was first used by the Ancient Greeks wayyy back in the year 2004 AD after they defeated Prince Ronaldo and the Portuguese Army in the battle of Lisbon.
From alihatefi on Fri May 02 08:05PMI here Avram Grant said today he was confident his job was safe. Thats a bit like Northern Rock telling you your moneys safe with them.
From samuelbanks on Fri May 02 08:39PMRangers..It is a pleasure hearing and reading all the sad negative comments about the great acheivements of this glorious team. It brings a smile knowing we have upset a lot of opposing fans, and its nice to see them show their jealousy.... Easy The Bears.
From derek.mccarthy07 on Fri May 02 09:01PMGlad I gave today a miss by the looks of some of the nasty stuff earlier. Samuelbanks, sorry ED made the mistake of crediting me with your post so expect a formal apology when they sober up?...and I never commented on your 'posting twice' yesterday ED so get a grip lads....someone else you thinking of surely....
From barny1158 on Fri May 02 09:29PMto goodecchuff2001 yes rangers very very poor to say the least but there in a final. and to your quote about snooker we have had our good share of good players and champions. oh yes i forgot the prime minister is a jock and the previous one was a jock. and the greatest manager alive is a jock (and a blue nose). so come on the jocks
From gordonpage4 on Fri May 02 09:42PMMagnificent teamwork, desire to win and playing to their limits has deservedly got Rangers to a Euro Final. Over the other side of the city we have a club enmeshed in bigotry, the tubby Borat and the reappointment of 'Neil' keep these flames going. The deluded ones believe that they play the SPL version of total football. See Bobo is playing today.
From another_shank on Sat May 03 01:26PMsorry barny1158 i was just having a crack at Ed to make myself feel better, i hope u dont mind, and the double post was a mistae also
From umar2050 on Sat May 03 01:41PMUmar205o
Was not having a pop at you lad in my last line, was having a pop at ED myself...Man U 4 1 up, bet all you Chelsea fans are biting your nails bigtime.....From barny1158 on Sat May 03 02:22PMrangers showed just how great the scottish game is . we rarely watch english teams . but every time they play a scottish team they get whupped !
celtic showed how easy it is to beat man u . chelsea arsenal liverpool etc. etc . is so f******* easy its so f****** easy . nobody in scotland will watch chelsea v man u coz they are second rateFrom s.ian76 on Sat May 03 03:26PMwell done the gers. they strolled through to the final without breaking sweat. course they come from a superior league to the english league with there one good team . celtic showed how to thrash man u chelsea liverpool and arsenal in the past couple of seasons easy easy easy
From s.ian76 on Sat May 03 03:35PMWhat a petulant little twerp Mr Nani is. (I have to call him Mr cause he doesn’t bother with a first name). In any other game, Nani’s sending off could have cost United dear. Luckily, West Ham can’t play football too well. I think Nani should give up football and get a job at a look-alike agency posing as a young Michael Jackson. (That is before he transformed himself into white women.) Nani would do great rendition of ‘Cheater’ and ‘Don’t stop until you get sent off…or I mean enough’. Lets face it the boy seems to try his best to get himself an early bath. Anyway im sure Ferguson will take him aside,put his arm round his shoulder and give him a few words of wisdom....before the telling the wee sh8t to 'Beat it'. AWWAO!
From samuelbanks on Sat May 03 07:26PMInstead of 'It don't mattter if its black or white, Nani likes to sing it don't matter if its red or yellow.
From samuelbanks on Sat May 03 07:34PMBarney
No need for you to apologise for the lttle mix up the other day.What were the ED lads on though.I think it might have been the old gangya.I said in my post yesterday that i thought the ED guys were making mistakes deliberately-just for the hell of it.That comment about Vieri wasn't that funny anyway.But just so you know, his penalty is still travelling...at some speed i might add.Wooosh!From samuelbanks on Sat May 03 07:57PMumm i msut admit barny i m a little nervous but i am almost sure that ManUtd will sliep up in the last game and Chelsea will win both to take the title
From umar2050 on Sat May 03 08:45PMBarny I am very happy. If you had said to me anytime since Jose left until about two weeks ago that we could lose the title only on goal difference I would have thought you were completely mad. We have a tougher game than expected against the Toon now they seem to have remembered how to play football but I think we will do it so all down to the last week. I don't expect Wigan (Steve Bruse) Athletic to do us any favours, especially now they are safe, but you never know. We'll do them in Moscow anyway so that will satisfy my soul! (And yes, you chose a good day to miss - I couldn't be bothered to post.) Watching High Fidelity at the moment. Great book, even if it is by a Gooner (joke!). The movie's ok too.
From michelangeloindeed on Sat May 03 10:46PMWell Samuelbanks, your boys did well today, nice last home game for the fans, shame about the theatrics with regards to Nani and Neill. Don't know who was the worst actor out of the two. Still think that the title will go to the last game as I cannot see the toon getting past Chelsea as they are so resilient at the moment.
Hope you are enjoying your movie Michelangelo, just catching up on MOTD myself. I can recommend another great movie if you haven't seen it, called Fever Pitch, !!! (Ha Ha, lol)From barny1158 on Sat May 03 11:14PMOh and just to show my complete unbias, well done spurs today, great goal by Robbie Keane, (I have to keep my other half happy, he pays the broadband bill,) and Mpasc66. The Malbranque goal was not offside either.
From barny1158 on Sat May 03 11:37PMActually I like the book and I have seen the movie. The thing is I am the same age as Nick Hornby (more or less) so although it was about the Gooners, I remember loads of the stuff in it.
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 04 12:00AMThe film teaches us all, gooners or not, just how football can take hold of your life , if you let it. Really had me obsessed about 6 yrs ago, have eased up since then. ...
From barny1158 on Sun May 04 12:31AMthis is great! aw you numpties still canny realise that the mighty glasgow rangers are a moral certainty to bring the uefa cup back to the home of football. realise, football just isnae a huddle,a sniff o' smelling salts (or other unknown substances), and a rush at the oppositions goal. football is a like a game of chess and walter smith is the GRAND MASTER.
from the silverfox1972
From arbroathavenue on Sun May 04 01:54AMA bit late but never mind. I don't know why people have started moaning about ED's writing, compared to some of the comments, they apppear to be masters of the English language. By the way, guys, the cheque still hasn't arrived
I really don't know why everyone thinks Chelsea will beat Newcastle but here's hoping.
High Fidelity is great and Fever Pitch is not bad either.From stevejohnwaller on Sun May 04 06:39AMWell at the risk of offending andywalker,lol, my boys play the toffees today and I am hoping for three points. The points tally for winning the prem is getting higher and higher it seems. A few short years back a team would have won the league with the tally Man U and Chelsea have already accumulated, so I do think that the competition is getting closer, with teams no longer being able to lose more than a few games.The sides just below the top four are improving too. Hoping for even closer encounters next season....
From barny1158 on Sun May 04 12:33PMgoodechuff2001 you are a racist arseh0le. I am a proud Englishman but comments like yours annoy me. I will say sorry to all Scottish readers on your racist behalf. Now behave yourself. Sorry to all Scottish folk who where offended by this idiots comment.
From scots_do_it_better2002 on Sun May 04 12:57PMcome on marcgrant7! A scottish team in the final is only good for scottish football. Yes Rangers defend a lot, but attacking constantly did the teams who got knocked out a hell of a lot of good didnt it?!
People are seeming to forget what Walter and co. have done since they came to Rangers. So the people who think rangers dont deserve any credit for making it into a major european final stop you moaning-real ambassadors for scottish football you are. At least some of us support our scottish teams.
From sazer46 on Sun May 04 06:14PMApparently, Mohammed Al Fayed gave an inspirational team talk to the Fulham players before their game against Birmingham yesterday. It probably went something like this: ‘Now you look here. This is my football club and you do what I tell you…you here. I want you go out there and beat living @#$% out of……(Pause). Who the f78k we playing?’ Roy Hogson: ‘Birmingham’. Al fayed: ‘I want you to go out there and beat living @#$% out of Birmingham…..you here. I pay you to go out and win football match. I don’t pay you to get Al Fayed relegated…you here. Now get out there and win me football match. But no pressure aaah. If we lose an go down 2nd division’……. Hogson: ‘The Championship’. Al fayed: ‘ Don’t interrupt me. Who the fack you anyway’? Hodson: ‘The Manager’. ‘Im the fackin manager. Where was I? Oh yes-if we lose and go down 2nd division... I have plan……. you here. If we go down I take Premiership, FA and everybody involved in conspiracy against Fulham to high court…you here. We try to say that MI6, MI5, Premiership, FA , Prince Phillip and government all try to get Fulham relegated…yes? Ok…good lads. Now get out on pitch and win me fackin football match.’ Wouldn’t you have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that. (Admittingly if I was a fly, I would sooner drown myself in a bottle of Pepsi than listen to the deluded Harrods boss)
From samuelbanks on Sun May 04 06:19PMEveryone should stop knocking Scottish football.Sure it could be better.But those of you who live in Scotland should appreciate what you have.You should try watching Irish league football(Northern Irish football)-then you would know all about it.Players in this league can't pass,can't shoot,can't mark-they can't even run.They're f...in useless.I watched Linfied FC play in the Irish league Cup final yesterday, and it was painful.Infact it is rumoured that Guantanamo bay are planning on making suspects watch the entire 90 minutes of the dull affair in order to extract confessions.Where have i heard that before.
From samuelbanks on Sun May 04 07:20PMGot a new ID, Barny?
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 04 11:56PMLuvylovedavid128-This is not an online dating agency love, but ill checkmout your photos to see if you come up to scatch.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 05 03:21PMMichelangeloindeed
No, not me sorry, could be another feeble attempt by Denham though. Wouldn't go on line to find a date even if I were young free and single, too many dodgy ones on line, get my drift....no not you Michelangelo!!!!lolFrom barny1158 on Mon May 05 06:04PM
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