Collecting splinters
Tue May 06 09:00AM
Losing that game to Croatia was the best thing that could have happened to English football.
Just look at the state of the players Steve McClown would have been taking to Euro 2008.
Wayne Rooney is injured (again), while his replacement Carlos Tevez is showing him up with vastly superior performances.
Fellow striker Michael Owen has at least been playing, but his recent form deserted him against Chelsea yesterday.
The self-proclaimed "still world-class" Owen missed four more-than-presentable chances at St James's and ED reckons he is approximately 17 minutes away from his next injury - probably a hamstring this time.
Frank Lampard has obviously had a tough time recently and yesterday had to sit on the bench while Michael Ballack kept Chelsea in the title race with another vital goal.
Alongside him was Joe Cole, curiously dissed by Avram Grant and left out in favour of the streaky Florent Malouda.
There was no sign at all of Shaun Wright-Phillips, nor has there been for some weeks. ED is starting to get worried, and thinks Chelsea should put out an announcement on their Tannoy system:
"Would the small child with the diamond-encrusted Rolex please make himself known to a member of staff."
Ashley Cole was also left out of the squad altogether and had a free Bank Holiday Monday, although tragically he didn't indulge in a traditional all-day drinking session at his local boozer.
He is still battling his way out of the dog house after recent alleged indiscretions, while wife Cheryl weighs up a host of alternative propositions.
Ashley knows a thing or two about stringing one suitor along while scanning the field for better offers, having dumped Arsenal and their p***-taking £55,000-a-week to join Chelsea.
He can only hope Cheryl is not also pictured secretly meeting Jose Mourinho in an exclusive London hotel, as there would be only one winner in that tug-of-love.
For the moment, Cheryl must make do with the affections of grammatically-impaired Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am (middle name Ivanhoe, like Emile Heskey) and a load of women.
Having recorded some godawful song with Girls Aloud, .i.am said: "If Cheryl was single, hell yeah! She'd just have to holler. I saw her a few days ago. She's doing good - she was looking hot."
Last month, Cheryl was voted as the top lesbian icon in a poll, romping to victory with 43 percent of the vote when lesbians were asked to name their dream WAG.
- - -
After watching Arsenal win the women's FA Cup yesterday, Early Doors has concluded that football, like the Yorkie bar (but not Cheryl Cole), is not for girls.
What exactly is the appeal of ladies' football? The players are slower, weaker and less skilful and the league is even less competitive than the men's one.
And the goalkeeping makes those hapless blokes from the African Cup of Nations look like 16 Dino Zoffs.
Arsenal clinched their third Double in a row after scooping their fifth straight league title with a record of 20 wins and a draw from 21 games.
It is not like tennis, where the less powerful hitting makes the game better to watch, or beach volleyball, where the maximum bikini size requirements (no, really) keep things interesting.
Still, it is good to know FIFA have a masterplan to promote the game. Here's ED punch bag Sepp Blatter: "Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty, if you excuse me for saying so ..."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "This league is in danger of becoming one of the most boring but great leagues in the world. The top four will be the same again next year. What I can say to the fans is that we will be trying to get fifth and win the other league that is going on in the Premier League. We are a million miles away though." Kevin Keegan on the "boring but great" spectacle of English football.
FAN OF THE DAY: David Witthoft, a Green Bay Packers American Football fan who wore his Brett Favre shirt every day for four years but has now removed it following Favre's retirement.
Newcastle frequently and preposterously claim to have the best fans in the world, but you don't see similar acts of devotion from the Geordie faithful.
Of course, the equivalent would not be wearing a replica shirt every day, which plenty of people round Early Doors's way do anyway, but rather turning up to work topless with just an Alan Shearer tattoo and a beer gut to preserve your modesty.
FOREIGN VIEW: It's a while since we had a transfer rumour from Corriere dello Sport. It is obviously Premier League midfielder week in Italy, with Juventus set to splash £14 million on Xabi Alonso following Milan's capture of Mathieu Flamini for nowt.
TALKING POINT: First of all, a joke from sav46e: "What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your driveway."
Next, you can actually see the moment in this post when chrisnewman950's excitement fades and he realises Stoke are the new Derby: "I no longer care about lower league football now that the mighty, mighty Potters are strutting their stuff in the Premiership. You Big Four fans won't know what's hit you when we unleash big Mama Sidibe (imagine Drogba with no touch, no technique and no simulation ability) and Ricardo Fuller (pathologically unable to pass) on you. Watching us struggle to dispatch a very ordinary Leicester side I was struck by the chilling thought that there will soon be two divisions between us and that we are no where near good enough for that."
Finally: "I suspect ED is a staunch fan of the meat club (Spartak Moscow), secretly wishing their club was in Manchester United's position to play Chelsea in the Champions League final; fantasizing the meat players thrashing Chelsea by a record breaking margin including one scored by the meat goal keeper to beat Petr Cech on the other end. Dream on." Well, ED suspects pimpsy10101 had just got home from a Bank Holiday bender when he left that effort at 1am last night.
Today - Is anyone prepared to defend women's football?
COMING UP: Team of the Week was held back a day for the benefit of all the Bank Holiday slackers, so that is coming up shortly. There's also Bundesliga and Coupe de France live later on if you're interested.
Barny, I wasn't being bias nor being ignorant, i was just stating the general state of women football, at least for the ones i did laid my eyes on somehow. I think i was watching the united states in the last World Cup, can't remember exactly, but the game was very 'off-putting'. there wasn't any real shots, all i saw was some weak passes, weak tap-ins. and there was also that disgraceful forward charging goalkeeping when saving penalty kicks, is that ever legal????? lets talk about tactics, to be honest, there wasn't much, it was just one team gaining on the other team's mistake or error whereas in the the men's game it's usually gaining a goal through some decent attacking moves.
It is a well accepted reality that women's football is generally much less skillful and i also personally think so having watched a few women games, therefore i don't really think i am in anyway bias. and when men does cook, or be a nurse or designing women's clothes, they do as good a job as any woman~~ point made~~
Surely there is a lot of room for improvement in the women's game and be more watchable.
From vitorlam on Tue May 06 01:35PMsamuelbanks
Promotion has caught me unawares. I'm so used to Stoke making a horlicks of the big games that i'd pretty much convinced myself that it wouldn't happen. Yes i'm a pessimist but, years of supporting stoke have left me a broken wreck of a man prone to start at sudden noises. I'd actually take 30 plus points and a valiant tilt against relegation & using season to build a more capable squad. On the positive side there are some pretty awful Premiership teams in the mix right now (sorry Middlesborough, Bolton & Reading/Birmingham/Fulham but I mean you) so with some additions I think Stoke could do ok. So swinging back to the optimistic - Come on you Rip Roaring Potters!
From chrisnewman950 on Tue May 06 02:13PMI disagree with Blatter; I've yet to see a good looking female football player. Ehh... Wait. That sounded a little gay, let's say I've yet to see ANY good loking football player.
From g_tande on Tue May 06 02:32PMWomens football (in the style of Catherine Tate, What a load of old *&^&). Yeh it looks all very similar but it is a much watered down version of the game we know and love. Why is it even called Womens football, proper football isnt called Mens football, its just football, so lets just call it Powderpuff Football and be done with it, folk will get the drift.......pfffft !
From internationaltriviastar on Tue May 06 03:08PMWomen have done pretty well in golf, tennis, fencing which require marvellous hand and eye coordination and are not especially feminine sports. The difference is physical strength. I expect women's football to gain skill and pace, but it won't be the same game. However, the time will come when there will be woman snooker world champion and a woman world darts champion and she might not even be British! lol. Weightlifting should be left to men with short legs and peculiar shape.
From james_ssmith on Tue May 06 03:18PMg tande
we love lesbians here on Early Doors.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 03:24PMED i was wondering that can i blanlantly copy your blog onto my blog page without giving u credit?? if u dont reply to this i will assume that u dont mind and have given me permission!!!
From umar2050 on Tue May 06 04:06PMBe warned, umar2050. Early Doors knows a man who knows a man who knows Steven Gerrard. Any copyright violations will be dealt with the old-fashioned way, i.e. with a sack full of doorknobs rather than a lawsuit.
From early.doors on Tue May 06 04:18PMED must have been on a bender too if they think reading about women's football is more interesting than watching the beautiful game being insulted. Can't we find another name for the women's version?
From twomjc on Tue May 06 04:30PMhow about boobball?
From twomjc on Tue May 06 04:31PMKeep in mind that (most) female soccer players don't wear makeup on the field - it makes a difference, trust me on this one. Claudio Reyna's wife Danielle played for the University of North Carolina when I was a student there, and she was routinely the hottest girl in the room, non-athletes included, wherever she went.
Leaving aside the atrocity that is Title IX (don't get me started, look it up if you care), there are loads of social and individual benefits to encouraging girls to play any sport, and I for one support opportunities for women of all ages to play. Having said that, women's sport in general has trouble finding a big enough audience to make professionalism economically viable. I know I'm not really interested unless I'm coaching.
From buck_diggity on Tue May 06 04:43PMwell done spl.
dont bow to pressure from rangers, as if they dont get enough help already!!
theve got the money, the players, the fans (i use that term very loosely), now they want more time to beat queens in the cup and give themselves an advantage over celtic in the league?
David murray says the spl is the laughing stock of europe. no, rangers are!! wot did they expect??? we will do celtic a huge favour by beating there anti football tactics AGAIN on sunday, lets hope celtic take advantage
From marcgrant7 on Tue May 06 04:45PMI'll defend it. Granted the women's game is slower and less physical but I would have to say that the average player has better technical ability than most non-Big Four squad members. Take the brilliant German start Brigit Printz, for eaxmple, The Brazilian Marta (who I regard as one of the top 5 or 6 gifted players I have seen in my life time- male or female) Will I skip out on Portsmouth - Cardiff if it was being played on the same day as USA - China World Cup Final?? Probably not, but still take nothing from the women's game which has developed in leaps and bounds in recent years. I will give you one thing, though - the goal keeping is often shambolic haha.
From manutd_mainactor on Tue May 06 04:54PMI know where Shaun Wright Phillips is. Don’t worry. He's playing his Nintendo wii with his da. I saw it on the TV. He’s fine, he's fine. He must have given the football up. I think it was for the best. His hearts just not in the football. He’s better off playing his Wii, instead of taking the wii when he plays for Chelsea. He definitely made the right decision-the outdoors is no place for small children-he’s better off indoors where he can’t get into trouble. (Or drive us all mad with his s34t style of football.) By the way ED- Chelsea did put out an announcement on their Tannoy system: They said; could wii Shauney please stand up?
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 05:05PMand he did and they still couldn't see him .Very small is wii shauney.Heavy though-his rolex watch has quadripled his weight
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 05:20PMi recon womens football could maybe be compared to horse racing, but substitute horses for cows.
From tom_drcy on Tue May 06 05:49PMGot anather wan for ya! Victoria Beckham hears David shouting from the roof tops saying; ‘Yes, yes, 5 and a half days, 5 and a half days’. ‘Whats 5 and a half days’? Says Victoria. David replies; ‘Look preencess, I’ve dan thish jig saw in five an a half days’. ‘Whats so good about that Daveed?’ asks Victoria. David replies; ‘I’ll tell ya whats so good abat dat-it says on da boox 5 ta 6 years.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 06:20PMWomens football? I have a problem with women football referees to start with. I witnessed a match where a woman was refereeing and when the first goal was scored, she bolted for the dressing room thinking there was a near riot.
From pimpsy10101 on Tue May 06 06:47PMOh well today has been good for a laugh, eh ED.
Love to see all you chauvenists collate together and face the England ladies team, ( hyperthetically speaking,) I don't suppose it would be as easy as you think. The womens game will never be on a par with the mens, and I don't think for one minute thats the intention anyway, but to each their own, if women want to play footie, where's the problem. Stop knocking them...
From barny1158 on Tue May 06 06:58PMi take that as a yes ED, what a sack full of doorknobs compared to sharing your witty comments with my readers, they'll choke to death i m sure!!!
PS: does it help if i rub it in?
From umar2050 on Tue May 06 07:01PMI've actually been quite impressed with the standard of women's football.Players in the top enchalons of the women's game are highly skilled in a variety of departments.The top players can pass,mark, dribble and head the ball.Shooting-well the least said the better. On the whole though, i have seen little to justify the criticism. Samuelbanks likes a joke as much as the next clown. But we need to be careful not to get drawn into the old kitchen sink debate. I hate kitchens-and sinks-so don't mention them. Kitchens..sinks..stop it!
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 07:50PMHow do you fix a lady footballer's watch?-no need, theres a clock on the cooker.Says samuelbanks, who's only after warning of the dangers of sexism-its only a joke-but i suppose that's how Nazi Germany started.Hum hum.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 08:01PMHey ED, what are you jiving about? You've been raving madly about African Goalkeepers ever since the ANC, but how dare you compare their goalkeeping to ladies in the post... I can't fathom your rationale...
Talking about women's football, hell yeah, it must live on despite your rantings.... did you watch the last female world cup, i guess you better watch that and have a rethink
From awanani447 on Tue May 06 08:26PMI love women.......i love football-but put the two together and it turns into hate.
Only joking goodnight.From samuelbanks on Tue May 06 08:56PMSamuelbanks, you're like the stock market - new highs and new lows all the time. That jigsaw joke was originally heard of in connection with George W. Otherwise my feeling is that the dreadful display of chauvinism from some the comments is by blokes whose wives put the remote control in their handbags when they go shopping, just to see if their men can actually work out how to turn on the TV manually instead of turning themselves on manually.
From vierajss1 on Tue May 06 10:03PMwomens football better than division 4!!!
From greglfc on Wed May 07 06:31PM
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