Enemy of the state
Wed May 07 08:57AM
MORE DESPATCHES FROM SEPP BLATTER'S CHOICE FOR WORLD CUP 2018: If it is a treasonable offence to affix a stamp with the Queen's head upside-down, then surely denying Cliff Richard a Eurovision Song Contest victory should result in a slow and grizzly execution.
Yet a documentary has claimed that General Franco fixed the 1968 contest to ensure Spain's one-name wonder Massiel beat Britain's favourite tennis-playing, bible-bashing celibate.
It always seemed a curious result, with the prosaic "La, La, La" (sample lyric: "La") no artistic match for Cliff's joyous "Congratulatisfnmalsd gfnfjkfjkdfl;asmdfm,abn sdklasdklal;wer nfrasdjl; sdf
Excuse Early Doors, it just had to wrestle control of its keyboard back from Channel 4 'Top 100' rent-a-quote and self-styled 'Professor of Pop' Paul Gambaccini.
Anyway, the point is, the fascist regime is alleged to have fixed the Eurovision song contest.
Not that you'd know it if you were Spanish, because La Sexta's documentary 'I lived the Spanish May 1968' was cancelled on Sunday to make way for Real Madrid's Liga title celebrations.
The irony of that will not be lost on Barcelona fans, who maintain that Franco routinely bought off referees and fixed games to ensure Real remained supreme and the pesky Catalans were kept in their place.
In fact the original Eurovision singer Joan Manuel Serrat was binned off because he insisted on singing in Catalan. Er, what exactly is the Catalan for 'La'?
But Early Doors can't help but feel that Barça's self-regarding victim complex and 'More than a club' schtick is tiresome at best and nauseating at worst.
After all, Barça won eight championships during the Franco years, and Real Madrid's success in the 1950s and 60s might have had more to do with Ferenc Puskas and Alfredo di Stefano than some dictator who was probably too busy bumping off political opponents to bother messing with the football.
- - -
Foreign players will be kicked out of England if they fail to learn the language under new government proposals.
Despite evidence that many immigrants are so fed up with the UK that they are going home, Immigration Minister Liam Byrne wants the measure to reduce migration into the country.
The story is reported in the Sun under the frankly genius headline: "Boot for aces who 'no speak English'". All it lacks is an extra 'e' in 'Eenglish'.
"Footballers earn enough to pay for English tuition," stormed Mr Byrne, who might want to tell that to Wayne 'no GCSEs' Rooney and a host of other linguistically-challenged players from closer to home.
Like the proposed deportation of Al Bangura, it all seems like a random cracking of the whip based on the fact that nobody ever made themselves unpopular slagging off footballers (well, maybe Early Doors).
Still, if it helps players become more civilised, then so much the better.
ED looks forward to the day when Carlos Tevez, Anderson and Park Ji-Sung sit in the Old Trafford dressing room listening to Radio 4 and discussing the works of Emily Bronte, while their English counterparts slash each others' £2,000 suits and put Deep Heat in Rio's jockstrap.
- - -
David Gold has plumbed a new and pathetic depth in the war of words between the Birmingham City board and Steve Bruce, accusing him of being mean to an old man.
Bruce is mad with Birmingham after he had to surrender £300,000 in image rights (it really is a sign of the times when Steve Bruce has image rights) when he left the club, and has said so on several occasions.
"Steve has consistently made attacks on the board. Does he hold all of us responsible including Jack Wiseman, who is 90, or just some of us?" sobbed Birmingham chairman Gold.
"At the moment an old man thinks he is responsible along with the rest of us and he's not. So come on Steve, show some courage. Name names. Anything else is cowardly."
ED's heart bleeds. Speaking of responsibility, how responsible is it to have a 90-year-old man on the board of a Premier League football club?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: First Richard Hughes emerges as an expert on Italian football, now he is trotted out as a 'close friend' of Avram Grant, saying he will meekly return to tending the graves at Stamford Bridge: "This will happen with Avram's blessing. He is a modest guy who does not particularly like being in the limelight. He'd be happy to revert to the role where he acts as a link between the coaching staff and the board."
FOREIGN VIEW: Three-times champions Estudiantes were knocked out of the Copa Libertadores by Ecuador's LDU and their frustration boiled over when a player was red-carded for tweaking an opponent's nose. Tempers flared in stoppage time after LDU forward Joffre Guerron, who had taunted Estudiantes defenders with his speed and stepovers, was fouled. Guerron remonstrated as he sat on the ground, Estudiantes substitute Enzo Perez tweaked the Ecuadorean's nose and was sent off.
TALKING POINT: It turns out the only serious defence of women's football as a spectator sport is this from the splendidly-named buck_diggity: "Keep in mind that (most) female soccer players don't wear makeup on the field - it makes a difference, trust me on this one. Claudio Reyna's wife Danielle played for the University of North Carolina when I was a student there, and she was routinely the hottest girl in the room, non-athletes included, wherever she went." Early Doors has had a look and, well, he's right.
COMING UP: Barcelona can get one over their hated rivals tonight when they play Real Madrid in La Liga. Of course, Frank Rijkaard's men are 14 points behind because of some massive government conspiracy. Do it for Cliff! The game is live from 9pm this evening, and is always worth a look if only for the flying pigs' heads.
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From yawboakye86 on Wed May 07 09:14AMHAHAHAHAHA by far one of the best early doors in a while
The speak no eenglish part blew me out of my chair with laughter.
Honestly though Barcelona are more than a club how else would they be able to wear the world childrens fund (UNICEF) on their shits as well as afford the upkeep of a 100 000 seater and the likes of Deco, Ronahldinho, Messi, Eto'o, Henry etc while still having the white hankies out for most of their season this year.
a litte insight to their club is.....they only have season ticket holders.....my boss was there on a seminiar with HP and he was shocked at when he found that out..he was in the HP box and to see only season ticket holders there ...that plus the fact they have one of the largest supporter bases in the world raks in the money for them
From dannickbates on Wed May 07 09:14AMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGG
GG!!!!!!!
From crazy_pee_jay on Wed May 07 09:18AMI believe this article probably heralds the end to the season.
Cliff Richard and football do not mix.
From g_hine on Wed May 07 09:21AMCome on Motherwell the nyt!
From sav46e on Wed May 07 09:27AMAhhhhhh, the saviour returns - Baked Doors - good trip? Excellent work - the more discerning readers were starting to do 'a Motty' ...but pleased to read that it's actually far from over.
From simondenham on Wed May 07 09:29AMCliff Richard, Visa rules and Birmingham City all in one blog.
Congratulatisfnmalsd gfnfjkfjkdfl;asmdfm,abn sdklasdklal;wer nfrasdjl; sdf
lol
From benbear76 on Wed May 07 09:50AMIF ED likes to talk about Real Madrid Vs Barcelona History, at least gets some facts straight, of course football is football, and I agree Real's early euro. cup games were the work of Ferenc Puskas and Alfredo di Stefano, but IT'S WHERE FRANCO PLAYED THE ROLE! Unless ED didn't know yet that Di Stefano was discovered and signed (as they say) by Barcelona, and that Franco stepped up and didn't allow him to enter Spain unless as a Real Madrid Player... But I guess it wouldn't be considered as interfering in football, right ED?
Now lets say Franco never made a single move against Referees, their fear alone was well know back then, who would make a call that would upset our beloved dictator "who was probably too busy bumping off political opponents" yet was always known to be the number one fan for some club...
One must admit, if I were a dictator I would have even worse, I wouldn't let a trophy slip...
From jacquesbittar on Wed May 07 10:01AMSpot on about that annoying Gambaccini fella, i can't stand him and his smug, arrogant stupid fat face. Sorry about that. I just REALLY don't like him, as you can tell. Although it does put me in mind of the late, great Big Train and its hilarious Sir George "i signed the Beatles, don't you know" Martin sketch. He's shot at, grabbed, bundled into the boot of a car, held hostage for weeks (or even months), heroically rescued and brought back home, and all the while he never even bats an eyelid as he's too busy talking about the Beatles. Brilliant.
From kevmun82 on Wed May 07 10:02AMOver the last few weeks I've read rants about Ronaldo, Drogba, Avram, Fergie, etc, etc, but kenmun82's attack on Paul Gambaccini has to be the best totally unfootball related rant yet (although I agree, he is a prick).
From mpasc66 on Wed May 07 10:22AMsav46e,
will be cheerin on the steelmen the nite. think our chances of 3rd are v slim now, oh well there is always next season. its been a good season so far hopefully itl be topped of by a spectacular rangers collapse!!
From marcgrant7 on Wed May 07 10:28AMAll quiet on the western front today! Not even a dig from the Eurosport Publishing Supervisor yet? His favourite must been writing today. As for the Immigration story? Well, nothing like a bit of thinly-veiled casual racism to get the voters back on board is there?
From kevmun82 on Wed May 07 10:54AMwe can all hope. If they end up with 1 trophy it wuold be amazing. Still time yet for team. never say die.
From sav46e on Wed May 07 10:55AMiv got nothing good to say about rangers!! how they are in a uefa cup final, i will never know!! at least celtic played football to get to that stage under martin o'neill.
yeh il b there till the end but itl be difficult with the old firm as the last 2 games, altho im confident bout the rangers game!!From marcgrant7 on Wed May 07 11:17AMI think I would be worried if I were Steve Bruce. Bearing in mind that Gold is a purveyor of hand shandy mags, the mag reading public may be in for a real Brucie Bonus when the man himself as the centrefold in the latest "Fat Bloke Monthly" or "Mangled Nose Weekly" - now they certainly do meet the definition of "special interest magazines"! As for whether he measures up to appear in something like Playgirl, only Mrs Bruce could possible say (unless he plays away fixtures like Paul Jewell).
From andywalker269 on Wed May 07 11:20AMThe Spurs manager better watch out and brush up on post match analyses such as "we wuz robbed, Mr Fawlty" or "I no see nussink" or "We should have ze penalty".
I look forward to the Arsenal squad's take on post-modernism. Their country of origin has a lot for them to get their teeth into (not literally one hopes)- Camus (Didn't he play?), Derrida, Levi-Strauss, Kristeva (for the women's team), Lyotard, Foucault (not what you think it means, Mr Denham)
From james_ssmith on Wed May 07 11:24AMWhilst irrevocably linked with the soft-porn industry, I think you've got Dave Gold and Dave Sullivan mixed up there Andywalker269. Gold no longer owns any "Jazz mags" (Daily Sport included) Birmingham City's former co-owner Sullivan, on the other hand, certainly gives Richard Desmond a run for his money regarding the proliferation of filth
From g_hine on Wed May 07 11:37AMGood article today lads.Back to the usual standard. That congratulathgjgjj fgrteywetyrgefehg8o78u6 bit cracked me up no end.
From samuelbanks on Wed May 07 11:44AMg_hine I stand corrected! It must have been Sullivan I was thinking of. I have been in the Middle East for a while now, so for obvious reasons I am not exactly up with the jazz mag scene...not that I was while I was in the UK of course!!
Certainly Birmingham's play this season has been w@nk though! lolFrom andywalker269 on Wed May 07 12:01PMMy word, the e_p_s does have a favourite after all! Although if i was Alex Chick i'd be slightly worried about the rather-too-affectionate nickname.....nice play on words with the goat thing but i thought chickens lived in a coop? Unless he's talking about some SAS chickens staging a military coup on a farmhouse....
From kevmun82 on Wed May 07 12:02PMJust a word on yesterday's Quote of the day from kevin keegan-does he really spout that much crap? I didn't know. Keegan; 'The premier league is the bestest but most boreinest league in the world. Next season it will be the same two horse race between Man utd,Chelsea,Arsenal and Liverpool. I would be in favour of breaking away from the top four and setting up a new league. I think we would stand a good chance of coming 2nd or 3rd behind where the big four usually finish. We almost got relegated this year, but i think we've had a good season. I think we will be a force to be reckoned with next year, i really do. I would hope to be safe by April next season.
From samuelbanks on Wed May 07 12:09PMWhich of the three imigos in the Early Door's picture is Alex Chick? And what is supposed to be so great about this fella.? He's not really a chicken is he?
From samuelbanks on Wed May 07 12:52PMActually Keegan is right. The top 4 is virtually certain next year, which does make it pretty boring. Dunno where I read it, but somebody (maybe Keegan) said that he can see a day where all 20 top flight clubs are owned by billionaires and they just throw cash at it. Cash talks - cash gets you into the big competitions and allows you to pay top wages, which means that the likes of Man U can take Rooney, Tevez and whoever they like from smaller clubs...this year it looks like Palacios and Valencia from Wigan and probably a few others. If you do have 20 billionaires at 20 clubs, god help the Championship teams who are promoted into that league - they will be eaten alive worse than Derby. Everton are 5th....and haven't managed to beat or even draw with the top 4 teams this year. Says it all. Everyone realistically is playing for 5th. And that is boring.
From andywalker269 on Wed May 07 12:55PMSteve has rights...including Image rights too...LOL....actually very funny interaction wiv ol' men...lol...Its gud Sepp has his eyes on England..their eyes are getting too Championsleaguey
From omobobo on Wed May 07 01:13PMThink about this. How they got to be so rich in the first place? Its because of what they a@#$%ved over the past year(aside from chelsea of course). Think in their shoe. Will you give up those power to be top 4 if you ever got there? No, you guys won't. Live with it. That's how thing goes. It just takes more than a little more will. Everton have never even reached 5th place in the past(as far as i know-i don't know much though.
). So that's an a@#$%vement based on the will to be the best and characters as well as the manager. So, don't blame on the top four and say it's boring simply because the team you supported wasn't in it.And how the hell does knowing how to speak english make you civilised? Get over it. Yes, english is the most-known language in the world but speaking it doesn't make you civilised. In fact, i've known far incivilised people that speak english as compared to those who speak other languages. It has NOTHING to do with it. Learn animal language instead !
From disturbedyang on Wed May 07 01:20PMYou make a good point there Andywalker. Money is the name of the game unfortunately.Derby are owned by millionaire business men aswell .It's the way the money is spent that counts.
From samuelbanks on Wed May 07 01:21PMand whose dat guy in the picture?...he look very gay
From omobobo on Wed May 07 01:25PMAndy Walker. Everton DID draw with Chelsea in the league last November, with that spectacular overhead kick by Tim Cahill. Disturbedyang. Everton are the only club to breach the top four, having pushed Liverpool into fourth place.
From grahambarnes1 on Wed May 07 01:36PMRe; my last comment, Liverpool were pushed into the dreaded fifth place, typing error there
From grahambarnes1 on Wed May 07 01:39PMCome on Early doors whose Alex Chick? I want ta know
From samuelbanks on Wed May 07 01:45PM
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