Rivers of Blatter
Thu May 08 09:07AM
Hot on the heels of yesterday's revelation that foreign footballers whose English isn't up to scratch could face expulsion from these shores comes the sad news of yet more outdated political ramblings.
No matter Enoch Powell has been six feet under for a decade, the politician's controversial views are still being used as inspiration by those who would like to beef up the Englishness of England, and more importantly, its football clubs.
Who's that standing on a podium delivering yet another sermon from his lair in Nyon? None other than FIFA supremo and muck-spreader-in-chief Sepp Blatter.
Sepp's not stupid though - his proposal to limit the number of players plying their trade in a foreign country could well be against EU employment law, but he has a way around that in order to achieve his goal of pure blood football teams (or at least a level of 54.4% purity).
"I am not convinced that the proposal is against EU law," Blatter gushed, presumably not unlike Enoch's river of blood, "because we are not placing any restrictions on the number of foreign players who sign contracts with the clubs - just the number who start each game." Ah ha!
"Of course it will eventually lead to a reduction in the number of foreign players signed because of the need to always have six players [in the starting line-up] who are eligible for the national team in that country, but this will come in step-by-step." Double ah ha!
The six (home nationals) plus five (foreigners) rule, should it get approval at a FIFA congress in Sydney later this month, would represent a triumph for the man who has become as famous for his silly ideas as for his (alleged, by Early Doors) appetite at corporate lunches.
Anyone remember kick-ins instead of throw-ins? How about making the goals bigger? Blatter probably even had something to do with the invention of MultiballTM.
But a triumph for fans, sadly, it will not be. ED remembers having to watch mostly English teams deprived of talented foreigners get totally outclassed when a similar rule applied for European competition not so long ago. Now ED is not saying that Gary Walsh was not a world class keeper, but... well, actually we are.
It is doubtful that the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, Fernando Torres or Cesc Fabregas would find themselves surplus to requirements under the proposed rules, but what about the likes of Kevin Prince Boateng, Daniel Braaten, Julien Faubert or Emerse Fae? What next for them?
Blatter may not compare too well to 76-goal Ronaldo as a right winger (cymbals please) but once Benny Feilhaber's name springs to mind, his ideas begin to appear a little less crazy...
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ED has always thought Sports Illustrated was a magazine invented purely to showcase the talents of some of the most beautiful women in the world wearing nought but skimpy swimsuits.
But apparently it has other strings to its bow and when not busy shooting hot models in exotic locations, it occasionally covers sporting events, including baseball, basketball, American football and surprisingly even a bit of 'soccer'.
Even more surprising that a football team, and an English one at that, should appear on the SI website's Five Sports Franchises We Love to Hate list. Creeping in at number five is none other than Chelsea.
SI explains its choice: "After a few years of mediocrity, the Blues were purchased by a billionaire, bought every great player in Europe, installed a coach who called himself "the special one" and spent a few years dominating everyone. The Special One is gone, but that sense of entitlement from their fans remains."
Far be it for ED to deny that Chelsea are a loathsome club, but there are nonetheless a few flaws in SI's argument. First up, is Chelsea really a franchise? Every great player in Europe? Other than Steve Sidwell, it's difficult to think of a truly world class recent recruit. A few years dominating everyone? Do two league titles and a couple of cups over the space of three years really count as dominance?
Perhaps they should stick to the bikinis.
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FOREIGN VIEW: Doubts persist about the seriousness of the Spanish Football Federation's bid to stamp out racism after Atletico Madrid were fined the paltry sum of 3,000 euros following racist chanting at Recreativo Huelva's Florent Sinama Pongolle last weekend. For an example of how to punish those responsible properly, look no further than France, where Metz will have to play behind closed doors when they host Lorient at the weekend after Morocco defender Abdeslam Ouaddou, the Valenciennes captain, was racially abused by a Metz fan in February.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I don't think anyone in their right mind seriously thinks it [the Premier League] is boring." Surely the league's chief executive Richard Scudamore isn't insinuating Kevin Keegan is a few sandwiches short of a full picnic?
WHAT'S THAT PHOTO ALL ABOUT? Is it: a) the Eric Cantona School of Martial Arts, Beijing branch, b) the Chinese Ministry of Silly Walks, or c) a group of paramilitary police taking part in a training session in Shenyang ahead of this summer's Olympics? Answers on a postcard.
TALKING POINT: Sepp Blatter's controversial plans go before the European Parliament today. What should they vote for?
COMING UP: Former Manchester United ace Paul Parker's thoughts on this weekend's climactic end to the Premier League season and a spot of live action later on tonight with Roma against Catania in the Coppa Italia and Espanyol v Atletico in La Liga.
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IM this storyAt first i thought-everyone is being a bit simplistic about this -Sepp Blatter couldn't simply be anti English. There must be more to it. But after thinking about it for a while,i am beginning to wonder if they are right.Infact, they are right, theres no doubt about it-Sepp Blatter is a narrowminded,anti-English bigot-and a racist-and a fascist-and s**t at running football. In my eyes he is more despicable than Sadamm Hussein,Robert Mugabe and Osama Bin Laden....and maybe even Hitler. That might be going a bit too far.But even Hitler was less discriminatory than Blatter.He hated everyone equally.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 04:53PMHhm, I think we should all cut Blatti some slack. Just found this in Wikipedia:
"In the early 1970s, Sepp Blatter was elected president of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders, an organisation formed to protest at "women replacing suspender belts with pantyhose".
Surely the man can do no wrong after such an audacious start?
From garethcoletranslations on Thu May 08 05:09PMIf Blatter gets his way, Arsenal are screwed too.Infact English football might aswell forget it. Don't be surprised if Sepp Blatter dies in a house fire in the next few months.If he does you can bet your life it'll be arsene.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 05:19PMSepp Blatter's controversial plans go before the European Parliament today. What should they vote for? New legislation which limits the number of silly @#$% running football.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 05:27PMJohn wingfield-Paul Parker is a former Manchester United footballer and all round @#$%.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 05:41PMFormer Manchester United and Chelsea footballer.
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 08 06:02PMDid he play for chelsea.I didn't know.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 06:47PMbriefly at the end of his career
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 08 07:13PMI here Rafa Benitez Has placed a 15 million pound transfer fee on Peter crouch.I just wish Rafa would slap him full stop. Apparently Rafa is reported to have said that if he can't secure the 15 million pound asking price he is prepared to cut him in half and offer him two for the price of one.Problem is,Which part of him would you want though?-the head, that is totally clueless, or the legs that are even more clueless.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 07:44PMFor ED to compare Sepp to Enoch Powel is disgusting and beyond a joke. There is nothing wrong with stamping England all over our Premiership considering the despite people praising the sheer awesomeness of our league but then only praising the overseas players. ED was out of line to compare Sepp with Enoch Powell who stated to send the @#$% back. He's made awful decisions but there is nothing wrong with this.
From adamjonesio on Thu May 08 07:51PMwhich @#$% do you mean adamjonesio?
From michelangeloindeed on Thu May 08 08:18PMPerhaps its just me but has anyone else noticed that the soldier/dancer 2nd from the left in the closest row appears to be pulling his own face off??
From captaincom on Thu May 08 08:24PMCaptaincom
They all seem to be trying to pull some part of their anatomy off-ears,cheeks,you name it.From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 08:50PMYes ED, you were right the second time.The answer is B.The photo is of the CMSW-The Chinese Military of Silly Walks.The CMSW is comprised of 400 or so John Cleese wannabes, as soldiers in a fictitious Chinese military unit, responsible for developing silly walks for miltary purposes.The CMSW soldiers walk in a variety of silly ways;notably the 'side splitters' walk', devised to kill the enemy through fatal fits of laughter. The CMSW think tank is presented with a 'silly walk in progress' by a senior miltary official-a walk which turns out to be actually not that silly. The think tank tells the senior military official that they cannot approve the walk as it is not silly enough to kill the enemy through fatal fits of laughter. Atually, i have no idea what that photos about.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 09:03PMIt might be the military's audition for 'China's Got Talent'.By the way,the three judges on China's Got Talent are Lee weng bo, Gi sung du and last but not least, Simon Cowell.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 09:13PMYes ED im glad you picked up on the point about 'Chelsea having every great player in Europe'. Well lets see-Michael Ballack yes, Didier Dogma...um..sometimes, Peter Cech yes, Frank Lampard, occasionally, Micheal Essien yes,John Terry yes, Nicolas A$£££a, yes when hes not counting his money and Andrev Shevshitko.. ah no. So thats Cech, Ballack, Essien, Terry and A$£££a.So every great player in Europe you say? Well if thats all the talent Europe can muster up,then it really does have a serious problem.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 09:30PMWell you lot have been busy....
Samuelbanks, Arsenal have a team of foreigners being fielded nearly every game, and as a gooner I would rather a few more English be in the squad. As I said earlier, football is business and Wenger will not pay out for overpriced players, whether English or foreign. All the prem teams will be totally transformed should the Blatter law become enforced.I really don't think that the national team would improve vastly cos I firmly believe that if an english player is good, he will prosper. Football has moved on and there is a saying, never go back. All European leagues employ foreign players, and their national sides don't seem to suffer, maybe its just the English.I don't know what will make the English national team better than they are at present, but I like to think Capello is trying.
From barny1158 on Thu May 08 09:47PMBy the way ED-your poor little sibling 'Cow Corner' is really struggling over there.Did you know that.I know cricket has had it's problems down the years but for f**k sake come on.It struggles daily to break the 20 mark. It really is the poor relation. It would take Cow Corner nearly a fortnight to reach the 100 posts mark.One day more to match today's Early Doors posts. Terrible state of affairs.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 09:47PMGlad to hear from you Barney, unfortunately its time for samuelbanks to earn a crust.Hope your well me old pal.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 08 09:50PMI effin hate Sepp Blatter. I hope he chokes on his next cup of tea.
From manutd_mainactor on Thu May 08 10:53PMam i the only person that thinks big kev was completely right? Newcastle havent broken the top 4 in several years, and after a building process, where they keep decent players and youth players come through, they might be a lot closer. same with all teams really. and the picture is some national guard redoing the blackadder parade.
From arm619send468 on Fri May 09 12:31AMand also maybe sepp does have a point. we all want to see the best european players, fair enough, but our english guys have low technical ability, weve had to hire a italian to coach us, and we arent an english league any more but a european one. Yes barny, english players that are good do prosper but there simply arent enough. managers want to get a player with flair and ability, and at the moment there isnt enough in england.
From arm619send468 on Fri May 09 12:40AMBest article & funniest comments that I've seen in ages......
From twomjc on Fri May 09 12:58AMCardiff with 6 Welsh players ... Rangers and Celtic both with 6 Scots in each (that'll be the last European success from a Scotish team then) - LA Galaxy with 6 Yanks !!! David might be so valubale as an Englishman he'll be coming home ...
From richardejdaniels on Fri May 09 08:46AMmichelangeloindeed
The @#$% in question is a quote from Powell who stated that blacks and Asians should be sent back
When asked what to do with immigrants he was reported as saying, "Send the @#$% back"
From adamjonesio on Fri May 09 09:47AMMR Blatter should not have to legislate. As soon as a club sells a top player or is taken over fan want stars then on international weeks why their team isnt as good as they thought. Whats the point of acadamies. ENGLISH CHAMPS LEAGUE - SINCE WHEN? less than one third of 22 players at the start wil be able to wear '3 lions on the shirt'
From noco42 on Mon May 12 01:15PM
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