Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Ronaldo love story

Thu Sep 18 08:47AM

"When I play again the fans will love me again."

What Cristiano Ronaldo lacks in humility, he more than makes up in his ability to read the mood of Manchester United fans.

The Madeiran Messiah uttered the above phrase last weekend when collecting the Golden Boot award, also claiming "I changed football" and saying of the Ballon d'Or and World Footballer of the Year: "The best candidate for the other prizes is Cristiano Ronaldo."

But he hit the nail on the head when he predicted the standing ovation afforded to him on his return to action against Villarreal last night.

Some fans would have given the preening git a piece of their mind after a summer of astounding disloyalty.

But not so the pragmatic Old Trafford natives, who presumably used the logic that Ronaldo is rather good, and they would rather have him playing for them than someone else.

So they rose, to a vol-au-vent-chomping man, as Ronaldo strode majestically onto the pitch and transformed a drab goalless draw into a slightly more interesting goalless draw.

Perhaps the United faithful were simply unaware that their idol had spent three months publicly humiliating them by touting his services to a bigger club.

Such was the lack of media coverage of Ronaldo's every utterance, movement and application of cooking oil to his ludicrously-bronzed body, even Early Doors had little idea that anything was going on.

- - -

The wit and wisdom of Ronaldo (the other one)

1998: On his pre-World Cup final fit: "We lost the World Cup but I won another cup - my life."

2000: On the naming of his son Ronald: "My wife and I eat a lot at McDonald's so we chose Ronald."

2006: After being called 'fat' by the President of Brazil: "Just as he says I'm fat, everybody knows he drinks too much. It's just as much of a lie that I am fat to say that he drinks too much."

And later: "It's complicated to understand someone's ideal weight. The ideal weight is the one that makes the player feel well." Early Doors doesn't feel well unless it can rest a pint on its beer gut.

April 2008: Ronaldo apologises after his 'encounter' with transvestites: "This was the worst decision of my personal life. It took on a very big dimension and had worldwide repercussion. It will stain my personal life forever. For the sensationalist media, this has had a bigger impact than the World Cup. I did not know they were transvestites, I'm completely heterosexual. When we got to the place, I concluded that they were transvestites." How exactly did he reach that conclusion?

September 2008: On photographs showing him with a belly as big as a medium-sized farm animal: "There's nothing strange going on, I haven't played for six months so it's normal I am overweight, but I've been a professional footballer for 16 years so I know what I'm doing,"

September 2008: Ronaldo claims he is about to sign for Manchester City: "I like the project that Manchester City have presented me. They want to make the club one of the best in the world and I feel that I can help. It is the best offer I've received and it will be very interesting to play with Robinho. Me and him, together, we can score more than 50 goals."

- - -

Following Fergie sensationally/hilariously accusing referees' chief Keith Hackett of bias towards Chelsea, Early Doors is launching an occasional section to gauge the progress of the 'Respect' campaign - "The FA's programme of activities to combat unacceptable behaviour in our game at every level - on the pitch and from the sidelines."

So, without further ado, RESPECT OF THE DAY: Arsene Wenger after the 1-1 draw against Dynamo Kiev: "The referee should have sent off their left-back three times because he tried to destroy [Theo] Walcott. At the final whistle, I asked the referee why he awarded three minutes of injury time and then played only one minute of that injury time. But he couldn't give me an answer. He told me he felt it was enough. Every ref seems to have a different computer to calculate injury time. I still don't know how it works."

SIMUNIC OF THE DAY: Aalborg's Michael Jakobsen, who committed a professional foul on Georgios Samaras but somehow got team-mate Michael Beauchamp to take the rap - and the red card. No doubt if Keith Hackett had been refereeing he would have awarded the red card to Nemanja Vidic.

EXCUSE OF THE DAY: "I just had the lunch list. It had sandwich requests for the guys, just making sure who wants the tuna, what wants the beef, who wants the ham. So that's all it was, sandwich list."

Nick Faldo attempts a hopeless cover-up after being caught with a list of Ryder Cup pairings. If it really was a lunch list, its divvying up of players by nation must have meant the order was something like this:

Paul Casey and Oliver Wilson (tripe)

Padraig Harrington and Graeme McDowell (potatoes)

Henrik Stenson and Robert Karlsson (herrings)

Sergio Garcia and Miguel Angel Jimenez (chorizo - to be served at 5pm)

Having just watched a short highlights clip of Faldo's staggeringly petulant press conference performance, Early Doors is feeling especially smug after lumping its unpatriotic pound on Uncle Sam's boys.

SILVER LINING OF THE DAY: The world's banking system might be imploding before our very eyes, but the good news is that the profoundly irritating 'Howard' from the Halifax ads is set to lose his job.

SILVER LINING OF THE DAY 2: The world's banking system might be imploding before our very eyes, but look at the front page of the Daily Star: "[TV racist] Dani Lloyd - She's naked and wants YOU". Well, that's a bonus.

COMING UP: The are six (count 'em) UEFA Cup games involving British sides today: Aston Villa, Man City, Everton, Tottenham, Portsmouth and Motherwell. The action gets under way bright and early at 3.20pm UK time and trundles on throughout the evening.

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United wobble continues.... Stoke's time could be here ... though probablly not
From chrisnewman950 on Thu Sep 18 08:49AM
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second (hopefully)
From madman3kkk on Thu Sep 18 08:58AM
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3rd. Ronaldo is a bloody good PRO....
From gt_wan on Thu Sep 18 09:01AM
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berbatosser didnt get his kit on, cron is a greasy nasty boi and man utd suck and happily the arse-nal didnt win, it'll be a good day today until 10pm when the spurs-wisla krakow match is over and bent has missed so many i'll be ratted by then anyway
good morning everyone
thirst!!!!
From roxydgurl on Thu Sep 18 09:01AM
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3rd
From gt_wan on Thu Sep 18 09:02AM
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gOOD. You may not know there are lots of your supporters out there on________boo mer cu pid COM_______
Lots of mature and senior people show up on that site most of the time.
From susannnb on Thu Sep 18 09:20AM
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THE WINKER
From fan_103 on Thu Sep 18 09:21AM
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i love the fact utd fans cheered ronaldo onto the pitch, cos we all know he cant wait for the end of season, when he will try to move again. thats where liverpool and utd will always differ, when it looked like gerrard would leave the liverpool fans gave him stick, and he had to work his way back into their hearts. utd could not care less who plays for them, they have no loyalty from players, just money grabbing players, same as the fans!
From richard.stainer on Thu Sep 18 09:21AM
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ED, I don't think there's any humiliation for the United fans in the Ronaldo saga. If ED would like to leave Eurosport for a better salary, would there be any humiliation for its readers? Dissappointment, maybe, but not humiliation.
From clas_mail on Thu Sep 18 09:25AM
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What ever people say about Ronnie, he is something special, he made a difference in the short time he played last night,a couple of goal attempts,a couple of brilliant passes, and a constant threat.And their is not one football supporter in the world who would not want him in their team
From dingerguts on Thu Sep 18 09:26AM
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ED. Please keep us appraised of the progress of the 'Respect' campaign - "ED's programme of activities to combat unacceptable bald eejits from Halifax on our TV at every level." Thanks.....
From eriverpipe on Thu Sep 18 09:26AM
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morning all, can't say i'm surprised by man u's lack of results (as there is a distinct lack of midfield).... i am sure once golden boi gets full fitness he will start scoring again for the mancs, until he leaves for madrid....
From some_steam on Thu Sep 18 09:26AM
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susannb, no-one turns up looking at your cr@p site, tou're wasting your time and taking up valuable air etc be off with you
From roxydgurl on Thu Sep 18 09:26AM
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hahahahahahahahahahahaha
thats all i got to say really
From kantong_wokster on Thu Sep 18 09:27AM
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hiya sam-o
From roxydgurl on Thu Sep 18 09:29AM
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He Who Laughs 14th Laughs too soon
From dingerguts on Thu Sep 18 09:33AM
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hi some steam, chris i think berbatooser's going to be a big influence with cron in his bag packing sweets on the floor moody sulk come janurary
From roxydgurl on Thu Sep 18 09:33AM
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For United fans to welcome Ronaldo back shows the shallow type of supporters they are, no heart, no pride.
From ronsenglish on Thu Sep 18 09:34AM
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transformed a drab goalless draw into a slightly more interesting goalless draw. - nice attempt at a joke. let's give ED a round of applause. if history repeats itself.. which it so often does in football, this one will end up looking just as much a clown as the other ronaldo.!
From alecblack on Thu Sep 18 09:34AM
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A liverpool fan no doubt richard.stainer. As i said all day yesterday I hope Ronaldo the @#$% scores bags of goals and then we sell him for loads of money. That'd be perfect. And if liverpool fans are so righteous, then surely they'd have given stick to all the duds that Rafa bought!
From kgh_r on Thu Sep 18 09:35AM
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Wait for it................RONALDO to REAL MADRID at the end of th season.......................if not when whn his contact runs out he'll sign for MAN CITY?
From richielee on Thu Sep 18 09:37AM
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I see the Yellow Submariners kept the Mighty (but not very sparkly) Reds at a less than inspiring 0-0 even Mr Chip Pan himself couldn’t turn it around. Still there are good things to bring from the game – Chippy Rono has given you all a clue where his heart lies the boots gave him away they match the hoops of Yeovil Town where he aspires to be next year!!!
From anne_helm on Thu Sep 18 09:38AM
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Roxy wouldn't you have been happy if berbatov stayed? Honestly?
From kgh_r on Thu Sep 18 09:38AM
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clas_mail thinks that 'if ED would like to leave Eurosport for a better salary...' there would be 'disappointment, aybe but not humiliation.'
What there would be is the Yahoo-wide equivalent of a street party!!!.
From alan_paperboy on Thu Sep 18 09:39AM
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heya roxygurl!
i hope you're right with your berbaknob/cronaldo prediction - it seems highly likely in any case!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Sep 18 09:39AM
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From richard.stainer... Hahahahaha
So Steveie Gerrard kisses his badge and then hands in a transfer request - Thats loyalty for you hey??
"United have no loyalty from players, just money grabbing players, same as the fans" Are you mental???? Take a look at Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes who in their time have been coverted by nearly every club in Europe and yet have spent their whole careers at United, winning numerous trophies in the process (including many Premier Leaguse trophies which admittedly is a trophy you scousers will no little about) - Thats Loyalty for you pal
From gazmassie on Thu Sep 18 09:42AM
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It just shows how shallow Man U's fans are no heart, no sole, no pride, how could no true supporter would cheer a man who is a traitor to the club and the fans. good player, obsene character.
From ronsenglish on Thu Sep 18 09:42AM
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Sam - I thought "hahahahahahahahahahahaha" was all you had to say?
Calling Man U fans, I'm on my own here, Jude where are ya?
From kgh_r on Thu Sep 18 09:44AM
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ManU fans didn't cheer out of fondness for Ronaldo nor did they cheer in recognition of his contrition! They're a desperate bunch of unprincipled louts that need something to restore a modicum of hope for the rest of the season. Had Ronaldo returned when the team was in good form, the fans' reception would have made him want to give anything, even his diamond earrings, to trade places with Mike Ashley
From maildude911 on Thu Sep 18 09:45AM
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poor showing, yes, but this is a marathon, not sm Bolt action. Must say i'm a bit disappointed but i see an improvement soon.
clas_mail, ED could get a better paying job as a milkman, the only reason the b@st@rds don't leave is coz they get to talk abt footie all day, watch footie all nyt, and enjoy our beautiful company
From bkm265 on Thu Sep 18 09:47AM
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