Boring, boring Rangers
Wed May 14 08:59AM
At the risk of becoming less popular around Ibrox than Artur Boruc's 'God bless the Pope' t-shirt, Early Doors must confess it doesn't really want Rangers to win the UEFA Cup final.
Put simply, Leo Messi hit the nail on the head when he described their style as "anti-football". Put even more simply, they are tremendously boring.
It's not that they have done anything wrong - they are a limited squad who have made the most of their abilities - it's just that they shouldn't really expect too many neutrals to don plastic Union Jack hats and cheer them on.
The way they so brazenly played for two nil-nil draws in the semi-final against Fiorentina was reminiscent of the Steaua Bucharest and Red Star Belgrade sides that won the European Cup in 1986 and 1991.
Those teams set out for, and got, goalless draws before winning on penalties. Yet, being swarthy Eastern European types, they were roundly slagged off instead of praised for their gutsiness.
Click here for more details on just how dull Walter Smith's side have been.
Mind you, Zenit St Petersburg are hardly the most sympathetic club in the world, having only ever fielded white players because, as coach Dick Advocaat states matter-of-factly: "The fans don't like black players."
Good point, Dick. God forbid that sport might act as an agent of social change. And maybe the best way to eradicate racism from Spanish football is to get rid of all black players as well.
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After seeing him net an extra-time screamer against Crystal Palace last night, Early Doors is drooling at the possibility of seeing Bristol City's Lee Trundle in the Premier League.
Despite possessing enough skills to make him a favourite with Soccer AM viewers (although he allegedly sent in most of the showboating clips himself), the 31-year-old has spent his career kicking around the lower leagues.
Clearly, he is far too good to have a list of former clubs reading: Stalybridge Celtic, Southport, Bamber Bridge, Rhyl, Wrexham and Swansea City.
Better still, Trundle is a bit of a loose cannon. He was engaged to (former?) Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon and once signed a contract that included image rights and his own clothing range. Oddly, the LT10 brand never took off.
He might be most famous for holding aloft a flag bearing the words "F*** off Cardiff" - in the Millennium Stadium of all places - after Swansea beat Carlisle in the Football League Trophy final in 2006.
This is the kind of maverick genius that needs to be playing top flight football.
ED looks forward to seeing his "Shove it up your arse, London" banner if City are victorious at Wembley in the playoff final.
Meanwhile, Robins boss Gary Johnson showed touching naivety when asked if his players would enjoy their victory with a quiet drink.
"I don't think they dare, I wouldn't even say they could or they couldn't," said the former Latvia boss.
"You can enjoy yourself in the right way, can't you? If you go out and get blotto then you are not going to be ready in 10 days time in my opinion."
Disappointingly for Johnson, Bristol is not Riga, which means the right way to enjoy yourself usually involves 12 pints of cider, a dodgy kebab and a scuffle with some roughnecks at the docks.
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QUOTES OF THE DAY: Robbie Fowler points the finger at David James for Liverpool's cream suits at the 1996 FA Cup final: "It was David James's fault. It was his idea but have you seen the size of him? He's bigger than everyone else so nobody questioned him. At the time he was an Armani model and said he knew somebody who could get us some really smart suits."
James's response: "I wasn't a Spice Boy, I was too old. The Spice Boys were a collective group who were all under 24, so I was omitted from that heading."
TODAY'S SIGN THAT FOOTBALLERS HAVE MORE MONEY THAN SENSE: Olivier Kapo gave Birmingham apprentice James McPike his £30,000 Mercedes as a thank you for cleaning his boots, then threw in a year's insurance when the cheeky sprog said he couldn't afford it.
PROOF THAT NOT ALL FOREIGN FOOTBALLERS WANT TO PLAY IN LONDON: Alex Hleb says he wants to leave Arsenal because London is too noisy. "I'm not a big city man, I need my retreat, that's why I am often in Germany," he said.
FOREIGN VIEW: George W. Bush has revealed he quit playing golf out of respect for the families of Americans killed in the war in Iraq. "I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the Commander-in-Chief playing golf," he said. Now watch this drive...
TALKING POINT: Amid all the excitement over the inaugural Doorsie awards yesterday, geelte posed a troubling question: "I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?"
Today - Do you want Rangers to win tonight? If so, how do you sleep at night?
COMING UP: Fergie might not be the only one receiving excrement in the post after all today's Rangers-bashing. Follow their fortunes tonight with our completely neutral minute-by-minute UEFA Cup final coverage from 7.45pm. Or, if you like football, you might prefer the second leg of Hull City v Watford.
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IM this storyHow do I sleep at night? Well tonight it'll be by watching the Rangers game
From phayisin on Wed May 14 09:13AMCOME ON WATFORD!!!
From carlmccormick on Wed May 14 09:21AMyour just fuckin jealous you english bigots !!!!!!!
From blackpaisleycat on Wed May 14 09:23AMHit the nail on the head with that one, ED. Like i've stated before, i'm in two minds about it all. It's good for the Co-efficient and Champions League places and blah blah blah, but is it good for Scottish Football's image? Hell no. Never thought i'd see the day when i'd actually be wishing for the return of the 'heroic failure' tag. Alex Salmond wants the whole of Scotland to get behind Rangers tonight, but that ain't gonna happen. I'd rather play football and get beat 3-2 (a la Celtic-Porto) than camp everyone behind the ball and play for pens. Plus, Zenit deserve to win this a whole lot more, if only for their stunning demolition job on Bayern. Even if they are a bunch of daft racists.
From kevmun82 on Wed May 14 09:24AMOj, ED,I've worked in Eastern Europe for the last twenty years. "Swarthy" is is neither accurate nor intelligent. And if you choose to go hanging around Bristol docks with a torn sweater then you've only got yourself to blame. Can I recommend a more developed area in central Manchester beside the canal if that's the sort of thing you're looking for?
From james_ssmith on Wed May 14 09:32AMI'm an Aberdeen fan and, as such, despise anything Rangers related. I have to admit though you could almost smell the irony of the Italians moaning about Ranger playing defensive football in the last round. Its not pretty but you've got to play with the hand your dealt. Having said that, I have a crisp £20 on Zenit...COME ON THE RUSKIES!!
From davybroo on Wed May 14 09:35AMI mean, "swarthy" is so camp and so 1980's. When did you have those photos taken; twenty years ago?
From james_ssmith on Wed May 14 09:36AMspot on ED! Rangers make cricket look good. I'd rather they win tho, not too pleased with Advokat's "the fans don't like black players". What a load of @#$%!
From crazy_pee_jay on Wed May 14 09:39AMBut if Rangers have played such thrilling football (as your link helpfully confirms) what the hell kind of opposition have they had? To make the final with such a lead up surely has something to say about the other teams and even the tournament as a whole? Hmm, what's on TV tonight anyway?
From adogshow on Wed May 14 09:45AMI wish I could gain some enthusiasm for this match.
Unfortunately, I think Property Ladder and The Apprentice will be more interesting tonight.
The UEFA cup hasn't meant anything since the Champions League became The Champions (and the runner-up, oh and the third and fourth teams can join in too if they go through an extra round of tv revenue-earning pointless matches against teams you've never heard of) League
From g_hine on Wed May 14 09:46AMHmmm, thanks g_hine, property ladder it is!
From adogshow on Wed May 14 09:47AMNice one James !!
Well Watford have it all to do tonight, their training ground is just over the fence from Arsenals, so I will be shouting for them this evening..As for Rangers, I personally have nothing against Scottish football, though I don't watch a lot of it, so I say good luck to them.... Good entertainment last night from Bristol City and Palace, Hornets have just got to go for it later.
From barny1158 on Wed May 14 09:50AMIf The 'Gers win tonight, what are the chances of Daniel Cousin kissing the badge once again, and jumping out of the dug-out for a celebratory jig, as a show of pride in his "major" contribution to Rangers' success???...
From steven.rowan on Wed May 14 09:56AMDOGSHOW... Irony of all ironies... Corrie is on!!.. Wonder if the telly in the Rover's will have the match on?? LOL!!
From steven.rowan on Wed May 14 09:58AMMan City Fan COME ON RANGERS Good luck ... Blue Army
From n.bottomley on Wed May 14 09:58AMI'm not sure why it is presumed that the English would want to support Rangers. After all, in football terms, Scotland is a different country. So if there isn't an English team involved we might favour a team from another country for any number of reasons. I have personal connections with Greece, for example, so I would support a Greek team in the final. I might also just like the style of play of a particular overseas club, or a former Chelsea player might be playing for them. All sorts of reasons. So tonight I would rather Rangers won, not because they are "British" but because ZSP are a bunch of racists and I'd rather be bored to death than support those bigots. So - come on you Gers!
From michelangeloindeed on Wed May 14 10:03AMfinally people r taking notice of how pathetic, cheating, rangers are making a fool of scottish football. i am firmly behind the russians. alex salmond wants us to support rangers? wake up!! watch saturdays game or the CIS cup final then you will know why scotland hates them.
From marcgrant7 on Wed May 14 10:05AMEight weeks ago when this Corrie episode was being filmed, it was suggested that they incorporate the Gers being in the final but the producer declined on the grounds that it was just too outlandish to be true. They went back to planning the next murder/stillbirth/fight/long-lost relative/prositute runs bar/car crash/divorce/affair storyline!
From michelangeloindeed on Wed May 14 10:06AMWell done ED! End of the season and you have discovered that there is life outside your own anal retentive one and it is "North of the Border". To say that Rangers are boring and that you do not want them to win is typical of you soft southerners - or is it because the last time your team was in Europe they were on holiday? Rangers are a British team from the Proud Nation of Scotland so you can take your boring blog and eff off - see you next season - when Rangers will be defending the quadruple - try that you useless Sassenachs! An Ayr United fan!
From geelte on Wed May 14 10:07AMIf Rangers are as boring as you say then why did the teams we played in the previous rounds NOT beat us? Barcelona, Sporting Lisbon, Fiorentina? Because we just defended? With all there money and big name players surely they could have scored? Football is a game of tactics not just scoring goals... All these teams have miilions of pounds to buy players yet can not break a little Scottish team down, says alot about BIG MONEY TEAMS
COME ON GERS... WE ARE THE PEOPLE
From slightyrules on Wed May 14 10:09AMAnother balanced view from north of the border, I see geelte.
From michelangeloindeed on Wed May 14 10:09AMmichelangeloindeed - I dont think anyone presumes that the English would automatically support a Scottish team just because they are British. It seems in this case the main point appears to be Zenits racist fans and sinister undertones from club officials that has most people taking the side of Rangers.
From davybroo on Wed May 14 10:14AMNo apologies michaelangeloindeed but sometimes the truth hurts. Dubai chapter of North of the Border - which really should not have been built by the Italians - if we had buit it - it would have stayed up!
From geelte on Wed May 14 10:14AMFingers crossed that Zenit take care of business in normal time, Extra-time and penalties would be a disaster....Dexter would be running late!
From kevmun82 on Wed May 14 10:15AMF.Y.I. I will be supporting the team which fields the most British players in the CP final next week!
From geelte on Wed May 14 10:17AMLiverpool in disguise ?
"Those teams set out for, and got, goalless draws before winning on penalties."
From nikyates on Wed May 14 10:17AMjust because the big teams didnt beat u, it doesnt take away the fact that uz r boring. u also cheat a hell of alot. tonight, outside ur spl comfort zone, we will hopefully see a proper ref, who wont 'bottle it' and make the right decisions. rangers have been extremly lucky and had a lot of cheating decisions go for them this season. what happens wen the luck runs out?? hopefully we will find out tonight.
From marcgrant7 on Wed May 14 10:18AMAll teams get "lucky" from time to time - as for the "comfort zone" LFC V's CFC home and away must have been an horrendous journey for them to make - bless their, overpaid, moaning, pampered, diving LUCKY socks. I still think it will be a binary system scoreline tonight!
From geelte on Wed May 14 10:22AMRangers fans in Manchester... Any truth that the Russki's are in a tented village in Warrington, outside the Smirnoff plant?? LOL!!
From steven.rowan on Wed May 14 10:24AMmarcgrant7 - spot on
From davybroo on Wed May 14 10:25AM
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