Congestion charge
Fri May 16 08:58AM
Chelsea will be denied an open-top bus parade on Thursday if they win the Champions League as the council believe it will cause massive traffic jams.
A Hammersmith and Fulham councillor said: "Holding a parade on Thursday evening is not an option considering that it would bring a large part of west London to a standstill in rush hour." So no change from a normal morning, then.
The council want Chelsea to do it at the weekend or on Bank Holiday Monday, but it seems the club can't be bothered, particularly as most of their players will have scarpered on international duty.
The Blues are predictably peeved, and are considering taking the matter to the desk of London's new fop-haired Mayor who, having successfully located the paper clips after a fortnight in the job, is now ready to make some big decisions.
As a man who perpetrated this tackle on former Germany international Maurizio Gaudino, Boris Johnson clearly possesses a sound grasp of the game's finer points, and will surely view Chelsea's plight sympathetically.
Early Doors doesn't like to disclose too much personal information about itself, lest it gives a useful lead to the several international intelligence services on its tail.
But it does recall a time when it received a letter through its door, complete with a nifty little map, advising local residents of Arsenal's Champions League victory parade.
Amid much self-congratulatory rescheduling of bin collections, closing of roads and erecting of barriers, the council almost forgot to mention that Gunners might in fact lose the game. Which they duly did.
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There is probably a reason why the FA Cup final build-up has focused more on the teams' suits than their football ability.
And who is Early Doors to buck a trend? For the record, Pompey's garb was designed by a Welshman - sheet metal-worker's son Jeff Banks.
After David James's cream Armani fiasco for Liverpool's Spice Boys in 1996, Sol Campbell was handed suit selection duties, a sound choice given his interest in fashion and interior designer girlfriend.
Campbell's squeeze Fiona Barratt is no ordinary WAG, and has risked the wrath of Abi, Coleen, Posh and the girls with these comments about getting on the team bus at the 2006 World Cup.
"I didn't care and got on the bus with my Financial Times and my sudoku. The nonentity WAGs had to walk out first. The higher the profile, the later they were," she said.
"Of course, Queen Bee Victoria came out last, there being at least 10 or 15 minutes before she appeared, and her hair and make-up team were all in the lobby."
Banks praised Campbell's "conservatism" in opting for a navy pinstripe design. If you want a sober, non-flashy suit, Early Doors would suggest ditching the big-name designer and taking a trip to Marks & Spencer's.
This is exactly what Cardiff did for their semi-final trip to Wembley, but they have now ditched M&S in favour of local tailors Woodies Emporium.
Meanwhile, organisers have chosen to inflict not one but two sopranos on us, with the addition of Katherine Jenkins to sing 'Land of my Fathers' in Welsh while the loathsome Lesley Garrett performs God Save the Queen.
Excuse Early Doors if it seems a little pedantic here, but what is the point? God Save the Queen is the national anthem of Great Britain which, the last time Early Doors checked, covers Wales.
If Colin Jackson hadn't kept knocking those flipping hurdles over, it would have been the British anthem playing at the Olympics.
ED doesn't care whether the anthem is sung in English, Welsh or Norwegian, and it certainly has no beef with Welsh involvement in the 'English' FA Cup. The point is this: it hates opera singers and now it has to listen to two of them.
- - -
TRANSFER TALK: Roman Abramovich is set to open his wallet for his first acquisition of the summer - Amy Winehouse. Roman's girlfriend Daria Zhukova wants the pharmaceutical-friendly singer to perform at the opening of an art gallery in Moscow and will pay her £1 million for the privilege.
FOREIGN VIEW: Appropriately enough for the day before Calamity James takes on Peter Enckelman in the Cup final, there is news of a goalkeeping blunder in South America.
Claudio Bieler capitalised on San Lorenzo goalkeeper's Agustin Orion ball-juggling blunder to grab a 1-1 draw for Ecuadorean champions LDU in the first leg of their Copa Libertadores quarter-final.
San Lorenzo defender Gaston Aguirre passed the ball back to Orion, who flicked it up and juggled with it but then lost control, which allowed LDU's Bieler to touch it into the goal.
BUMPER TALKING POINT: The UEFA Cup final might have been everything we expected and less, but the chaotic scenes in Manchester during and after the game at least sparked a lively debate among the message board faithful.
Good job the Early Doors doesn't come complete with 20 pints of Skol Super and a malfunctioning TV screen, otherwise we could have had a riot of our own.
kevmun82: "Well, now the majority of England and Manchester in particular know why Rangers are so hated up here. Result didn't go your way? Smash the place up. Big Screen TV not working? Smash the place up. No dodgy refereeing decisions to blame the result on? Smash the place up. Not being allowed to smash the place up by Riot Police? Smash the place up and then claim there was no provocation whatsoever from yourselves, that the Police were just barbaric and treated you like animals. Thanks a bunch, you worked really hard to keep up the stereotype of the 'Boozed-up Jock spoiling for a fight' and managed to set us back yet again."
t.nutkins: "40 arrests out of 100,000? Doesn't sound like a riot to me. Sounds like a few pissed up idiots, and of course no other club in the world has these types of 'fans' does it? I think any fans from any club would be p'd off if they went to celebrate their team in a European cup final and then couldn't watch the match on the big screen provided thanks to a technical hitch. Try blaming the council for cocking up the entire day and not being able to handle so many supporters, even though they openly invited every Rangers fan to Manchester for a festival atmosphere."
not_blonde_really: "I was in Manchester city centre last night, and it was absolutely fine. There was a lady who clearly had nothing to do with the football walking her pram through the hoards, and she was loving the sense of camaraderie. I believe the arrests were largely at the stadium, which shows it's got nothing to do with fans without tickets, and incidents involving 0.0004% of the people there should not reflect on the rest of the fans."
Others attempted an impromptu caption competition, or more accurately a 'describe what the photo looks like' competition.
samuelbanks: "The man in the picture reminds me of one of those dads dancing badly at a wedding."
mpasc66: "I know that Phill Jupitus is an obnoxious unfunny p***k, but I'm not sure he deserves the beating he's getting in the photo above - then again, maybe he does."
garethcoletranslations: "Looks like the old guy in the picture has just felt the full force of his fourth kebab with some major follow-through action. The guy in the riot gear on the left is inspecting the damage, while the one on the right is just shielding himself against any aftershocks."
Meanwhile, did somebody just compare Avram Grant to Sir Alf Ramsey? Yes, it's pete.mccrory1: "So Avram Grant is the quiet man ED. I can't remember any bon mots credited to Sir Alf in '66 but he did all right. I know you weren't born then but that is no excuse."
No, no bon mots from Mr Ramsey at all. Other than guaranteeing that England would win the World Cup, calling Argentina 'animals', and his pre-extra time team-talk in the final: "You've beaten them once. Now go out and bloody beat them again." And let's not forget Sir Alf also once said: "There is great harmonium in the dressing room."
COMING UP: It's a welcome day of rest for our million Premier League preview monkeys sat at a million typewriters. Settle instead for some Cup final build-up and League One playoff action this evening.
Samuelbanks;
Totally agree with you on Ronaldo, but do you think for one minute Fergie would let him go cos I don't. I think that contracts signed by the majority of players are not worth the paper they are written on, how many sign four year contracts and then leave the following season?....I originally came on this site to talk about football, but now its being used for provoking arguements and insulting participants beyond belief. Not really something I enjoy ...still only the CL to go now and the season is finished. Cheers to all those on here that have contributed to football talk , have enjoyed it , but refuse to get embroiled in all the trash thats coming on site...
From barny1158 on Sat May 17 07:23PMPeople who cannot spell wouldn't would be advised not to criticise others for spelling errors. The samuelwanks thing is brilliant though .I must admitt i have never heard that one before. Let me see,what else can we modify for a bit of a laugh? Oh yes-Gordan Wanks, Brianna Wanks,Jeff Wanks,Northern Wanks,The Royal wanks of Scotland,River wanks, sand wanks, piggy wanks. It's so funny this, but i'd better stop cause my sides are splitting.
From samuelbanks on Sat May 17 07:29PMJames;
I don't think your views earlier are cynical at all. I have not long been posting on the net, and am a bit naive. Journalists not having any moral issues with whatever boosts the ratings, I agree that on here, they appear not to give a sh-t. Basically they should withdraw 'report abuse' and let anyone abuse, use obscene language and insult to their hearts content, let the site be a 'free for all' for all kinds of deviants, sickos,and nutballs, just as long as they get paid?....Oh well there you go......
Well done to Pompey, at last Harry has something to show for his devotion to the game. Hard luck Cardiff, you put up a good fight lads...From barny1158 on Sat May 17 07:59PMHi Barney
I am going to try and ignore people who have ago at me from now on.But its difficut.I know you don't like it.I don't either. But sometimes people say things that are so ridiculous that you just have to respond. Jamesy boy was having a right go at E P S. Then E P S retaliated with some force. Anyway lets not talk about the fistycuffs anymore. That final was a bit dull wasn't it? I thought Cardiff were better than that. They created very litle indeed.Scored even less.From samuelbanks on Sat May 17 08:08PMSamuelbanks
We all have to deal with things in our own ways, and I don't condemn you or anyone who retaliates to provocation, just choose not to do so myself.
I think Cardiff may have been a little overawed by the occasion, would that be fair to say? But glad for Harry, been a long time in management raising little teams into bigger ones, hardly any investment, just wonder what he would be capable of with a big team and loads of money, now there's a thought!!From barny1158 on Sat May 17 08:41PMHahaha!!! Biggest joke of the week “the information I've let slip on this blog” more like ‘the boring self-obsessed story telling I’ve banged on about myself on this blog’ hahaha!!! Wot a @#$% silly old @#$% you are!!! Hahaha!! And I’m not just having a go at you Mitty, you big-head!! I’ll have a go at anyone for a laugh. You’re even trying to keep me to yourself too – wot a fcukin ego!! Hahaha!!!
Tell yourself I’m marcgrant7, simondenham, nikyates, working for ED or anyone else who thinks you’re all fcukin losers!!! I couldn’t give a flyin @#$%!!! Hahaha!!!
From paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 03:14PMNobody about this afternoon, must all be watching the cricket then?.....
From barny1158 on Sun May 18 04:32PMWell, I just wasted half an hour reading that lot. (Listening to the cricket and putting off some work I need to do before tomorrow.) Not sure I'll bother to come back but a few observations and questions? Why does anyone care so much? Surely nobody is really wound up by Paula? Ignore her and she'll stop bothering. Eurosport_publishing_supervisor is obviously a hoax. A publishing supervisor would know the difference between the words "affect" and "effect" - an error he made twice. I was the frist to wear the brown fedora but I changed to gray because lots of people started wearing them.
Its been nice chatting to some of you and I enjoy a joke as much as anyone but this has all just got too abusive and silly. I don't mean paula - I mean the general tone of things over the last few days. The racism and homophobia is getting worse and its just all too childish. Good bye my friends.......Chelsea for the cup!
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 18 06:52PMMichelangelo;
May I say we may not have always seen eye to eye, and I apologise for that. But now the posts are way beyond what I came on here for, and I ignore them but some find it difficult to. Some on here think the foul abusive ones are funny, but I don't share that opinion. ED does not give a hoot who comes on here, as they have shown. Ban certain individuals and they will change their log in details and start over again....Catch 22 situation.? I have had a good time on here mainly, but as you say, maybe its time to search for somewhere else a little less offensive, after all, I want to discuss football, nothing else. Good luck MichelangeloFrom barny1158 on Sun May 18 07:19PMHahaha!!! Another thicko bloke!!! Haha!! Even I know the difference between affect and effect. Affect - “to have an influence on someone or cause them to change”.
Although, EuroPS might not be exactly right, cos Mitty, Heinz, Sammy and Barny59 were already total dicks before I got started!!! Hahaha!!!
see ya XXXFrom paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 07:21PMHahaha!!! "ED doesn't care..." "Why have a button for reporting abuse..." "ED only cares about it's ratings..." Change the record you fcukin boring bicth!! hahaha!!!
Wait for your boyfriends to come running!! ahhhh, so sweet! haahaha!!! "Please just ignore her, darling. It's what she wants." hahaha!! Sad losers. x
From paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 07:29PMI hope ED mentions me tomorrow
From sfteam50 on Sun May 18 07:32PMbarny, michaelangelo, the only way forward is to completely blank out the offensive comments. The perpetrator knows none of us personally, so their only satisfaction stems from the response they get. Just ignore it altogether and it will soon go away. Anyway, things are bound to go quiet after the CL final...
From garethcoletranslations on Sun May 18 07:48PMHahaha!! course I don't know anything about you!!! hahaha!!! well, if you dicks hadn't been banging on about yourselves so much I wouldn't!!! hahaha!! Garath Cole Translations hahaha!!! wot a @#$% you've just made of yourself!!
From paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 07:58PMGarethcole,
I do not respond in any way, he/she /it/ whatever animal it is can say what they like I pass over comments anyway, and totally agree with what you say, sickos thrive on response, nothing new there.....From barny1158 on Sun May 18 08:00PMhahaha!!! thanks for the indirect response you thick bicth!! hahaha!! although I couldn't give a @#$% whether you reply or not!!! hahaha!! we all know you're readin this cos you live on here!! hahaha!!! wot a thicko!!
From paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 08:23PMSorry Gareth should not have said 'animal' cos I kinda like them.....
From barny1158 on Sun May 18 08:34PMHahahahaha!!! you can't even take your own advice!!! hahahaha!!! thick as @#$%!!! hahahaha!!!!
From paulathompson15 on Sun May 18 09:13PMPaulathompson
Don't have ago at Barney. Barney has had alot more life experience than you love. She knows ghers tuff.You know nothing love.You can't even write.YFrom samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:15PMHi Samuelbanks. Don't bother with Paula - it's past her bedtime now. Did you catch any of the Scudetta (is that how you spell it?) this afternoon? No AC in the CL next year - that will be strange. May prompt a bit of movement in the player stakes. Pleanty of rumours about Jose as well this afternoon. Few Euro-squads named as well. Shame there will be no UK reps - kinda takes the edge off watching it. Still, there's bound to be a few decent games and plenty of Prem players to keep an eye on.
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 18 09:18PMYeah-Would ED stop submitting comments before i press submitt?. Its getting very tiresome. I didn't press submitt, yet you published my comment before i was finsihed.
From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:21PMHow u doing mickey mate.I've missed you mucker.You are one of the few people who knows what their talking about. Rock on my friend.What are you up to tonight?
From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:26PMI didn't think it was too bad a game. Cardiff never gave up and had one or two chances.
I don't see why I should reveal some personal information in what I take to be a safe environment if it is interesting. Yahoo is an advertising-driven business and I assume if one of its blogs becomes too dominated by abusive comments, which are breach of human rights laws then they will do something. It's the hahahahaha that really puts me off. Like some sort of manic character in a comic book.
From james_ssmith on Sun May 18 09:29PMMichel
Are you looking forward to the Champions League Final Michel.I have the beers ready and waiting. I will need them to calm me down.I have never looked forward to a match more, than this one.I have a bet on with Paddy Power that United will win 2-1 in 90 minutes. Im @#$% myself to be honest.From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:31PMJamesy Smith
What did you make of E P S's comments? He was pretty pissed i think. Im not sure what to make of it.From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:33PMI don't know how much I will enjoy it - unless we go three up inside 20 minutes - I am going to a local bar with my brother - decent tvs, a seat, a good crowd but not usually too many for comfort and the sound up so you can here it - pretty good footie people there - will be a fair few Chelsea but the mancs get in everywhere, There will be some good banter - bit like ED without the abuse.
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 18 09:36PMJamesy .
I like to mimic her sometimes with the hahaha. But your're dead right-the hahahah is so weird its untrue. She's a @#$%. Nothing more to it.From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:36PMWhere are you from Michel.London, i take it? The Fulham area or somewhere?
From samuelbanks on Sun May 18 09:44PMI am from south west London - not quite Fulham but not too far - it is a real Chelsea area - always has been since I was a child. I used to live near the old Chelsea training ground and I went to see them train a lot - all the sixties stars - Ossie, Chopper, the Cat, etc.
From michelangeloindeed on Sun May 18 09:46PMHi Samuelbanks. I've just been looking at the Yahoo guidelines on abuse. There are points on venting hatred and targeting individuals within an on-line community. E_P_S seems to be relatively rational this weekend although he didn't like me picking him up on his vocabulary slip. I'm still inclined to think that there is one individual using disposal addresses.
Had Serbian guests today. We sat on our balcony drinking Jelen beer and discussing the cup final. They were suffering a power cut in their block and so came over to see the tennis final with Jelena Jankovic, but for some contract reason it wasn't on a Eurosport channel, so after the football chat we talked politics. Being Irish and having invented irony, you'll appreciate the irony that only way Serbia can preserve democracy is for the Democrats to combine with the Socialist party of Slobodan Milosevic to form a government.From james_ssmith on Sun May 18 10:02PM
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