Cluj-ing at straws
Thu Oct 02 08:53AM
Early Doors found itself in a bit of a pickle last night.
On the one hand, it wanted to see Chelsea subjected to a humiliating defeat. On the other, it harboured a profound desire never to see or hear the Cheeky Girls again. So nil-nil wasn't a bad compromise.
It seemed like the sinister Romanian twins had left the public eye after a glittering pop career that saw them rack up a staggering UK four top 10 singles - one more than Pink Floyd - to spend more time boffing Liberal Democrat MPs (well, one of them is. Which one? It really doesn't matter).
But as they were born in Cluj, the publicity-hungry Transylvanians have made hay out of their home town club's qualification for the Champions League.
They spent all day yesterday on the TV, wearing plastic fangs and imploring the players to take their shirts off after scoring.
Nauseating stuff. And don't they know that's an automatic yellow card?
Given the dubious nature of the town's most famous musical export, Cluj were presumably relieved that the British media had a whole host of vampire references to distract them.
You cannot open a newspaper this morning without reading about Chelsea failing to draw blood, losing their bite or just plain sucking.
From there, it was a short step to tortured analogies about Chelsea having shirts the colour of sunrise, injuries driving a stake through their chances or Luiz Felipe Scolari Bram Stok-ing the fires with his half-time changes.
Why not just send out Florent Malouda with a string of garlic around his neck?
Cluj didn't seem to mind very much, with their fans even unveiling a tribute banner to their midfielder Juan Culio that called him 'Draculio'.
One man unswayed by all this vampiric silliness was Five Live's Steve Claridge, who voiced more earthly concerns when he complained about the BBC's failure to put him up in a five star hotel.
- - -
Just hours after having his goal drought mocked by Early Doors, Robbie Keane finally got off the mark for Liverpool against PSV.
Keane took 11 games to find the net, a positively cheetah-like start compared with Peter Crouch, who needed exactly twice as many matches to locate the onion bag.
On a night of landmarks, Steven Gerrard completed his century of goals for the club.
It was said to be fitting that he would reach three figures with a 30-yard piledriver, but Early Doors would probably describe it as inevitable, given that screamers have made up something like 92 of his 100 strikes.
Last night also marked the 1000th unnecessary personnel change of Rafa Benitez's reign (Aurelio for Dossena) and Alvaro Arbeloa's 50th appearance without making a noticeable contribution.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "As a lifelong fan and former chairman of Watford, I feel I must now express my deep dismay about what is happening at the club ... Voices other than my own have already asked the question of what has happened to the money from the sale of some of our best players and the parachute payments." Elton John voices his displeasure about goings-on at Watford. You know you're in trouble when the pop stars get involved. Who would have thought that relegation from the Premier League would cause a drop in revenues? Stick to the singing, Elton. And the massive pink wigs.
FOREIGN VIEW: In the absence of any juicy gossip in the foreign pages, ED found its head turned by the headline 'Man punches shark to save dog':
A US man saved his pet dog from a shark attack by jumping into the water and punching the predator in the neck.
Greg LeNoir took his two-year-old terrier Jake for his daily swim at a Florida marina when a five-foot shark surfaced and bit the dog.
Mr LeNoir yelled and jumped into the water to save his dog, the Miami Herald reports.
''I clenched my fists and dove straight in with all my strength, like a battering ram,'' Mr LeNoir, 53, said. "I hit the back of the shark's neck. It was like hitting concrete."
COMING UP: It could just be the rummest piece of match scheduling since Barcelona kicked off against Sevilla at five past midnight a couple of years ago. Tottenham's UEFA Cup tie at Wisla Krakow gets under way at the inexplicable hour of 14.40 UK time (twenty to four local time). On a Thursday. Why? Surely they have floodlights? And even if they don't, why twenty to? Swansea and Cardiff will go one better next month when they make like hungover pub players and kick off on Sunday morning.
Anyway, the upside is that you can follow our excellent minute-by-minute text commentary without having to leave your desk.
Also playing nondescript UEFA Cup opposition: Aston Villa, Everton, Manchester City, Portsmouth and Motherwell.
boo!!
From moody_tariq on Thu Oct 02 08:54AMmorning all!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:03AMIt's the sign of a good defender that you don't often see a "noticeable contribution", Arbeloa may not be flashy or as commanding as Carragher but he always gets the job done, knowing that Skrtl, Carra, Kuyt or Gerrard will be there to pass to and he is constantly getting better going forward and crossing the ball. It's taken him a while to slot into the role that Steve Finnan quietly but effectively got on with and he's becoming the complete player nowadays... and at least he doesn't get turned inside out like Wes Brown all the time
From garagehead1 on Thu Oct 02 09:13AMmorning every1,
i see liverpool won at home in europe...nothing suprising there then!! I forgot about how long it took peter crouch to notch his first pool goal.
HaHaHa - chelsea hahahahaha!!
From jay8my on Thu Oct 02 09:14AMdossena was INJURED ED (calf strain)- for crying out loud - what is UNNECESSARY ABOUT THAT???
You guys are just miffed that Keane proved you wrong, Rafa's goatee is on a winner and Steevy G pulled out the goods (as always)
YNWA!
ED get your info right!!!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:14AMhey there jay! yeah i'm still laughing at chelsea too - its a full bellied rumbling laugh too - really good for the soul ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:16AMgaragehead1 - very well said ;)
ED is on a Liverpool bashing rampage - but he aint got the goods to deliver the beatings - cheeky bàstards!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:17AMhello hello hello
I see ED has taken a leaf out of Judes book. On Chelsea sucking lol. Although that has more to do with the vampire theme than anything else. *ahem*
From mickr273 on Thu Oct 02 09:19AMpeace to u all and especially to u kw.It is good to have u back.
Well,u all can go on laughing at chelsea but the most important thing is to get past the group stage and that we will do tho i must say a draw against such a modest club is unwelcome for a team with a winning mentality like chelsea's.peace
From jacknfor on Thu Oct 02 09:22AMI watched Jaws again last night - there is no way in hell that I would punch a shark thats for sure
but I do congratulate that dude who had a go and getting a fist to lampard that day - what a classic! I could do that I reckon, or at least give it a bloody good go!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:25AM10th
From martin.mciver on Thu Oct 02 09:28AMmon dernier post etait effacé! grrrrrr - je disais bonjour à Jack - mon ami que la paix soit avec toi! je suis contente de te voir!
j'adore ton nouveau look! ;) très "debonaire"!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:29AMi see ED lost its fanbase..i guess ED had one too many bounced cheques
From moody_tariq on Thu Oct 02 09:30AMmoody_tariq well said - when the ED quality is not there (why???), the info is wrong / biased - other than chatting about pop star singers and hitting sharks - what else is there to say? ;)
and yes yes, we know - about childish histronics, etc etc - but cmon ;)
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:33AMgarage head, spot on there mate. These editorials are just a time wasting, liverpool bashing, jealous rant by other not so fortunate fans. for the last time, rafa never had a rotation policy last year most of the changes were enforced through injury or suspension. why does no one give ferguson grief for his rotating, he played rafael on tuesday and nobody has hauled him over the coals about it.
ho hum, the jelaous ones out there will have to get use to it, liverpool look very good this season, hungry and desteructive YNWA
From nick_sutty on Thu Oct 02 09:36AMoh merci beaucoup kw.C'est look a ete mis pour ta ceremonie d'aurevoir sur ED vendredi passe mais malheureusement tu n'etais pas la.Comment etait les retrouvailles avec ton bf?Peace
From jacknfor on Thu Oct 02 09:38AMhi kantong,
Didnt u used to blog here a while ago?? im trying to remember you lol
Hows the settling in back home?
BTW ive always said arbeloa's underrated, and he most probably always will be, its just the position he plays.From jay8my on Thu Oct 02 09:38AMAnd you should stick to knitting ED. Elton is perfectly correct. it would seem that the directors have payed themselves a 7 figure bonus..for what exactly..staying in the championship?... and also bought the pub over the road for a million quid.
From alan.braine.t21 on Thu Oct 02 09:38AM@kantong wokster, Hi, good comments (like the avatar's hair (hott))
From nick_sutty on Thu Oct 02 09:39AMdoubt it!
From jay8my on Thu Oct 02 09:40AMMorning fellow imbeciles!
S_S Kev + KW Liverpool jigsaw coming together and the picture is starting to look good folks
From fitbutfrustrated on Thu Oct 02 09:40AMHate the lonely nights?
Wanna hook up with a hot girl?
D a teR i ch S ingle S. c o m
From crazyburningfishs on Thu Oct 02 09:40AMwell said nick_sutty!
I'm so sorry for last Friday - I got held up with boxes at the post - i had until 6pm to get them all there, and was literally up all night on thursday night / friday trying to get it all done - then I had to get the plane... i think i outdid myself a bit, planned too much for too short a time - (feel very guilty) - but im very very touched - I have MISSED you guys all so much! great to be online again - its night time for me now though... i had to get up EARLY this morning to watch the Liverpool game!! very strange...
but thanks. i love the new outfit - you're très adorable! merciFrom kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:42AMhaha, good to see the liverpool fans hitting back
From moody_tariq on Thu Oct 02 09:42AMThe guilt for the Cheeky Girls doesn't fall on Cluj or Romania, but on the English media who brought them to fame. They were (and pretty much remain) complete nobodies here in Romania. So stop blaming it on Cluj or us, Romanians.
From the_freewheelin on Thu Oct 02 09:43AMLet's sh.are wea l.thy life style
lots of h .ot girls and guys.
B
i llion a i re
R
o m an ce Co MFrom crazyburningfishs on Thu Oct 02 09:45AMheya jay - you crack me up
glad to see you on mate - you always make me grin like a cheshire cat missed you too buddy!
as for Arbeloa - we conceeded one goal, and it was by no fault of his - in my opinion, a defender who conceeds nothing IS doing his job - regardless of what some journalist chained to their desk living on gruel in Eurosports says... ;)
heya fitbutfrustrated - I think things are looking more than positive - we really had control of the ball for most of the night and it was great to see the complicity between Keane and Nando coming into fruition - Riera too is finding his place well and its just been fantastic to see the team really pushing up to the ball, and not just standing back and letting those lose passes go - the passing was tight for most of the game - its all looking very positive from here! YNWA!
From kantong_wokster on Thu Oct 02 09:49AMGood to see Robbie ramming your smart ar$e comments back down your throats. I used to enjoy this column but you just seem to be bitter all the time - your not Evertonians are you?
Give LFC more credit, swallow your pride - go on I dare you...
From m_kingswell on Thu Oct 02 09:55AMKW where are you in the great Goatee debate?
Is the Goatee mafia to blame for past EPL failings or has Rotatation Rafa been luring everyone into a false sense of security for last couple of years just to pounce for the Premier title this year?
From fitbutfrustrated on Thu Oct 02 09:57AMJeez ED take note never to say ANYTHING about Liverpool ever again!
Even joking about Liverpool gets their paranoid fans in a strop. Arbeloa and Dossena are @#$%. Rafa sold your best fullback Finnan.garagehead - its the sign of a good defender that he doesn't contribute? are you mental? use Wes Brown to illustrate your point but forget that Cole, Boswinga, Evra, Clichy, Sagna and a host of others illustrate that you defend and contribute going forward.
Great to Keane score last night, Liverpool played well. But learn to take a fuckingjoke and stop pretending everybody's out to get ya!
From kgh_r on Thu Oct 02 09:58AM
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