Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Sing when you're winning

Mon May 19 08:52AM

Katherine Jenkins and Lesley Garrett contest the pre-cup final soprano-off.

Welsh pluck v English savoir-faire, fresh-faced enthusiasm v stony-faced professionalism, the unbridled optimism of youth v the hardened pragmatism of age.

With the benefit of hindsight there was only ever going to be one winner at Wembley on Saturday and so it proved, with the vertiginously-cleavaged Lesley Garrett comfortably out-trilling alluring Thunderbird-alike Welsh counterpart Katherine Jenkins in the pre-match Battle of the Sopranos that masqueraded as a duet of Abide With Me.

Come the match and it was more of the same, with Cardiff's early promise slowly undone by the irresistible muscularity of their opponents and Kanu maintaining the proud tradition of underwhelming cup final winners by shinning home from three yards after narrowly failing to score one of the great cup final goals of all-time.

Over at Sky Sports everyone seemed in agreement that this was "a great day for the Redknapp family", with the teeth-gratingly ubiquitous Jamie Redknapp fulsomely lavishing praise on his old man in a manner that would make you think the Redknapps now occupy a place somewhere between the Windsors and the Osbournes in the league table of Britain's Favourite Families.

Far be it from Early Doors to pour scorn on the Redknapp love-in, but the miraculous transformation of Portsmouth from Championship bottom-feeders to Premier League also-rans/FA Cup winners probably owes as much (if not more) to the millions of Milan Mandaric and Alexandre Gaydamak as it does to the hangdog motivational charms of Our 'Arry.

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While we're on the subject of Clan Redknapp, ED would be interested to hear how Redknapp Jnr's perpetual presence on Sky's football programmes ties in with the channel's commitment to impartiality.

You may argue that his family connections in the game make him the ideal foil for Richard Keys's hairy-handed straight man, in which case ED looks forward to the day when Sky News invite George W. Bush's daughter Barbara to provide impartial commentary on the War on Terror.

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Some say sport is all about winning. Others will say it's the taking part that counts. But for ED there's no greater sight than a multi-million pound athlete being placed under so much pressure that his limbs begin to feel like mysterious foreign entities and he chokes when it matters most.

From Jean van de Velde wading into the Barry Burn at Carnoustie in 1999 to Gareth Southgate presenting Andreas Kopke with the meekest back-pass he'd ever received in the Euro 96 semi-final penalty shootout, there's nothing better than an elite athlete being rendered blinkingly, falteringly human by the sudden realisation that it's all down to him.

Which is why ED was somewhat dismayed to see perennial chokers Internazionale surprise everyone by holding their nerve to seal the Serie A title on the last day of the Italian season yesterday.

With half an hour of the season remaining Inter were being held 0-0 at Parma, meaning Mirko Vucinic's goal for Roma at Catania looked like it was going to be enough to secure the Scudetto.

And then on came everyone's favourite flat-track bully Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who dispatched two wonderfully taken goals to further fuel the sweaty-palmed fantasies of every teenage football connoisseur in Europe and land Inter their third-straight Serie A crown.

And speaking of sweaty-palmed fantasies, ED will be lost this summer without its weekly dose of Laura Esposto from Channel Five's Football Italiano.

The model-cum-presenter may veer towards the Ian Wright side of the punditry knowledge spectrum, but never before has ‘Empoli due, Livorno uno' sounded quite so achingly beautiful.

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FOREIGN VIEW: With their indefatigable zeal and impeccably choreographed pitchside encouragements, Japanese football supporters have taken the very best of British football fandom and run with it. Which is why we probably shouldn't be surprised that Asian champions Urawa Reds are facing sanctions after crowd violence marred their 3-2 victory at Gambo Osaka on the final day of the J-League season.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Cristiano Ronaldo suggests that all those end-of-season awards might just be starting to go to his head: "When I hear it said that I do not play well against the big teams, it does not annoy me because I know I am the best." That's the same Cristiano Ronaldo who has averaged the grand sum of 0.00 goals per game in his nine matches to date against Champions League final opponents Chelsea.

TALKING POINT: Who's your favourite sporting choker? ED has always had a soft spot for Bernhard Langer, if only because it used to think putting infliction 'The Yips' would have made a great name for a late-90s nu-punk rock band.

If you're struggling for inspiration, here's a story from the archives to refresh your memory.

COMING UP: Around the World in 80 Goals, all the build-up as the hyperbole machine kicks into over-drive ahead of the Champions League final and you can watch the people of St Mirren opening their arms to those delightful Rangers fans with live coverage of St Mirren v Rangers from 19:45 BST.

  1. I second that kevmun! Spot on.

    northern_hamsterFrom northern_hamster on Mon May 19 12:37PM

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  2. Morning Samuel, step on a pile of Lego when you got out of bed this morning? You sound a tad hacked off...
    I agree that Ronaldo isn't coming across very well at the minute, but it is worth bearing in mind that the media play a key role in how he is portrayed. He could spend 10 minutes saying what a great club ManU is and the role SAF has played in his development, and finish by saying "...but I definitely want to play in Spain eventually", and all the headline would say is "Ronaldo: I want to leave ManU". There seem to be a lot of destabilising forces at work here at the moment, look at all the nonsense coming from Real Madrid. Do you really think they would fork out 80-100 million for one player? By the way, any idea what the current transfer record is?

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 12:43PM

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  3. katherine jenkins is a fox. watching her (on mute obviously) was the best bit of the cup final!!
    samuelbanks, i totally agree about ronaldo. obviously he is a fantastic player, but messi is far better, end of story. You are right about him, he is starting to think he is bigger than man united, if thats the case i wouldnt be surprised to see fergie take the £100m and run. if they could survive wivout cantona, who ronaldo will never be a patch on, then they cope without ronaldo. £100m, im sure fergie could get a replacement for that

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Mon May 19 12:48PM

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  4. Darn, I missed the first 20 minutes because I was still shopping in Asda. Had no idea the anthems were going to be this great... ;o(

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 12:54PM

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  5. I know ED and lots of folks here are anti-Man United, but are you all too blind to see that neither Rooney nor Drogba have scored many goals in these ties? (i.e. Man United vs. Chelsea). The goals almost always come from other players.

    tosinsboxFrom tosinsbox on Mon May 19 12:59PM

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  6. Hi people
    Im just sick and tired of arrogant, self obsessed sports personalities like Ronaldo. If you are constantly being told that you are a genius, sooner or later it will go to your head. Cristiano Ronaldo is not a genius-neither is Ronnie O’Sullivan. They are not polymaths in maths physics, art and literature. A genius is a person of great intelligence. (Sometimes in many different fields- a polymath). Ronaldo and O’Sullivan have a superior talent in their chosen sport. This does not mean they are a genius. The term denotes an exceptional natural capacity of intellect-not sporting ability. I wish sports commentators would stop referring to these overpaid twats as geniuses. To describe an exceptonally gifted footballer as a genius is simply incorrect. It would be similar to me describing my cat as a genius-simply because it can jump better than the cat next door.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 01:40PM

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  7. Not all on here are anti Man U . Obviously you won't be getting much joy out of Chelsea supporters right now cos of the final. Ask any 'neutral' on here not many dismiss the achievements of Fergie and the team , cos their performances nearly always speak for themselves. Some on here will be dismissive due to petty rivalry, but some of us give honest assessments of other teams...Shame that AC Milan failed to reach the champions league place this season, ....as a gooner thats particularly satisfying after Monsiuer Flamini had to speel out his two penneth in the media. There is Karma after all....Hope he enjoys the UEFA cup.....

    barny1158From barny1158 on Mon May 19 01:44PM

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  8. Hi Garteh
    Im too old for lego-moved up to Lego Technic now.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 02:12PM

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  9. the thing is all we seem to be hearing just now is ronaldo mouthing off about how good he is. im certainly not anti man utd, they're the best team in the world in my opinion, but my point is messi or the other great players in the world dont need to tell everyone how good they are, they let their football do the talking. ronaldo is undoubtetly a huge talent, but i just wish he would to his talking on the pitch

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Mon May 19 02:14PM

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  10. I hope to goodness that United win on Wednesday.But preferably without Ronaldo playing well. Infact i hope he has a Stinker.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 02:22PM

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  11. What's this grief over the free movement of labour, Barny? I regret the loss of Flamini, but I'm nnot going to mug him a dark alley because he has gone where he wants.
    sammy, I saw a Eurosport interview with Ronnie O'Sullivan after his latest world championship where he was asked to comment on some idiot saying he was the best athlete on the planet. His response was "The man's mad." I would say he has things in perspective.

    james_ssmithFrom james_ssmith on Mon May 19 02:31PM

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  12. Just reading the Transfer Talk page, where it says:
    "As ever, the future of TT favourite Peter Crouch has come under intense scrutiny. The lanky goal ace has been linked with a move to his former club Portsmouth, but Harry Redknapp is unlikely to take him back considering Crouch's dubious African origins."
    Any ideas what that is all about?

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 02:51PM

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  13. James;
    Freedom of movement is not the problem. I just have a bit of trouble when players leave and then mug their previous club off in the media. Why did Flamini,(who indeed had a fantastic season at Arsenal.) have to give it all in the papers about why he left, especially as he was a relative unknown before being signed by and coached by Wenger. It is unnecessary to do that.Originally he was due to go to Juventus, who were the club he supported as a boy. (That I can understand.) However as Flamini chose to bleet in the media, I find it ironic that he went to AC Milan, not certain if they were going to qualify for the CL. Seems to me, yet again that the 'money' talked. Still , thats nothing new is it? And James, thats just my opinion, you don't have to agree !!

    barny1158From barny1158 on Mon May 19 02:55PM

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  14. Garethcole,
    Thought that Crouchy played for Southampton, surely he didn't play for Pompey too?....

    barny1158From barny1158 on Mon May 19 02:58PM

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  15. only time for a quick look in as i am preparing myself for the biggest match of the season at wembley at the weekend; likely to be a more flowing game than wednesday's affair. if not already doing so, ED, the seria A loss can be mitigated a little perhaps by tuning in early enough to the motogp and watching suzie perry's grid walk - no, its nothing like the f1 efforts of bartin mundle. must be off now to the fascinating stuff on the cowpatch blog . . . . is that where all the liverpool supporters have gone?

    c.hawcroftFrom c.hawcroft on Mon May 19 02:59PM

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  16. I haven't read what he said to the papers. No doubt he was quoted to suggest maximum controversy. Indeed, we don't have to agree, we aren't sheep. I've spent much of my life in my day jobcreating opportunities for people and then seeing them move on. Quite often they have felt guilty about this, not because I'm such a wonderful person, but because they feel they are letting their colleagues down. I always tell them the feeling will last until they get their first much better pay cheque.

    james_ssmithFrom james_ssmith on Mon May 19 03:03PM

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  17. I am sure Crouch did play for Southampton. I didn't get the African reference at all. Hmm, you would hope to be able to believe what you read on these pages...

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 03:03PM

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  18. Regarding Crouch, I think the 'joke' was that as he doesn't have any African connections then Redknapp is unlikely to take him back. They're trying to make out he only buys cheap African buys such as Muntari, Kanu, Utake, Bouba Diop etc.
    He also did play for Southampton for a season after leaving Villa. This was also his 'breakthrough' season where he tried to save Soton from the drop but when they were relegated left for Liverpool.

    jjss.rmFrom jjss.rm on Mon May 19 03:08PM

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  19. Also, in the current age of trying to brand everything in the vein of 'Super Sunday' and 'The Most Important Day in the History of the World. EVER!' we're also getting 'Arry's Final and Gerrard's final in 2006. However, what does that leave last year's final to be? As it was so boring that people are trying to suggest it never happened or should it merely be named the Insomiac's Final?

    jjss.rmFrom jjss.rm on Mon May 19 03:11PM

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  20. Jamesy
    That idiot was 6 times world prik of the year, Steve Davis. Ronnie O'Sulivan might be a bit of an idiot himself, but atleast he doesn't talk a load of bolocks.well....

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 03:45PM

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  21. ED, good aricle today by the way.I loved your list of sporting chokers. Lewis Hamiltion,Greg Norman,Shane Warne,Jimmy white....the Netherlands.A list of people from the sporting world and then, a country, completely written off with a few types on a keyboard.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 03:56PM

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  22. regarding flamini, i think wenger will have the last laugh in this one if he manages to secure aquilani, who ive seen quite a few times in serie A this year, and he truly is an excellent player, with one hell of a shot on him. yeh flamini had a great season but id prefer to be in wengers position. i agree barny, cant help but feel flamini betrayed wenger by spouting off in the papers. next prority would have to be a centre half or it will be the same story for the gunners next season

    marcgrant7From marcgrant7 on Mon May 19 03:57PM

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  23. Is that Katherine Jenkins giving a microphone a b l o w j o b?. What i wouldn't give to be that little mic. Excuse my crudeness people.But i couldn't resist.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 04:06PM

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  24. Join the queue, I think kevmun got first dibs...

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 04:08PM

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  25. ED, that was a cracker about Jamie Rednapp. Rednapp would be analysing a game for Sky and say somthing like, 'Yeah i mean ya know, Lampards scored an own goal and he was sent off minutes into the game, but for me he was the best player on the pitch today. I would have give em the man of the match. I mean you know he's a world class player....'(Ray wilkins) 'and he's your cousin'.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 04:14PM

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  26. Just while im on the subject of annoying footballers. Has anyone else noticed the amount of times footballers, managers and commentators use the phrase 'i mean you know when talking? It's not just the footballing fraternity who use this turn of phrase. Everybody's at it. It's quite apparent to me that they use this expression when they cannot think of anything to say. Another words, they use it in order to give themselves time to think. You will notice that fluent speakers will never use this phrase. Keep an ear out for the phrase 'i mean, you know' the next time someone is speaking. You'll be amazed at how many times people use it. Its always a clear indication that a person is unsure of themselves.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 04:30PM

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  27. Most footballers seem to feel out of their depth when faced with a camera and a microphone, but I don't think that is necessarily a sigh of total stupidity, just them having to do something they are not very good at. You are right of course about the junk they come out with, but my favourite is when foreign players copy these little quips, e.g. Henry last year: "At ve end of ze day...". You have to laugh... At least he managed to make it sound like an intelligent comment <img src=)">

    garethcoletranslationsFrom garethcoletranslations on Mon May 19 04:39PM

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  28. Garteh
    I maybe went too far there.You're right because my lecturer uses the phrase i mean,you know and he's as smart as they come. I think Some football pundits are very good at expressing themselves. Alan Hansen, Alan Shearer and Lee Dixon are excellent. Some are dreadful though. And im not just thinking of Ian wright. Garth Crooks has a good grasp of English but he's an awful football analyst.Shocking infact.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 04:48PM

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  29. I just read that a former major has been handed a suspended jail sentence for refereeing football matches while claming state disability benefits. The former major has been shown the yellow card and if he does it again he’s off….to prison. Interestingly, the magistrates name was a man called Alex Ferguson.

    samuelbanksFrom samuelbanks on Mon May 19 04:58PM

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  30. From a media insider I know who's worked at a few of the, let's say, lesser-able premiership clubs, I think all but the most eloquent footballers (are there any??) are given pretty intense media training, and are taught to be extremely cautious about what they say. That's why so many of them user so many "fillers" to give themselves time to think...

    That and the fact that many of them are thick as two short planks...

    northern_hamsterFrom northern_hamster on Mon May 19 05:15PM

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