Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Sing when you're winning

Mon May 19 08:52AM

Katherine Jenkins and Lesley Garrett contest the pre-cup final soprano-off.

Welsh pluck v English savoir-faire, fresh-faced enthusiasm v stony-faced professionalism, the unbridled optimism of youth v the hardened pragmatism of age.

With the benefit of hindsight there was only ever going to be one winner at Wembley on Saturday and so it proved, with the vertiginously-cleavaged Lesley Garrett comfortably out-trilling alluring Thunderbird-alike Welsh counterpart Katherine Jenkins in the pre-match Battle of the Sopranos that masqueraded as a duet of Abide With Me.

Come the match and it was more of the same, with Cardiff's early promise slowly undone by the irresistible muscularity of their opponents and Kanu maintaining the proud tradition of underwhelming cup final winners by shinning home from three yards after narrowly failing to score one of the great cup final goals of all-time.

Over at Sky Sports everyone seemed in agreement that this was "a great day for the Redknapp family", with the teeth-gratingly ubiquitous Jamie Redknapp fulsomely lavishing praise on his old man in a manner that would make you think the Redknapps now occupy a place somewhere between the Windsors and the Osbournes in the league table of Britain's Favourite Families.

Far be it from Early Doors to pour scorn on the Redknapp love-in, but the miraculous transformation of Portsmouth from Championship bottom-feeders to Premier League also-rans/FA Cup winners probably owes as much (if not more) to the millions of Milan Mandaric and Alexandre Gaydamak as it does to the hangdog motivational charms of Our 'Arry.

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While we're on the subject of Clan Redknapp, ED would be interested to hear how Redknapp Jnr's perpetual presence on Sky's football programmes ties in with the channel's commitment to impartiality.

You may argue that his family connections in the game make him the ideal foil for Richard Keys's hairy-handed straight man, in which case ED looks forward to the day when Sky News invite George W. Bush's daughter Barbara to provide impartial commentary on the War on Terror.

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Some say sport is all about winning. Others will say it's the taking part that counts. But for ED there's no greater sight than a multi-million pound athlete being placed under so much pressure that his limbs begin to feel like mysterious foreign entities and he chokes when it matters most.

From Jean van de Velde wading into the Barry Burn at Carnoustie in 1999 to Gareth Southgate presenting Andreas Kopke with the meekest back-pass he'd ever received in the Euro 96 semi-final penalty shootout, there's nothing better than an elite athlete being rendered blinkingly, falteringly human by the sudden realisation that it's all down to him.

Which is why ED was somewhat dismayed to see perennial chokers Internazionale surprise everyone by holding their nerve to seal the Serie A title on the last day of the Italian season yesterday.

With half an hour of the season remaining Inter were being held 0-0 at Parma, meaning Mirko Vucinic's goal for Roma at Catania looked like it was going to be enough to secure the Scudetto.

And then on came everyone's favourite flat-track bully Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who dispatched two wonderfully taken goals to further fuel the sweaty-palmed fantasies of every teenage football connoisseur in Europe and land Inter their third-straight Serie A crown.

And speaking of sweaty-palmed fantasies, ED will be lost this summer without its weekly dose of Laura Esposto from Channel Five's Football Italiano.

The model-cum-presenter may veer towards the Ian Wright side of the punditry knowledge spectrum, but never before has ‘Empoli due, Livorno uno' sounded quite so achingly beautiful.

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FOREIGN VIEW: With their indefatigable zeal and impeccably choreographed pitchside encouragements, Japanese football supporters have taken the very best of British football fandom and run with it. Which is why we probably shouldn't be surprised that Asian champions Urawa Reds are facing sanctions after crowd violence marred their 3-2 victory at Gambo Osaka on the final day of the J-League season.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Cristiano Ronaldo suggests that all those end-of-season awards might just be starting to go to his head: "When I hear it said that I do not play well against the big teams, it does not annoy me because I know I am the best." That's the same Cristiano Ronaldo who has averaged the grand sum of 0.00 goals per game in his nine matches to date against Champions League final opponents Chelsea.

TALKING POINT: Who's your favourite sporting choker? ED has always had a soft spot for Bernhard Langer, if only because it used to think putting infliction 'The Yips' would have made a great name for a late-90s nu-punk rock band.

If you're struggling for inspiration, here's a story from the archives to refresh your memory.

COMING UP: Around the World in 80 Goals, all the build-up as the hyperbole machine kicks into over-drive ahead of the Champions League final and you can watch the people of St Mirren opening their arms to those delightful Rangers fans with live coverage of St Mirren v Rangers from 19:45 BST.

Comments61 - 82 of 82
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I cannot believe ED did not mention the England football team in it's sporting choker list. Surely, they would be the first lot you would think of. Infact, they’ve been choking for so long im surprised their not dead. Someone should give them a big thump on the back to dislodge whatever is stuck in their throat. 1970-choke, 1982-choke, 1986-choke, 1990-choke, 1992-choke, 1994- big choke, 1998-choke, 2000-choke, 2002-choke, 2004-choke, 2006-choke, 2008-huge choke. This time it must have been one massive f****r that got stuck in it's gullet.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 05:43PM
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The New Zealand National Rugby team is often hampered by throat obstruction.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 06:07PM
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That picture of Katherine jenkins is turning me on.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 06:08PM
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bit slow on ere today
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 07:27PM
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The biggest choker in the history of sport has got to be James Emory Foxx (nicknamed Double X and The Beast) James was an American first baseman and noted power hitter in Major League Baseball. Foxx died at age 59 in Miami, Florida, apparently by choking to death on a bone.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 07:41PM
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Samuelbanks, behave yourself lad!! lol!
Just watched the last bit of the Cesc Fabregas show. Think its a series of nike sponsored players, so could be others to come. Wasn't what I expected, different I will say that! Don't know who will be next...
Aquilani would indeed be a good acquisition for us gooners, as long as there is a few other new players too....Seasons just over, and I can't wait for August to get here.
From barny1158 on Mon May 19 07:41PM
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Not long to go until the big final now Barney.Its impossible to call.But im going for a 2-2 draw in 90 minutes. Scoreless in extra time and then the dreaded penalties.United to win of course.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 07:45PM
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It must be really nerve wracking for you. Do hope it won't go to penalties, I feel the losing team must feel really cheated when it does. Hope its a great match, and if everyone plays to their potential, it should be thrilling. Not gonna predict a winner, I never do, cos there is not a lot between the teams, albeit they play differing styles. Got a feeling that Chelsea are gonna go for it though, so we could be in for a few goals if they attack from the first whistle. We all know united can score, so I am looking forward to a great contest
From barny1158 on Mon May 19 07:57PM
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Barney
Well, i will be nervous about the match once it starts. But i don't really get nervous about football matches. Not even mamoth mathces like this one. I have too many real problems to fret about footy. I was just looking at the list of teams that have contested the final of the European cup since 1956.I didn't realise just how dominant the Spanish and Italian teams have been. English clubs have been nowwhere really. We should all enjoy it while it lasts.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 08:20PM
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Samuelbanks,
When I was a kid it was my late brother that was into European footie, he knew all, about all the teams.( His Subbuteo, had all the best italian and spanish teams and Brazil of course.! )I only remember Real Madrid, Barca and the Milans. Think its Real who have won the most is it not? I do watch more European games now of course, mainly la Liga, some Serie A.
From barny1158 on Mon May 19 08:42PM
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Anybody about-Barney, Jamesy,the late night regulars. I was just out for a walk.I don't want to say what i was doing actually. Read into that what you will.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 10:15PM
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Wheres Paula.I miss her.No one to slag off.Paula if your're listening.I think your dead sexy.Just abit twisted.By the way Paula, i am too old for you, and much too handsome.So don't say i have a hairy arse again.
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 10:18PM
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Sammy, don't tempt fate. I bought her a pair of concrete shoes and asked to go swimming with me. Haven't seen her since.
I was interested to read your comment on footballers' language in front of the camera.
I mean it all depends what you mean, you know, OK? I mean at the end of the day it's all got to come in the wash, ennit? As the boss says you gotta do your best, but sometimes it doesn't work out like that, know what I mean? You gotta set an example to kids an' stuff and there's a re-re-reponsibleness what goes wivvit. I mean you know I'm just there to play the game as it happens. I mean that's what it comes down to when you fink about, dunnit? Where there's a winner there's gotta be a loser, an' it's no use feeling bad about it. Anyway that's what I think about the new logo on the strip. Goodnight. Fanks for listening.
From james_ssmith on Mon May 19 11:01PM
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Did any of you see the last but one post on the end of the last ED?...Not sure what to make of it myself, but certain people post on the previous ED's well after the day they appear, see what you think guys...
From barny1158 on Mon May 19 11:06PM
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Not sure, Barny. There is a risk about revealing personal information in a community such as this. I try to be careful. I'm just suspicious about EPS as the previous entries from this entity seemed all of a piece with the other two and now it's playing the Dutch uncle. Curious. I got the same sort of thing when I invited a colleague on to one very large popular community, who referred to me to a rant in the Guardian.
From james_ssmith on Mon May 19 11:18PM
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Well, I am a little naive with computers to be honest,I take advice from those more knowledgable....An old saying comes to mind...don't trust anyone.
Just seen the luxury that Man U players are getting in their hotel in Russia....incredible!! Oh what a charmed life they all lead eh? Well I am off to bed so goodnite people.
From barny1158 on Mon May 19 11:40PM
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Hi james ,Barney have to go sleep soon.Any of you still about?
From samuelbanks on Mon May 19 11:57PM
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Jamesy boy
Your post (73) made me laugh.Honestly, i thought that was brillant. You don't make Sammy laugh unless its funny.I mean you know.You still about?
From samuelbanks on Tue May 20 12:01AM
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Do you people Know my name is not actually Samuel.I wonder how many other people are using false names.Paula?
From samuelbanks on Tue May 20 12:12AM
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I like Sammy though.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 20 12:13AM
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The biggest choker ever.Katherine Jenkins choking on the biggest @#$%-sory microphone you've ever see.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 20 12:16AM
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Which one is Alex Chick? Is it the man with the short beard, the long beard or the clean shaven one. My guess is that it is the clean shaven one.I like a bit of stubble myself. See ya boys.
From samuelbanks on Tue May 20 12:30AM
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