Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Spurs can't go on

Mon Oct 06 09:11AM

Every week in London, I watch you, you're woeful...

Happy Monday long-suffering Newcastle fans, at long last your ridiculous club is not quite ridiculous enough to warrant top billing on this here page.

Today that honour belongs to John Branch (Spanish name withdrawn until further notice) and his laughably poor Tottenham team - who have suffered their worst start to a season since 1912 thanks to a 1-0 mauling at the hands of Felipe Marron's Hull City.

All of which has prompted tabloid comparison to the Titantic, which sank that same year to give birth to the biggest film, like EVER! Oh and that nauseating Celine Dion number which couples continue to use at weddings despite its fairly transparent "my lover, he is dead" connotations.

Early Doors is never one to pass up the opportunity to piggyback a theme, however, and with a Simon Cowell sense of pop timing we've penned our very own version of old thin face's classic, complete with updated lyrics for your Monday amusement.

Feel free to sing along...

Every week in London, we watch you, you're woeful
This is how our season goes on...

Right across the back four, there's space in between us
Even Hull can beat us at home...

Hoddle, Carr, wherever you are
I believe that these Spurs can't go on...

Woody, Cor, you open the door
And we're leaking in goals, and come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

Juande came to save us from smug Gunners banter
Spain is much cooler than France...(discuss)

But Bentley, Bent - and look what we've spent
You are not Jimmy Greaves or Ossie...
We're poor, and what's more, we're struggling to score
And we're sinking so fast, that come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

We're here all week.

- - -

Back to Arsenal. Arsene Wenger's myopia when it comes to witnessing his team's short comings is the stuff of legend - though when there is no avoiding them, it is nonetheless amusing to see him wanting to give an oral sacrifice at the altar of the porcelain god.

But ED wonders whether Wenger has ever claimed to have missed one of his own side's better moments. That's exactly what potty-mouthed Joe Kinnear managed to do on Saturday.

Twice. Considering the scarcity of moments to enjoy on Tyneside at the moment, you'd think the interim boss would have bust a gut to make sure he was there when the Toon actually scored a goal that mattered.

But twice Kinnear - who was seated in the director's box and not on the bench due to an offence committed years ago - found himself in the bowels of Goodison Park when it mattered most. His eagerness to get his dressing room cup of tea whilst it was still piping hot meant he missed Steven Taylor's header just before half-time while immediately after the break his inability to back to his seat in good time saw him miss Damien Duff's equaliser.

What is it with director's boxes? They are never full when the second half restarts. Perhaps the prawn sandwiches at Goodison were particularly tasty yesterday?

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You are only one game away from the roof caving in up there." Short and sweet, Graeme Souness knows what it's like to be manager of Newcastle.

TALKING POINT: Souness has advised Kinnear to manage the media with a little more tact, but ED suggest there isn't a more tactless man alive than the man who once planted a Galatasaray flag in the centre of Fenerbahce's pitch. Pot, kettle and black are a few words that come to mind. More examples of Souness's legendary sensitivity please.

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First
From nyachdutoit on Mon Oct 06 09:13AM
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Very funny ED. Poor Spurs...
From jcverm on Mon Oct 06 09:17AM
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I admit the Toon situation is not good, but was there a need to call Newcastle "ridiculous" ED?
From mickr273 on Mon Oct 06 09:18AM
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Fact is that was the best we've seen spurs this season. Maybe they are getting there...maybe not but we definately need a striker....this Bent guy can't handle it. Woody maybe....
From berbagon on Mon Oct 06 09:19AM
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...and hats off to the pool. Now can we have Robbie back seeing as you don't need him with Torres there.
From berbagon on Mon Oct 06 09:21AM
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That song is gayer than a pile of gay men having an orgy. That is all I have to contribute. Thank you. Have a nice day.
From klaus_julian_1 on Mon Oct 06 09:22AM
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Spurs defence is actually quite good, look at goals conceded. They just cant score for love nor lots of money.
From gremlin_the_cat on Mon Oct 06 09:25AM
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17 points from 21... Not a bad start to the EPL! YNWA
Spurs suck
Everton suck
Arsenal suck
Aston Villa suck
Blackburn suck
Man City suck
Robbie Keane & Ryan Babel on the bench sucks!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 09:29AM
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I like the way you decided to do the whole Titanic song in relation to Tottenham. Kinda like when someone stands up at a dinner table to speak and theres an erry silence after they make there intended short speech so they decide to just keep going on........and on.
From davewhitt_2002 on Mon Oct 06 09:31AM
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HaHaHa GUTTED all u yido's out there. Tottenham are @#$%, they always have been and always will be, its so annoying at the start of the season, all the yids mouthing off saying this is their season and they will finally after decades finish higher than arsenal yet there even worse than ever...GUTTED SPURS!!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 09:32AM
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klaus_julian is right; though he probably should have said "more gay" instead of "gayer".
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 09:33AM
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Also I belive there is still a contract out of Souness's head, though that tash disguies he wore while commiting the act and his life in the witness protection programme as a "football pundit" seem to have done the trick.
From davewhitt_2002 on Mon Oct 06 09:34AM
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Oh yeah where's Artti? I had a wee laugh at his comments on last weeks blog about West Ham going to win 3 pts against Bolton and pass Arsenal out.... Haha the Hammers are p1ss pour and you know it!
West Ham suck!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 09:35AM
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villa down to 5th,that sucks. i thought that we could have been contenders, but no, i was deluding myself. strictly also-rans.
From martsssss on Mon Oct 06 09:36AM
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No, it's "gayer". I speak American, damn it! Though I'm Romanian...
From klaus_julian_1 on Mon Oct 06 09:41AM
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Villa are the most boring team in the Premiership!!!
From stevemurrell2001 on Mon Oct 06 09:44AM
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doubt it!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 09:45AM
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Graham Souness Quote - “Towards the end of last season, Titus was outstanding for us and I have been very happy with Jean-Alain as well.”
Now if that is not being sensitive......
Boumsong and Bramble suck!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 09:48AM
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Adjectives with one syllable add "er" to make a comparative in both British and American English. Americans are often more correct than the British. Nice to have a Romanian writing better English than a witless Brit, innit!
From james_ssmith on Mon Oct 06 09:50AM
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i hear the housemartins have reformed and produced a new album.....hull 4 prem boys 0
From stevehoward1969 on Mon Oct 06 09:56AM
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Ok Klaus. You know your gayisms more than me!
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 10:03AM
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steve howard = cross dresser.
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:04AM
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Morning Jay, Kev, Bob
From mickr273 on Mon Oct 06 10:05AM
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morning mick, finally a bit of fighting spirit from the geordies. I hate the mackems now!!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:08AM
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I think its the fact that Steve Howard played for Derby under Paul Jewell, this may be the reason behind his confused state of mind!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:09AM
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Morning Mick, Good come back from the Toon but not as good as our comeback!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:10AM
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Wahey! I to am glad some of those overpaid, underworked, @#$%s finally showed some guts! I just hope that result means we are on the up now. We shall see. I'm not getting carried away just yet! ;)
From mickr273 on Mon Oct 06 10:12AM
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That song was outstanding, i think you should release it......im sure it would top the charts there cant be many Spurs fans that havent had heart problems now. I hope Newcastle stay up and Spurs they have to much class to waste on he championship.
From raulpeeves on Mon Oct 06 10:13AM
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hello everybody..
arsenal suck
man city suck
liverpool suck
chelsea suck
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:14AM
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COME ON HULL you make it sound like where a @#$% team where not just making the numbers up you know where a cracking team Arsenal Spurs are as beatable as any team in the EPL......www.thaibands.co.uk
From jonwalm on Mon Oct 06 10:16AM
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