Spurs can't go on
Mon Oct 06 09:11AM
Happy Monday long-suffering Newcastle fans, at long last your ridiculous club is not quite ridiculous enough to warrant top billing on this here page.
Today that honour belongs to John Branch (Spanish name withdrawn until further notice) and his laughably poor Tottenham team - who have suffered their worst start to a season since 1912 thanks to a 1-0 mauling at the hands of Felipe Marron's Hull City.
All of which has prompted tabloid comparison to the Titantic, which sank that same year to give birth to the biggest film, like EVER! Oh and that nauseating Celine Dion number which couples continue to use at weddings despite its fairly transparent "my lover, he is dead" connotations.
Early Doors is never one to pass up the opportunity to piggyback a theme, however, and with a Simon Cowell sense of pop timing we've penned our very own version of old thin face's classic, complete with updated lyrics for your Monday amusement.
Feel free to sing along...
Every week in London, we watch you, you're woeful
This is how our season goes on...
Right across the back four, there's space in between us
Even Hull can beat us at home...
Hoddle, Carr, wherever you are
I believe that these Spurs can't go on...
Woody, Cor, you open the door
And we're leaking in goals, and come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...
Juande came to save us from smug Gunners banter
Spain is much cooler than France...(discuss)
But Bentley, Bent - and look what we've spent
You are not Jimmy Greaves or Ossie...
We're poor, and what's more, we're struggling to score
And we're sinking so fast, that come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...
We're here all week.
- - -
Back to Arsenal. Arsene Wenger's myopia when it comes to witnessing his team's short comings is the stuff of legend - though when there is no avoiding them, it is nonetheless amusing to see him wanting to give an oral sacrifice at the altar of the porcelain god.
But ED wonders whether Wenger has ever claimed to have missed one of his own side's better moments. That's exactly what potty-mouthed Joe Kinnear managed to do on Saturday.
Twice. Considering the scarcity of moments to enjoy on Tyneside at the moment, you'd think the interim boss would have bust a gut to make sure he was there when the Toon actually scored a goal that mattered.
But twice Kinnear - who was seated in the director's box and not on the bench due to an offence committed years ago - found himself in the bowels of Goodison Park when it mattered most. His eagerness to get his dressing room cup of tea whilst it was still piping hot meant he missed Steven Taylor's header just before half-time while immediately after the break his inability to back to his seat in good time saw him miss Damien Duff's equaliser.
What is it with director's boxes? They are never full when the second half restarts. Perhaps the prawn sandwiches at Goodison were particularly tasty yesterday?
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You are only one game away from the roof caving in up there." Short and sweet, Graeme Souness knows what it's like to be manager of Newcastle.
TALKING POINT: Souness has advised Kinnear to manage the media with a little more tact, but ED suggest there isn't a more tactless man alive than the man who once planted a Galatasaray flag in the centre of Fenerbahce's pitch. Pot, kettle and black are a few words that come to mind. More examples of Souness's legendary sensitivity please.
hull only beat arsenal cause arsenal suck more than them..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:17AMm.nair - Chelsea & Liverpool far from suck being joint top and all the teams that you have stated are ahead of United in the EPL!
United Suck!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:19AMmorning all
commiserations to the totts
how about that COMEBACk by the POOL hey? Woooooooooo! I think I ended up pacing a rather large hole in my living room, pulling out half my head of hair and the other half has gone completely grey from shock - but never write off the mighty REDS!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:21AMHis Armband proved he was a red, Torres! Torres!
You'll Never Walk Alone it said, Torres! Torres!
We bought the lad from sunny Spain,
He gets the ball he scores again,
Fernando Torres!
Liverpool's number 9!From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:22AMhaha kev, plz refresh your memories to 12 months back will ya.. then think bout wat u jus said and regret it..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:23AMWatched it on MOTD, KW. Was indeed well impressed with that comback. Well done to them.
From mickr273 on Mon Oct 06 10:23AMstupid liverpool..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:24AMUnited Suck - imitation red I tell ya, imitation red!
Liverpool is the only red - red as the colour of the blood that runs through my heart
Man United's era is over - you can console yourselves with "oh but we started just as badly as last season" as much as you like (I know thats gunna come up, it seems to be the scummer catch phrase at the moment) - but fact of the matter is, there is too much quality in the EPL this season, and there aint no way you'll be making up those points as easily as last season!
to all those scummer hopefuls, as my mother used to say - may as well go out on the road and play with some trucks ;)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:25AMjames_ssmith thanks for the info that adjectives with one syllable add "er" to make a comparative in both British and American English.
Good, bad and far are obvious exceptions. I assume there are more?
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 10:25AMUnited fans always tell us not to dwell on the past and more on the present, yes you are EPL Champions 07-08 (past) but that is soon to changed judging on Liverpool's & Chelsea's performances (Present). Liverpool to win the EPL 08-09 (Future)! YNWA
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:27AMm.nair89: anything substantial to back up your claim?
liverpool are only the MOST SUCCESSFUL of all clubs, have more history than most clubs, have more heart than most clubs and can come back from a mighty 2-0 down at half time to win 3-2
I guess you're going for the "pot calling the kettle black" option hey?
heya mick273 - what a comeback indeed - i literally dont have any fingernails left! had to stay up to 1am to watch the game - warmed up with the West Ham game before our splendid performance of willpower and strength - what a laugh that was!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:28AMi agree bout tat too much quality in the epl this season thing..
was proven by stoke city at anfield if im not mistaken..
lol..From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:28AMHey Kev and Sam, fitbutfrustrated cant be here today and he has asked me to let you all know and say hi and as a tribute - REDS, YNWA or YNPA and LFC4 eva. Hope that was ok fbf.
Hey Sam have you watched Kenny yet? " mate there's a smell down here that's gonna outlast religion..." As always
my kidneys cry out for help and I send some form of spirit down to try and
numb em for a couple hours.Best quote from a movie I have heard for a while - class film recommended by my Nephew in Aus
From anne_helm on Mon Oct 06 10:29AMm.nair89: one draw? if thats what you are basing your judgements of "quality" upon, you really aint very bright young fella
now run along, there is a truck coming with your name on it ;)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:30AMwell united have won 4 on the trot and looking better with every game passing..
berbatov is starting to justify his huge transfer fee and rooney is having his best form in abut a year..ronaldo is back and scoring.. liverpool and chelski were very lucky they caught us early in the season..not so lucky for arsenal then when we go to the emiratesFrom m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:31AMOh no. If Man Utd win their game in hand they will still be 3 (YES, THREE!) points off the top. Even the fact that they have played 2 of the 3 hardest games of the season is of no consolation. 3rd place is the best they can hope for now!
Morning all!
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 10:32AMCan someone pls talk on the officiating so far in this boring EPL. Did anyone hear Paul Ince's comment after the match against Man U., Why did the officials disallow Arsenal's goal against Sunderland, How about several other dubios calls by the officials in the EPL? Man U has benefited more from the officiating shame with the Gunners suffering more or what do you think ED.
From bcdosilonya on Mon Oct 06 10:32AMhey there Anne - long time no speak! how are you my friend
I love that film Anne - funny guy Kenny! love the scene at the end where he fills the guys car with @#$% - what a cracker! haha
thanks for the message from fbf - YNWA!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:32AMEd you are a muppet,its hard for me to understand how you get paid to write such tripe.Grow up
From johnbarrass on Mon Oct 06 10:33AMarsenal suck that's why they get all the rubbish decisions..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:34AMNewcastle and Everton conspired to have a laugh at Kinnears expense. Apparently it is customary for Kinnear to dissapear down the tunnel before half time. Both teams decided to play a joke and Everton allowed Newcastle to score in added time in the first half under the guise of "woefull defending". The jolly jape was all but consumate when the 'Toon once again found the ball in the back of the net at the start of the second half whilst Kinnear was taking a dump....Imagine his face when he reappeared to find his side level! Oh how we laughed in the street end once it was understood our boys in blue where in on the prank. Oh how we sniggered with delight to see our beloved team squander a two goal lead in the spirit of merry old buffoonery!!!
From johnl.trish on Mon Oct 06 10:34AMbcdosilonya - that goal against sunderland looked like it was in to me
but thats the nature of the game - its kind of like opening the whole "video ref" argument again - in the end, bad referee decisions are one of the intagibles that you just cant count on, just as much as the quality of the pitch, lighting, rain and the elements and Adebayor - you just never know which one and when its going to turn the tables on you and make you lose!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:35AMYour song its pathetic at best.
Im outa here.From mcgramg on Mon Oct 06 10:35AM"berbatov is starting to justify his huge transfer fee" = Zero EPL goals (You are and idiot)
2 crappy goals against a nothing team in Europe! WWWooooooooowwwww
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:35AMhousemartins album: hull 4 london 0, new album refers to hull having a good start in the prem, steve howard plays/played for luton, and i dont. if i am a cross dresser jay8my, then its news to me!
From stevehoward1969 on Mon Oct 06 10:36AMMorning Anne!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:37AMkevin: class my fellow red, pure class - couldn't have said it better myself
I reckon his sulkyness is rubbing off on Cronaldo too - he has been playing with lead feet since he got back - perhaps its all part of a ploy to "play @#$%" so that he can go to the club where his heart lies.... Real-ly. ;) He will pull a "Berbaknob's-last-days-for-spurs-job"
; and just stop producing anything worth mentioning!They sure got their moneys worth dinnt they? ;) hahaha
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:39AMkev did you watch the game against blackburn.. if not then dont talk..
his play in setting up oppurtunities for his team mates was superb..
fortunately for united we got the better spurs striker..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:40AMSteve howard, have u seen ur avatar??? News to u...are u serious??? Do u really think ur avatar looks like a male??
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:40AMIm good thanks Sam bit worse for wear today you would think I would have learnt by now not to pull 2am's on a Sunday. How is life down under from the photos Tom sent me it looks hot, hot, hot. Lovely to see you here
From anne_helm on Mon Oct 06 10:40AM
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