Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Spurs can't go on

Mon Oct 06 09:11AM

Every week in London, I watch you, you're woeful...

Happy Monday long-suffering Newcastle fans, at long last your ridiculous club is not quite ridiculous enough to warrant top billing on this here page.

Today that honour belongs to John Branch (Spanish name withdrawn until further notice) and his laughably poor Tottenham team - who have suffered their worst start to a season since 1912 thanks to a 1-0 mauling at the hands of Felipe Marron's Hull City.

All of which has prompted tabloid comparison to the Titantic, which sank that same year to give birth to the biggest film, like EVER! Oh and that nauseating Celine Dion number which couples continue to use at weddings despite its fairly transparent "my lover, he is dead" connotations.

Early Doors is never one to pass up the opportunity to piggyback a theme, however, and with a Simon Cowell sense of pop timing we've penned our very own version of old thin face's classic, complete with updated lyrics for your Monday amusement.

Feel free to sing along...

Every week in London, we watch you, you're woeful
This is how our season goes on...

Right across the back four, there's space in between us
Even Hull can beat us at home...

Hoddle, Carr, wherever you are
I believe that these Spurs can't go on...

Woody, Cor, you open the door
And we're leaking in goals, and come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

Juande came to save us from smug Gunners banter
Spain is much cooler than France...(discuss)

But Bentley, Bent - and look what we've spent
You are not Jimmy Greaves or Ossie...
We're poor, and what's more, we're struggling to score
And we're sinking so fast, that come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

We're here all week.

- - -

Back to Arsenal. Arsene Wenger's myopia when it comes to witnessing his team's short comings is the stuff of legend - though when there is no avoiding them, it is nonetheless amusing to see him wanting to give an oral sacrifice at the altar of the porcelain god.

But ED wonders whether Wenger has ever claimed to have missed one of his own side's better moments. That's exactly what potty-mouthed Joe Kinnear managed to do on Saturday.

Twice. Considering the scarcity of moments to enjoy on Tyneside at the moment, you'd think the interim boss would have bust a gut to make sure he was there when the Toon actually scored a goal that mattered.

But twice Kinnear - who was seated in the director's box and not on the bench due to an offence committed years ago - found himself in the bowels of Goodison Park when it mattered most. His eagerness to get his dressing room cup of tea whilst it was still piping hot meant he missed Steven Taylor's header just before half-time while immediately after the break his inability to back to his seat in good time saw him miss Damien Duff's equaliser.

What is it with director's boxes? They are never full when the second half restarts. Perhaps the prawn sandwiches at Goodison were particularly tasty yesterday?

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You are only one game away from the roof caving in up there." Short and sweet, Graeme Souness knows what it's like to be manager of Newcastle.

TALKING POINT: Souness has advised Kinnear to manage the media with a little more tact, but ED suggest there isn't a more tactless man alive than the man who once planted a Galatasaray flag in the centre of Fenerbahce's pitch. Pot, kettle and black are a few words that come to mind. More examples of Souness's legendary sensitivity please.

Comments61 - 90 of 441
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Kev, no. 54; ditto Robbie Keane.
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 10:41AM
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Honestly - who pays you week in, week out to produce this @#$%?
From cgrant456 on Mon Oct 06 10:41AM
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I watched the game against blackburn m.nair - and for goodness sake, its BLACKBURN
superb is not the word i would use - moreso - "average - could do better"
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:41AM
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kev, kantong - i cant deny liverpool are looking, playing, defending better than they have in recent seasons. I still think they will fall short. U cant say liverpool wont drop stupid points at some stage of the season. U have every right to be smug at the moment, but i dont think it will last long.
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:43AM
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Hey Jay 'why soo serious' (what do you think?)
From anne_helm on Mon Oct 06 10:44AM
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johnl.trish: nice piece of writing glad to see the blues have got as good a sense of humour as the red side of the city still. sorry about the derby mate, but hope you make it into europe with a top four (thats hoping we do too!)
From stevehoward1969 on Mon Oct 06 10:44AM
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haha k_w, i can sense your jealousy from the fact that you guys had to settle for the second best with robbie..
and blackburn are not that @#$% of a team compared to stoke..no offense stoke fans..;D
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:44AM
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keane is off the mark in the EPL kgh_r - and not just that - as you could see with his fine pass to Torres/Kuyt that resulted in goal against Man City - he actuallly IS instrumental in getting the ball down where its needed... he is also a positive influence on the team and didnt end up costing us 34 MILLION POUNDS - yep - 34 MILLION POUNDS
Keane didnt cost that much - and is arguably (with reason) more productive
cgrant56: dont like it - dont read it - stop winging and have a dose of "harden the fùck up princess"
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:45AM
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None taken m.nair
From anne_helm on Mon Oct 06 10:46AM
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m.nair - The more you post, the less intellegent you become. Dirk Kuyt sets up loads of goals and scored one vital EPL goal this season and I still think he still has to pay off his transfer fee (even though he got that against Standard Leige)
I did watch the game, I also happened to see Ronaldo loosing possesion in a number or occassions with his fancy tricks and pointless step overs, he sucked most out the United players.
If Roy Keane was still captain, he would of amputated Cronaldo's legs himself.
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:46AM
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jay8my: we love the critics - it makes us play with even more determination
a little bit like playing when you are 2-0 down - it inspires us to greatness ;)
and yes, I cant deny that we are looking, playing, defending and attacking better than last seasons - not just that, we gel! complicity between the spaniard and the irish is so beautiful to watch innit?
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:47AM
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could i really be arsed with avatars, im here to read up on the latest prem comments not worry about computer designed graphics, anyway,if your avatar is a true vision of yourself then you look like jason donovan
From stevehoward1969 on Mon Oct 06 10:48AM
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61 - I think you will find that I have not said that Keane has started to show why we paid 20 mil for him! He has alot to prove and I don't doubt that.
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:48AM
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its bloody hot here anne! im in brisbane right now, so its around 25° and its 8pm!
went to the beach yesterday in noosa and even got a bit of a tan I think - and the other day went to Steve Irwin's (crocodile man) Crikey Australia Zoo - and watched the crocodiles being fed - not much different to the West Ham match really ;)
I am living the life of an unemployed scouser at the moment, so while i have to get up at ungodly hours of the night to watch the footy, I dont have to contend with work the next day! yeeeeeehaa! but i feel your pain - i used to pull late ones on sunday cause I wouldnt be tired sunday night from sleeping in all weekend - and would generally regret it on monday ;)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:51AM
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yeah ;) thats it m.nair - pure jealousy
if I laugh any harder I'm going to pee my pants
kev hit the nail on the head - give up posting now before we can no longer deny the fact that you are somewhat mentally challenged ;)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:52AM
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Jason Donavan = Step up from Luke Chadwick...Well done Jay!
Thanks for your Humble admission that Liverpool are considerable better that Arsenal this season!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 10:53AM
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hey im not writing here on ed trying to post intelligent comments..i jus freakin hate liverpool coz they are the only club more sucessful than us(it kills me to admit)..
but kuyt is rubbish.. he does work like a donkey for your team but i would prefer babel playing out on the right and keane with torres up front.. it could work wonders for you if benitez puts his playes in their rite positions..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 10:53AM
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Morning every one I have nothing but contempt for my own comedy club WHUFC they have done themselves a huge disservice by failing to beat Bolton Effing Wanderers and take a spot in the top four
I will be back in the unlikely event my mood lightens
WHUFC heros to zeros in 90 wasted effing mins against a nothern pub team !
Man Utd Sucks !
Arsenal Sucks !
Well done Liverpool for keeping the pressure on Chelseal who Suck !
Thank god I am not a Man City Supporter
From arttidesco on Mon Oct 06 10:53AM
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anne - why soo serious lol, cant wait to see it in action
Kantong - i think theres alot more belief in the liverpool dressing room at the moment, and that it will make it tougher to beat liverpool. But u guys were so far off the pace last season that during this season there will be slip ups.
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:54AM
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Samone. I don't think Keane has scored in EPL yet. Thought it was just 1 in Europe? Less than Berb's 2. Yes he's set up goals. So has Berb.
Both have underperformed. Though Keane has played more games.
Judging new players after 5 games is like judging your league prospects after 7 games, i.e. foolish!
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 10:55AM
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The critics need to get off Keanes back. Ok Liverpool did pay a lot for him but having seen him against Everton last week I would argue that him hitting form is just a matter of time....Take this from a Toffee through and through who would love to have a player of Keanes calibre in our side.
From johnl.trish on Mon Oct 06 10:55AM
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stevehoward, id rather look like jason donovan than kylie.
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 10:55AM
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m.nair89 the first half intelligent comment you have made so far (ie: "they are the only club more successful than us")
then you go and undo yourself with that dribble at the end
go and lick some windows clean boy - kuyt is a killer for us in the champions league, and while he may not have the same success in terms of goals in the EPL - he is a pure work horse, and is right there when you need him always - proof against Man City, if you actually watched the game - not just an instrumental goal, also a spirited attack force in general - he has my vote
As for keane and torres up front, we have been playing that exact formation until Man City so dont know what you are on about really there
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 10:58AM
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if i did look like kylie mate, id be flicking my bean over the comeback at eastlands yesterday
From stevehoward1969 on Mon Oct 06 10:58AM
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doubt it!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 11:01AM
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happy that im regarded as half intel.. lol..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:01AM
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if berbatosser is worth 30+ million Ashley Young is worth 60. berbatosser was well over priced.
From martsssss on Mon Oct 06 11:01AM
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Pownage Jay
From anne_helm on Mon Oct 06 11:01AM
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doubt it!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 11:02AM
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brilliant!
From bkm265 on Mon Oct 06 11:02AM
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